by Harmon, AJ
“You are NOT responsible for me!” she had hissed at him when he hung up the phone.
“I never said I was,” he replied nonchalantly. “But I’m not leaving without knowing that nobody can get in here.”
Katy folded her arms and frowned.
“You will not win this argument so don’t even try,” he said.
*****
Over the next few days, Katy and Mark settled into a comfortable routine. Mark had set up his laptop on the dining table and spent most of the day working from there, making phone calls and sending emails, while Katy was back on a regular schedule at the hospital.
Katy liked to run before work, but as the summer was coming to a close, the nights were gradually getting longer and she had been hesitant to head out in the mornings while it was still dark. Mark had offered to run with her so every morning their day started with a three mile run along the local park trail. The park was full of tall pine trees and green grass and the jogging path was serene and perfect. It had been a while since she had worked out. She hadn’t been out since her ordeal, so she was worried she would hold Mark back. But he didn’t mind at all. He was used to running in a gym on a treadmill so he enjoyed being outside. The pace wasn’t a big deal. And he found that he enjoyed starting his day with her.
They usually ate their evening meal together. Katy would come home from work and take a hot bath, and Mark quite often ordered in, or helped her with dinner once she’d had her ‘unwinding’ time. Mark liked to cook, although Katy told him she was surprised he hadn’t given himself food poisoning.
“I never said I was good at it,” he’d laughed.
Most of their time was spent at home. Mark had completed some Mr. Fixit jobs around the house and had taken care of the yard. Katy hated mowing the lawn so Mark’s offer to do it was welcomed. So it came as a surprise to Mark when Katy’s mood suddenly changed.
“Why are you still here?” Katy asked as she walked into the kitchen.
Mark was pouring himself some cereal into a bowl and looked up at Katy, a puzzled expression on his face.
“It’s 6:30am. Where else would I be?”
“No! I mean here. In my house! In Portland!”
Mark didn’t understand her tone and how different her mood was from the previous evening. He began very cautiously.
“Katy, I want you to feel safe and comfortable when you are here, at home. If my being here does not help do that, I can leave. All you have to do is say the word.”
Katy walked past him and opened the fridge. She pulled out the orange juice and poured herself a cup.
“Are you ready for me to leave? Do you want me gone?” he asked.
Katy took a drink of the juice and didn’t answer right away. Mark just watched her, his eyes boring into her, trying to gauge her mood.
“I just want things to be the way they were,” she finally said.
Mark put down the box of cereal and turned to her, his head tilted, his expression softened.
“It’s not going to be the same, Katy. I don’t know what it was like for you before, and I can’t understand what it’s like for you now, but I do know that you can’t go backwards. You can only progress forward. You have to make the choice how to live your life. Don’t give him any more power. He can’t hurt you anymore unless you let him.”
Katy put her cup in the sink and walked out of the kitchen, saying over her shoulder as she left, “I know.”
*****
Mark woke up in a sweat. Shit! He hadn’t done that since he was about sixteen. He climbed out of the bed and went to the bathroom, changing out of his underwear and pajama bottoms and cleaning himself. He’d been dreaming about him and Katy. It had felt so real. They had been alone on the beach back in the Columbia River Gorge. He had walked up the sand and seen her lying there in her bikini. Her legs were long and tan and her hair was lying on the towel like a golden halo surrounding her head. He could see her hardened nipples through her top and she parted her legs as he walked to her. Mark took off his wetsuit and she licked her lips. He knelt down in front of her and pushed the palm of his hand over her mound and she bucked up to him. He lowered his head and sucked on her nipples through her bikini and then he jumped back and his eyes flew open and it had all been a dream; one that scared the shit out of him.
*****
Katy sat in Dr. LaVaughn’s office irritable and close-lipped.
“Obviously something is troubling you,” Dr. LaVaughn said. “Any news on the trial date?”
“The date is set for November 18th, but Sarah says it will be continued into next year.”
“So what’s bothering you?”
“It’s Mark.”
“What about Mark?”
“He’s still at my house and I know he wants to help, and I do feel safer with them there. But, I don’t know, he’s mowing the lawn and doing the dishes and he fixed the garbage disposal that hasn’t worked properly in years.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“No. It’s not.”
“Do you have feelings for him?”
“NO!” Katy was horrified at the question. “He saw me. He saw all of it! I’m the last person he would ever want to be with.”
“That’s not what I asked you. I asked if you had feelings for him, not if he had feelings for you.”
Katy didn’t answer the question. She just stared out of the window at the river.
*****
When Katy came home from work the next day, Mark was all packed up and waiting for her so he could say goodbye.
“What are you doing? Where are you going?” she asked.
“I’m gonna head home. You’re doing great. The house is completely secure and you need to start your life over. I don’t think I’m helping you do that. But you know you can call me anytime, day or night. Right?”
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” Katy frowned. “I was just, just frustrated I guess. You don’t have to go.”
Mark took her hand in his and nodded. “Yeah, I do.”
He pulled her to him and hugged her. He kissed her on the cheek and walked out to his rental car. Katy watched him load his bags in the trunk and climb in the driver’s seat. He waved as he rolled backwards out of the driveway and then he was gone.
Katy closed the door and sighed. He was right. She needed to move on. She needed to begin again. The question in her mind was how.
6.
Matt was excited to hear what his business partner and younger brother, Mark, thought of the newly remodeled executive suite at MEL Holdings. It was finally finished and Matt loved it! He swung open the door and stopped in his tracks when he saw Mark’s face.
“Oh, shit! I’ve seen that face before. Only it was on me.”
Mark looked up at his brother and sighed.
“What happened?” Matt asked.
“I had to leave. Katy’s doing well. But I just couldn’t stay any longer.”
“Did something happen?” Matt’s forehead wrinkled and there was hesitation in his voice.
“No, but only because of extreme self-control,” Mark said, shaking his head. “You know, at first I thought I was there because she needed protecting. But then I realized that she was probably going to need protection from me. So I packed my bags and got the hell away before I really screwed it all up.”
“Have you talked to Janie yet?” Matt knew his wife would want to hear about her friend.
“Yeah, I called her this morning and filled her in. Of course I didn’t tell her why I left.”
Matt sat down in the chair opposite Mark’s desk and rubbed his forehead. In the last twelve or so years since they had worked together and saw each other regularly, he had not seen Mark emotional over a woman. Mark lived for his work and for the thrill he got from his extreme sports. Women were a ‘casual, every so often’ kind of thing for him. So Matt knew that this was serious.
“Did you have an opportunity to talk to her?”
Mark shook his head again. “She frea
ked out when a man approached her while we were in Hood River. I mean, she remained calm on the outside but I could see in her eyes she was really uneasy. And then when we were washing dishes one night, I bumped her arm and she flinched. She’s not ready for anyone to get close.”
“Well don’t be stupid like I was,” Matt sighed. “I almost lost the best thing in the whole world because I didn’t have the balls to risk it all.”
“I know. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how much time to give her. I don’t know if she’ll ever be ready.” Mark was totally forlorn.
“You’ll figure it out,” Matt said. “Now, tell me what you think of the office?”
*****
Katy hadn’t realized how accustomed she had become to having Mark around. She had come to enjoy his company in the evenings as they made dinner, as they ate while discussing their day, and then cleaning up together. Then one morning as she began her daily run, it really became clear that she missed him. Even though they didn’t talk much on the trail, just having him there with her was more than just comforting. She enjoyed it. And now he had gone back to his life in New York.
I knew he couldn’t stay forever, she had told herself. I knew he wouldn’t want to stay forever. Katy decided to talk about it in her next therapy session. Hopefully the good doctor could help. But for now she turned on her MP3 player and ran.
*****
The trial date was getting closer and Janie called Katy to let her know about their travel plans. Even though there was the possibility for a continuance, Janie had made all the plans anyway. They would all be arriving in ten days and planned to stay for a week. Sarah had said the trial would probably only last about three days, but Janie wanted to make sure she had time to see her sons too. Katy was thrilled to hear they would be staying a little longer. She had desperately missed her friend and welcomed the opportunity to spend time with her.
“So you’re staying at the Monaco?” Katy asked.
“Matt’s hotel of choice,” Janie laughed.
“And, um, Mark’s coming in at the same time?”
“Yes. Although I’m not sure how long he is staying. I heard Matt talking about a trip to Berlin but I’m not sure when he’s leaving.”
“Oh,” Katy said.
“Wait a second,” Janie replied. “Is there…are you…Mark?”
“No, Janie. I’m not ready yet and he doesn’t think about me like that anyway. He’s become a good friend. I was just curious.”
“Oh,” said Janie. “Well, he’ll be there for the trial at least.”
Well, better than nothing, she thought.
*****
The trial was set to begin on Wednesday and on Monday afternoon Sarah sent word that the Public Defender had requested a continuance. Katy called Janie to make sure they had heard the news.
“Yes, we got the call a little while ago. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
“Hell, no!” Katy yelled through the phone. “The last few sessions with Dr. LaVaughn I have been working on being able to confront that bastard in court and now they postpone it for eight weeks? I am pissed off!”
Janie felt terrible for her friend. She wished there was something she could do, something she could say to make her feel better.
“Come here! Come stay with me, with us for a while.”
“Hmph! How am I supposed to just up and leave? I can’t just leave?” Katy scoffed.
“Why not? Come for Christmas! It will be my first here in New York and I would love to have you here. Please?” Janie begged.
“Well, Derek said he was going to spend Christmas with Brett this year. It’s the first one in five years.”
“See? Perfect! And you still have some vacation at work right?” Janie’s voice was full of excitement.
“Yeah I do. I’ve only used my sick time.”
“Please?” Janie begged.
“What the hell,” Katy replied. “Why not?”
Janie screeched and Katy had to pull the phone from her ear. She smiled and had to admit that she was the teeniest bit excited.
*****
“So are you going to see Janie or Mark?” Dr. La Vaughn asked.
“Both?”
“Thank you for answering the question honestly,” Dr. La Vaughn said.
Katy stood looking out the window, her usual spot in the doctor’s office. She wanted to tell the doctor how she felt, but if she were being completely honest, she wasn’t quite sure yet.
“I miss her so much. We’ve seen each other at least once a week for forever. It’s weird not having that anymore. And I know we talk on the phone all the time, but it’s not the same.”
“And Mark?”
“I don’t know. What if he was the one that could make me happy and it will never happen because of how we met?”
“Katy, you need to find happiness within yourself, not expect someone else to do it for you. If you are looking for someone to ‘make you happy’, you’ll forever be disappointed.”
“A girl can hope, can’t she?”
7.
Mark threw himself into his work. He spent every waking minute focused and concentrating on everything he could find. He made three trips overseas in three weeks and his body was never sure what time zone it was in.
On his flight home from Sydney two days before Christmas, he was mentally and physically exhausted. The flight attendant, Sandra, was particularly attentive to him and Mark welcomed the distraction. While the other passengers slept, Mark worked on his laptop until Sandra interrupted him. She was attractive and looked very good in her uniform. And she was fairly obvious in her advances. He enjoyed their conversation and when she told him she would be in New York for three days, he figured ‘what the hell?’.
As he left the first class cabin, Sandra handed him a piece of paper with her name and the hotel where she was staying. No, she was definitely not being shy about her intent. Mark stuffed the paper into his jeans pocket and headed for his apartment.
*****
After her second day in New York, Katy understood why Janie had fallen in love with the city. Yes, there was more traffic in Manhattan than all of Oregon but it was a wonder to be seen. The people, the lights, the decorations, and the snow made the two women gush at each new sight. Matt was being a very good sport about visiting every tourist spot with the other millions of tourists and watched his wife and her best friend act like children ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ continually.
“Ray? Do you know where Serendipity is?” Janie asked.
Matt and Janie’s driver chuckled and moved the black BMW into the left lane so that he could turn and take the ladies to their destination. Matt’s phone starting ringing and he answered to hear Mark on the other end.
“Oh good. You’re back. I have some blueprints I want you to look at just to make sure I didn’t miss anything,” he said. Then he turned and looked at Janie with a slight frown forming.
“Yeah, I guess. I’m sure Janie won’t mind. See you at seven then.” Matt returned the phone to his pocket.
“Who was that?” Janie asked, not liking the expression on her husband’s face.
“Mark. He got back from Sydney today.”
“What won’t I mind?”
“Let’s talk about that later,” he said.
Ray pulled in front of the restaurant and Matt saw the huge crowd forming.
“Really?” he asked.
Janie grinned and Katy pushed open the car door.
“Women!” Matt grumbled as he escorted them to get a hot chocolate.
*****
“Oh no!” Janie exclaimed later that night when Matt told him why Mark had called. “He’s bringing a date to dinner? Who?”
“I don’t know. This is a first. He’s never dated a woman longer than a few weeks, and he’s never brought a date to a family event, so, this is really weird. Do you really mind?”
“No, but…well…it’s just that Katy’s here. Does he know that?”
“I doubt it. I�
��ve hardly talked to him in the last few weeks. I haven’t had an opportunity to talk to him about much at all.” Matt sat in their massive closet while Janie folded a pile of socks and put them in drawers.
“What do we do?” Janie asked.
Matt shrugged. “No clue.”
*****
It was Janie’s first Christmas married to Matt and her first Christmas in New York. She was thrilled to have Katy with her. Her sons had arrived earlier from Portland and Matt had picked them up at the airport. Patty, her mom, was spending the holiday in Chicago with her youngest daughter, Janie’s baby sister. But it was still going to be a perfect Christmas.
The whole Lathem family was gathering at Matt and Janie’s for Christmas Eve dinner. Matt and Mark’s mother, Maureen, celebrated Christmas Day at their home after Mass. Janie did not want to disrupt the family traditions, so she offered to have a big gathering the night before. All the brothers were coming, except Paul, a Navy Seal, still on assignment somewhere in the Middle East.
Katy helped her with the copious amounts of food in the ovens. They set the dining room table and lit the candles. The twenty foot Christmas tree set off the room with a festive spirit and they waited for the family to arrive.
“I can’t believe you live here!” Katy said to Janie as they sat on bar stools indulging in a glass of wine.
“Me either,” Janie grinned. “I love it here!”
“I can understand why.”
Katy had been given one of the new guest rooms for her stay. Matt had purchased the other apartment on their floor and a massive remodel had been completed just after they returned from their honeymoon. Katy’s room had an amazing view of Uptown and she found herself staring at the lights at night when she couldn’t sleep.
“Don’t get me wrong,” Janie added. “I love Portland, but with Matt here, this is my home now.”
“I know. I understand,” Katy said with a sad smile on her face. “But I still miss you.”
The doorman called up to say he was sending Matt’s parents up. Matt appeared from his office and grabbed his wife and smothered her in kisses. Katy laughed and took the wine glasses into the kitchen.
“God, I love you more than you can ever begin to imagine,” he said leaving a trail of kisses down her chin to her throat.