Groaning, he threw himself back on the bed. Tomorrow would see the end of his suffering. Once his belongings were packed, he could leave without causing a scene. Of course, he would have to tell his family and hosts, but beyond that, Grace didn’t need to know. He’d already done enough damage to her.
Forcing himself up, he began his chore again, only stopping when a knock sounded at the door. Considering he’d retired to his chamber early, he had no idea who would come to him. It couldn’t be Grace. The hour wasn’t late enough.
The door opened before he had a chance to respond. That wasn’t a good sign.
“I’m coming in whether you want me to or not,” Thomas declared as he pushed himself into the room, then paused. “What is going on here?”
“You appear to be in a very demanding mood today,” Braiden observed, avoiding the question.
“As I have a right to be. Are you planning on leaving without telling anyone?”
“No. I have every intention of saying goodbye before I leave in the morning.”
“The morning? Braiden, what is the trouble? Before Christmas you seemed to have found a new joy in life. Then over the past two days, you’ve been miserable to be around.”
“Then you should be glad I won’t be here to share my misery any longer.” Braiden crossed his arms over his chest as he glared at his cousin.
“Look. I know you are going through a rough time, but—”
“You don’t have any idea what I’m going through,” Braiden snapped, unable to handle his cousin’s empty assurances. “Since Tabitha died, and even before that, you’ve been a good friend, but you don’t understand. I need to do this my way. I can’t force myself to be something I’m not.”
Thomas put his hands out in front of him. “No one is asking you to do that. We just want you to be happy. Is that so bad? Or too much to ask?”
“Happiness isn’t meant for everyone. It grows tiresome.”
“Braiden—”
“I’m never going to be the perfect duke that provides the right amount of heirs and lives in the way everyone expects. Sins of the father and all that.”
“Don’t bring him into this. Your father has nothing to do with it. You are nothing like him.”
“I know, but someone must pay for his sins.”
Thomas shook his head as if surprised. “I’d like to think he paid for his own when he died.”
Sinking down on the bed, Braiden put his face in his hands. He felt as though a crushing weight had been placed upon him. Thomas wanted him to be happy. But at what cost? The holiday from reality offered him more than he deserved, but the time had arrived for him to descend back into the real world.
“Thomas, please. I can’t.”
“Can’t what? Grace is—”
“Don’t. I’m leaving in the morning. Nothing you can say will change that fact.”
“Are you going to tell her?”
“How can I?” Braiden closed his eyes as despair engulfed him. Handling her disappointment or hearing her objections would be too much for him to bear. He would break.
“Then I guess I have nothing more to say to you.”
Unable to respond or move, Braiden remained there even as he heard the click of the door shutting. He didn’t blame Thomas for wanting to leave. Braiden could barely tolerate being in the room with himself most days. What had Grace seen in him?
He pushed her from his mind. All she wanted was a child, and every eligible man out there could aid her with that. He didn’t have anything special. Grace would get what she wanted. She would be happy.
After he finished packing, the image of Grace smiling down at her future child followed him to bed and carried him to sleep.
His eyes snapped open with a start when the mattress moved. Turning toward the threat, he discovered Grace perched on the edge of his bed. He groaned. This wasn’t what he wanted.
“Are you planning to go somewhere?” She nodded toward the trunk positioned near the door.
“You shouldn’t be here, Grace.”
“Don’t avoid the question. I know very well what I should and should not be doing.”
Wiping at his eyes, he tried to clear the fog of sleep. He should have expected fate to put another obstacle in his path. The harpy sure enjoyed doing just that.
“Very well,” he said, scooting back to rest further against the headboard. “Yes. I’m leaving for London tomorrow.”
She nodded. Damn Thomas. Her lack of reaction proved she’d already known.
“When were you planning to tell me?”
“Tomorrow,” he lied. How could he tell her he never intended to? That saying goodbye to her would be too difficult? Simply gazing at her face right now had him reconsidering his decision.
“Why? Do I mean so little that I will get a nod and a wave as a farewell tomorrow? No explanations. No excuses. No apologies.”
“I thought it would be easier.”
“Easier?” Her voice rose. “Nothing is ever easier for everyone. I think cowardly is the better word. After all, your decision only benefits you.”
The accusation forced him to a full sitting position, and the blanket covering his bare chest fell away. Grace’s eyes widened as she stared at him, but he didn’t care.
“Don’t think I’m doing this for myself. If I could have my way, matters would be different. Very different. I would—” He cut himself off before admitting he would marry her. Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm his wildly pumping heart. “I would be someone else.”
“That is just lovely. How can you say such a thing? Here I am, wanting you. And I mean you, Braiden.” She leaned forward and pushed one finger against his chest. “And you are here wishing to be someone else. I’m a fool.”
She turned around as if to leave. He couldn’t bear it. Matters couldn’t be left between them like this. Reaching out, he grasped her arm.
“You are not a fool. Don’t ever insult yourself in such a way.”
“It’s the truth. I told you I didn’t want to marry you to relieve the pressure. I’d given up. Then you changed all that. You rekindled my hope. All the while telling me no. You warned me you’d never marry me. I’m the fool for not seeing, not listening to what you made so clear.”
He swallowed. The sweet knowledge she still wanted to marry him wedged in his chest like a sword. He looked down, expecting to see a crimson flow cascading down his chest. God, he wanted to marry her too. But he refused to bring her the misery Tabitha suffered.
“I’m sorry.” He released her arm.
She stood and looked down at him. Her eyes seem to drink him in as if he were her last sip of water before a drought. “Me too. Have a safe journey.”
With that, she walked out of his bedchamber and out of his life.
Grace watched Braiden’s carriage leaving from the privacy of her bedchamber window. She had no desire for him to see how much his rejection tore her up inside. All this time she’d held onto the hope he would decide to marry her in the end.
After their stolen moments and happy memories, how could he walk away from her? Did he not realize their entire life could be an extension of their time here? A sob ripped from her chest. She couldn’t bear the thought that it was over.
Her heart burned as she realized the reason for her emptiness inside. She loved Braiden. Part of her believed she’d never stopped from the moment she saw him at fifteen years old. Was he the reason her heart couldn’t find contentment with any other gentleman during the Season?
Wrapping her arms around herself, she sat on the bed and willed her tears to dry. This didn’t change anything. She’d decided months ago to never marry. She would have to re-accustom herself to the thought. Any child she had the good fortune to cuddle would not come from her womb.
An unwelcome knock on the door made her groan. She didn’t want to see anyone right now. Scrubbing the back of her hand over her face, she attempted to compose herself before granting entrance.
“Grace,” Brianna said as she pulled the door open. “May Abigail and I join you?”
Grace nodded, although she couldn’t bear to see her sister at the moment. “Please come in.”
Abigail took the chair while Brianna sat on the bed beside Grace.
“We were surprised you didn’t join us downstairs. You aren’t feeling unwell, are you?” Concern was etched in Brianna’s face.
“No. I already offered my wishes for a good journey, so I thought it better to remain back and give others their chance.” She praised her steady voice.
Abigail didn’t look convinced. “He was kind to inform you prior to today. We weren’t as fortunate.”
Heat touched Grace’s cheeks. She very well couldn’t admit that Thomas sent a maid to her bedchamber last night to tell her. Or that she’d in turn gone to see Braiden while he slept. The vision of him resting peacefully made her eyes sting. She missed him already.
Nodding an acknowledgment to his sister, Grace hoped the women would state their purpose and leave. She felt too raw for company.
“His departure seemed abrupt,” Brianna observed. “We spoke to Thomas about it, and he indicated you would know why.”
Grace bit her tongue. How could Thomas say such a thing? She couldn’t speak of this. She just couldn’t.
“I don’t know why Thomas would believe I could shed light on Braiden’s motivations.”
“Grace, please.” Abigail leaned forward, pleading with her eyes. “He was really upset this morning, and he looked terrible. I’d venture to say he didn’t sleep much last night.”
Unable to control herself, Grace grimaced. She’d done that to him. “Thomas is right. I’m the reason why Braiden left.”
Both women seemed to hold their breath. No sound emerged in the room besides Grace’s own breathing. What more did they want? Hadn’t her admission been enough?
“Why is that?” Brianna’s voice held caution.
Pushed beyond her limit, Grace burst into tears. Brianna gathered her in her arms as sobs racked her body. Tears of anger, tears of frustration, and tears of sadness all mixed together as they fought to escape her. Fate was cruel.
“What is all this?” Brianna asked. “We aren’t accusing you of anything. No one is angry here.”
When Grace finally regained the ability to raise her head, she took a deep breath. Now she would have to tell them the truth. The words stuck in her throat. To repeat them would only solidify their validity.
“I-I love him,” she stammered.
Shock registered on both faces. Grace wanted to laugh at them. How could they not know?
“Did you tell him?” Abigail asked in a softer tone than Grace had heard her use before.
“Not exactly, but he knows of my interest in him.”
Abigail jumped to her feet. “That’s why he left? He disappeared so he wouldn’t have to face his emotions?”
“It isn’t that.” Grace shook her head. “He doesn’t have feelings for me, nor does he want to marry me. I believe staying here only gives him guilt for not desiring me.”
With a roll of her eyes, Brianna wiped away the comment. “Don’t try that with us. You may have thought you were being discreet, but as sisters, we saw more than the other guests.”
“I’ve never seen my brother this happy or playful before. That was because of you.”
Tears welled up in Grace’s eyes. She didn’t want to hear this. The words hurt her as much of the knowledge they were false.
“Don’t cry.” Brianna wrapped her arm around Grace’s shoulders. “We will help you. How can he resist with the three of us banding together?”
Nodding, Grace worked to dry her tears. Part of her wanted to tell them not to bother. That nothing could be done. But the other part of her lifted with hope. Could his mind truly be changed?
Later that day, as she strolled around the portrait gallery with Thomas, her hope in their plan faded. Thomas had been uncommonly quiet, and she suspected he did it on purpose to avoid the subject of Braiden.
“I never thanked you for last night,” Grace began. “Had you not sent me the message, he would have left without saying goodbye.”
“I know.” Thomas let out a long sigh. “Honestly, I couldn’t believe he planned to do that, to you of all people.”
Her throat grew thick. So he hadn’t planned on telling her at all. The knowledge wedged a stake in her heart. How could he care so little for her?
“I just wish I understood.” Her voice thankfully didn’t hint at the emotions threatening to overflow.
“He probably wouldn’t appreciate me telling you, but I believe you can keep the secret.”
She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear this. “Of course.”
“He didn’t love his wife. At first I think he desired her and the false promises she spouted, but not love.”
It was easy to recall when Braiden told her love didn’t exist. The memory of his cold tone bothered her still.
“That makes me sad for him, but I still don’t understand why he would deny me because of it.”
“He doesn’t speak much about the duchess or his life with her, but I don’t get the feeling he was ever happy. I think he blames the state of marriage for the most part. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have any reservations about you.”
“How could marriage be at fault? That doesn’t make sense.”
“Once Tabitha became a duchess, she changed a vast deal. The jewels, the power, and the unlimited funds became the only things that mattered to her. Each time I saw her, she had something new and expensive to show off.”
“Does he believe I would be like that? My father is a wealthy earl, and my connections to Stonemede grant my family status and power. I care nothing for any of that.”
“His pain runs deep, and so does his prejudice.”
“Then we are at an impasse. He will never marry, and I shall continue on as if these past months didn’t exist.”
“I wish I could offer you better news, but Braiden is stubborn, and it’s difficult to change his mind once set. You will be hard-pressed to make any headway with him.”
With a nod, Grace managed to keep her head held high. Braiden may not be happy in his chosen life, but at least he wasn’t miserable. She, on the other hand, couldn’t exactly say the same for herself.
Could she be anything more than miserable without Braiden?
Chapter 8
Braiden stumbled out of the doors of Ravenhurst. Blinking rapidly, he tried to concentrate on seeing the road in front of him. Everything moved except his body, which felt heavy. Encouraging his limbs to press on, he sought the correct path.
Suddenly Grace’s face passed through his mind. He cursed loudly. In the past, his preferred method of erasing his memory had worked, but no longer. These past months had encouraged him to drink more and often, but nothing worked.
Would Grace return to London now that the Season had begun? He pushed the question from his mind. He didn’t care what she did. For all he knew, she could be betrothed and soon have the child she craved.
His chest ached. The thought of another man touching her, kissing her, loving her made him ill. Would she think of him? Had he made enough of an impact that each touch she now received would remind her of him?
He needed something else to think about. Hell, he needed something else to do. At the rate he was drinking, his body would give up on him. The idea didn’t bother him as much as he suspected it should. Thomas could deal with the dukedom and the curse of an heir.
When he reached his townhouse, he allowed the chilly atmosphere to greet him. He r
ecalled a time when the place appealed to him, welcomed him even, but Tabitha had changed that for him.
“Your Grace.” His butler bowed. “Lady Merrick awaits you in the drawing room. I told her you were not in, but she insisted.”
Braiden waved off the man as he headed to where his sister was. The fact she remained didn’t bode well for him. Delaying her any longer would only make matters worse.
“What do I owe the pleasure of your presence, dear sister?”
She wrinkled her nose when he came near. “You’re drunk.”
“Was that all you came here for? You really didn’t have to tell me. I discerned as much for myself.”
“Why are you doing this?”
With a shrug, he walked over to the fireplace. One of his staff must have built up the fire for her. It had been a long time since the room had been used for anything pleasant.
“I’m sorry, but I have nothing to add to this conversation. Would you care to discuss something else? Or perhaps I can offer you a drink?” Remembering how his sister enjoyed a glass of brandy, he headed toward the sidebar.
“No,” she answered quickly. “You don’t need another one either. I actually didn’t come to speak about your bad habits. I came to request you take part in the events this Season.”
He froze. What benefit could she possibly gain from forcing him to associate with people whom he cared nothing for? Would Grace be there? Would she be happily dancing every set with a different gentleman? Would he be able to handle that?
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