by Kent, Julia
“Serves her right for hogging the television,” I whisper back. She giggles and then kneels to rummage through a cabinet.
“Oh where is it?” she grumbles from somewhere in the back. “Ah... there it is! Got it.”
Maria emerges from the cabinet with her hair ruffled, a triumphant grin on her face and a bottle of brandy clutched in her hand.
“Let’s make the cocoa extra special tonight,” she whispers, pouring a shot into each of our mugs, and she winks at me.
She hurries back up the stairs with her penguin mug and stolen cookies and then waves to me impatiently from the top. I don’t know how I got this lucky, but I have the best girlfriend in the entire world.
––––––––
“Girl Scout cookies taste great on their own, but they’re even better dipped in alcoholic cocoa,” I babble, my mouth stuffed with delicious, chocolatey goodness. I know that I’m being a terrible pig, but I’m starving.
“Do you think anyone’s ever uttered that sentence before?” she asks, smiling at me in between sips.
“Eh... first time for everything.”
She’s let her hair down again tonight, and I still can’t get over how beautiful it is. Her pale skin and green eyes stand out in sharp contrast against her black hair, and I feel like it somehow draws me in. She’s stunningly pretty.
She daintily picks up a mint cookie and dips it in my cocoa.
“Hey!”
“Oh fine, you can do it to mine if you want,” she moans, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly.
I dip a carrot in her cocoa just because I can, and she sticks her tongue out at me.
“Happy now?”
I make a face at her and she laughs.
“So... we’ve got alcoholic cocoa and plenty of cookies,” I say, leaning back against the pile of pillows on her bed. “Now all we need is a game to play.”
She raises an eyebrow as she munches on a carrot stick, but says nothing.
“Hell, let’s go back to high school again,” I exclaim, clapping my hands together.
“What are you talking about?” she asks, clearly confused. “High school was horrible.”
“Truth or dare?” I challenge her, and she stares blankly at me. My words finally click in her brain, and she starts laughing.
“You can’t play that with only two people!”
“Sure you can. It’s so much better like that,” I argue back. She puts her hands on her hips and rolls her eyes at me.
“Go on,” she groans, humoring me. “I can’t wait to hear how it’s better with only two.”
“Because the only person there to overhear your secrets is someone you already trust,” I whisper. Her eyes widen and she takes in a sharp breath before turning away from me.
“Then why not just play ‘Truth’ and skip the dare thing if you’re never going to pick it?” she counters, quickly regaining her composure.
“Hey, sometimes they’re fun,” I tease. “Also, there’s brandy in our cocoa, so we can blame it for anything stupid we do.”
“Ah, an important consideration indeed,” she says, raising both a finger and an eyebrow, and then she laughs. “Okay, I’ll play your stupid game just as long as I can blame the brandy.”
“Fine by me. Truth or dare?” I demand, pointing a celery stick at her.
“Truth.”
“I... well, give me a second,” I stammer. “I didn’t actually think of a question yet.”
She laughs and pretends to check her watch.
“What’s the most embarrassing thing you ever did?”
“Oh you’re a jerk,” she groans, and I grin at her.
She leans back next to me on the pile of pillows with her hands behind her head as she thinks, and I try my hardest not to stare at her shirt. I can’t believe how hard it is to keep my eyes from drifting.
“Um... I was thirteen, so I think this was seventh grade. I was feeling really sick and went up to tell the teacher I needed to go to the nurse,” she finally blurts out. “Before I got to the front, I threw up all over this cute boy I had a crush on.”
“Oh wow... that’s awful,” I groan, covering my face. I’m embarrassed for her and I wasn’t even there.
“Yeah, it was pretty bad,” she agrees, and she takes a sip of her cocoa. “Your turn now. Truth or dare?”
“Dare.”
She makes a face at me, but then her eyes light up as she figures out what to say.
“I dare you to tell me the truth to this next question...”
“Hey, that’s cheating.”
“House rules,” she counters, “and this room counts as my house.”
“Oh, fine. Truth.”
“Good choice,” she says with a wink. “Who’s the first girl you ever kissed?”
“A girl named Jessica, back when I was a freshman here,” I answer.
“Oh...”
Her voice trails off and she looks disappointed.
“Didn’t work out?” she asks hopefully, and she perks up again as I nod in reply.
“Nope. She was kind of a bitch, and we ended up hating each other. Easiest breakup ever. Back to you again, Maria.”
“Truth,” she states matter-of-factly, and then she turns and kisses me on the cheek. My face gets hot and I feel my smile spread from ear to ear.
“Were you worried that I would say I was still interested in Jessica?”
Her face turns red as she nods.
“Yeah... I was worried you might be interested in someone else,” she quietly confesses.
I put down my cocoa and squeeze her tightly. A smile works its way across her face, and she laughs and hugs me back.
“You’re the only girl for me, Maria,” I whisper in her ear, and she practically glows as she kisses me. Her nervousness melts away as her lips touch mine, and as she hugs me tightly, I wonder how long she’s been waiting for me to say those words.
“Okay, back to you again. Truth or dare?” she asks.
“Dare,” I call out, grinning wildly. She’s ready for me this time, though.
Maria takes one sip of her cocoa and then whispers, “I dare you to give me the best kiss you’ve ever given anyone.”
My body reacts instantly to the longing in her voice, and my heart pounds in my chest.
“You’re okay with that?” I whisper back, and she nods.
“I wouldn’t have dared you if I wasn’t.”
Her eyes widen in anticipation as I lean toward her, and then they slowly flutter shut as our lips meet. I can feel her shiver as my lips brush against hers, and my arms somehow find their way around her, pulling her close to me as we lay back on the pile of pillows. She shivers again as I run my good hand through her hair, and I passionately press my lips into hers.
Her lips slightly part and mine match hers on their own. I can taste the brandy and chocolate as my tongue dances with hers. She moans as I gently drag my teeth along her lower lip and then release her. Her face is pink and she looks as turned on as I feel right now.
“Your turn again,” I whisper. “Truth or...”
I don’t get the last word out before she’s on top of me and pushing me down onto the bed. Her lips crash into mine in a long, ardent kiss that takes my breath away. I draw her in and my heart skips a beat as I feel her chest press against mine. She kisses me again almost frantically as I run my hands through her hair. I feel like I’m going to catch fire and burn away from longing and desire. Something about the way she trembles with her eyes closed as she breaks away, gasping for air, is so intensely intoxicating that I pull her right back in again.
Maria lets out a soft moan as I hold her against me and leave a trail of kisses down her neck. Her skin feels like it’s burning, and I can taste the salt on her skin with each kiss. Her mouth hangs open as she gasps in pleasure, her eyes are closed, and she’s almost shaking now.
I can’t help myself anymore; she’s too irresistible. Before my brain even realizes what the rest of me is doing, I grab her by the hips and rol
l her over so that I’m on top, looking down at her, and I kiss her with a passion I’ve never felt before. She cups my face in her hands and moans in delight as our lips find each other’s again.
With her eyes still tightly shut, Maria grabs my hand and pulls it to her waist. She’s not wearing a dress tonight—just her usual black jeans—and I don’t understand what she wants until she starts dragging my hand slowly up her side.
“Touch me, Owen,” she almost begs, her eyes wide and her voice barely above a whisper, before kissing me again. Her lips quiver as they press against mine, and now it’s my turn to start trembling. I’ve never felt this connected to anyone, and it’s as if we’ve picked up right where we left off after our dance. I want her so much that it’s all I can do not to give in completely to what my body wants right now.
Maria moans softly, still quivering as I explore her body. My fingers run gently up from her hips to her ribs and then trace along the underwire of her bra through her shirt. I want to touch her so badly, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
“Maria? Are you okay?” I whisper, kissing her softly on the cheek. “You can tell me to stop.”
“No,” she gasps. “Don’t stop!”
She grabs my hand and pulls it higher, pressing it to her breast. She’s soft and warm, and I feel her chest rise and fall beneath my hand with every frantic breath she takes.
I can’t do it like this. I’m nervous that I’m pushing her too far, too fast. If I don’t stop—if I let myself do what my body is begging me to—I’m going to hurt her. I just know it.
“Maria,” I whisper, lying down on my side next to her and putting my arms around her, “I need you to lead me. Show me what you want me to do.”
She leans back into me, and her body burns like fire against my chest even through our clothing. She gently takes my hand in hers and trembles as she slides it down her body again. This time when she reaches her waist, she pushes me beneath her shirt and back up her body.
My heart races frantically as Maria releases my hand. Even though I’m scared to keep going, my body is reacting to her desire. She presses back against me as my fingers reach the underwire of her bra again, this time beneath her shirt, and she rolls her hips against me with longing. I cup her breast in my hand, gently squeezing her through the smooth, soft fabric of her bra. My fingers brush against the tiny lace bow sewn in the middle where the two cups meet, and then with a deep, nervous breath, I slide my hand slowly underneath her bra and touch her bare skin.
“Please don’t let me hurt her... please God, don’t let me hurt her,” I silently pray over and over as she writhes at my touch.
Her breath comes in short, intense gasps as she presses herself against me and, and I nearly faint from excitement as she reaches up and grabs my hair. Her eyes roll back in her head as I fondle her and leave a line of kisses from her neck up to her cheek.
How can I ever go back from this? I’ve never felt more alive or wanted in my life, and I hope more than anything else in the world that she feels the same way.
She suddenly grabs my hand again and pulls it down and away from her breasts. A lump of panic forms in my throat as she drags my hand gently down to her jeans. She stops with my fingers barely touching her beneath the waistline, and she releases me again.
“Maria...”
“Please, Owen.”
Raw emotion fills her voice and sets my mind on fire as she pleads with me. I hesitate, lingering at the waist of her jeans even after she unbuttons them.
“I need this,” she whispers.
She turns and looks back at me over her shoulder, her beautiful eyes wide and filled with longing. I’d do anything for her—anything in the world—but I’m still scared. I’ve never gone this far before and I know she hasn’t either.
I may feel lost, but at least we’re lost together tonight.
“Okay. Show me what to do.”
She smiles at me like an angel and then guides my hand down beneath her jeans. I gasp sharply as my fingers graze against the elastic waist of her underwear. My mind wasn’t prepared for the strange, incomprehensible feelings that are welling up inside me, and I barely move a muscle until Maria starts guiding me again. The elastic lifts and rides over my hand as she takes my fingers down between her legs.
She moans in intense pleasure and leans back against me as she slowly guides my fingers, shivering with each stroke. The shivers turn to writhes as she presses my fingers firmly against her one last time, releases my hand, and lets me go.
“Harder,” she whimpers, her voice ragged as she rolls her hips against me, and she cries out in ecstasy as I obey her. I must be dreaming; there’s no way this can be real. What did I do to deserve to be with the girl of my dreams while she teaches me how to be intimate with her? Either I’m the luckiest guy alive or I’m about to be the saddest when my alarm clock goes off.
Maria is suddenly very still, almost rigid, and her mouth opens wide as if she’s silently screaming. Her eyes close tightly, and she starts to shake like nothing I’ve ever seen before.
Just as I’m about to pull my hand away in fear, I suddenly realize what’s happening. I’ve never seen a girl have an orgasm before, and Maria’s on the brink of one.
Suddenly, her eyes open wide, and my heart sinks in my chest as I see the darkness and terror rising inside them.
“Let go of me!” she cries out hoarsely, and she struggles to get away from me. “No! Don’t touch me!”
I yank my hand out of her jeans and instead hug her tightly as she hits me again and again, trying to break free of me. I’m not letting go of her—not until she calms down and talks to me.
“Let me go!” she screams, and she starts to cry. Her chest heaves as she buries her head in a pillow and bursts into tears.
“It’s okay,” I tell her, still holding her close. “It’s me... Owen. I’m not going to hurt you.”
I lay by her side, gently embracing her as she sobs into the pillow. Time ceases to matter as I lay beside her, and I don’t know if minutes or hours have passed when her tears finally subside and she settles into a deathly silence.
“Maria, please talk to me,” I beg her.
She slowly turns to face me, and her eyes are red and puffy from crying. I feel terrible now. This is all my fault, and I wish I could go back in time and fix whatever I did to hurt her.
“One more round of truth or dare, please," she whispers shakily. "You ask."
“Okay... truth or dare?” I whisper back to her.
“Truth.”
“Did you ever have something really terrible happen to you?” I ask, and I brace myself for the answer.
She nods and buries her face in my shoulder as she starts crying again. I hold her close, gently running my hand up and down her back. I can wait as long as she needs.
“When I was fifteen, I went to visit my brother at college,” she whispers, choking up as she tries not to cry. “He left me alone at the apartment when he went to class, and his roommate raped me.”
Everything suddenly makes sense now, but my heart still sinks into my stomach at the sound of her tears.
“Oh God, Maria... I’m so sorry.”
“Every time I blow up on you like this, I’m having a flashback,” she whimpers. “It’s like I’m losing my mind, like my body wants me to go back down into my own personal Hell again.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper again, not knowing what else to say. All I can think to do is hold her close.
“No, it’s me that should be sorry,” she protests, holding back her tears. “You’re the one who has to put up with my messed up...”
“No. Don’t even go there.”
“But it’s true!”
“You deal with my problems,” I counter, squeezing her tightly. “I can deal with yours.”
Her voice is so sad that I almost want to cry on her behalf now. Does she really believe that she’s a burden to me? Meeting her is the best thing ever to happen to me.
“Owen, I can
’t predict when the flashbacks come,” she whispers, almost as if she’s confessing a horrible crime. “You deserve someone you can trust—someone less broken than me. You’re not messed up like I am.”
“You’re right. I’m not,” I reply, looking her straight in the eye. "I’m the Owen style of messed-up, and you’re the Maria style... and do you want to know something else?”
“What?"
I kiss her softly on the lips before finishing.
“I don’t care if you’re messed up. I am too. It doesn’t matter how lost we were, because we found each other anyway.”
She smiles radiantly at me, but her eyes are still red and puffy from crying.
“Besides, you deserve someone better than me,” I continue. “You deserve someone who isn’t living in terror of his father—someone who doesn’t have nightmares about his sister.”
“But then I wouldn’t have you,” she protests.
“That’s how I feel about your flashbacks, Maria,” I whisper to her with a soft smile. “You have to take the bad with the good, and you’ve got more of the good than I ever imagined.”
She puts her arms around me again and snuggles up close.
“Owen?” she whispers, not looking up at me.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“You’re worth it, Maria,” I whisper back, stroking her hair softly. “You’re totally worth it.”
Sunday, March 10 – 7:00 AM
Maria
I wake up with a splitting headache and I feel sticky, sweaty and gross. Owen is still asleep beside me with his good arm wrapped comfortingly around me. He looks so peaceful that I don’t want to wake him up, but I really need to get away.
I slip carefully out from under his arm, and I sigh in relief as, miraculously, he doesn’t wake up. He rolls in his sleep and snores into the pile of pillows while I tiptoe to my dresser for clean clothes and a towel.
The bathroom is just across the hall from my room, and my headache slowly diminishes as the white noise of the shower blocks out the rest of the world. The bathroom fills with steam as I stand under the hot water and wait for my thoughts to make sense.
“He’s still here,” I whisper to myself as the burning water pours down over my head. I can’t believe still here!”