And so there had been only one thing she'd had to fall back upon. Words that had been spoken to her nine years before, by a man she hadn't seen since. Words that had echoed inside her mind during many quiet moments in the intervening years. Words that she'd never considered to have been uttered with anything other than total sincerity.
They had been spoken by Zack on the day when she'd last seen him, before her father had brought her to the train that would take himself and Lydia away from Helena to San Francisco.
And, as she handed the last of the dresses from the trunk to little Daisy, Lydia could hear Zack's voice from all those years ago. She could see Zack's face as he clutched her for what he undoubtedly thought would be the last time. His eyes had been narrow, his gaze pleading.
"If your life doesn't turn out the way you want it to. If you ever need to come back, Lydia, I give you my word, my promise. I will marry you."
****
"How's the chicken?" Zack asked Gretchen. Lydia smiled as she saw Gretchen quickly glance toward her mother and reluctantly admit that it was, indeed, very tasty.
They were all seated at the dining table, having what Lydia realized was the very first family dinner. She briefly considered that they might sitting at this very table for a very long time to come. She realized she didn't find that thought particularly displeasing.
Zack smiled at Gretchen's comment. "I think Mrs. Brodie will be pleased to hear that. She was worried that you might not like it," he said.
"I don't think there was any chance of that happening," Lydia said.
They'd all finished the unpacking. Zack had brought up the remaining cases. All that was left to unpack were Lydia's things. Zack had taken the case containing them to a room across the hall from the girls' room. He'd started to explain that there weren't a whole lot of rooms on the upstairs of the ranch house and that there might be temporary problems fitting all the newcomers in. Lydia interrupted him, explaining that she understood, and that maybe they could talk about the sleeping arrangements later. After dinner.
Zack had sighed in obvious relief.
Now they were all at the dinner table which was laden with plates of cooked chicken, vegetable, glasses of cordial and fruit.
Lydia glanced around the room as she lifted a fork to her mouth. Zack had done a wonderful job of making the children feel at home. The dining room was small, and perhaps hadn't seen as many guests as were squeezed into it at this moment.
But they weren't guests, Lydia realized with a start.
They were all residents. This was to be their home.
Lydia glanced at Zack. Every once in a while he would make a little teasing joke with one of the girls, working hard to put them at their ease. The sound of giggling had been frequent since Mrs. Brodie had ladled out the first plates of soup.
Lydia felt a rush of relief when she saw the efforts that Zack and his housekeeper were putting in to making them all feel that this was the only place where they belonged. And it was working. Lydia looked at the girls and felt a calmness settle on her.
When Mrs. Brodie came in at the end of the meal with a huge sponge cake topped with icing the gasps of amazement from the girls made Lydia smile with pleasure. Portions were cut and put onto plates. In spite of Lydia's caution, the girls ate the cake quickly. Soon tiny lips were lined with creamy icing.
Lydia glanced over at Zack and saw the visible pleasure he was taking at the simple pleasures of a family dinner. She realized this must all be so new to him. He'd lived as a single man all his life. And now he had acquired an instant family.
Lydia peered at Zack and wondered how on earth he was maintaining such composure when faced with such a dramatic change in his life. But it had been a change he had agreed to, even if perhaps he might not have fully comprehended the scale of the change that welcoming Lydia and the children into his life would cause in his otherwise simple existence.
"Good cake, Lydia?" Zack asked her suddenly with a smile.
Lydia took a piece on her fork and tasted it. One thing was for sure, Mrs. Brodie was a fine cook. "It's lovely. I better not eat too much of this, though. I might need to shop for more dresses if I do?"
"What's wrong with buying more dresses?" Zack asked with a grin. "There are some good stores in Great Falls. Maybe not as fine as the ones you've been used to in the city. But the folks that run them are mighty friendly. And they do their best to get what you want, if they don't have it immediately to hand," he said.
"I'll remember that," Lydia said.
"Mama. Can we go and see the horses?" Gretchen asked, her mouth still filled with cake.
"I'll wait until you've finished eating before I answer that, Gretchen," Lydia said.
Zack glanced at Lydia and slowly put the last piece of cake on his own fork into his mouth, his eyes moving back and forth between mother and daughter.
Gretchen swallowed the last of her cake and asked her question again.
Zack put his fork down on his plate. "I think Ned could be persuaded to show you girls around the stables," he said.
Daisy squealed with delight and started clapping her hands. Kate dug an elbow softly into her sister's side and gave Daisy a look that seemed immediately familiar to the youngest sister.
Lydia looked at the girls. "You're not too tired for that. Are you?"
All three shook their heads in unison. Zack smiled and stood up. "I'll go get Ned and he can show you around. You're not going to far, mind you. Just around the ranch house. There's lots more for you to see. But that'll be for another day. That right, Lydia?"
Lydia nodded. "I think seeing around the ranch sounds like a fine idea. Fresh Montana air never did me any harm when I was their age," she said.
"I remember," Zack said quirking a brow toward Lydia.
"Now that you've finished up girls, take your plates to the kitchen," Lydia suggested.
Zack coughed and cleared his throat. "I think if they do that there might be a war in the house. Mrs. Brodie likes to take care of things like that," he explained. "But, if you insist, you can always try and see how she reacts."
Lydia nodded and sighed resignedly. "Well, maybe since this is the first meal we've all had together. But I suppose Mrs. Brodie knows that the girls already know their duties regarding chores and such like. We had our little routines back in the city, didn't we?"
The girls nodded and Lydia had to restrain a smile at their obvious disappointment that a new life on the ranch didn't mean less chores. But they'd soon get used to a new way of doing things. Lydia was sure of that.
Zack left the room and presently returned with the tall figure of Ned. The children followed the foreman out enthusiastically.
At last, Lydia and Zack were alone. The silence seemed almost deafening to Lydia. Zack sat at the far corner of the table. Lydia suddenly felt the distance between her position in the center of the table and him seemed enormous.
Zack drummed his fingers on the table and glanced down at the plates.
"Can I get you some coffee, Lydia?" he asked after a long silence.
"No. I'm fine. Thank you?"
Lydia was suddenly aware that Zack was lost for words. He seemed to be deliberating, carefully weighing his words, and she wondered what he was going to talk to her about. The truth was, they had so much to talk about, and Lydia didn't have a clue where to start.
Eventually Zack spoke. "Your children are incredible, Lydia. Just amazing."
Lydia sighed. "They certainly are a handful. They keep me on my toes."
"I'll bet they do. But you handle it all so well. It's a joy to behold."
"I do my best," she admitted.
Lydia glanced at Zack and saw his eyes narrow, searching for the next thing to say, deliberating on what was appropriate to ask, choosing words carefully. Why was he being so reticent? Didn't he know that she desperately wanted to talk to him about why she had come, what they had to do, what the future held for all of them?
"Zack..." she started to say, but he spo
ke her name at the exact same moment. They both looked at each other and smiled at the awkwardness.
Zack gestured with a hand. "Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. Go on. You were about to say something."
Lydia nodded. "I was going to say that I am so very grateful to you for what you are doing for me and the children," she said. She immediately regretted her choice of words when she saw Zack's brows furrow. His lips narrowed and he glanced down at the table, saying nothing for the moment.
When he looked up she saw a curious combination of puzzlement and hurt. She felt a knot of unease settle in her chest as she looked at Zack's face.
"I don't want you to be grateful for anything, Lydia."
"But I am, Zack. What you are doing is...well...incredible."
Zack frowned. "And what exactly is it that I'm doing Lydia?"
She shifted in her chair. "By agreeing to allow myself and the children to come and live here, you are giving them a much needed security they would most certainly not have had in the city."
Zack's eyes narrowed slightly. "I know that the children's safety is the most important thing. The last thing I would want is for them to come to any harm living in a place like San Francisco."
"It's not a bad place."
"Nor is it a place where those children should be growing up. Especially without a father."
Zack stiffened as if he'd realized the harshness of his words. "I didn't mean to be insensitive, Lydia. I'm sorry. I can only imagine how hard things have been for you since Daniel's passing. I know you only alluded to it in your letters to me. But, forgive me if I have offended you."
Lydia leaned closer to Zack. "You haven't offended me at all, Zack. It will take a very long while to get over Daniel's passing. It's been especially hard for the children."
Zack frowned and let out a coarse, frustrated groan. "It's so unfair. Children should never have to endure what those wonderful little ones have had to go through."
"Life is hard," Lydia said. "For everyone. Young and old. It's our job as parents to shield them from the pain as much as we can."
Zack glanced up at Lydia. "Our job? Parents?"
Lydia nodded and paused. Had Zack caught her meaning? Had he thought through the consequences of bringing Lydia and her children into his life? Or had he underestimated what it would mean to have an entire and instantaneous family brought into his previously serene and simple ranch life?
"That's what we will be. Isn't it Zack? A least that is my understanding."
Zack ran a hand through his dark hair. Lydia saw a flicker of worry shift across his features. "I guess you're right. I've given all of this as much thought as I could. I was sure I'd figured it all out. Maybe I didn't realize what it would mean to have all of you here, under one roof."
Lydia tried to smile. "I know it must be hard for you, Zack. It can't be easy having four women arriving and taking up residence in your home."
"That's not a problem, Lydia. I told you in my letters, that there is one thing that has never changed. I meant what I said to you when you left. Nothing can change a promise I give. The promise I gave you is the most important thing I've ever said in my life."
Lydia felt her heart begin to race. She looked at Zack and saw the purpose, the determination on his features that matched the firm tone of his voice. Her mind went suddenly blank, insistent sensations coursing through her body. What could she say to that? Of course she'd expected he would say such a thing. Out here in Montana a promise was more than mere words. It was almost a physical thing that could not be taken back once it was offered and accepted.
And that was what Lydia had done, wasn't it? She had accepted Zack's promise that if she ever fell on hard times that he would be there for her, ready to catch her, protect her and those precious to her. But, what was she to say to him? How was she to discuss the one thing that was standing between them like a barrier, a stone wall that would only be breached with honesty and forthrightness?
Lydia decided to seize the moment. "Zack. About our situation."
She hesitated as Zack stood up quickly and came across, taking the seat next to Lydia. His physical proximity took her by surprise. Up close he seemed so large, so imposing. With him seated so close to her, she could see the maturity which the years of hard ranch work had carved onto his features. But there was still that unalterable expression in his eyes. The same expression that Lydia had recalled so many times during the last few weeks. It was an expression of goodness, fascination with her and genuine warmth.
Lydia felt the words she'd been about to utter, freeze in her throat.
"What were you going to say?" Zack asked.
Just at that moment Mrs. Brodie came striding into the dining room. She paused suddenly, realizing that the dining room wasn't empty. "Sorry. I thought everyone was outside. I didn't mean to interrupt." She turned and made to leave the room but Lydia called her back.
"Not at all, Mrs. Brodie. Can I help you clear up after that fabulous dinner?" Lydia said.
Lydia saw Zack glance at her, his eyes narrowing and she was sure that she could see a sudden expression of relief on his face.
As she started to pick up the plates from the table Lydia wondered just what it was going to take for her and Zack to come right out and say what was on each other's minds.
And, it was the only question Lydia wanted an answer to.
When was the wedding going to take place?
CHAPTER FOUR
Later in the afternoon, when he returned from checking the herd, Zack found Lydia waiting for him on the porch.
He'd gone out to work hastily after their conversation, telling Lydia that it was essential work. But, really, it had been more about putting some distance between him and the bustle of activity that had overtaken his usually calm ranch house. He figured he'd be as well getting used to the noise and the busyness. It was going to be a permanent feature of his life now.
And, he tried to tell himself, he was happy with that notion. It was going to be fine, having a wife and children on the ranch. It was going to be a real delight making the ranch fit for a family. Above all it was going to be a special pleasure having Lydia by his side, day after day.
Then how come the mere thought of that didn't fill him with an overwhelming satisfaction? How come the thought of Lydia becoming his wife didn't make his heart rejoice? Because, in spite of the delight he'd felt at seeing her arrive, and the homely experience of their first family dinner, Zack Buchanan was troubled. And he couldn't figure out why.
He could see what all of this meant to Lydia. Being on the ranch meant her children were safe. It meant she herself was safe. Thinking of that made Zack feel glad that he had responded to Lydia's letter all those weeks ago. He thought back to the day Mrs. Brodie had handed him the small envelope. He'd barely recognized the handwriting and when he'd opened the envelope and seen that it was from Lydia he'd had to go to the parlor and sit down on the sofa.
Her letter had been plain and her request direct. Lydia had recounted the circumstances of her recent life in cool, almost businesslike terms. How she had married soon after leaving Great Falls. How she had met Daniel Robards just months before Lydia's father had died of typhus after treating a patient. How she had three beautiful girls who she loved very much. Then she had recounted the sad story of how her husband had succumbed to a fever and passed away suddenly.
Zack's hand had been shaking as he'd almost come to the end of the letter. It wasn't just because of the fact that life had been so unjust to a woman about whom he'd had such strong feelings. His hand hadn't shook simply because of the anger he felt that those children had been deprived of the happiness of growing up with two loving parents.
His hand had started shaking when his eyes had glanced down at the last paragraph of Lydia's letter.
When his gaze finally reached the words at the foot of the page, Zack felt his breath stop and the color drain from his face.
He'd had to read the paragraph three times to ensure that he'd
had a full understanding of the request that Lydia had written there.
He read the words Lydia had written again and again, burning them into his mind.
I know you will recall the last words you spoke to me as we parted nine years ago. They were such kind words and, at the time, I had no idea that there would come a time when I would feel compelled to remind you of them. But, remind you I must.
Did you not say to me, dearest Zack, that if there ever came a time when circumstances would be so perilous for myself or anyone I cared for, that you would be willing to offer yourself up to me. Indeed, I recall that you told me that if ever I needed you, then you would be prepared to even go so far as to propose marriage to me.
Well. That time has come to me, my dearest. It has been a sorry tale, but I find myself compelled to ask you to keep your promise to me. And, since I know you to be a man of your word, for whom integrity is something to live by, I am asking you to consider honoring your promise. I know you to be a man compelled by decency and goodness.
I cannot write any more for the moment, but look forward to your reply with anticipation.
Yours truly
Lydia Robards
That letter had stunned Zack, and he'd sat in the parlor for what seemed like hours, trying to figure out what to do, how to respond to such a heartfelt letter.
In the end he had written back an emphatic letter that was intended to leave Lydia in no doubt that he was indeed a man of his word. In that fateful letter he'd told her to come to him, bring her precious children, and that he would honor his pledge of nine years before.
When he'd written the letter he'd ridden his horse as fast as he could to get into town and have the post take away the words that would decide his destiny.
Zack's Montana Bride (Sweet, Clean Western Historical Romance)(Montana Ranchers and Brides Series) Page 3