I wanted to try and explain my feelings – with a little more subtly of course – but decided against it. Instead, I simply replied, “Cheers.” through gritted teeth.
“How're we all doing for ammo?” He then asked, turning away from me to face the remaining five Saviour of Man.
“Better than I would have expected.” Keith said; the first of the group to finish checking his ammo.
“I'm not surprised, you didn't waste any of yours on the Fiders, you jumped straight down into the darkness like a rat.” Turnip spat, without so much as looking up from the ammo that he carefully counted.
“Hey, fuck you man!” He retorted, pacing over to him with a face that was quickly turning red with rage.
“There's no excuse for it, coward.” The disfigured looking fellow smirked. Still, he didn’t bother to look at Keith. Since I had joined the Saviour of Man, this was most Turnip had spoken. Thus far he had remained an unflinching beast of a man that’s very appearance sent shivers down my spine. At first I had figured he was just an ugly, misshapen man. But it wasn’t until I stared at him as Keith charged upon him that I realised exactly why he looked the way he did. He was probably in his mid-thirties, but his head remained completely void of any hairs – not even the slightest of stubble. His skin was wrinkled and shiny. This man hadn’t been born with a disability, he had been disfigured. Most likely by fire from the looks of things.
“I didn't have a clear fucking shot, and we were bailing out anyway.” Keith spat, stepping up to the Turnip. Both of them were easily six feet and each packed a great deal of muscle – a fight here could scare even a dragon no doubt. I mentally tried to decide who would win in a fight – Keith was a scary looking powerhouse, but Turnip’s disfigurements made him look almost unhuman. It was impossible to imagine anyone being able to take him in a one on one.
Turnip rose to his feet and finally matched Keith’s stare. They stood toe to toe, nose to nose, both sizing each other up with clenched fists and unblinking eyes, waiting for the other to make the first move.
“That's enough of that.” Julian chuckled, casually placing an arm between the pair as though they were children getting ready to have a playground scrap. The two men continued to stare at each other, their faces were stone cold emotionless, staring blankly at each other, yet still they managed to ooze anger and the threat of a monstrous magnitude, yet there stood Julian, unflinching and unafraid as he stood between the two large brutes.
“Sorry, sir.” They both said in almost perfect synchronisation, before stepping back. Julian stood in silence for a while, flicking his gaze from each of the men before silently smiling, turning, and walking away. It was crazy to see how much control Julian had over his men. I put it down to two possibilities – either Julian had a dark, horrible side that I had yet to see; or they were expertly trained. I really, really hoped it was the latter of the two options. No doubt, there was a side to Julian that I hadn't seen. He always managed to seem so in control and assured, but these kinds of people could often be the worst. So far, Julian seemed like a nice enough guy, and no doubt he was doing me a favour by escorting me across the city, but I knew I couldn't afford to let my guard down around him, not even for a second, no matter how nice he seemed. He always managed to quickly switch and change between attitudes, as though he could be two completely different people at the blink of an eye. I couldn’t help but find similarities between him and Phil and Oliver, way back at Haven. They had been the first people I had come across after being cast out into the Charred Lands. One moment they tortured and mocked me, the next they acted like caring siblings.
“Found out where we are yet?” Penny asked with a sigh, growing tired of the two men’s bravado.
“I think we're in a small stop just before Piccadilly Train Station.” Mark replied to his leader, still he examined the maps with a look of uncertainty on his face, “Either way, we should be able to see the tower from the streets anyway.” He added, with a sign. He quickly folded up the torn dirty maps and popped them back in his bag.
“Let's get a move on, we can't afford to lose too much daylight.” Julian ordered.
With that, the seven of us made our way out of the quiet, dusty train station and headed back into the desolate streets. Once again, everyone had their machine guns ready as we entered the open. They all scanned the surrounding buildings and roads for any potential danger. This appeared to be uncharted territory for these guys, which was clear to see from their body language. They never usually let their guard down, but out here their eyes never seemed to linger on the same spot for more than a second, instead they constantly checked every inch of their surroundings for anything that looked amiss.
I too did my best to keep an eye out for anything worrying, but always found myself distracted by the sights of the city. Even here, the buildings all looked the same as the ones we had charged past on horseback. Every street and building in the city was nearly identical to the last, as though this was one big concrete maze. It was a wonder anybody was ever able to find their way to places before the Rise. I couldn’t ever imagine being able to find a specific place in this city. Was it not for the fact that the tower ahead loomed high above anything else in the manmade jungle, I would have thought that we had been going around in circles.
I spotted our destination straight away. It was a good few miles away still, but I could see it stretching above all of the buildings in a much more commercial area, across a large river. Buildings larger than any I had ever seen stood like large metal and glass tombstones, awaiting us in a nest of a civilization long forgotten.
The tower even stretched high above one of the most magnificent things I had ever seen. It looked like some kind of humongous wheel. It had once been white, but the decades had covered it in rust. The wheel stood atop of a large metal platform, and had countless small pod like things attached to it.
“What’s that?” I asked, in absolute awe of the structure.
“It’s the wheel of Manchester, I think it was some kind of attraction, like a mechanical ride. People got in those carriages and the wheel would spin around, or so I’ve heard.” Penny explained.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the thing as we marched past it. I didn’t understand why anybody would choose to get on a thing like that. It looked as though it nearly reached the skies, yet even from here, the tower that we were heading too seemed to shrink the wheel.
I found it strange how dead the city continued to be as we progressed deeper and deeper towards the centre. Of course, I didn't expect to see much in the way of fellow survivors, but did expect to find more Charred Lands creatures. Perhaps luck was on my side when it came to this.
“Could do with some fucking horses.” Penny laughed as we took off walking down the main road.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Eventually, we decided to stop somewhere for the night. Heavy, thick clouds were rolling in from the distance and were threatening to unleash an ocean of water upon us. Julian wasn't too happy about the delay, but didn't put up too much of a protest.
We found an old petrol station just off the main road. It had already been barricaded some time ago by some long gone survivor, making it the perfect quick stay. Of course, all the pumps were long emptied – not that it would have served us any real purpose anyway. Walking through the city had took me past thousands of burnt out or rusted up old cars, none of them looked to be in working condition. Never in my life had I seen, or heard one working. It was a strange thought to imagine people packed in the vehicles like sardines as it transported them from once place to another, strange. Cars were just one of many amenities from the forgotten world that I had come close to since entering the city, and it always left a lasting impact on me. Whenever I saw something that no longer had a purpose, I couldn’t help but feel a little sad that I never got to experience all of the seemingly useless junk.
The sun in the sky had just about set, but still the clouds above remained seemingly dry. Though the air was dry, it was th
ick with a strange atmosphere. Everyone was quiet, keeping themselves to themselves as they each went about making a bed for the night. Most of them had simple sleeping bags or covers at the very least in the back packs. Outside of the small petrol station store, I saw Penny busying herself in the forecourt– I couldn't help but wonder up and have a nosey.
“What're you doing?” I asked as I quietly approached. It was dark now, and hard to see. I couldn't be sure if anything was lurking just outside of the small light that Julian allowed us to create. If he had it his way, we would have been sat in complete darkness, but still a few things needed doing, and of course, light was needed for that. For example, having a little light made it easier for the guard to spot any potential attackers.
“It's my turn to take guard.” She explained with a groan, throwing her backpack and rifle over her shoulder. Without another word she wrapped her arms around one of the shelters legs and began to climb up. I watched as she quickly scaled the twelve foot concrete slab and climbed atop of the petrol station’s roof. And with that, I appeared to be the only person outside of the petrol station shop. I quickly scanned the surroundings, before heading back inside.
In the small, cooped up little store of the petrol station, it was surprisingly warm. I guess it had something to do with so much body heat inside such a small shop. The shelves had long been picked clear – only a few rusty metal cans remained littering the shop floor. Someone had gone about attaching a piece of string to a few of them and placed them by the front door. I triggered the makeshift alarm as I entered the store. Instantly Kelvin shot up from his bed, gun in hand.
“Fuck.” I almost screamed, uselessly shielding my face from the weapon. I felt ready to feel a hail of bullets rip me apart, but nothing happened.
“Jesus Christ boy.” Kelvin laughed, lying back down in his bead. I let out a laugh of my own, this one thick with nerves of course.
“Sorry.” I blushed, watching him try and get comfortable again. I counted myself lucky that I didn’t awake him from a deep sleep and confuse and disorientate him, God knows what he might have done then.
I quietly tiptoed around, looking for a place on the floor to call my own for the night. All I could see on the dusty ground was legs and heads protruding from sleeping bags.
“Over here, Zachary.” I heard Julian call – though I couldn't see him. I scanned the shop floor, trying to match one of the heads to him, but all I saw was the sleeping faces of the rest of his squad.
“Behind the counter.” He whispered once again, this time with a slight tut.
I slowly tiptoed around the sleeping men and made my way to the small counter. The till atop of it had long been smashed open and looted of its contents; money had no value of course, but I had noticed that people had done this to everyone I had come across. I guess it was probably the freedom to be destructive as the world fell apart that gave people the liberty to do things that they probably only dreamed of doing. I imagined whoever broke into the machine and stole the money was probably a regular patron of this petrol station, who fantasied about breaking in and robbing all of the money a thousand times over, but never allowed themselves to. But, after the world fell apart as the beasts of the Volcano rose, the rules were cast out the window, thus allowing them to do such things. Things like this, and many others that I had come across in the Charred Lands made me realise how enforced civilization must have been on the old world. My Grandpa told me of rules and laws that kept people in place and kept everyone in line. But now, in the world I was living in, they didn’t exist, and the true nature of mankind bore its ugly face for everyone to see. The second the rules collapsed, the true instincts of humanity shone.
“What's up?” I asked, keeping my voice as low as possible; I didn't want to wake another one of the men and risk a repeat of what had just happened with Kelvin.
“Come, sit.” He instructed from his sleeping bag behind the counter; next to him he had laid out a small blanket for myself.
“Thanks.” I smiled, parking my arse down beside him.
“How're you feeling?” He asked, staring up at the ceiling as though deep in thought.
“Alright, I guess.” I replied. This was the safest I had felt since entering the city, which said a lot. There was something strangely calm about being here, sat beside Julian. He appeared completely relaxed and calm, his voice seemed to sooth me and melt the worries of the world outside of our temporary home for the night.
“Well you fucking shouldn't.” He quickly, yet calmly said, snapping me out of tranquillity.
“Why?”
“We're hitting the tower tomorrow. Trust me, even I'm shitting myself. You need to make sure you're afraid, Zach. If you're not, you're stupid; and stupid gets you killed.” He said.
“I've got you guys...”
“I've had hundreds of men, just like these guys; and now, most are dead. Even if we're victorious tomorrow, there's no doubt in my mind that I'll be adding a few of these faces to the ever growing list of names that haunt my dreams. People are going to die tomorrow, Zach. You need to make sure you're afraid, you need to make sure you're relying on your absolute animalistic instincts when you're fighting in there tomorrow. If you take even a second to try and plan something, or predict anything, you'll be on that list of faces that have come and gone during my days out here – and I’d hate that. Of course, I'd get over it, but it would play on my mind for a little while if you get yourself killed for me. You’re a nice guy, but as I’m sure you’re already aware, that won’t get you far out here.” He ranted, his words hitting me like a tonne of bricks, but he wasn’t finished there, “I know you’re trying hard to be like us, or to fit in. But we all know you’re different. Just take a look at all these people around you. Most of these have killed too many men to count, and that’s with their bare hands. Would you have it in you to strangle a man to death, and stare him in the eyes as you do so?”
“I think so.” I hesitantly replied, imagining doing the act.
“Like I just said, you can’t think about it. You just have to. When it comes down to it, you either do it, or he sure as hell will do it to you.”
“I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this so you can get me to the Church of Fire.”
“I know, I know. I’m just looking out for you, kid. I can tell how far you must have come since you started this quest, and I would fucking hate for it to be for nothing. You’ve got potential – you’re like a new born baby out here, but if you continue to learn every minute of every day, you might just have what it takes to survive out here.”
“I don’t need to survive out here. I’ve just got to keep myself alive long enough to get to the Legion of Light, then I can lock myself away underground with the other people there, and try to forget every minute of this fucking journey.”
“Don’t be naive. The second you’re comfortable is the second the gravity of what you’ve done to stay alive out here will hit you. Hell, I’m a father Zach. I’ve got two children at home. Don’t you think I would rather be with them, watching them grow and trying to ignore the realities of the world, whilst safe behind thick walls with armed guards? Well you’d be wrong. I spent too much time living out on the road, living off the land and killing anything that apposed me to live a life like that. The second my head hits the pillow besides my wife, I’m back out there, mentally. I’m living it all over again, and I see the faces of the people I killed just to keep breathing. I can’t fucking live behind a wall, I feel like a zombie there. Seeing the smile on my kids face hurts me inside, because I know what I’ve done to earn that child the right to smile. I’m not alive unless I’m out here, killing.”
“How can you say that? What if you died and your kids had to grow up without you?” I couldn’t help but ask as Julian’s words began to sink in.
“Then they’d be normal. Where they live, they’re almost fucking resented by their friends for having a pair of parents.” He laughed as he turned over to his side.
“Do
you want to die?”
“That isn’t the question to be asking, Zach. Once you get to the Legion of Light, ask yourself if you want to live. After everything you’ve experienced, ask yourself if you truly want to live. Hell, would you even be able to consider yourself living, once you were tucked up behind those walls, with nothing to do but watch the days pass by until you find yourself in a grave? That isn’t living to me. What we’ve got in this world isn’t a life. You can’t die if you don’t have a life, Zach. This world does that to you.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?”
“Because, like I said, you’re different. Every single man in the Brotherhood is fighting the exact same battle I am, yet we’re all too afraid to speak of it to each other. There’s a light in your eye that I haven’t seen in a very, very long time. You’ve still got an ounce of innocence coursing through your veins. Cherish it Zach, because it’s going to be gone before you reach the Legion of Light. Fucking cherish it.” He said, something about the way he said it had a finality to it, I knew he was finished talking. I sat there for a few seconds, watching him stare at the wall in complete silence. His words continued to echo around in my head.
After a good few minutes I stretched to my feet and headed off in search of somewhere to lie for the night, feeling a little numb inside.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
"Sleep well?" Penny asked me from atop of the petrol station roof - she let out a yawn as I made my way out of the store, heading towards the pumps. Everyone else was already up and searching the area in a dire attempt to find any useful resources. I could see a few people searching through wrecked cars up and down the street, and another one or two in the thick treeline across the road.
"Not too bad, you?" I asked with a smile, before also yawning.
"I didn't sleep." She laughed, before continuing, "Someone needed to keep an eye out. I'm just glad it didn't rain." and with that, she began climbing down.
The Charred Lands: City of Ash Page 12