“I won’t shit. I should be worried about you with all them older country-fed heiffas who going to be—”
“Ten of them couldn’t measure up to Cashmere.”
That’s when I made a choice. I grabbed Caesar by his hands and pulled him into the hotel.
I was shaking when he stripped me of my clothes, but when his lips were on me, my nerves disappeared and was replaced with a need to make love to him.
I stood before him in my panties and bra. I closed my eyes and waited to feel his lips on mine. They were soft and demanding at the same time. He sucked on my bottom lip and slid his tongue inside. I rubbed mine against his. His mouth dipped down to my neck, where he placed more kisses. He then pulled the right strap down so one of my breasts was exposed, and he caressed it with his hand and placed more kisses there, before taking my nipple in his mouth.
My breath quickened. “Ahhhhh,” I moaned. Sorry, Daddy.
Caesar led me to the bed and laid me down. Towering above me, he slid my bra and panties off slowly, asking, “Cashmere, are you sure you wanna do this?”
“Yes, I’m sure. No, I’m not! Yes, I’m sure.”
“Okay.” He chuckled.
“Save yourself for your husband, baby. You got a flower down there and ain’t no man worthy of that, but your husband.” Those were Daddy’s words. I shook my head, tried to focus on Caesar.
“You know you are the prettiest girl I have ever seen.”
Daddy’s words entered my head again. “You pretty, baby, but you gonna look a whole lot prettier in white than off-white.” I lowered my lashes, trying to forget that thought as well. “Thank you.”
Caesar stood there and admired me. His hands traced the outline of my body, making me quiver, before he took off his clothes and joined me.
“You got a flower down there.”
I shivered when his tongue dipped further to my belly, where he placed more kisses. He was treating my body so gentle, it was almost like I was a baby. He split my legs open and placed his head there.
“Stay pure and innocent. Unless he swore before God, you don’t owe him nothing below the knees, baby.” Fuck! That was Daddy’s voice again.
Caesar split my legs open and placed his head there. Desiree was right! Having a man go down on you is some pleasurable shit. But it did get sloppy, ’cause shit must have been new to Caesar too, ’cause he had slobber all over me.
The voice in my head came back. “Baby, before you do it, ask yourself, is he worthy? Will he love you for a lifetime? If it takes even a second to answer, baby, you making a mistake.”
Then the shit felt bad. As his mouth loved me down there, his hands reached up and massaged my breasts and my nipples became so hard. It felt good again. Everything he was doing felt so good, all I could do was moan, my legs curled around his neck.
“Keep your doors closed, Cashmere.” Fuck!
My hands were buried in his head as he kissed the lips, blew on my clit, and glided his tongue around my pussy in a circular motion. He dipped his tongue further in the folds, causing my legs to tighten around his neck. He covered my body with his and curled his strong arms under my legs, so I was positioned carefully.
“This may hurt a little, but I promise, the pain will disappear quickly.”
I nodded.
“Save yourself for your husband.”
When his penis was positioned at my opening, I took a deep breath. Then when I closed my eyes and waited for the pain, I saw Daddy looking at me. It wasn’t Caesar. What the fuck? “Stop!”
“You okay?” he asked, looking down at me.
I pushed him off of me and covered my face with my hands and said in a muffled voice. “I can’t, Caesar. I can’t do this. I wanna”—yeah, ’cause the way this boy was making me feel? Wooo—“but I promised Daddy . . .”
Annoyance was on his face. It wasn’t like the Caesar I was used to seeing. Nothing I ever did made him angry.
But he said, “Okay,” and began to get dressed. He slammed out the hotel room with, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And that was it.
I knew I’d made a mistake. I should have gave my man some. But what about what I promised Daddy?
I figured out what I could get as a going-away gift for Caesar—a sketched portrait of myself. Now, I would have preferred to get one painted, but I wasn’t rolling like that. A sketch was all that I could afford. I remember they were doing them at the pier he took me to in Long Beach one day, but I was too busy stuffing my face on a chocolate-covered ice cream cone to want to go and get it done. Plus, the line to get it done was long as hell, so we said next time. And it wasn’t expensive either, only about twenty bucks.
I skipped school that day and took the long bus ride there to have it done. I asked Desiree if she wanted to come, but her dumb ass wouldn’t get up. She was sleeping the day away, I guess, because she got in late from her date with her so-called boyfriend, whom I still hadn’t seen. And judging from Desiree’s taste, case in point, our uncle-in-law, I didn’t want to see him.
Once the bus dropped me off and I walked to the pier, I prayed the dude that sketched the portraits was there. He was sitting there twittering his thumbs because he didn’t have any customers. Cool. I damn near ran up to him. The funny thing was, the dude could draw, but he was blind in one eye. Crazy. He had pictures of Tweety Bird, Goofy, and sketches of celebrities like Elizabeth Taylor, Janet Jackson, James Dean, and Tupac hanging up in his little corner of the pier.
“Sketch me please,” I told him.
He snatched my twenty from me. “Sit there.”
I did and I pulled my hair back from my face, but the damn wind was blowing it right back.
“Don’t move.”
I tried to give him my best smile ever, like I was auditioning for a Kool-Aid commercial. But the thing was, every time I thought about what I was doing and why I was doing it and who I was doing it for, my eyes got shiny with tears, but none of them dropped, though. My leg twitched as I tried my best not to drop my facial expression.
In about fifteen minutes, he gave me my sketch. The tears showed on the picture, stuck in the corner of my eyes like little diamonds.
“Damn, you couldn’t have drawn around them tears?” I snapped, gesturing toward the picture.
He shrugged. “You didn’t say.”
“Draw another one.”
“You have more money?”
I sucked my teeth. “No, I don’t.”
“They make you look more beautiful. Real.”
“Kiss my ass,” I huffed out as I walked off.
I had to admit the whole bus ride home that the picture did look good. It was like someone took a picture of me. I hoped Caesar would not only like it, but put it in his room and say, “That’s my girl, Cashmere.” And if any other chicken thought about stepping to my man, they would see my picture and step.
I rushed to our hotel door to show the picture to Desiree. I knew Caesar would be there soon.
I was out of breath when I made it to the halfway open door. But as soon as my eyes focused on what was taking place in the room through the crack in the door, I was horrified and frozen. Desiree was buck-ass naked and moving on top of Caesar, who was just as naked as she was. And she was moaning like I was moaning the night before, rocking back and forth on him. He flipped her over and was riding her like I should have let him ride on me. Then, maybe this shit wouldn’t have happened.
“You giving this big-ass dick to my sister, huh? Can she handle it like I am?”
I felt powerless, like my ass was gonna straight pass out. Tears burned beneath my eyelids. My breath came out in pants, and my legs felt like jelly beneath me. The picture dropped from my hand before I screamed, “You bitch! You punk-ass muthafucka!”
They saw me standing there. Caesar’s eyes widened, and Desiree, that bitch, smirked. Caesar tried to jump from the bed and go after me, but I was too fast.
I ran outside and spotted his car. I picked up a rock and threw that shit right in his win
dow and shattered the glass. Then I spat on it over and over. I wished I had a key to scratch it. Instead, I took my foot and continued to kick the car until I dented up the sides. Then I ran off, just as he managed to get his pants on, the image of them fucking still in my head, making me cry.
Chapter 16
Day turned into night, and I couldn’t stay at the home Daddy was at forever. I hadn’t moved from the spot that I was in, crouched in Daddy’s bed, my head on his chest. The only comfort that he could give me was the feeling of his chest rising up and down on my cheek and the sound of his heartbeat against my ear.
I left as they were locking up. The only place I could think of to go was my aunt’s house.
I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. She opened it a crack and glared at me. “What do you want?”
I looked down, and my eyes teared up again. I couldn’t say it. I struggled to, but my mouth was dry, and my voice cracked. She did the dirty work for me.
“You thought that boy cared about you, huh? Well, I hope you didn’t give him none.” I swallowed but couldn’t get rid of the gargantuan-size lump in my throat.
“She probably got to him too, huh, like a damn virus. That’s what your sister sure is.”
“Can I come in?”
“No, I don’t want you in my house.”
My heart sunk.
She stepped outside, her arms under her sagging breasts, and studied my long face. “She ain’t shit, just like yo mama.”
I knew it was off the subject, but I asked anyway, “Why do you hate your sister so much?”
“The same reason why you hate yours. Now.”
A black car pulled up on the street near us with tinted windows. I ignored it.
“You know them?”
I glanced at it as it parked. I shook my head. “Can I—”
“You can’t stay here.”
“I can’t stay with my sister anymore, Auntie, not after what she did. I should have kicked her ass, but I been fighting her my whole life. It wouldn’t have solved nothing. It wasn’t until now that I understand what you been saying, and what Mama said. Desiree ain’t shit, if she can do what she did to me, and she knew I cared about him.”
“Coming over here with his nose in the air like we beneath him. What he got to say about it?”
“I ain’t talked to him.”
The car started up, pulled out of its space, and drove away.
“Why you didn’t confront him? It takes two.”
“Couldn’t.” Tears dropped as the scene flashed before me again. “Couldn’t see his eyes after that. I need, I want to remember his eyes like they were before. The last time I saw him he was smiling at me. If he had done it or not done it, he’s leaving and I wanna remember him like that, not like I saw him.” I shook my head. “See, you ain’t gonna understand, so forget it.”
Aunt Ruby could understand, if she tried to, if she looked at herself and the situation with her husband and Desiree.
“The thing is, the best punishment I can give her is to not deal with her ever again.”
She nodded as if she agreed. Then she repeated, “You can’t stay here.”
“But I have nowhere else to go.”
“No.”
“Why, Auntie?”
She glanced back at her house and said the craziest shit to me. “I don’t like the way he looks at you.”
I started sobbing. “Please. I would never.”
“Her destiny has been fulfilled, and your destiny is hers. You can’t run away from it.”
I bawled and took a step toward her, my arms outstretched. “I don’t understand. Auntie, please.”
She took a step back and opened her door. “Cashmere, get the fuck off my property and don’t ever come back, ever.”
A gust of air hit me as she slammed the door in my face. I started walking, having nowhere to go. I would’ve slept on the street before going back to the hotel to stay with that trifling bitch, Desiree. Fuck that!
The wind was blowing heavily. For some reason Mama’s words came back to me. “In other words, life gonna be hard as hell on you, baby girl.”
A car honked loud as hell, scaring me. “Fuck you!” I flipped the bird and kept on walking.
Another passed, and a man was hanging out the passenger side and leering at me. “What’s up on some pussy?”
“What’s up on getting your ass kicked?” I yelled, showing him my middle finger again.
A man was walking toward me on the other side on the street. Now if I wasn’t by myself or even if it was daytime, I wouldn’t be bothered in the least by him. But for some reason he just so happened to cross the street and continued to walk behind me.
Seeing no one else around me, like a mom pushing her baby in a stroller, some kids my age walking by with cell phone playing some Jay-Z song, or some old lady wheeling groceries away in a cart, I was scared. Especially since he looked like a damn pimp, going, “Psst, psst,” to me.
I turned the other way just as the black Cadillac I had seen earlier at my aunt’s house sped past me. I opted to go down the alley instead. The biggest mistake I ever made in my life. A mistake so bad that, after I made it, I promised myself that if I ever had kids, the first thing I would teach them before reading, writing, or looking both ways before crossing the street was to never, ever go down a dark alley at night, and hope they didn’t forget about it like I did. ’Cause Daddy sho ‘nuff told me, since I had silky pigtails in my hair and hadn’t had teeth yet, not to ever do it.
I took off running for my life. After looking over my shoulders at least five times, I noticed the man was no longer behind me. The new threat was that black Cadillac that, just as I made another turn and was a couple feet away from the other opening of the alley that would put me on the main street going in a different direction, sped in the alley and stopped me from exiting.
Some dudes I had never seen before jumped out, leaving me no choice but to run back into the heart of the alley to get away before they did God knows what to me. But my running didn’t do shit, and since I had already been running, I was tired and worn-down, so they easily caught me, two of them, and dragged me back to the car, covering my mouth to silence my screaming. They tossed me in the trunk, shoved me all the way in, and slammed the top, making me feel like I was having a heart attack, and sped off.
The drive was quick, which was good, ’cause I felt like I was hyperventilating. They dragged me from the car. I was so fearful about what was going to happen that I kept my eyes closed. I felt myself being carried then shoved hard.
I opened my eyes and glanced around the room. I was in a living room. I was alone. I jumped up and looked for an exit. Once I saw it, I stood to run.
Desiree came out of a room, ass buck-naked. “Cashmere, it’s gonna be okay.”
“Fuck you! Where the fuck you bring me to, you tramp?”
Her eyes were glazed, and her face looked weird.” Oh, honey, I know you’re hurt, but don’t be. I did what was best for us. I’ve entered a new world now, and well, it’s only right that you enter that world also. I had to get you away from Caesar, one way or another, ’cause he was bad for business.”
Despite my promise to myself, I rushed her, my fist cocked, when a man walked into the room. I paused and mean-mugged him. “Nigga, who the fuck are you?”
“Cashmere, stop looking like that, honey.”
Why is she talking like that? What the fuck is going on?
“Remember I was telling you that I got a boyfriend. Well, here he is. I just call him Daddy.”
I paused and studied him everything about him, his dark-as-hell skin, full lips, and wide-bridged nose with flared-out nostrils. He was tall and lean, and carried himself like a panther. After my inspection, I knew exactly what he was.
“Bitch, are you crazy? That’s a pimp.”
She laughed. “This where we stayin’.”
“Oh, bitch, you crazy! I’m getting the hell up out of here.” I ran for the door.
&nbs
p; Desiree chased after me.
“Move!” She was pulling on me.
He came behind her.
“Calm down, little sister. Everything gonna be okay.”
“Move!”
My eyes were wide, and I was crying at the same time. He had my arms pinned behind me, and she was stuffing something white into my nose that burned at first then had me dizzy. Then they stuffed a pill inside my mouth and forced a bitter liquid down my throat.
His husky voice was in my ear, saying, “It’s okay, Cashmere. Daddy gonna take care of both of you.”
I was halfway out, and you don’t want to know what happened after that. One thing was for sure, it was far from over.
I felt Desiree’s hands all over me, peeling my clothes away, my shirt, pants, underwear, bra, shoes, and socks. I really felt like I couldn’t move my muscles, which gave out on me. I can’t describe the feeling, but I know it was drug-induced. “I don’t wanna.” I slapped at her hands.
Desiree held my head and whispered in my ear, “It’s okay, Cash. He did the same thing to me the first time. He has to break you in. It won’t take that long. I’ll be right with you, Cash.”
Her voice was going in and out, and I could barely see.
Everything was moving in circles, and their voices kept echoing. I couldn’t keep my head up.
“Yeah, she fine. Thank you for bringing your sister to be put on, Desiree.”
“No problem, daddy.”
My tongue was heavy in my mouth, and I felt like I was floating. He was touching me, and I didn’t have the strength to push his hands away.
Desiree’s hands were in my hair, and his tongue was on my titties. He put his hand between my legs. I groaned and moaned when he put his tongue down there. Couldn’t help it.
He started kissing me and whispering, “You daddy’s property now. Daddy gonna take good, good care of you, Cashmere.”
Smooth voice, smooth like water. Soft, soft for a man.
Hands were on me again. And his dick was in me. I felt a tiny pinch then it felt good. Real good.
The People vs. Cashmere Page 10