“It’s almost over. Just look at me. I’m not going to hurt you.”
His hazel eyes were full of sincerity but there was a hint of menace that lurked in the shadows. The sincerity hurt my heart. He was trying his best to calm me down, and damn if that wasn’t embarrassing. I was thirty-two and he was treating me like I was five. My humiliation knew no bounds.
I heard feet shuffling and a man mumbled something in Tetum about it being a disgrace to have sex in public.
Kyle’s body shifted, keeping me out of sight from the passersby, and my muscles ached from straining. I was putting in an ungodly amount of effort not to fight to get away but even more not to pull him closer. Which was the most ridiculous thought, ever. I was freaked out and scared, yet I wanted to feel more of Kyle, and considering he was already pressed against me was even more asinine. I’d lost my mind. Total crazy person.
“Almost, Anaya. You’re doing good. Just keep looking at me.”
Doing good? I was on the verge of a full-blown anxiety attack. If Kyle hadn’t been talking to me, I would’ve given in. If it’d been Declan who had me against a wall, I would’ve freaked out.
Finally, he started to pull back. But he was still pressing his hips into mine to keep me steady and I was grateful for the support, but I missed the warmth of his chest against mine. See? Totally bat shit crazy. My legs felt like jelly and my head was still swimming with fear and something else I couldn’t put my finger on and never wanted to.
I didn’t want to think about how in the middle of an anxiety attack I was thinking about how I liked Kyle’s big strong body pressed against mine. Because if I thought about why that was, and how it was possible I was feeling that, I’d realize I needed to be committed to the looney bin. And I liked my freedom even if it meant the population at large had no idea they were consorting with a psycho when I was around.
I felt his phone vibrating in his pocket, and he pulled it out and answered without breaking eye contact.
“Yeah?” Kyle paused then spoke again. “Give us five minutes and I’ll send her up.” Another pause. “We need a minute, someone walked by. As soon as I know we’re clear she’ll be up.”
He pocketed his phone and I wanted to thank him for not telling Declan about my come apart. It was bad enough Kyle had witnessed what happened.
“Take your time, Anaya. Just breathe, sweetheart. No one’s gonna hurt you.”
Sweetheart?
Then the craziness continued as I remained focused on his eyes, and in the low light the full moon provided, I memorized the dark green circle that highlighted the lighter green in the middle of his irises. His pupils were dilated, and I wondered how different his eyes would look if I could see more of their color.
My breathing started to even out and I felt steadier on my legs. But no less confused.
“Thank you,” I murmured.
“I’m so damn sorry I scared you. I didn’t have time to think, I just reacted. I would never hurt you.”
“I know.” And weirdly I did know Kyle wouldn’t intentionally scare me. “I’m sorry I’m a basket case.”
“Don’t do that, Anaya. I took you by surprise and closed in on you. Of course you’d have that reaction. You barely know me and I’m twice your size.”
I nodded, not wanting to explain that if it had been anyone else who’d done that to me, I would’ve come unglued and survival mode would’ve kicked in. I would’ve blown the whole operation. But more than that, I didn’t want to him to move away from me. I wanted to feel his breath on my neck again, how good his body had felt against mine, how feeling that was so much better than him holding my hand. And I really didn’t want to even think about why that was.
Since I’d never tell him any of that, instead I mumbled, “I’m okay now.”
“Don’t rush yourself. We have time.”
He was back to being Mr. Nice Guy and I didn’t know if I was grateful or if I wanted to scream at him.
“Really, I’m okay. Can we keep this little episode to ourselves?”
“I need to tell Declan, to be careful.” I started to look away, but Kyle reached out, his warm hand going to my jaw, his thumb brushing my cheek. So feather light I wanted to tilt my face to feel more of him. He’d meant to stop me, to keep my attention focused on him. And he accomplished what he’d set out to do, only he had my attention in a whole other way.
“I wouldn’t tell him,” he continued, “if it wasn’t a matter of safety. And I think you can imagine, Dec of all people will understand. I know you two didn’t get off on the right foot, but he’s a good guy. He won’t judge you and he certainly would never hurt you.”
Damn. He was right. About everything. Intellectually, I knew Declan would never hurt me, but if he touched me the way Kyle had, there was no telling how I’d react. Declan was not Kyle, there was no connection, there were no crazy fantasies, no wild thoughts about wanting to be close to him. But for the safety of the mission, Declan had to know even if I didn’t want him to.
“It’s embarrassing,” I told him. “I’m a grown woman who can’t be touched—”
“Stop. That’s not true. I held your hand on the plane and I’m touching you now. You’re a woman who doesn’t like to be startled and manhandled. I think that’s pretty normal.”
He was being kind again, but we didn’t have enough time for me to explain all the ways I was screwed up.
After a minute he asked, “You’ll be okay if I step away?”
Knowing this was going to be my one and only chance to feel him this close, I wanted to tell him no. I wanted to savor this, memorize it, so I could remember it for the rest of my life. I never wanted to forget what it felt like to have Kyle’s hand on my face, his eyes on mine, his hips pressed deep against mine, the intimacy of our position.
But now that the threat had passed and my anxiety had waned, he probably wanted to get as far away from me as he could and I couldn’t blame him.
“Yeah.”
He slowly stepped back, but his hand traveled down my arm and I memorized that, too. He clasped our hands together and he gave mine a squeeze.
“I’m serious, Anaya, you did great.”
He was lying, I hadn’t. But I gave him a nod, our moment over. Or should I say mine, since it was one-sided. He walked me to the door and opened it. We stepped inside the stairwell and he gestured for me to go up.
“I’ll see you in a few minutes,” he told me.
I stiffened my back, gathered my wits, and climbed the stairs.
“Come on, Anaya, you’re stronger than this,” I muttered to myself as I rounded the second floor.
I had to pull myself together before I screwed everything up and those girls were left to a life of misery.
Chapter 6
Every nerve ending in my body tingled. I wasn’t sure if it was from the feel of Anaya’s body pressed against mine or if it was from her violent reaction to my proximity.
If I was being honest, it was from both, which made me a complete asshole.
I couldn’t deny she’d felt right in my arms. But when her body had gone solid before she’d started to tremble, all sense of rightness faded and disgust at what had happened to her to make her so scared washed over me.
I’d read the police reports. She’d been held in a cage—that alone would’ve been enough to permanently scar someone—but to add to that, when she was let out of the metal box she’d been chained to a wall. She’d been held captive and not able to move. When I’d heard someone approaching, my only concern had been to shield Anaya and conceal our identities the best I could. I wasn’t thinking about the consequences of me boxing her in. What kind of effect that would have on her mentally.
But even with all of that, I’d felt it, the moment her fear slid from her body. I saw the trust in her eyes, and it was then I knew I needed to step away. My body had a very strong reaction to her proximity, one I couldn’t hide with my hips balancing her against the wall. The longer she stared up at me with her eyes sof
t and trusting the harder it was to keep my dick in check. She had no idea what she did to me. No clue how badly I’d wanted to kiss her.
“That’s the fourth man in the last hour,” Anaya grumbled, pulling me from my thoughts.
She was correct, four scumbags had entered the house in the last hour. Which meant we’d been on the rooftop a full sixty minutes and I was still thinking about what she’d felt like in my arms. What I needed to do, but found it impossible, was to concentrate on the job.
Declan was taking pictures with a telephoto lens to send back to Garrett, our intel specialist, so he could run the men through facial recognition. Anything Garrett couldn’t find, Tex would. Anaya and I were scanning the area using night vision binoculars. The full moon provided enough light that even though everything was tinged in green it looked like it was daylight. We could see every detail crystal clear.
“Sucks to say, but the more men we can ID the better. And it seems Amisha spaces out their arrivals to every fifteen minutes,” Dec noted.
“Privacy?” Anaya asked.
“That’d be my guess.”
“But no one has left yet.”
Her statement lingered. None of us wanting to voice the reason why. Likely the girls were rented by the hour, or increments thereof. There was no way to know for sure, but the first man had entered on the hour, the next fifteen after, and so on. But no one had exited.
We were coming up on a new hour, so we’d know soon.
Another car pulled up and I watched the man inside. He remained in his car and it looked as though he’d checked his watch before he sat back and waited.
“The door’s opening,” Anaya whispered.
A man stepped onto the porch and looked both ways before he headed to his car.
“You think he knows someone’s in their car waiting?” she asked.
“No idea. But probably. Sick fuck wouldn’t want to miss a minute of his time.”
She didn’t comment on my answer, likely because there was nothing to say. I was right. The men might not want to run into each other in the house, but they had to know their disgusting proclivities weren’t a secret from the other men who visited Amisha’s.
“That’s the first man that went in. Fifty-five minutes,” Declan muttered. “Fucking pig.”
Once again, silence fell as we continued to watch.
On the drive across the city, my stomach churned and for once it had nothing to do with Declan’s erratic driving.
Over the last five hours we’d watched twelve men enter and leave Amisha’s.
Twelve men who deserved a bullet to the forehead.
At midnight the last man had entered, but we’d stayed the fifth hour to watch the last man leave. It seemed Amisha was open four hours a night.
We had a minimum of three more nights of the shit. Just sitting on our hands watching, gathering intel.
“Maybe tomorrow—”
“Patience,” Dec growled, cutting me off. “I don’t wanna see that shit anymore than you. And I don’t want to even think about what’s going on. Detach, Kyle. We have to play this smart. We also have to figure out how and where the payoffs happen. There’s no fucking way that’s happening out in the open like that without serious greasing going on. Someone’s on the take for sure. And I’d bet it’s more than the Defense Force.”
Goddamn, he was right. But I didn’t like it one fucking bit.
I wiped the sweat off my forehead and turned to the back seat where Anaya was silently sitting. She looked pissed-off and shell-shocked.
“You holding it together?” I asked.
“Barely.”
Her candor surprised me. I thought she’d try to cover up her revulsion and say she was fine.
“You did great tonight.”
“That was horrific. I hated it. Every second of it. I can’t stop thinking about—”
“You can’t think about it. It’ll tear you up inside. Because of you, in a few days those girls will be saved.”
“Days, Kyle. Days. I hate this!” Her tiny hands were clenched into fists.
Declan made the last turn off the main road and cut the headlights.
“I’m gonna let you two off here, and go return the car.”
He rolled to a stop in front of the driveway and waited for Anaya and me to exit the car. I pulled my sidearm out of my holster and scanned the area.
“Stay right next to me while I clear the house.”
Without argument she plastered herself to my side and damn if that didn’t feel good. And not only her trust but the feel of her. Every few steps her tits would graze my arm and I couldn’t deny my cock liked it, too. All of it. I could honestly say, I’d never found a woman’s trust arousing, but knowing Anaya gave it freely, woke something deep inside of me. It stirred to life a need to protect, to cherish. Things I’d seen in my teammates but had never felt.
By the time we’d made our way back to the living room, Declan was walking in the front door. But I still hadn’t found a way to tamp down my racing thoughts. Thoughts that included Anaya in my bed. Under me. On top of me. Curled safely next to me.
“Perimeter is clear,” he told me.
“I’m gonna take a shower,” Anaya announced and headed down the hall.
I fought back a groan thinking about Anaya naked in the shower, warm water sluicing over her skin. Her rubbing soapy hands over her body, washing away the day’s grime. How sexy she’d look with her hands above her head, washing her hair. I wanted to—no, needed to know—how sweet her nipples would taste. Christ, I could spend a good amount of time exploring her tits. Hours. By the time I’d get to the treasure between her legs I’d have her begging for more.
“What happened outside earlier?” Declan asked.
Five seconds ago, I would’ve said nothing could’ve pulled me out of my fantasy of a slippery and wet Anaya. But Dec’s question did it. Gone were all thoughts of me tasting Anaya and watching her fall apart with my mouth latched onto her pussy.
Goddamn, I was a jackass.
Even though I told her I needed to talk to Dec about what happened, it still felt like a betrayal as I told him.
When I was done, Dec had a stony expression that said it all, but he still muttered a curse.
“She didn’t fight me,” I told him. “She didn’t yell out, but she was jackhammering so fucking hard I was surprised her teeth weren’t rattling. We’re gonna hafta handle that with care, if either of us need to touch her.”
“I saw you holding her hand on the plane,” Dec said. There was no accusation in his tone, just curiosity.
“I didn’t know she had issues then. I saw her pulling into herself and grabbed her hand on instinct. She told me she couldn’t remember the last time someone had held her hand and she left hers in mine.”
“It’s good she seems somewhat comfortable with you. I’ll keep my distance.”
“I don’t think that’s what she wants. Hell, she didn’t want me to tell you in the first place. But if something happens and one of us has to grab her, you have to know.”
Dec nodded. “No, I get it, man. There’s something inside of you that breaks when you’ve never been handled with kindness. It makes even the smallest touch hard to bear. Couple that with what happened to her. Can’t say I blame her for keeping herself walled off.”
It seemed Dec was in the mood to share so I pushed. “You have problems with people touching you?”
“Fuck yeah.”
I’d only seen Declan and his sister together a few times, but as I thought about it, I’d never seen him hug her.
“Damn, brother, we’ve touched you. Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Man, you don’t touch me. You smack my arm and shake my hand.”
“There’s a difference?”
“Huge.” Dec didn’t look like he wanted to elaborate and I wasn’t going to pry more than I had. “You’re gonna have to be gentle with her,” he continued.
“Say what?”
“Slow
and gentle, Kyle, or she’ll shut down on you.”
Hell no, I did not want to have this conversation. I had enough crazy shit swirling around in my head, I didn’t need more. What I did need was to figure out a way to stop thinking dirty thoughts about a woman who’d been through so much in her life she didn’t need me piling more shit on top of her. If she was scared of me pressing her against a wall, she’d lose her mind if she knew all the ways I wanted to fuck her. She’d be freaked the hell out if she knew I wanted her to open up and let me in, tell me every secret she kept buried. And she’d really have a panic attack if I told her there was a part of me that wanted to toss her over my shoulder like we’d talked about and carry her off, never to let her go.
But I couldn’t have her, not like I wanted, not like I needed, so she’d never know how impressed I was with her strength, how sexy I thought she was when she was being brave. How fucking gorgeous I thought she was. And I’d certainly never tell her that my cock throbbed thinking about fucking her in the shower.
So knowing all of that, I played dumb and asked, “What the fuck are you talking about?”
Being as Declan was not stupid and had caught on to my play, and didn’t call me out.
“Right. I see you’re not ready. Just as long as you know you’re shit at hiding your feelings. I’m gonna hit the sack. I’ll be up in a few hours to take watch.”
Declan beat feet down the hall, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Slow and gentle was not what I needed to hear. What I’d needed was my friend to beat some sense into me. I needed him to give me shit and remind me I couldn’t have her. That in a few days I’d never see her again.
A few minutes later Anaya came into the living room in a pair of sweats and a tee. I had no idea how the hell she was going to wear pants to bed when it was hot as balls in the house, but I didn’t comment. Mainly because I was trying not to think about her, period. And wondering how she was going to sleep in sweats would lead me to think about her in bed, which would make me think about how badly I wanted to join her in that bed and strip those damn pants off her.
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