by Lou Kuenzler
Don’t miss a single mishap!
Read all the Princess DisGrace adventures:
A Royal Disaster
The Dragon Dance
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Text copyright © 2014 by Lou Kuenzler
Illustrations copyright © 2014 by Kimberley Scott
Cover art copyright © 2016 by Sara Not
All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Random House Children’s Books, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. Originally published in paperback by Scholastic Ltd., London, in 2014.
Random House and the colophon are registered trademarks of Penguin Random House LLC.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Kuenzler, Lou, author.
Title: Princess DisGrace : a royal disaster / by Lou Kuenzler.
Other titles: Royal disaster
Description: First American edition. | New York : Random House Books for Young Readers, [2016] | Series: Princess DisGrace ; [1] | “Originally published in paperback by Scholastic UK in 2014.” | Summary: Paired with a clumsy, dirty unicorn, a princess who is neither elegant nor graceful must prove herself at Tall Towers Princess Academy.
Identifiers: LCCN 2015031376 | ISBN 978-0-553-53775-8 (hardback) | ISBN 978-0-553-53777-2 (hardcover library binding) | ISBN 978-0-553-53776-5 (ebook)
Subjects: | CYAC: Princesses—Fiction. | Unicorns—Fiction. | Boarding schools—Fiction. | Schools—Fiction. | Humorous stories. |
BISAC: JUVENILE FICTION / Humorous Stories. | JUVENILE FICTION / Royalty. | JUVENILE FICTION / School & Education.
Classification: LCC PZ7.K94876 Pr 2016 | DDC [Fic]—dc23
LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2015031376
ebook ISBN 9780553537765
Printed in the United States of America
Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.
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Contents
Cover
Other Titles
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Excerpt from Princess Disgrace #2: The Dragon Dance
To my girls
—L.K.
A terrible beast was coming.
Huge and hairy, it lumbered down the cliffside.
“Help!” cried the twelve terrified princesses gathered in the harbor below. Tall Towers Princess Academy was far across the waves on Coronet Island, and the dolphins that pulled the golden school boat had seen the raging beast and fled back out to sea.
“Thurr,” breathed the shaggy creature, panting heavily as it hurtled down the path.
The twelve frightened princesses clung helplessly together on the shore. They were surely doomed. They would never make it to their new school now. They would never dance in the famous glass ballet studio. Never ride their unicorns through Silver Meadow in the morning dew. Never sleep high up in the tall towers that gave the school its name. Instead, the royal First Years would perish here—eaten alive by the terrible hairy beast.
“Wait till my daddy hears about this,” wailed a princess named Precious. She stamped her satin slippers so hard that a shower of hairpins fell from her butter-yellow ringlets.
“Please, remain calm,” said Lady DuLac, the headmistress of Tall Towers, who was waiting on the pier with the new girls.
But the princesses began to run wildly in circles, flapping their dresses and squawking like frightened geese.
The wild monster was covered from head to foot in thick, shaggy brown fur. It was hard to make out any eyes or mouth. Just a terrible shapeless head, nodding as it stumbled blindly toward them.
Someone threw a stone.
“Don’t hurt the poor thing,” begged a red-haired princess, though her voice was shaking with fear. “It just wants to be friendly. I think it’s trying to curtsy. Look.”
The creature stopped at the edge of the harbor, wobbling on one leg.
“Greetings,” said the headmistress, stepping boldly forward. Her pale blue robes shim-mered in the sun, and her long silver hair tumbled like a waterfall to her waist.
“Lesson one, Young Majesties. A princess is always courteous,” she said.
She held out a white-gloved hand toward their hairy visitor. “Hello.” She smiled. “I am Lady DuLac, the headmistress at Tall Towers Academy. Can I help you?”
The monster bowed its head and growled something from deep inside its shaggy fur. Then it wobbled again and fell in a tangle on the dock.
“Eew,” gasped Princess Precious, leaping backward. “It’s not a monster….It’s…it’s human.”
The hairy heap sat up. “Of course I’m human,” said a muffled voice. “What did you expect?”
A bright-eyed girl with a long oval face, freckles, and messy brown braids appeared among the piles of fur. She pushed back the hood of her thick, shaggy cloak.
“Don’t you recognize me, Precious?” She beamed. “It’s me…your cousin Grace.”
“Oh no.” Precious buried her hands deep in her lemon-yellow curls. “Not you,” she wailed. “Not Cousin Grace…”
“How absolutely hilarious,” giggled a pair of twins, Princesses Trinket and Truffle. They threw their arms around each other, squealing like two pampered, plump piglets. “Imagine this scruffy person being related to Precious. It’s just too funny. Are you really called Princess Grace?” they asked.
Grace nodded. She had never much liked her name. Somebody called Grace ought to be so elegant and…well, graceful…exactly as a princess is supposed to be.
But Princess Grace was not elegant or graceful. She was tall and spindly, with very big feet. Her long legs were like strands of spaghetti and—just like spaghetti—spent most of their time tangled up. She was always stumbling, tripping, and knocking things down.
Now, as Grace tried to curtsy to the headmistress, she fell flat on her bottom again, with her yak fur wound round her ankles.
“I’m sorry if I scared you all,” she laughed, pushing her braids behind her ears. “I suppose it was my cloak. It’s what I always wear at home. I come from the kingdom of Cragland, you see. It’s cold and snowy there. But I think it may be a little too warm for it now.”
“What are you doing here, Grace?” hissed Precious. “Get lost. This is my new school. Not yours.”
“Don’t be silly, Presh,” said Grace, kicking the cloak away from her feet at last. “When Papa heard you were going to be a student at Tall Towers, he thought it was time I learned how to be a proper princess too. You know, all…princessy and royal. Just like you.” Grace scratched her head. “You never know, I might even learn to curtsy properly.”
“That is certainly what we are here for.” Lady DuLac smiled kindly.
Some of the other princesses giggled. But Precious was scowling as if she’d sucked a slice of lemon.
“Tall Towers is the best princess school in the
whole world. That’s why my daddy sent me here,” she spat. “But even they won’t be able to help you become a proper princess. Your name might be Grace, but you are a total dis-grace. A royal disaster.”
The twins’ pink cheeks were flushed purple with laughter. “That is so hilarious. You tell her, Precious.”
“That’s quite enough. Calm down now,” said Lady DuLac.
Grace felt like turning on her big flat feet and running away. She felt like scrambling into the yak cart that had brought her here and rattling back along the rough, winding roads to the tiny, rocky kingdom of Cragland. She could reach home by dusk tomorrow night—just in time to gather round the fire in the Great Hall with Papa and his warriors. She could hear them telling the old Crag legends—stories she’d heard a hundred times—of the beasts her mighty ancestors had fought and the battles they had won. She could snuggle up with her little sister, Pip, and sip a steaming cup of yak’s- milk cocoa until they fell asleep together, curled against Papa in his big wooden throne.
But if I do that, I’ll never learn to be a proper princess, thought Grace. And that’s why I’m here.
The broad smile returned to her face, and her bright hazel eyes sparkled.
“You’re right, Precious. I certainly have a lot to learn,” she said. “And I can’t wait to get started….”
Now that Grace had taken off her furry cloak, the dolphins could see she wasn’t a wild monster after all—just a tall, skinny girl with knobbly knees and flyaway braids. The dolphins arched their backs and swam cautiously to shore, pulling the golden school boat behind them.
“Come,” said Lady DuLac, beckoning to the princesses. She stepped into the front of the beautiful shell-shaped boat, her silver hair blowing in the breeze. “Find yourselves a seat.”
“Isn’t she glamorous?” whispered Grace, edging along the narrow pier and swaying dangerously as she stood on tiptoes to get a better look at the headmistress. “And aren’t the dolphins amazing?” She flung her arm in the air, pointing as they rose up like six magnificent horses, ready to pull the boat to Coronet Island.
“Watch out!” snapped Precious.
“Sorry,” gasped Grace, realizing she had almost hit her cousin on the nose. “Do you want to sit next to me?”
“No, I do not,” Precious said. “I don’t want you anywhere near me. I’m going to sit next to Visalotta. She’s the richest princess in the whole world, and her kingdom is absolutely huge.”
“Enormous,” agreed the twins, who had overheard. “Her father has three hundred and sixty-five palaces. That’s one for every day of the year.”
Grace could see the wealthy, dark-haired princess just ahead of them on the pier. Visalotta was wearing ruby slippers made from real jewels, and so many bangles and chains that she jingled like a bag of coins as she moved. It was hard to see her face properly because of a huge diamond tiara, so big and sparkly it was almost blinding as it flashed in the sunlight. But as a cloud plunged them into shadow for a moment, Grace thought Visalotta’s big brown eyes seemed cold and sad somehow—dull against so many dazzling gems.
“Does it really matter how big your kingdom is?” Grace asked. Her own country, Cragland, was small and cold and rocky—but she loved it because it was home.
“Of course it matters!” spluttered Precious. “Just because you live somewhere smaller than a snowball…My mother always says her silly sister was mad to run off and marry the king of Cragland.”
“But Mama and Papa were in love,” said Grace. “Of course they got married.” Her mother, along with Precious’s mother, had been raised in a much larger, grander kingdom when they were little girls. She had left all that behind when she fell in love with Grace’s father.
“She was proud to be queen of Cragland,” added Grace.
She thought how sad her father had been since Mama died five years ago. It was just after baby Pip was born. Since then, Precious’s family had never invited Grace or little Pip to stay with them, and they had only come to visit Cragland once. It was meant to be for a week, but they left after just one night. Her aunt and uncle said the beds were too hard, the rooms too cold, and the warriors too unruly.
“My kingdom is ten times the size of yours. Just remember that,” said Precious. She pushed past Grace, almost sending her tumbling off the pier. “Hey, Visalotta!” she called. “Visalotta! Wait for me! We are going to be the very best of friends. I am sure of it.”
Grace was waving her arms like a windmill, trying not to fall backward into the sea.
“Golly, Grace, you really are the most unusual princess,” snorted Trinket and Truffle as they barged past. “Imagine not caring how big someone’s kingdom is. Quite extraordinary.”
“Oh…,” said Grace. She had always assumed being unusual or extraordinary was a good thing…but the twins didn’t seem to think so.
By the time Grace reached the boat, Precious was in the front seat with Visalotta. She looked so happy to be sitting next to the rich princess that she glowed like a trophy that had just been polished. The twins Trinket and Truffle were just across the aisle, wriggling with delight. Visalotta herself looked bored. She was fiddling with her bangles and staring blankly out to sea.
Grace glanced around the boat. There were only twelve seats. And all of them were taken.
The princesses were chatting happily in pairs. Everyone except Grace had found a seat already…and a partner. She chewed the end of her braid. She wished she had someone to talk to.
There was only one thing to do. Grace knew Precious would be furious, but she would have to ask to share her seat.
“Scoot over,” she called, hurrying toward her cousin. “I don’t have anywhere else to sit.”
“No. I will not scoot over.” Precious spread out her skirts. “There are only twelve seats on this boat for a reason,” she said. “There are only supposed to be twelve princesses in a class at Tall Towers Academy. You shouldn’t be here. You were the last to arrive. You are the one too many.”
Grace felt a hush fall over the boat. Every pair of eyes turned toward her.
“It would be awful to have thirteen princesses in our class,” agreed Truffle.
“Everyone knows thirteen is a terribly unlucky number,” said Trinket.
“Really?” Grace looked around helplessly. “I never heard that before.”
“Nonsense.” Lady DuLac took her hand. “That’s just a silly superstition. Thirteen is no more unlucky than any other number. But it is true, we were only expecting twelve princesses.”
“Oh.” Grace felt her stomach drop like a stone in a well. “Does that mean I can’t stay and be a student at Tall Towers after all?”
“There has obviously been some sort of mix-up,” said Lady DuLac kindly. “We’ll look into everything when we arrive at school. We’ll check your parchments and scrolls.”
“Ah…” Grace was about to explain that she didn’t have any parchments or scrolls, but Lady DuLac continued, smiling brightly.
“All we need for the moment,” she said, “is somewhere for you to sit.”
“Excuse me.”
A quiet voice from the back of the boat made Grace turn around. It was the red-haired princess. Grace had noticed her on the beach—she had looked so frightened when she had thought Grace was a monster, but had still called out for everyone to be kind.
“I—I’m Scarlet.” She blushed, her cheeks turning pale pink, making her green eyes shine out. “Y-you can share my seat if you like. Only if you want to, that is…”
Grace had never seen anyone so pretty in all her life. Scarlet wasn’t wearing jewels or a diamond crown, just a simple silver locket round her neck. Her red hair tumbled down her shoulders, and her white satin ballet slippers were pointed on her feet as if she might dance away across the boat at any moment. She seemed so elegant, so princessy. Yes, that was the only word for it.
“I’d love to sit with you!” Grace beamed. She bounded down the aisle, making the boat rock from side to side.
“Don’t fall overboard!” cried Scarlet as Grace reached the seat, almost tumbling on top of her.
“It would be just my luck if I did!” Grace laughed.
Scarlet’s face broke into a huge smile. “I was nervous about the journey to the island,” she said. “I’m a terrible worrier. But with two people between me and the side of the boat, I feel so much more snug and safe.”
She turned to a tiny, delicate-looking princess with ebony hair perched on the other seat. “Is it all right if Grace sits next to us, Izumi?” she asked. “You’re not too squashed, are you? Do you still have room to sketch?”
“It’s fine.” Princess Izumi looked up for a moment from a picture she was drawing in a little gold-edged book.
“Thank you,” said Grace, but Izumi had already turned away. She was frowning in concentration, chewing her pencil and sketching again.
“Everyone comfortable?” said Lady DuLac. “Then off we go.” She blew three short blasts on a silver whistle.
The dolphins dived forward, and the boat set sail across the sparkling Sapphire Sea.
“Next stop, Tall Towers Academy,” said Lady DuLac.
The princesses clapped politely.
“Yippee!” Grace threw her arms in the air and cheered. “My mother was a student at Tall Towers. She used to tell me such wonderful stories about it,” she said, holding Scarlet’s trembling hand as they sped across the waves. “Think of all the adventures we’ll have. Just so long as they let me stay…”
If the ride in a boat pulled by dolphins was exciting for the new princesses, arriving at Coronet Island for the first time was even more thrilling.
Grace couldn’t help leaping to her feet as the island came into view at last. Jutting up like a crown in the middle of the Sapphire Sea, it was dotted with golden sandy beaches, emerald-green meadows, jade woods, and diamond lakes sparkling like jewels. Far away, to the north, rose pearl-topped mountains sprinkled with snow.