“Have you worked this out with Nicholas?”
“Yes, we've talked about it a few times. I think he's forgiven me.”
“He proposed to me,” I blurted, not even believing it came out of my mouth until Jessica responded.
“I thought he might.”
I looked at her face to see if I detected any hint of jealousy, but her eyes were blank, if not a little sympathetic. “What did he say to you?”
“I don't think it's so much as what he said but what he did. He's not a man who knows how to lay his feelings out there. It was a big step for him, given his usual lifestyle.”
But now, I questioned his motives even more. Jessica knew him better than I did. If she said he was miserable, then I could only assume it was true. But was he miserable because he failed to help Emily's wish come true? Or was he truly in love with me?
I wanted to tell Jessica my theories, but since she was Emily's mother, I kept it to myself. Everything confused me and I decided I just needed some space. The truth would reveal itself in time, of that I was sure.
I stood to signal our visit was over, and Jessica joined me. “You'll figure it out,” she said, placing a gentle hand on my arm.
“Yeah,” I mumbled. Taking a deep breath, I summoned a smile for her. “This place has been good for you. I almost believe we could be friends now.”
Jessica threw her head back and laughed. “There was a time where I was sure that would never happen! But I consider you my friend now, Sophie. Anyone who does so much for my daughter and me during such a difficult time is someone I'd like to call a friend. I guess it just takes a different perspective to see now what I didn't see before. Thank you again.”
We shuffled to the door, and I gave her a quick hug. “You're welcome, Jessica. I'll come back to see you soon.”
“More than likely, I'll be here for another few months.”
I left her, feeling much better about my situation with Nicholas, if I could call it that. If Nicholas truly loved me, and Jessica seemed to think he did, I was confident he would find a way for us to be together. If, however, my worst suspicions were true and it really was all about Emily's dying wish, I would go on without Nicholas, carrying the knowledge that my life was better having known him.
If nothing else, he helped me move on with my life; past Victoria so I could finally look forward to whatever the future held for me.
Chapter 16
I met Nicholas during a difficult time in our lives. My life was riddled with uncertainty and pain. His was much the same only his wounds were fresh. Our two lives weren’t meant to come together at that point in time.
In July, the one-year anniversary of Emily's death loomed before me. Victoria's birthday had just come and gone and it hadn’t been as hard as I expected. I hadn't heard from Nicholas since I returned his ring back in April.
I applied and was hired for a nursing position in a local hospital nursery on the maternity ward. For the first time, I was surrounded by life instead of death. Seeing the newborns and taking care of them reminded me that life didn't always end with cancer. For a long time, I had forgotten that. Those babies, so beautiful and innocent, never failed to make me smile.
And for a long time, I had forgotten how to do that, too.
I took the day off for the anniversary of Emily's death. Logically, I knew I should probably keep busy so I wouldn't think about it as much, but I was determined to work through the last of my pain. I needed to face my ghosts. I realized now I lived vicariously through Emily, trying somehow to make everything right with Victoria's death. Unfortunately, nothing would ever change her last days here.
It was the same time of morning Emily and I had always come here, before my shift ended. When I walked through the double iron gates, no one was around. It seemed appropriate since I came there for a memorial of sorts. In the middle of the park, a merry-go-round stood and I walked to it. I sat between the bars and looked around.
In a year, nothing had changed. The lily garden still bloomed wildly, and the swings still lined up like soldiers across the side wall. I dug the toe of my shoe in the mulch. For well over an hour, I sat there and remembered Emily's smile and all the wonderful things she brought to my life.
Joy. Innocence. Forgiveness.
Nicholas.
I looked up as his figure stepped through the gate, like some sort of prophetic vision, and nearly forgot to breathe. My heart felt like it was beating in my throat. I touched my fingertips to my lips.
Somehow, I knew he would be here. He smiled at me, and his steps hesitated but only briefly, then he continued toward me. My heart accelerated even more, not from fear but from happiness. Despite the fact I had tried to push him out of my mind, he was always with me.
He sat down next to me. He wore those rock and roll jeans and a tight black t-shirt. The tattoo on his arm peeked out from under the sleeve at me. We didn't speak but instead enjoyed a companionable silence.
“How did you know where to find me?” I asked after awhile.
Nicholas shrugged. “It’s the only place that made sense today...She wanted this, you know,” he said quietly.
I frowned, wishing we didn't have to mar Emily's memory with this discussion. “I figured it out.”
He reached over and took my hand, his thumb rubbing gently over my skin. The touch brought back the beautiful memories of my time with Nicholas that I still held close to my heart.
“I tried for months to figure out why Emily wanted you to bring that picture to me. Truth is, I had no idea. Then, when I saw the picture on your fireplace of you and her together, I realized that when she told you to take the picture of us, she really meant the one on your mantle. Us was you and Emily, not Emily and me.”
I continued to frown. “How do you know?”
He nodded his head. “The picture of Emily and me didn’t make sense. But the one of you and her reminded me of a conversation we had right before she died. She talked to me about Jessica a lot and how she wanted to come and live with me. It tore me up inside because if I had a house somewhere, I would have let her. I could have given her better care anyway. But since I’m never in one place long enough, I usually just live out of hotels. Anyway, she asked me if I could give her a new mother.”
A lump formed in my throat. Even though I had already figured it out, it still hurt me that Emily had wanted something so basic in life. “She always told me she wished I was her mother.”
He licked his lips as he sat forward, released my hand, and leaned his elbows on his knees. “She told me about how Jessica took down all the pictures of her and refused to take any of her with a bald head. She wanted a mother who was proud of her.” Nicholas’s voice broke and his lips pressed together in a hard line. “Someone who was happy to show her picture to everyone, no matter what she looked like.”
For a moment, Nicholas looked like he would lose the battle against his tears, but he held steadfast to his control. When he spoke again, his voice trembled violently. “She said since I was the only one who could give her a new mother, and she was getting sicker, that it was okay if I gave her a new mother she could meet in heaven.”
Nicholas watched me for a long time with those piercing blue eyes. I found it hard to meet his gaze. His words only confirmed what I had suspected all along.
The poison of grief during and after death was capable of destruction, as I was well aware, but this time, it brought us together. I reached out and took his hand again, offering him a small smile.
“I love you,” Nicholas whispered. “And there's nothing I want more than to spend the rest of my life with you.” Tears formed in his eyes but he stubbornly refused to blink. “Just because she wanted us to be together doesn't mean that's the only reason I fell in love with you.”
My mouth fell open, surprised.
His smile was almost timid. It both chastised and humbled me. “You're not the only one who can figure something out.”
I laughed. “I didn't think getting engaged was
the smartest thing for us to do then.”
“Maybe not.” He dropped to his knees on the mulch in front of me. “But what about now?”
I stared, unable to find any air in my lungs to help me with a response.
“Emily was a smart kid. And she loved you. I love you. Why don’t we make today a happy day? What would you say if I asked you to marry me again?”
I smiled and touched his jaw, feeling the prickly stubble of his five o'clock shadow. “I'd say I think we have a lot to talk about still.”
“Even if I told you that I'm out of my band for good once this tour is done?”
“Yes.”
“What do we need to talk about?” His frown was cute, almost petulant. He reminded me of his daughter. I could tell he expected me to run into his arms and forget the past, but I needed answers.
“What will you do with your music after you're done with the band?” I asked him.
His gaze dropped to my lips and I could tell he was lost in thought. “I won’t ever be able to get away from the industry, Sophie. But I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I’d happy behind the scenes, producing and writing. Would that be okay with you?”
I grinned. “Only if you write a song for me.”
He winked and leaned closer, settling his arms around my waist. “I've already written it.” His eyes fell to my neck and he saw the necklace he gave me. “Even more beautiful than I imagined on you.”
I fingered it but remained silent.
“What are you thinking?” he asked, studying my face intensely.
“I'm thinking that we're finally going to get our happy ending,” I said through a thickened voice. “I've tried to convince myself I can live without you. But the truth is, Nicholas, no matter what your reasons are for loving me, you do. I don't want to question that anymore. I don't want to live without you. I want to build snowmen with you and have snowball fights. Eat soup from a can and sit next to a fire and just talk...”
Nicholas gave me a brilliant smile. It was a smile I had never seen before. It shone with pure, blinding joy. “I want that, too.” He leaned in and touched his lips to mine.
“It's funny how Emily knew we'd be perfect for each other. She kept dropping hints after your visits that you needed a girlfriend.” I traced his tattoo with my finger and thought about his sweet little girl and this path she had led us down.
“See, that's where she was wrong,” he contradicted. “I don't need a girlfriend. I need a wife.” Wrapping his arms around my waist, he drew me close and inhaled. “What do you say? Will you be my wife?”
I played on the anticipation. My heart leapt with joy and finally the last piece of my life fell into place. When he pulled back to look at me, I smiled.
“I'll be your wife, Nicholas.”
With a solemn look on his face, his mouth lowered to mine. His tongue tangled with mine and spoke silent promises for our future. His lips remained but I felt him slipping the engagement ring on my finger. When he pulled away he pressed his forehead against my head but kept his eyes closed.
I closed my own eyes, reveling in the moment. For once, nothing between us felt overshadowed by grief. Emily wanted this and we wanted it, too. Emily's dying wish was fulfilled. Our lives were at last complete.
Pushing away from me, he stood and held one hand out. When I took it and rose, the sunlight caught the engagement ring and it winked at me through its many facets.
"Emily used to wink at me like this." I tilted my hand to catch the flash of the sun. "With sunshine in her gorgeous blue eyes."
I glanced at Nicholas and found him smiling, reflecting the sunshine in his beautiful blue eyes. I knew he thought about Emily, too.
“Let's go,” he whispered.
With a single nod, I took a step forward and then another. When we were almost out of the park, I looked back one more time.
I could still see Emily swinging, her arms stretched out and her eyes closed, a smile pulling her mouth wide.
I'm flying, Sophie! Her sweet voice echoed in my head.
And there in the park, where the lilies grew and the swings swayed in the gentle breeze, Emily's spirit would always remain.
My attention riveted to two birds sitting on the ledge of the fence. One was smaller than the other but the bigger one clearly watched over it from the way it hovered close.
Then in unison, they spread their wings and lifted to the sky, flying toward eternity.
About the Author
STEPHANIE TAYLOR is a freelance editor, author and business owner. She spends her time making other authors’ dreams come true at Astraea Press as Editor in Chief and Owner. Stephanie opened Astraea Press because of the lack of non-erotic book publishers and has finally found a home for her books.
STEPHANIE has a doctorate in multi-tasking and can actually walk a tight rope while balancing a dinner plate on her head and typing her next novel with the other. She lives in Alabama with her three children and her wonderful husband of ten years.
If you enjoyed THE PICTURE by Stephanie Taylor,
read an excerpt of HEARTSIGHT by Kay Springsteen:
Excerpt:
Bella was back on the swing, which meant Trish could go back to the canvas for a little while. She knew she ought to be boxing up more things but the day was so clear and refreshing after the storm, the light so crisp and perfect for working, she simply could not stand the thought of being in the house.
Even though Trish had done little to tend it, Gran's garden of perennials was putting on a spectacular show. The rain had washed the dust off of the flowers. Faded blooms had been blown off and new buds were already opening. Trish couldn’t remember the names of all the flowers but the many different colors were profuse and vibrant and lent themselves well to the garden scenes she was painting.
She glanced at the watercolors she'd finished earlier. Amazingly, Bella had been swinging long enough for her to have completed three of the set of four she had titled "In the Enchanted Garden."
Now on the last of the four, she applied the choppy little strokes to form the burgundy and gold petals of what she thought might be called an Indian blanket flower. Trish pondered the scene, stepping back for a better look, and realized she wasn't satisfied with it at all.
Her mind drifted back to the beach scenes she'd described to Dan, and how he'd known from her voice she wasn't happy with the final results. He was amazingly perceptive. She figured on some level he must have always had that ability to pick up on what other people were thinking and feeling, but maybe had honed the skill more since losing his sight.
Her lips curved into a smile, reflecting the happiness she felt in her heart whenever her neighbor came into her thoughts. The night before had been astonishing, one of the happiest times she had ever spent with another adult in her life. They'd asked silly questions, given silly answers. Teased and tormented each other with their feet. The simple laughter and sense of easiness they'd had, without any demands or expectations, had been completely liberating.
Trish was beginning to think of Dan as her best friend. It was exactly the kind of relationship she needed. Problem was, her heart had other ideas about the kind of love it wanted to feel for this man. And mere friendship wasn’t what her heart had set itself on.
She didn’t remember moving from one end of the couch to the other the night before, but waking up with his arms around her had felt right. She'd been content and happy. For the first time since she'd been a child, she had felt cherished. She suspected Dan's lighthearted game had been an attempt on his part to put sexual distance between them. It had definitely changed her awareness of him, transforming it from almost purely sexual to more of a feeling of commitment.
What in the world was she going to do about that?
"Going to describe them for me?" Dan's breath fanned over her ear as he spoke.
Trish dropped her paintbrush. Her heart jumped into her throat, beating so fast she thought it might leap the rest of the way out. "When did you get her
e?"
"A few minutes ago."
She turned around, right into his arms. Heat radiated off his well-muscled body. "How did you know where to find me?"
"I stopped by the swing set and asked your daughter." Dan cupped Trish's face in his warm hands and found her lips with his. The brush of his kiss was soft and fleeting, like the touch of a butterfly. On his second pass, he nibbled lightly with his lips and lingered a little before releasing her lips. He rested his forehead against hers. "So are you going to show me your artwork?"
Bemused into speechlessness by the change in him, Trish could only nod.
"I hear your head rattling. Is that a yes?"
"Sure." A tiny cry of surprise squeezed its way out of her throat as he masterfully twirled her around to face her paintings again.
"How's that? Can you see 'em?"
She nodded again.
Dan chuckled. "There's that funny rattling sound again."
Trish's emotions were tumbling and bouncing around inside her head and she couldn’t think straight. "Dan, what—"
"Hush," he whispered. "Tell me about your work."
Her chest felt like it was being squeezed and the shaky breath she drew didn’t provide nearly enough oxygen to her confused brain. "There are four of them. I'm not quite finished with the last one."
She gave him the descriptions he seemed to crave, filling in as many details as she could find words for. Colors, shapes, shadows. The first depicted the garden with the white picket fence in the foreground and an open gate, inviting the viewer inside. The second centered around the stone bench sitting beneath the white arbor, a reminder to stop and enjoy the peace of the garden. Her third showed the sundial she'd been fascinated by as a young girl, sitting beneath the faded blue bird house.
"I'm not happy with the last one. It feels incomplete, off balance."
"What did you use as the human element?"
"Nothing. I think that’s why it falls flat with me. The other three have an element of—well of my Gran, actually. These were all her things, in her garden. I suppose I could show one of them again, maybe from a different perspective."
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