Even back when she’d made the choice to move away from her family and love the way she wanted, Izzy had felt cracked down the middle. Her mother was homophobic and controlling. Her father was mostly passive. Her sister had her own problems and rarely made time for her. But they were still her family. Moving to the other side of the country felt extreme and painful, yet necessary. She still kept some connection with them. Had even needed it.
And now Marun had to give up everything, every tie with her family just to be with her. No, she couldn’t allow that.
With her heart a frantic drumbeat in her chest, she turned into Marun’s warmth, pressed a hand meant to comfort against her love’s belly. She felt Marun tense up, the muscles of her stomach hard and twitching. Izzy half expected to feel an electric shock run through her at the intimate contact. But nothing that dramatic happened, just the firming of muscles under soft skin, an additional tension and a sure sign of Marun’s unhappiness.
“Please, don’t throw your family away for me,” she frantically whispered. “It doesn’t make any sense when we’ve been apart for so long and you didn’t even notice the time had passed. Keep your relationship with your family. You’ll miss them more than you ever missed me.”
Marun’s eyes flashed a deeper gold than Izzy had ever seen them and a look that was alarmingly like desperation tightened her lips. “You’re mine,” she rasped in a voice filled with pain. “And I’m yours. Finding you at the gallery that night was like discovering the other part of my heart I never knew was missing. I can’t leave you again. I won’t.” She swallowed, a sound painfully loud in the ensuing silence and, with Izzy still in the loose circle of her arms, turned to her mother. “Iya, I’d rather give up everything I was born with than abandon her again.”
“Done.” Iya stood, the power pouring from her, invisible but potent enough for Izzy to feel it.
The power seemed to gather around Marun for the space of a single, throbbing heartbeat. Golden light pulsed from her skin and she stood there, calm and accepting. Izzy watched, breathless. It didn’t look like it hurt.
“But, Iya—?” Asaa looked frightened.
“Your sister has made her decision. It is as she wills it. Marun no longer has god-power, and you both will leave her and her woman alone.” Iya tipped her head toward each of her children. When they nodded back and dropped their eyes, she waved her hand, banishing Asaa and Okan to wherever she’d snatched them from.
The atmosphere in the room immediately lightened and Izzy felt like she could breathe more freely again. She hadn’t even realized how difficult it had become.
“Thank you, Iya,” Marun said.
“Don’t thank me, daughter. I imagine you’ll regret this very soon. Being a human is no easy thing.”
How would she know? Izzy frowned at the god, but kept her mouth shut.
As if she’d read Izzy’s mind, Iya shook a finger at Izzy, and then turned to her daughter, the two of them standing so close that Izzy should have felt uncomfortable, but strangely didn’t. “I’m heartened you came to this decision on your own. Since you haven’t been truly happy in a long time, I was trying to be a good mother and allow you to create your own path. You’ve had an eternity to be happy, maybe all you needed was a shorter life and the right companion by your side.” She shrugged, an elegant movement that, in Izzy’s eyes, brought her closer to being human.
Long fingers drifted up to Marun’s cheek, and Marun closed her eyes, seeming to savor her mother’s touch. For a moment, Izzy envied her. She looked so much at peace. Then the moment of jealousy was gone, and she was just happy for her love.
“Isabella.” Izzy startled when Iya turned her exclusive attention her way. The god’s eyes were dark, none of the gold of her children. Just a universe of unforgiving starlight and centuries of wisdom. “Take care of my daughter. If you don’t, I know where to find you.”
Then she stepped back, real amusement shaping her carmine lips, eyes flashing with humor. Izzy wasn’t amused though. “Good luck to you both,” Iya said, just before she disappeared.
Seconds passed.
Maybe even a minute.
Then Izzy’s breath came out in a gasp and she sagged into Marun. “Wow—that was—wow.”
“I know.” Marun’s breath brushed her neck and she held Izzy tight. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I told you they’re a little intense.”
“You and your understatements.” She exhaled a laugh into Marun’s throat, relief and exhaustion and the draining away of fear still making her body shake.
A clacking sound, the beads between the kitchen and living room separating, lifted Izzy’s head. Her parents came cautiously into the room. Her mother looked a little calmer than when she left, while her father just looked apologetic.
“So,” he said, looking around the living room. “What did we miss?”
Chapter Thirteen
“What was that all about, Isabella?” Her mother, a cup of tea in hand, stepped from behind her husband’s broad back and swept a frowning gaze around the living room. “Where did that strange woman go?”
“She went back home.” Izzy indulged in one last cuddle with Marun before turning to face her mother. With the intensity of Iya’s visit, she’d forgotten all about the sour attitude her mother had brought with her, but now it all came rushing back.
She felt Marun step up behind her, wind a long arm around her waist. Her warm breath puffed against Izzy’s ear.
“A little rude of her, isn’t it? Not even saying goodbye to us.” Her mother shot a gaze toward Marun. “But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised since she’s your mother.”
“Okaaaaaay.” Izzy’s limbs felt like jelly and all she wanted to do was curl up with Marun and go back to sleep. But she couldn’t ignore this. She squeezed the arm Marun had around her waist before the tension she could sense in her wife’s body ended in an explosion of words her mother couldn’t handle. “Can you give me a few minutes alone with my parents?”
“Of course,” Marun said quietly.
“You can say whatever you’re going to in front of her, Isabella. It’ll spare you telling the story twice.”
“Mother, I’m trying to be tactful here, and you’re not helping.”
“Ellie, just listen to the girl and let her have a say in her own home. Please.”
Izzy stared at her father. He was defending her?
She loved him and knew he loved her, but she couldn’t begin to count the number of times he’d let his wife stomp all over Izzy with her words while he just rustled a newspaper in front of his face like none of it was his concern.
“I’m going to take a shower, love.” Marun’s touch snapped her out of her mini-shock. Her wife started to walk away but Izzy clung to her.
“I’m glad you’re here.” She squeezed Marun’s waist, inhaled her rich scent. A wave of feeling, warm and grateful and blessed, rolled through her. “Thank you for loving me.”
“Not loving you was never an option,” Marun brushed the backs of her fingers against Izzy’s throat and Izzy nearly melted, her eyes falling closed as peace flowed over her like water from a tropical sea. “From the moment I saw you, I was yours.”
When an uncomfortable cough came from one of her parents, she opened her eyes, a blush warming her cheeks. Marun ducked her head and stepped back. After a nod to Izzy’s parents, she slipped into the bedroom and closed the door behind her.
“Well.” Her mother huffed. “That was some display.”
“Ellie.” The censure was plain in her father’s voice. “Let our child enjoy her happiness.” He gave Izzy a gentle, if slightly apologetic, smile.
Again? Was she living in some kind of alternate universe?
Apparently, her mother had the same feeling of disconnect. “What’s been going on with you lately, Trevor?”
“I’m realizing I can’t leave the parenting of our children only up to you. I’ve been more of a husband than a father these past few years, and I’m starting to wake up.”
> A narrow-eyed glance from his wife didn’t seem to faze him. He took a seat on the couch and, looking at his wife, patted the space next to him and waited until she sat down, her tea arranged fussily in front of her, before giving Izzy his full attention. “Now, what do you want to say to us, Izzy girl?”
Good question. She needed to stop staring at her father like he was an alien and just open her mouth. Izzy drew a steadying breath. “I love you both very much.”
Her mother looked startled at her admission.
But her father only nodded, his eyes sad. “We know, darling.”
“But it’s been hard.”
Her father nodded again but her mother sat up stiffly. “How dare you?”
“Just let me finish, okay.” She took another deep breath and drew courage from what Marun had done, something she’d thought about doing ever since she discovered that loving women, and one woman in particular, was what she was made for.
“It’s been hard because your love for me seems to always have conditions to it. That hurt me, and I don’t want to hurt anymore.” Her hands shivered with cold even though the room itself wasn’t that chilly, not after the warmth Iya left behind. “Marun is my wife. She’s not going anywhere. And—and I’d like for you to accept us as a couple, and me as your queer daughter.”
There. She said it.
Izzy felt like a giant jumping bean had replaced the heart in her chest. She pressed a hand there, trying not to hyperventilate.
“But that woman abandoned you,” her mother said after a moment, voice rising. Her father’s hand landed gently on his wife’s knee.
“She didn’t,” Izzy said. “I know that now.”
Her mother started to say something else, but her father spoke over her. “We support you, Izzy. And we love you, no matter what you do or who you choose to be with.”
“Trevor! Don’t speak for me.”
The leather of the sofa sighed as he turned to his wife. “You’ve been speaking for me for years now, Eleanor. It’s time I spoke up for myself, and it’s time I spoke up for our children.”
Izzy’s mother squirmed. Her face contorted and her chin wobbled a little. “I really don’t know what’s come over you, Trevor.”
“The police said our girl was missing, and probably dead. When the officer was talking to us, I thought of all the ways I could’ve been there for Izzy but wasn’t. Now, for whatever reason, I’m getting another chance. I don’t want to squander it.” He faced Izzy. “I love my child, and I want her to know that while we’re both alive.”
Fighting the tears was a lost cause. They ran a scalding path down Izzy’s chin. “Papa.”
Then, her father was holding her to his chest, and she breathed him in, the scent of pipe tobacco and the wool of his sweater vest. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, sweet girl. Don’t ever forget that.”
He produced a handkerchief from somewhere and wiped her face, kissed her forehead. “I think we can all agree this has already been a very intense day, yes?” His chest vibrated under Izzy’s cheek as he spoke. “We all need to breathe a little.” Sniffling, she nodded, feeling protected by him for the first time in a long while. “Come see us at the hotel tomorrow,” he continued. “Maybe we can have one of those fancy brunches the kids love these days. Bring your wife.”
“Mom?” Izzy turned to look at her mother who clutched an empty teacup to her chest like it was some sort of anchor in a world suddenly turned upside-down.
Her mother cleared her throat. “Your father and I need to discuss some things but you and your wife”—she choked on the word—“should come meet us for a bite in town. It’s the least you could do after making us worry so much.”
Well, that was better than nothing. “Okay. I’ll let Marun know.”
Her father hugged Izzy again. “I think we’d better get going and leave you and your young lady alone.” Izzy nearly smiled at the word young. “We’ll call you in the morning. Okay?”
“Okay, Papa.”
On the way out of the door, Izzy’s mother gave her an awkward hug. “See you tomorrow, Isabella.”
When the front door closed behind them, Izzy collapsed against it, heaving a breath of relief tinged with just a little hope. Did she think her mother would suddenly stop being a raging homophobe overnight? No. But getting her father back in her life was a gift she never expected. Fresh tears threatened.
The bedroom door opened with a gentle creak and she looked up to see her wife walking toward her through a sheen of tears she didn’t mean to let loose.
“Oh! I’m such a blubbering mess.” She gasped out a sob in the fragrant shelter of Marun’s throat.
Had she always been like this, with tears ready to fall at the tiniest hint of emotion?
“True. Good thing I like the taste of your tears.” Marun smiled down at her, starlight eyes warm with affection.
Izzy choked on a burst of unexpected laughter and clung, sighing, to the only woman she ever loved.
Chapter Fourteen
Izzy fell onto the couch, her knees still trembling from the visit of both her and Marun’s families. She felt lighter though. Better.
At the other end of the couch, Marun put Izzy’s feet into her lap.
“So.” Uncertainty plucked a discordant note in Marun’s voice. “Do you still want me even though I’m human like you now?”
Silly woman. She cracked an eye open to peer at the woman she loved.
“To me, you were a god or whatever for only about five minutes. Are you okay with it? That’s the real question.”
A sharp pain behind her breastbone had Izzy abruptly sitting up on the couch. What if Marun resented her for losing her godhood and her family? That would kill their love faster than any disappearing act.
Carefully watching Marun, she chewed on the edge of her thumb. “I never wanted you to give up anything for me.”
“I gave all that up for myself. I’m just lucky I get to have you too.”
Izzy still couldn’t quite reconcile it. “They’re your family—”
“Yes, and nothing will change that. I may not be able to claim godhood anymore, but the bonds of blood are strong. We’ll definitely be seeing my mother again, maybe even the others too.”
Oh, that didn’t sound like a threat or anything. Izzy gnawed harder on her thumb and the raw flesh brushed against her thumb, already tasting vaguely of blood. “That’s great?”
Marun laughed and her eyes lit up like the morning sky. “It’s perfect. With me being a human, you’re safe and we can be together. The only thing that would make it not worth it is if you don’t want me.”
Izzy made a rude noise. “Seriously? That night at the gallery sealed my heart to everyone but you. You’re inside me, and nothing will ever get you out.”
“That sounds painful, and a little bit kinky.” Marun adjusted their position so that they were lying down and Izzy was on top of her, their faces only inches apart.
She took Izzy’s hand and kissed her palm, the raw edge of her thumb. The brush of her breath against her skin was as comforting as it was arousing. Izzy curved her hand around Marun’s jaw, stroked behind her ear. Her thumb, bleeding sluggishly now, moved against Marun’s lower lip, stained it red. Marun sucked it into her mouth, tongue lazily moving over raw skin, soothing it.
Apparently, she was still into that.
“So, we’re going to be okay?” Izzy asked, already feeling the answer, twinned with the warmth of growing desire, in her belly.
An image appeared in her head of the building they’d owned together. The building they still shared, thanks to Marun’s stubbornness. The two of them standing at one of the loft’s windows overlooking the early-morning street while the scent of fresh-baked bread drifted up from the bakery below. In the daydream, Izzy stood in the circle of her wife’s arms and Marun pressed a kiss to her temple whispering, “I love you so very much.”
The vision tasted real.
“Yes, we’re goi
ng to be okay,” Marun said softly. “And we’re going to be happy.”
Izzy believed her.
About Fiona Zedde
Fiona Zedde was born under the Jamaican sun but now makes her home in Spain. Since getting the writing bug, she’s published around thirty books and short stories, mostly about black queer romance, including the Lambda Literary Award finalists, Bliss and Every Dark Desire. Her novel Dangerous Pleasures received a Publishers Weekly starred review and was winner of an About.com Readers’ Choice Award for Best Lesbian Novel or Memoir.
At this very second, she’s probably writing another book, and it has 100 percent chance of having queer romance and queer women in it. Her pseudo-healthy obsessions are French pastries, English cars, and Jamaican food.
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