by Dark, Raven
I froze as Hawk’s spoke at my ear, his voice filled with pain and hurt. Hurt that he felt just as much as me.
“We’re going to try. If Sheriff can do it, then we can too. I don’t want you to leave, Pretty Boy. Never. This month has been nothing but chaos. I had to do what I thought best at the time.”
I nodded, my nose fucking running, and hugged him back. Once he released me, it was Steel’s turn. Steel, my other half. The one I was afraid to lose the most.
“Brother, I love you. I don’t want you ever thinking about leaving us.”
“Shut up,” I teased him, half serious, half truthful. I hated crying and being all emotional. I hugged him tight anyway, my hand thumping his back. We pulled away and nodded at each other.
“Fine. I’ll try… if you all try. But please, for the love of the fucking Maker, can we stop with the lovey shit?”
They all laughed. And just like that, we took our first step on the new road we paved.
Chapter 23
Ka’hatma Tae
“He wants to what?” I snapped. I sat in my chair in front of the bedroom window of my hut.
Setora’s voice reached my ears from straight ahead, at face level, letting me know she was kneeling in front of me. “Oh, Master, don’t look at me like that, as if I just asked you to streak through the village naked. It’s just a dinner. Master Leif has invited us as his guests. Plus, he wants to discuss this training thing.”
I snorted. Streaking through the village nude would have been easier than what she was asking—or it would have been before Damien had taken my sight.
“Yeah,” I growled, “dinner, at the temple. With a bunch of high and mighty Yantu who think we’re no-good, murderous pirates. With all of them watching me fumble through dinner like a freak, Setora. Not gonna happen.”
She let out a sigh. Her hand lay gently over mine, soft and pliable and half the size of mine. “Master, you’ve let me help you. You’ve trusted me. You don’t know how much that means. Please, just trust me with this. Don’t be afraid.”
“I’m not—” I stopped myself in the middle of snapping at her. For two days, she’d given me everything. She’d given me my life back, brought hope into my shattered soul. As usual, the woman had swooped in and changed everything. My little hero. We’d come so far; I wouldn’t let us backslide into the darkness again. She deserved more.
I wouldn’t lie to her now by telling her I wasn’t afraid. I was fucking terrified. “You’re asking a lot, sweetheart.”
“I know, Master. I understand how hard this is for you.” She wrapped her hand around mine. “Savak says Master Leif wants to show you… uh, to present you with something, a gift.”
A smile tugged at my lips at the nervous way she stumbled over her words. Fuck, I really had been an ass, hadn’t I?
“A gift? What kind of gift? The man can’t stand us, and now he wants us to be best pals?”
“Sheriff,” she drawled. “Just give him a chance. We don’t have to stay long.”
I huffed and turned my eyes toward the window where the heat of the afternoon sun touched my face. How the fuck did she make it so hard to say no to her?
Mentally, I went over everything I’d have to put myself through just for a stupid dinner. First, we’d have to walk to the temple, several minutes away. We’d walked there before, of course, but I wasn’t eager to go stumbling all the way there, being led like a dog on a leash the way I’d had to do with Doc when we’d first come out here. Next, Setora—or someone else—wouldn’t be able to leave my side, even in the temple. Then there would be the dinner itself. I shuddered.
“Setora, think about this.” I turned back to her and leaned forward, touching her face to make sure mine was close to hers. “What are you going to do, feed me like a baby? Put a bib on me, too?”
“If you start acting like one, I will.”
Oh, that mouth of hers. I grinned and shook my head, stroking her cheek. “I won’t put you thought that.” I sighed. “I just hate that you have to help.”
“I like taking care of you.”
I growled angrily and shoved to my feet. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Okay.” She paused, and I could almost see her pink tongue flick out to wet her lips. “You’re right. I don’t like seeing how hard this is for you. I know you hate that you have to rely on others. But that’s why I want you to accept their help. Then you won’t have to.”
I let out a deep breath and gripped window frame. What she was saying made sense, but it sickened me. A man was supposed to be able to protect and care for his woman, not the other way around. Yeah, I agreed to try. I agreed to listen and let her help me, but fuck, it went against my nature.
“Sheriff, think about those who love you. Your men. Your club. Me.” She’d said the last word in a small voice. “I don’t want to lose you,” she whispered.
I shook my head at a ceiling I couldn’t see. Fuck. It wasn’t fair that she made it so hard to say no to. How the hell had she wrapped me around her dainty little finger? I turn around and crossed my arms.
“Just dinner?” I asked roughly.
“Yes. Just dinner.”
“When do we leave?”
“A couple of hours, around six. The guys are coming to get us.”
I heard her stand up. Her palm rested on my arm, which I seized.
“Help me sit down.”
She did. The silence told me she was still waiting for my answer.
“Ugh. Fine. Just this once. Because I want to see this gift Leif wants to give me. And I want to hear how the hell his people plan on teaching me to manage…this.” I gestured to my eyes.
“Thank you, Master.” A grin colored her voice.
I growled in irritation with her effect on me and yanked her between my knees, my hands finding her hips and squeezing them. It pissed me off that she had to be so fucking beautiful and I couldn’t see any of it.
“You are a pain in the ass, you know that?” I grumbled.
“So are you, Master.”
I tried to swat her ass but hit her thigh instead. She squealed. Good enough.
“I know I am, but you love it and you know it, Little Spy.”
After a bath and helping me dress, Setora set out to get herself ready. In no time at all, there was a knock on the door.
The voices of the men hit me, a wall of sound. Pretty Boy and Steel’s voices bantering and ribbing each other, Doc and Hawk talking, deep in a conversation filled with botanical jargon I couldn’t hope to understand. Pretty Boy’s laughter rang out. He was easily the most boisterous of my men, but today he sounded happier than he’d been since we’d come here. How had I not noticed the way his voice overpowered a room before?
The men spilled into the room, and I heard Setora kiss someone, wasn’t sure who.
For weeks, I’d been shut inside this fucking hut almost entirely alone. Except for the other day when my Brothers were here, I’d never allowed more than two people around me at a time, and usually only Setora and Doc. Everyone else, for a few minutes.
An almost childish urge to shut myself in the bedroom seized me.
The thought of moving, shuffling from where I stood in front of them, of guessing where everyone was and what they were doing, filled me with unrivaled dread. I froze like a damn deer caught in headlights.
Fuck. What was I thinking, agreeing to do this?
Then I heard it. A quiet rumbling sound, wheels rolling across the floor from the door. A wheelchair. I knew the sound because Dice had one.
Fan-fucking-tastic.
“Sheriff, now, don’t fucking flip out.” Pretty Boy patted me on the arm. I hadn’t even heard him cross the room, and he was already there.
A half-irritated laugh left me, and I pushed him away. “Why do I get the feeling I’m going to regret hearing what you’re about to say?”
“Oh, come on. It ain’t that bad.” Then Pretty Boy’s head turned as he called, “Yeah, man, bring it over.”
I hear
d the dreaded sound of the chair on wheels being rolled my way. I swallowed. This was it, my first step onto the road of being the better man, being the man Setora wanted to help me become.
“So you brought me a wheelchair, Pretty Boy?” I couldn’t help but wince at the silence that followed my words. I knew they’d be holding their breathing, waiting for a fight from me.
“Had it custom made.” Pretty Boy cleared his throat.
“So that’s where you’ve been spending all this time?” Hawk asked. “Well done, Pretty Boy.”
“Agreed. Even has silver skulls on the spokes of the wheels, Sheriff.” Doc laughed.
Fuck me.
“I… uh…thanks, Pretty Boy. Truly.”
“You’re welcome, man. Now, let’s get the fuck out of here. I’m starving.”
And just like that, it was all right. I’d been downright cruel to these men, with my woman, pushing them away and deliberately hurting them just to escape the prospect of relying on anyone or letting them see me not at my best. I’d been a bear to live with, intolerable, and yet here they were, my Brothers, my friends, taking me back and giving me their friendship. Wiping away the pain of these past few weeks like it never happened.
“Definitely don’t want to be late. It’s after six, Master.”
I snorted. “No, we definitely don’t want that.” Setora playfully swatted my leg at my tone. “Fine. Let’s get this over with then, sweetheart.”
I found her arm, and she guided me a few paces, helping me into the wheelchair. I thought I’d hate the feel of it, hate the feel of the footrests under my feet, the hard seat under me, the arms penning me in.
To my surprise, though, the chair was comfortable. The leather, cushioned seat was plush, as well as the backing of the chair. Feeling around the arms and sides, I discovered Pretty Boy had put a lot of thought into this chair. From what I could feel, it wasn’t anything like Dice’s.
I grunted. “Where is that blond hell cat?”
“Right here, Sheriff.” I heard his footsteps come closer. “I told you it wasn’t that bad.” He squeezed my shoulder briefly. I knew him well enough to know he understood what it meant to me, his designing this chair. Neither one of us was comfortable showing emotion, so no words were needed.
“Okay, so who wants to push?” he asked.
The note of mischief in his tone had me picturing him getting a little too carried away. Images of him sending me flying down a hill spun in my mind.
“Fuck that. None of you are getting your hands on this thing while I’m in it,” I said. “Setora’s the only one who touches it when she’s around.”
She kissed my cheek from behind, and I felt the pressure of her grip as she pushed me forward. She leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Pretty Boy even modeled the handles like a motorbike’s, Master.”
I shook my head, trying not to hide my grin.
We headed out of the hut and out of town toward the temple, Setora steering down the path with the guys chattering alongside.
My heart felt huge, listening to them talk and laugh comfortably, amongst each other and with me. Not one of them sounded awkward or unsure, not one Dreaded Pause to be heard. I’d been so damned afraid they couldn’t handle it, so worried that things would have changed. But the men had handled it, and even though things were far from perfect, we were the closer for it. They were my Brothers, accepting of the blindness that might now have me in its grip for life.
Fuck, I loved these guys. I’d been an ass, and all for nothing. It had taken the determination and the love of my woman to make me see that. How the hell did she have the power to do that?
“Hawk, tell me what this ‘gift’ is that your master wants to give me.”
He made an amused, approving sound, apparently thinking about whatever Leif was up to. The shit. “Supposed to be a surprise, Sheriff.”
I grumbled, but let it ride. I’d find out soon enough anyway.
A couple of minutes later, Setora rolled the chair to a stop. “Steps,” she said, as usual, telling me what was coming.
There was a creek and pressure on the side of the chair as Pretty Boy showed her how to brake. I stood and found her already outstretched arm beside me.
“Four steps,” she whispered.
Yesterday, we had practiced stepping outside my hut’s porch. Now I did what she’d suggested I do—slide my toe along the front of each step until I met the bottom of the next step, then stepping up. We took our time. How unsettling it was to realize I did it almost without thinking.
“One more,” Setora reminded when we hit the last one. “Steel, grab the chair, please,” she called down behind me.
I was floored. At the way she took charge, the smooth way she did things, as if it was supposed to be this way. As if it had always been. The men murmured behind me in astonishment. Pretty Boy said something about Setora and me “being like a well-oiled machine.”
Footfalls came up the steps, heavy ones that told me they were Steel’s, followed by those of the other men. Setora placed my hand on the chair’s arm, and using memory, I sat back down, ready to go again.
We wheeled in through a set of gates before we stopped again. I could still feel the evening sun on my face, so I knew we weren’t in the temple yet.
“Welcome, Legion.”
I recognized Savak’s voice as he continued.
“Master Leif will be pleased to see that you have come to visit us. Come with me, he is waiting for us.”
Setora wheeled the chair along and it crunched across paving stones. We took a right, then went straight for a while before set of heavy doors swung open on its hinges.
Setora rubbed my shoulder. “Steps,” she whispered.
Up I stood, and up we went three steps, Steel bringing up the chair.
“Sheriff, I want you to leave the chair here.” Savak said to my left. There was a snap of fingers. “You’ll get it back when you leave.”
“You’re taking my chair? Are you gonna tell me why?”
“Master Leif will want to see you interact with your environment without it. It will help to inform us how to train you.”
Fuck, I felt like a freak being ordered to perform before an audience. So he expected me to spend the night shuffling around and stumbling into everything? I wanted to turn and march out. As if she sensed what I was thinking, Setora squeezed my arm.
“Lead the way, Tai Dan Savak,” Hawk said, clamping me on the shoulder from behind before I could snap at the warrior.
Bastard.
A set of doors swung open in front of us again. Savak walked across the floor of whatever room we’d stepped into, Setora following him, leaving me with nothing to do but shuffle beside her. Hawk must have moved in front of us to take the lead, because I heard him in low conversation with Savak in front of us.
Shit, there was so much I hated about this. I hated the darkness that left my entire world an unknown. That every new sound around me and every new voice left nothing but questions. And I detested that I had to be led around, always shuffling.
What was in the room? Was it a dining room? Was it filled with tables and chairs where hundreds of Yantu warriors like Hawk took supper? Or filled with those low tables and mats like Hawk used for dinner in his room in the Grotto?
Here and there, unfamiliar voices drifted, men passing by us headed this way or that, some of them greeting Hawk, their fellow warrior.
A flash of bitterness toward Hawk’s taking the lead hit me, an old wound that refused to heal even as it mixed with gratitude for the seamless way he accepted the role.
“This is the training room,” Savak said, as if reading my mind. We walked across a floor that felt like smooth, polished wood. “Members of the Order practice their Katama Dan here three times a day.”
“Their what?” I muttered.
“Fighting forms,” Hawk said from ahead of me.
“We’ll go to the dining hall and eat first before Master Leif speaks to you in private, Sheriff,” Savak ex
plained as another set of doors opened.
A few more steps and the smooth wooden floor changed to flat stone, indicating that we’d entered another room.
“This is the dining hall,” he added.
A cacophony of sound filled my ears. Men’s voices, silverware clinking against plates, and now and again, the unfamiliar sound of soft rustling cloth. I’d attended enough large dinner gatherings to imagine what I’d have seen. Many tables set up in a giant-ass room, dozens of men seated at them, deep in dinner conversation.
Before I’d lost my sight, I’d have known exactly what to do. I’d have taken charge, sitting near the head of the table where the leaders of a visiting party sat. I’d have greeted the host and been introduced as a man of influence.
But now?
How many of them looked toward the door when we’d entered? The babble all but died for a moment, and I swore I felt dozens of eyes on us.
On me.
That weird, unfamiliar panic I’d felt earlier at the hut took hold, and I tensed. Damn it. Before all this mess with Damien, I would have loved the crowd, sucking up every sight, every sound, enjoying every handshake and greeting, reveling in the interaction with new people and places. Now I stood there in the doorway, frozen like some fucking wallflower.
“We shouldn’t have come here,” I grumbled. “I’m going back to—”
“Don’t even think about it, Sheriff.” Steel’s hands were on my shoulders from behind. Setora had a grip on my arm.
The message was clear. No more hiding, no more self-pity.
Fuckers.
Footsteps whispered across the floor in front of us. With a gentle pull on my arm, Setora led us forward again.
“Your gift will be presented as soon as we’ve eaten,” Savak informed. “The entire Order is here to watch the presentation.”
Every time he spoke to me, the direction of his voice suggested he was walking backwards in front of me. I couldn’t have said how, but something left me with the annoying impression he was watching everything I did, cataloguing it in his head for later. Humiliation washed over me in a violent wave. I felt like some kind of lab rat being led toward the cheese.