After they’d finished dinner, Finn insisted on helping her clean up, and they continued talking as they moved around the kitchen. It felt a lot bigger in here earlier, she thought as they bumped into each other for the second time in two minutes.
“I’m not used to sharing the kitchen with someone,” Finn remarked as he put the last dish into the dishwasher.
“It’s been a long time for me too,” she said wistfully.
“Hey. Do you want to watch a movie or something? I may live in the country, but I have Netflix!”
Netflix and chill? Oh God. I did NOT just think that. “Yeah, sure.”
She followed him into the living room, but instead of turning on the television, he squatted down by the fireplace and started tossing logs inside.
“What are you doing?”
He chuckled but didn’t turn around. “What does it look like? I’m starting a fire.”
“Is that really necessary?”
“You got something against fires?”
“No. It’s just that…I’m not that cold.”
Finn glanced over his shoulder at her. “Maybe I’m doing it for a little ambiance.”
Ambiance? Oh no. No ambiance.
Seeing the stricken look on her face, he corrected himself. “What I mean is, sometimes, a fire is just nice to look at. Don’t you think?”
An image of Finn standing naked in front of the fire leapt to mind, and she shook her head to clear it. But he mistook her head shake for a no answer.
“Or not. I don’t have to make one,” he said and started to rise.
Suddenly, she realized how ridiculous she was being and practically shouted, “No! Make the fire. It’ll be…nice.”
Eyebrows raised, Finn went back to starting the fire while she slumped down on the couch.
A few minutes later, there was a roaring fire, and he was right, it had created a certain ambiance, albeit one that she was fearful of.
“Ok. So, let’s see what we can find to watch,” Finn said as he picked up the remote and joined her on the couch.
He hadn’t sat right next to her, but if she stretched out her arm full length, she’d be able to touch him. Not that she was going to. No, sir. She was going to sit right where she was and not touch anybody. But then, up jumped Daisy and Hunter, who took positions between their owners as if protecting them from each other.
Relieved, Harper patted Daisy’s head gratefully while the dog nuzzled into her hand.
“What genre do you like: action/adventure, suspense, comedy, documentaries, romance…?”
Clearing her throat, she said, “Not romance. Let’s go action/adventure.”
“Really?” he said skeptically.
“Why not? I can do James Bond.”
Finn tipped his head back and laughed raucously until she realized what she’d just said.
“I didn’t mean DO James Bond. I meant…”
“I know what you meant. It just sounded funny coming from you.”
Harper studied his profile as he flipped through the movie selections in the action category. “What do you mean by that—'coming from me’?”
He shrugged. “Nothing.”
“No. It was something.”
“Really? Are we going to argue right now?”
“Not if you tell me what you meant.”
“Fine! You just seem too conservative to use a phrase like that. Ok? That’s all it was.”
“You think I’m conservative?”
“Well, aren’t you?”
She thought about it for a minute and then said, “Well, somewhat, I guess. However, if Blake were here, he might tell a different story.” Oh boy. I did not just go there.
Turning sideways to face her, Finn grinned, his lips curling up like the Grinch. “Do tell.”
Suddenly, she realized that they were in dangerous territory. Besides, she had no intention of sharing the details of her sex life with Finn or anyone else. Sex was meant to be a private affair between two people who loved each other, and that was that!
Standing up abruptly, she said, “I think the dogs need to go out. Pick whatever movie you want.” And with that, she stalked out of the room, the dogs trailing happily behind her.
Chapter 10
When Harper returned to the living room a few minutes later, Finn was standing in front of the fire, watching the flames leap and dance. He’d turned off the television, and the silence was deafening. Even the dogs were quiet as they took up positions on their nearby doggy beds.
Harper halted a few paces away and waited for him to speak.
“I’m sorry if I offended you,” he said, turning to face her. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know,” she said softly. “I was being oversensitive.”
“It’s allowed, you know? You’ve been through a lot.”
“So have you.”
“But it’s different from losing your spouse.”
“We both loved him, Finn.”
He looked down at the floor then, and she could tell he was trying to compose himself. Her heart swelled with compassion for this big, burly man who had lost his best friend. Stepping forward, she reached out and took both of his hands in hers. “He loved you too, you know?”
He nodded and swallowed hard. He looked up then, and when she saw the tears swimming in his eyes, tears sprang to hers too. What happened next seemed to occur outside of herself, like she had no control of her own movements. She stepped forward until she was flush against him, and his arms immediately wrapped around her waist. To an outsider, it might have looked like a simple hug between friends, but they both knew it was so much more.
Harper’s heart pounded in her chest, adrenaline pumping throughout her entire body. Her arms coiled around his neck, and his stubbled cheek scraped against hers as he held her tight—tighter than was necessary. She felt a surge of heat that she knew came from more than the fire that was still crackling and flickering in the grate.
Time stood still as they embraced, and Harper relished the connection and the heat between them. I need this right now. This is what I’ve been missing, she thought as she leaned into him. She was barely cognizant of the fact that she’d been toying with the soft hair at the nape of his neck while he’d been stroking hers at the same time. All she knew was that everything felt so deliciously good, so right, so perfect that she didn’t want to let go.
Finn began stroking her arms up and down in a comforting rhythm, and she thought about him touching her somewhere else. But she was afraid to move and break the spell. This was the most she’d been touched in a long time, and she soaked it up like a sponge. But it became impossible not to move, since he’d awakened every cell in her body and she longed to touch him too.
Pulling back slightly, she gazed up at him and saw a myriad of emotions in his beautiful blue eyes—desire, longing, astonishment, and uncertainty. She felt certain that if she were some other woman, he wouldn’t be holding back right then. But she sensed his restraint and admired it even as hers was crumbling.
Finn gently cupped her face, and looking deeply into her eyes, he whispered, “Whatever you want. Whatever you need.”
Coming up on her tiptoes, she said, “This. I need this.” And she brushed her lips against his, softly, tentatively. And then again until his lips parted, and he groaned. He let her take the lead, and she did, kissing him gently at first and then increasing the pressure as she became more aroused. His hands slid down her sides until they cupped her bottom, pulling her hips more tightly against his, where she felt the unmistakable outline of his erection.
Her nipples were tight where they rubbed against his chest, and she ached to have his hands on her bare skin. Her tongue darted out for the first time since they’d started kissing, and he opened his mouth wider, accepting all that she had to give, giving all that she wanted to take. She moaned against his lips and wriggled against his manhood, encouraging him onward. His hands had drifted underneath her shirt, where he splayed them across her lower back
, holding her captive against his hard body. She was overflowing with need, drunk with lust, heady from all the sensations that were assaulting her. Her titillated state and his responses made her brave, and she stepped back and placed her fingers on the buttons of her shirt.
Finn’s eyes grew wide as she undid the first button and then another. And then he stopped her by placing his large warm hands atop hers. “You sure about this?” he asked, his voice ragged.
She nodded and undid another button, revealing the tops of her breasts, which peeked over the edge of her bra. Swallowing hard, Finn started to reach for them, and then suddenly, the shrill sound of a ringing phone stopped him in his tracks.
“Shit,” he said, plunging his hands in his hair and stepping back.
Just like that, the air was sucked out of the room and out of her lungs. Reality crashed down like a heavy weight upon her soul, and she turned away from him while she hastily rebuttoned her shirt.
Without a word, Finn stepped around her and went into the kitchen to answer the ringing phone. Seconds later, she heard his gravelly voice and was grateful that he stayed out of sight while she regained her composure. Heart pounding erratically, she forced air back into her lungs, breathing deeply and trying desperately to get a grip. Her mind raced with the reality of what would have happened had they not been interrupted.
She’d been like another person, one she hardly recognized. The person she’d been when in the heat of passion with her HUSBAND. Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod. Blake. She choked on a sob just as Finn returned to the living room.
He started to reach for her, but she spun away.
“Harper?”
“I shouldn’t have…I don’t know why…I just shouldn’t have.”
“It’s ok,” he said softly.
Her head jerked up. “No, it’s not ok! Do you realize what almost happened? It’s not ok,” she repeated, her voice louder that time.
And then the dogs started to whine, almost as if they sensed the sudden tension in the room.
“Stay right there. Don’t leave. I’m going to take the dogs out, and I’ll be right back,” Finn said firmly.
Right. Where would I go? I’m trapped here until my furnace gets fixed. I knew that staying here was a mistake, and tonight proved it. She paced the room while Finn was outside, wondering how she was going to fix this. Things would never be the same between them again. They’d crossed an invisible line that couldn’t be uncrossed. Their relationship was irreparably damaged, and it was all her fault. She refused to assign any of the blame to him. She’d been the one to initiate the kiss, to lean into his touch, to want…well, to want things from him that she shouldn’t want. EVER.
What would Blake think of his wife and his best friend kissing like they had? He’d never been one to show jealousy, but surely, he’d hate the idea of her being intimate with his best friend. The fire had died down now, and she shivered even though the furnace was still running. She was standing in the middle of the room, hugging herself, when Finn reentered without the dogs.
“Where’d you put them?”
“In their crates for the night so we can talk. Let’s sit down.”
“No. What I have to say won’t take long.”
“Harper…”
“No, Finn. Listen to me. This was all my fault. I’m not blaming you for anything.”
“I was a willing participant.”
“But you wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t…forced myself on you.”
He laughed but in a sarcastic way. “Believe me, you didn’t force me to do anything.”
She didn’t stop to think what that meant. Plowing forward, she said, “Well, it won’t happen again. Correction: it can’t happen again.”
He eyed her for a few seconds but didn’t speak.
“It was wrong of us. Of me. I don’t know what came over me.” But that part was a lie. She’d been building up to this moment for weeks, unbeknownst to him. Thank God he’d blamed her moodiness on something other than her wanting him.
“It’s not wrong of you to want that kind of connection, Harper. It’s human nature. It’s normal.”
Shaking her head vehemently, she said, “No. It’s not normal to kiss your husband’s best friend.”
“You feel guilty.”
“Yes! Don’t you?”
Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, he stared at the floor for a few seconds before replying, “Yes and no. It never would have happened if Blake were alive. We both know that. But he’s not here anymore, and we are, and sometimes, things just happen.”
“Things don’t just happen, Finn. People make them happen.”
Frustration rising, he said gruffly, “Fine. If you want to keep beating yourself up about this, be my guest. But guilt makes for a lonely bedfellow.”
“Who said anything about bed? You and I are not going to bed together!”
“Obviously,” he said wearily.
Sighing, she said, “I’m going home tomorrow morning. I don’t think I should stay here any longer.”
“Ok.”
“What? No argument?”
“No. That was Brad who just called, the furnace guy. He had a last-minute cancellation. He’ll be over to fix your furnace tomorrow morning.”
“Thank God.”
“I’m going to bed,” he said abruptly and started to walk away.
“Wait.”
“There’s nothing more to say, Harper. I get it. We shouldn’t have kissed, and it won’t happen again. My hearing is perfectly fine, after all.”
She hated his tone of voice, hated that all the positive energy that had been flowing between them before had turned into this. And if she were being honest, she wasn’t just feeling guilty, she felt embarrassed too. Embarrassed at the way she’d thrown herself at him like a desperate woman clinging to the first man who had been receptive to her. Although that wasn’t completely true either. What about Will? He’d shown interest too, but she hadn’t responded to him in the same way. Only Finn.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Don’t be. I’m not.”
Ignoring the last comment, she said, “I’ll be out of your hair in the morning.”
“I’m leaving at six, so you won’t even see me.”
“Ok.”
“Goodnight,” he said.
“Goodnight,” she replied, but he’d already gone down the hall to his bedroom, and she didn’t think he’d heard.
The next morning, she packed her belongings with a heavy heart. She’d slept fitfully the night before, as expected, and she’d awakened before Finn had left. She’d stayed in bed, listening to the sounds of him taking a shower, feeding the dogs, and then leaving, the rumble of his truck fading into the distance. She didn’t crawl out of bed until she was positive he was gone, and then she hurriedly got ready. The sooner she left his house, the better. She wouldn’t be able to put what had happened behind her if she stayed there.
After making the bed and straightening the bathroom, she went into the living room and saw that Finn had placed all Daisy’s belongings by the front door. Instead of viewing it as a nice gesture, it made her think that he’d been anxious for her to leave too. And who could blame him? She’d come on to him and then pushed him away, all in the span of twenty minutes. She wouldn’t blame him if he never spoke to her again.
While a fissure had formed in their relationship, Daisy and Hunter had become the best of friends. When it was time to leave, Daisy sat on the living room floor and didn’t budge while Hunter whimpered from his crate.
“C’mon, Daisy. Time to go home.”
Daisy blinked her eyes a few times but stayed put, forcing Harper to pick her up and carry her out the door. Harper took one last look around before closing the door behind her. I wonder if this is the last time I’ll be here?
When she arrived at home a short time later, a white work van was already in her driveway, and an attractive, gray-haired man with glasses stepped out to greet her.
“B
rad O’Brien. Pleased to meet you,” he said, sticking out his hand.
Harper shifted Daisy to her left arm and shook it. “O’Brien? Are you related to Finn?”
Brad laughed. “You guessed it. I’m his uncle.”
So that was how Finn had been able to get Brad to come out on a Sunday morning. “Well, thank you so much for fitting me in. I’ve been without heat all weekend.” Minus the heat I cooked up with your nephew!
“I heard that Finn let you bunk at his place. Nice of him.”
“Yes. He’s very…nice,” she replied, flustered. For some reason, she didn’t want Brad thinking that there was anything going on between her and Finn. Just her constant companion, Guilt, rearing its ugly head again.
Brad followed her inside and went to work on the furnace right away. A little over an hour later, Harper heard it kick on, and placing her hand over a vent, she sighed with relief. She was huddled on the couch under a blanket with Daisy when Brad tromped upstairs from the basement.
“All set. Just needed a new circuit board like Finn said. Give me a call if you have any more problems.” He handed her a business card and started to walk away.
“Wait. I need to pay you,” she said, following him toward the door.
Brad waved his hand dismissively. “Finn already took care of it. Have a nice day.”
Harper was still standing there, mouth agape, as he went out the door.
Great! Now she felt even guiltier than before. Why had Finn paid for her? It was her furnace, and she should have been the one to take care of it. But she couldn’t really be mad at him. She would just have to pay him back, that was all. She went into her home office to write a check, but realized she had no idea how much to write it for. I’m going to have to call him. Or I could take the easy way out and text him instead. But wait a minute. Am I thirteen or thirty-three?
Hoping that he would be too busy to answer, she dialed his number. As she waited for the voicemail, she thought about what to say, but then, unexpectedly, he answered.
“Finn here.”
She heard other voices in the background and decided that was why he’d answered so formally. Well, formally for him.
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