by Allie Bock
“We’ve never talked about it.”
“It looks like you should.” She went back to her book.
I inhaled the scent of the roses. It was sweet and fragrant. My heart swelled. This was the first time Kade had ever acknowledged the day to me. Did he think about it too?
It was about time to find out.
Chapter 15 October 10th
Kade
The quiet afternoon was broken by a car door slamming. Birds sitting in the trees squawked at the intrusion of their nap time. I ran a soft brush down my appaloosa’s back. The white with black spots shimmered in the afternoon sun coming from the window. Footsteps made their way to the barn and the heavy barn door creaked open. Delilah’s voice cursed softly at the rust rollers. I continued to brush my horse. When I turned around, she was leaning over the half door. Her eyes were wide and misty looking like she had been crying. An overwhelming urge to wrap her in my arms and kiss her tears away surged through me. Instead, I set the brush down and step, clomp closer to her. I leaned on the door, waiting for her to speak first. Time seemed to stand still.
Delilah cleared her throat and pushed her hair back. “Thank you for the roses. They are beautiful.”
“You’re welcome.” I slid my hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. Sparks flew from our hands to my heart until tears leaked from her eyes and landed on our hands. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my lucky handkerchief. I dabbed the silk against her cheeks, catching the tears. I slid it back into my pocket as I leaned into her.
“Is that your grandfather’s?” Her eyes steady on the piece of fabric.
“It’s the one he gave me on my sixteenth birthday.”
She smiled slightly and looked off into space.
“Do you ever think of that day?” She sniffed and shook her hair, breaking into my one thought of kissing her.
“Yes.” Most days I thought of how our lives would be different, probably happier. Could I tell her that? Would she be ready to hear my confessions? More tears leaked from her eyes.
“I think of what that kid would have been like,” I said. I brushed her hair behind her ears. “I think about what our lives would have been like.”
She turned those big doe eyes to me. I got lost in their swirling depths, drawing me into their pools. Her breath fell soft on my cheeks as our foreheads touched. Before I knew it, her lips latched onto mine. Her soft hands cupped the side of my face bringing her closer. I wove my hand into her hair and drew her closer to me. Our lips danced together. They were demanding and sweet. Bitter but powerful. She drew back, panting. Leaning against the doorframe, I placed a hand on my pounding heart.
She gave me a watery smile before turning to leave the barn.
“Dee, wait. Where are you going?” I called. She can’t leave, not after a kiss like that. My feelings for her expanded and pushed against the barriers I’d put around them. I tried to maneuver out the door, but it was awkward with the boot. Hay tangled around my bum leg slowing me down and sawdust crept under my sock. By the time I got to the barn aisle, she was gone. That kiss was like no kiss before it. She wouldn’t get to walk away from us without a fight from me. I latched the stall door before heading up after her.
The house was dark when I’d entered it. The curtains were drawn over the windows to keep the bright afternoon sun outside.
“Dee, are you in here?” My voice echoed in the kitchen. The counters were clean. Dishes were stacked. I made my way to the living room. It was quiet in there. “Dee, come on. Let’s talk?”
A soft weeping came down the hall. I approached Katie’s room and pushed open the door. The amount of pink in the room made me cringe until I looked down at the bed. Delilah was curled up, facing the wall, and hugging a pillow to her chest. My heart broke into a million more pieces. How could I be so selfish? This day was hard for me, but it was a thousand times worse for her. I crept towards her and made my way onto the bed. I wrapped my arms around her and the pillow.
“It’s alright, baby, I’m here for you now.” My lips placed a kiss on the top of her head. She snuggled closer to me as I held her as tight as possible. The lavender of her shampoo washed over me, mixing with the smell of sawdust and hay from the barn. We laid like that until she stopped crying and drifted off to sleep, the tension leaving her body. She leaned into me, molding her body to mine. Contentment and something else I hadn’t felt in years stirred inside me, surprising me with the strength of my feelings for her. Her breaths came out in even puffs. My eyes grew heavy as the house got even darker. I struggled to stay awake for her, to be her strong protector.
Delilah
MY EYES WERE SCRATCHY from all the crying and my head pounded like I had been out all-night drinking. The bed felt smaller than normal and an arm wrapped around my stomach. My back pressed into the hard planes of a man’s chest. I turned over to come nose to nose with Kade. His soft breath blew across my skin sending my heart skittering. I traced his features to commit them to memory. I wanted to kiss him. Come on, Delilah, he hurt you. But he was extremely sweet yesterday. My self-conscious was at war with herself. What to do? At that moment, his eyes fluttered open and he smiled at me.
“Morning, beautiful.” He pulled me closer to him. He was about to kiss me. My heart stammered and hammered. Then, he closed his eyes, sighed, and went back to sleep.
That was a close one. I pushed the quilt off us. Isn’t that the quilt that is in the living room? It is not from Katie’s ode-to-pink room. I slipped from his arms and tiptoed to the kitchen.
“Thank goodness, coffee,” I muttered as I poured it into a tall ceramic mug. A chuckle behind me made me jump. Luckily, I caught the cup before it hit the counter.
“Good catch.” Kaleb looked up from his paper. “Delilah, you look awful.”
“Thanks,” I snorted and grabbed a strawberry pastry. “Did you cover us up with a blanket?”
“Sure did. I didn’t want you to get cold with all of your clothes on.” He flipped the page and continued to read through the Classifieds. “I take it Kade did good?”
“I can’t believe he remembers.” I bit into the strawberry pastry, even though it was dry and crumbly.
“I think he has been hiding it from all of us for an awfully long time. That.” He gestured to the vase of roses. “was all his idea.”
If what Kaleb said was true, Kade had been hurting as much as I did. Wow, what a thought to wrap my head around. Did he leave me because of his pain? It wasn’t because he was freed from me and our relationship?
The pastry turned to sand in my mouth. I gulped the hot coffee to rid myself of the unpleasant taste. My eyes watered as my tongue burned and the roof of my mouth scalded. Kaleb watched me from across the table. His eyebrows rose.
“Surprising, isn’t it? To think that Kade may actually not be thinking only about himself?” He topped off my coffee cup. “It took me a long while to wrap my head around that one.” He grabbed his hat off the counter and tossed it on his head. “See you later, kid.”
The screen door shut behind him before I could even get in a word. I sat there in my chair until my coffee got cold. Did this change the way I felt about him? Was it all because he was hurt too? Is it enough to overcome him leaving me? What if I tell him about my feelings and he leaves, again?
No, it was best to keep everything close to my chest. I may not need a man, but I wanted the one sleeping in the pink bedroom. But what if he breaks my heart again?
Chapter 16 October 17th
Kade
My leg itched in the walking boot, so I loosened a strap to wedge my finger under the foam to scratch. Nervously, I paced around the kitchen. Everything was ready if only Delilah would get here. She met Melanie for breakfast in town hours ago to discuss more plans for the therapeutic riding stable. I missed her already. I looked at my watch and paced around the kitchen table. Step, clomp, step, clomp in time with my rapid heartbeat.
Finally, her car rumbled down the drive and slowed to a stop in front
of the barn. She climbed out of her little car, whistling a tune. Her long black hair was tied into a braid that swung when she walked. A smile played on her lips as she scrolled through her phone while she made her way up the stairs. Her jeans hugged the curves of her hips and led down to red cowboy boots. She reached for the screen door when I swung it open for her. Her face lit up when her eyes met mine, and my heart fluttered in my chest as I took her in. My arm went out to usher her into the kitchen, placing my hand on her lower back and guided her further in. She walked past me.
“What’s all this?” She gestured to the plump saddlebags sitting in the middle of the table and Zip sitting on the floor below them. His stump wagged and his tongue rolled out of his mouth.
“I have a surprise for you.” I hobbled over to the table, handing her a saddlebag. “You take this one and follow me.” I held out my hand. She slipped her small hand into mine and weaved her fingers with mine. Electricity buzzed in my palm and my breath hitched at the contact. Then, she leaned over and kissed my cheek, shocking me to my core. My heart dropped to the floor as I stared into her eyes. Could she forgive me and love me again? Or was she just flirting?
“What’s the surprise?” She broke the moment by playfully pushing me on the shoulder.
“Just follow me.” I led her out the door and to the barn in the back. In the barn aisle, Apache stood saddled. A chestnut mare tied next to him, dozing in the shaft of sunlight. “I thought I could take you out for lunch. Cowboy style.” I winked at her. She giggled and blushed.
“How would that work?” She walked up to the mare and rubbed her forehead, brushing her forelock out of the way.
“Well, first you get on this pretty horse just waiting for you.” I limped over to the mare and untied her. “Then, you follow me.” I handed her reins to Delilah. I wanted to help her into the saddle, but my ribs were still tender. Plus, I did not have the upper body strength to lift her. Delilah snatched the reins from my hands and talked to the horse softly. She placed her foot into the stirrup and swung up with ease. I smiled to myself. That’s my girl. I led Apache outside. I tapped his knees and he laid down to let me mount. I climbed into the saddle. Clucking to my horse, he stood up with a lurch.
“That’s cool.” Delilah rode up next to me.
“Only took a couple of days to teach him.” I reached down and rubbed his neck. “He’s pretty smart.”
“Lead the way, cowboy.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat as I urged him forward. This was my one chance to show Delilah how much she meant to me. My hand shook on the reins, turning him down the lane.
Delilah
THAT WAS A NEAT TRICK to get Apache to lay down. I didn’t know when he found time to teach his horse that. He rode ahead of me. The warm sun reflecting off Apache’s white coat. Kade’s broad shoulders stretched the cotton t-shirt tight when he set his cowboy hat on his head.
My little mare was agile and responsive. I urged her to keep up with Kade. She tossed her copper mane before moving off my legs into a bouncy jog to cover the ground between us. I sidled her up next to him as the red dirt path widened out to go through a hayfield. Even though it was the end of October, the grass was long and brushed the horses’ bellies. A red fox sprang up from the grass and bounded away, and birds called to each other. I turned to Kade.
“Did you see him? Wasn’t he a beauty?”
A smile broke across his face as he nodded at my questions. “He sure was,” he said.
He sidestepped Apache closer and reached for my hand. It felt safe to be enclosed within his fingers. Our horses stepped together down the lane. My heart was beating out of control at the nearness of him, the fresh air, and the scent of leather. The saddles creaked with each stride and our horses swished their tails at the flies buzzing around. We rode like this for a while until we reached a gate at the end of the field. Kade maneuvered Apache close to the gate and opened it.
“Go ahead. I’ll close it.”
He rested his bad foot on top of the gate to hold it still while I guided my horse around and into the next pasture. The appaloosa nimbly sidestepped the gate shut and Kade latched it with a chain.
“Come on. It is not much farther now.” Kade said.
The wind blew gently from down the hills. It tousled my hair, and I closed my eyes to enjoy the feeling of it on my face.
“Why don’t you let her run for a bit.” He chuckled at my expression. “I obviously can’t.”
He motioned to his walking boot. I looked at him with questioning eyes. He nodded. I whooped. I leaned forward in the saddle and urged her forward. She rocked back onto her hindquarters. She burst forward; neck extended. We flew across the ground. We galloped two laps of the field. The wind stung my cheeks, whipping my hair back from my face. I clutched the reins in both hands as I urged her on. She went faster, stretching her body out. We made another lap before pulling up next to Kade. He grinned at me and I tried to straighten my hair that had come out of its braid. His eyes twinkled and his lips parted. I rode my horse up to him and placed a kiss on his lips. A surprised look covered his face.
“Thank you for letting me ride her. She’s awesome,” I said.
He chuckled. “Come on. We are almost there.”
He led us over a couple of hills to a stand of trees that bordered a creek. We walked the horses down to the trees and dismounted. Kade loosened the cinches and replaced their bridles with halters that were tied onto the saddles. The horses chomped on the grass under the shade of the trees.
“Wow, this is so peaceful.” I wandered down to the creek and kicked off my boots before wiggling my toes in the water.
Kade came up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders, gently rubbing small circles with his thumbs. “Hmm, that feels nice.” I leaned into his hands. Closing my eyes, I tilted my head back. Kade gently pressed his lips to mine. Butterflies flew around in my stomach as I basked in his attentions.
“I brought us some lunch.” He said before stepping back.
His hand sent tingles down my arm as he led me to a blanket spread out on the ground. He had a couple of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches set out next to a couple of cans of cola. I helped him down as the walking boot was awkward. He pulled me down next to him, wrapped me in his arms, and kissed the side of my neck. Shivers raced down my spine when I leaned into him. I twisted around and my lips met his. Fireworks exploded around us. He pulled away from me. His eyes swept from the top of my head to my lips, where they lingered.
“I wanted to talk to you.” He cleared his throat. He leaned away and ran a hand through his hair. “So, I brought you out here... This is my favorite spot on the whole ranch.”
“Ok,” I urged him.
“I was an idiot.” He pulled at his hair with his hands and stared out into the slow-moving creek. “I should’ve been with you that day.” He swallowed as tears filled my eyes. “I was so afraid.” He grabbed his hat and twisted it in his hands. My stomach twisting in knots from watching him. I placed my hand over his forearm, feeling the muscles bunch and tremor with my touch. “I didn’t want to lose you or the baby and... when I walked into the hospital room and saw you.” He gripped my hands squeezing them tightly. “I couldn’t make myself stay.” His eyes swung to me and searched my face. “And be the man you needed at that moment.” He sighed. “The grief made it hard to be with you... around my family... or even in Sunnydale.”
He drew me closer and tucked me under his arm. His heart pounding and a slight sheen of sweat broke out on his skin. “I think it was why I traveled the country bull riding.” He continued. “I had to get away.”
His eyes locked with mine and I could see the pain and sorrow swirling in their depths. His voice cracked as he said, “I should’ve been there for you instead.” He leaned to the side and pulled out his wallet, handing me a faded picture of me in the green prom dress. “My heart has always belonged to you, even if I couldn’t, wouldn’t acknowledge it...It’s the only piece of you I carry with me.”
Tears fell from my eyes. He wiped them with his thumb. “Delilah, I love you with all my heart. Will you forgive me?”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d always loved him, even from afar so I nodded and pressed my lips to his. I don’t know if I could forgive him, but at this moment my heart was screaming at me to take him back. I just had to try.
“Kade, I love you too.”
He wrapped his arms around me. Holding me close to his chest, he kissed the top of my head.
“From now on, I want to always be there for you.” He popped the top of a can of cola. “I don’t want to lose you ever again.”
It was a perfect afternoon, but I didn’t know how long it would last. I pushed the sense of foreboding down and concentrated on enjoying the afternoon. There were so many things we needed to discuss, but first, he had to heal up.
Chapter 17 October 23rd
Delilah
Grunts sounded from Kade’s room across the hall. I stopped and listened. They came in regular intervals. What was he doing? Shifting the laundry basket to my hip, I pushed open his door with the tip of my fingers. The door swung in, brushing lightly against the rug on the floor.
Kade stood in the middle of the room facing a large mirror on the wall with his feet shoulder-width apart. The boot on his injured foot was planted on the floor, making his hips uneven. His white T-shirt was discarded in a pile on the floor. He raised and lowered a pair of dumbbells, working his shoulder and back muscles. The muscles contracted with each grunt. Sweat ran down the ridges of his hard torso. My fingers itched to run along the muscle that he was building and to catch the beads of sweat.
He caught my stare in the mirror and gave me a wink. A blush spread up my neck and face and the temperature in the room increased a few degrees.