Lemon didn’t even know. For years I’d felt like I needed to keep the secret hidden, that if I took it out and held it up for everyone to see, it would destroy me. I was embarrassed. Ashamed. For so long I’d been weighed down, burdened, and I realized I was tired. Tired of running, tired of hiding, tired of pretending. Tired of keeping everyone at bay. Tired of keeping everything buried.
Keeping a secret was exhausting.
“Calling something by its name is the only way to gain power over it,” he murmured into the top of my head. “There is nothing you could say that would change my opinion of you, bella.”
The secret roared to life inside me, trying to claw its way out. The truth wanted to be set free. And I wanted to be accepted fully for who I was and what had happened to me. The need to tell burned as a compulsion, and I felt the words rising up inside me. I wanted Nico to see me. To understand.
“My mother is a crystal meth addict.” It was strange to finally say that out loud. “She has been since I was little. So was my dad. But he got caught and sent to prison. So it was just me and my mom. I had to take care of myself really early on. I could cook for myself by the time I was six. She had a never-ending stream of boyfriends and a never-ending supply of drugs. Looking back, I don’t know how she didn’t overdose. Do you know how hard it is to watch someone you love slowly killing herself?”
“I might have some idea.” His arm tightened around me. “Keep going.”
I let out a sigh filled with regret and sadness. “When I was fourteen, more than anything I wanted to be like everyone else. I obviously didn’t have the right clothes or the right hairstyle. It was all I could do to survive. But there was this party.” My voice cracked and I paused. “I wanted to go. So I took some of my mom’s makeup and I did my hair and I went. And the cutest, most popular boy in school, a senior, saw me. He started talking to me and told me I was pretty. He told me to come upstairs so we could talk. I was so naïve. I had no idea what that meant. But I went. And he wanted to . . . he tried to . . .”
My heart beat so loudly I wanted to cover my own ears. I screwed my eyes shut. “He had me pinned underneath him and I couldn’t move. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. He was so much bigger and stronger. But he was drunk, and I remembered the pepper spray on my keychain from some Take Back the Night seminar at school. I sprayed it in his face before anything could really happen. I was so stupid. I shouldn’t have gone. I felt so violated and scared, but like I deserved it for being so dumb.”
“You didn’t deserve it. No woman deserves it. It was not your fault.”
“I haven’t told you the best part. When I got home, my mom was passed out, but her new boyfriend started talking to me. I got a bad feeling and walked away from him, but he followed. He kept telling me I looked so grown-up and pretty with all of my mom’s makeup on, and he groped me and then tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and ran to the bathroom. It was the only room we had with a lock. He started yelling at me to open the door and then rammed it with his shoulder, like he was trying to knock it down. I remember crying, screaming for my mom, and putting all my weight against the door to keep him from coming in. I knew what he would do to me if he got through, and I was terrified. I’ve never felt so helpless.”
I choked back a sob. I had promised myself a long time ago that I would never cry over that situation again. I refused to start now. Nico’s arms tightened around me again.
“He finally passed out, and that was it for me. I knew I couldn’t stay there. I crept out and packed a bag and I left. I haven’t seen my mother since.”
“Where did you go?”
“The first night I stayed in a park. I moved around to some friends’ couches. I slept outside when I had to. I even slept under a bridge once. And that was the night I promised myself that I wouldn’t waste my life and turn out like my mom. I wouldn’t be a teen mother. I would wait until marriage, no matter what. I would never drink or do drugs. Eventually I got found out and a social worker brought me to a group home. She saved my life and helped me get on the right track. That was when I vowed to become a social worker and promised myself that I would help kids in the same situation that I’d been in. I would get a scholarship. Go to college. Get my master’s degree. Fortunately, being homeless makes it a lot easier to get a scholarship.” I hoped he didn’t hear the catch in my voice.
He reached under my chin with his fingers and slowly turned my head so that I was looking at him. “Do you have any idea how much I admire you?” he said in a low voice.
“Bet you say that to all the formerly homeless girls.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever said that to anyone before. You are an exceptional person.” He caressed the side of my face.
My breath grew thin. “You have a way with words.”
“Words are important. Words are the way you decide if you like someone, if you will trust them. I would prefer to woo you with kisses, but since I cannot, I will take the challenge of wooing you with my words.”
That look in his eyes had apparently caused my entire nervous system to short out because nothing was working the way it was supposed to.
I was completely and totally wooed.
But that one word, challenge, stuck in my brain. “Is that what this is? My unicornhood is a challenge?”
“I want to kiss you. I want to more than kiss you. But I want those things to show you how I feel about the rest of you.” He put his hand on the side of my head. “I am captivated by your beautiful, quick mind. One that never fails to say what you’re thinking and never fails to surprise me.”
He moved his hand down to my collarbone, and a shiver danced over my skin. “I am mesmerized by your sweet, loving heart. I see what a loyal friend you are. How my sisters already adore you. Your kindness to total strangers.”
He lifted his hand and moved it down to my waist, pulling me closer. “I am intrigued by your soul. The sadness there. The determination. The artistry. The realness of you. I am surprised at how much I want to help you and take care of you. To make things better for you.”
He planted a soft kiss on the top of my head. “I am attracted to all of you, Katerina MacTaggart. Not just the outside of you.”
Nico looked at me again, and I knew right then if he tried to kiss me I would let him. He studied my face and exhaled deeply. “Let’s get you to sleep. We have another early flight.”
I felt exposed and vulnerable, and I guess I wanted some reassurance from him. Putting me to bed wasn’t it.
He helped me off the couch and walked me to my door. He took both of my hands and we stood there in silence for a few minutes before he finally spoke. “I am going to earn your trust. I’m not a patient man. That’s something my parents and Johann can attest to. I very often find myself in trouble because I am not willing to wait as a prince should wait. But with you, for you, I will wait. I will be patient. Because I will show you that there are men who can keep their word. I will be a man you can trust.”
My throat felt thick, like I might start crying. “I’ve never known a trustworthy man.”
“Then I will be the first.”
I was enthralled. Totally and completely deep in his thrall.
And he was making me feel all the feels.
“Good night.” I thought he might kiss my hand or my cheek, but he let my hands go and walked over to his door.
I didn’t want him to leave. “You don’t want to tuck me in?”
“You and I both know that wouldn’t be a very good idea.” He gave me a parting smile, closed his door behind me, and left me no choice but to go to bed too.
I couldn’t believe how much better I felt. Like I’d been living under a rock like Patrick Starfish and someone had finally lifted it off of me. I felt cleansed. Reborn.
And something had shifted between us tonight. Something I couldn’t explain or quantify. But it changed me and it changed us. I realized that the fear had vanished. It had been coiled up inside me like a sleeping dragon for so long that I b
arely knew how to live without it.
I knew that Nico and I would probably grow closer. That there could possibly be an actual relationship between us. I hadn’t forgotten that I was leaving in a week and a half. Maybe that made it better. Maybe it would be, like Lemon suggested, a fling. A chance to date someone I knew I couldn’t have a future with. To just enjoy the time we had while we had it.
I would just have to make sure that I didn’t let things get serious. I didn’t need the heartbreak.
Maybe I should stick to that no-kissing rule. That would keep some distance between us. On the other hand, after tonight, there was a definite possibility that I might let him kiss me again.
I climbed into bed, feeling a lightness inside me. It took me a second to realize that what I was feeling was hope.
The last thing I heard before drifting off was Lemon chuckling and saying, “You sly dog, you.”
Another early day. “If the morning had a face, I would punch it.”
“That’s adulthood,” Lemon told me. “If you’re not tired, you’re not doing it right.”
“It’s enough to make me consider drinking coffee.”
“I have some if you want it,” Lemon offered, holding her cup out to me. It smelled foul. I passed.
I threw some clothes on and didn’t do anything with my hair. Including brushing it. Too sleepy. Fortunately, my suitcase and bag were already packed. I suspected Giacomo was responsible, and this time I was only a little creeped out that he’d been sneaking around our room without us knowing it. I was getting a little too comfortable with this royal lifestyle thing.
I did make sure I had my clutch stowed in my purse. While Lemon was in the bathroom, I opened the clutch to make sure the phone and money were still there. They were.
Nico was on his way out the door when I emerged out of my bedroom. He stopped, brushed past his advisors, and came over to kiss me on both cheeks. “Buongiorno, bella. How did you sleep?”
Everyone was staring at us. I felt super self-conscious. “I was kinda hoping I’d wake up this morning and find out the world had canceled today and we could all go back to sleep.”
He let out a short laugh. Over his shoulder I could see Johann impatiently tapping his foot and pointedly looking at his watch. “Looks like you need to go,” I told him.
“I will see you soon,” he said. His light blue eyes were filled with promises that I didn’t fully grasp, and then he was gone.
It wasn’t until after we went down to the back entrance, climbed into the limo, and headed toward the airport that Rafe mentioned Nico had to stay behind for a few hours. My heart sank with a melancholic twinge.
Which was so stupid. I would see him again. I didn’t need to feel sad that we’d be apart for a few hours. I’d somehow managed to spend the last twenty-four years without him.
Davide and Francesco weren’t in the car with us. When I asked about it, Dante and Rafe exchanged glances. “Nico said they could find their own way home.”
He did that for me. Whether he was just mad and punishing them, or trying to spare me the hassle of having to see them again, he did it for me.
I was touched by the way he always seemed to think of me and what I might want or need. But I didn’t understand it. It was both strange and sweet.
When we boarded, I tried to find two empty seats so that I could catch a quick catnap. (Or a Kat nap. Ha-ha.) The flight attendant stopped me. “Signorina MacTaggart?” I nodded. She smiled and said, “His Highness thought you might be more comfortable lying down in the bedroom.”
Here he was, still being sweet and considerate by proxy. I couldn’t say no to the offer. The room was dark, as all the shades had been drawn. I took my shoes off and sat down on the bed. This was Nico’s bed. Did he ever sleep here? I decided I wouldn’t get under the covers because that was too weird. But when I lay down, I knew he had been there. The pillows smelled like him. I smiled. And promptly passed out.
The attendant woke me up right before we started our descent. Lemon asked about my schedule while I was putting my seatbelt on. I was having a hard time connecting the two parts. My head felt woozy. “Schedule?”
“Didn’t they give you one?” Lemon held her phone up. “Maybe they didn’t because I have meetings and you don’t.”
The belt finally clicked into place. “For your marketing plans?”
“It’s going really well. I can hardly wait to read what you write about your time with Nico.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively at me, and I laughed.
“I hope you’re not disappointed. It is cool though that they’re including you in the planning with all these important people.”
She ran a hand over her perfect platinum blonde bob. She paid a very nice man a lot of money to keep it that shade. “Well of course they included me, darlin’. You know everything’s better with a twist of Lemon.” She smiled at me over her phone. “Looks like I’ll have some free time tomorrow if you want to finish up our Christmas shopping.”
“Fine by me.”
We returned to the palace, and when I stepped inside, I stopped in surprise. Everything had changed. The entire interior had been transformed for the holiday—long, thick strands of green garland that were broken up by velvet red ribbons had been wrapped around columns and doorways. There were fake Christmas trees with twinkling white lights every few feet, next to the suits of armor. I smiled when I noticed someone had wrapped ribbons around the neck of the helmets on the armor. Here in the giant entry hall clear glass ornaments had been hung at varying lengths, like an artistic interpretation of snowflakes.
Festive didn’t even begin to cover it. Christmas had exploded in the castle.
Lemon told me she’d see me later as Giacomo hustled me up to my room. Apparently I was to have a meeting with a seamstress. Before I could ask why, Serafina had launched herself on me. “Oof,” I said as I held on to her.
“I missed you!” she said in a desperate voice.
I lifted her up onto my hip. “What have you been up to?”
“Nothing. It’s been so boring without you.” Like I was solely responsible for her entertainment. Like she didn’t have a life before I came to the palace. I tried not to laugh. I liked her a lot. She was fun.
Giacomo introduced me to Liliana, one of the three full-time seamstresses on staff. She had laid out a variety of fabrics on my bed. I put Serafina down, and she climbed up on the bed to rub the different materials against her cheek.
“What’s this for?”
“You will need a cocktail dress for the day after Christmas, and then one for the ball on New Year’s Eve,” he said.
Another ball? And why did I need a dress for the day after Christmas?
“I need a new dress,” Serafina told Liliana. “So that I can match with Kat.”
“I just finished two new dresses for you,” Liliana responded.
“But I need another one.” Serafina said it the same way a dialysis patient might say, “But I need a new kidney.”
“Which color would you like?” Giacomo asked.
“Pick purple! Pick purple!” Serafina exclaimed as she bounced up and down.
“Purple’s fine,” I said.
“Do you have any preference for style or fabric?” Giacomo asked me in a serious tone.
“Um, just something pretty?”
He blinked twice, slowly. “Something pretty. I believe Liliana can manage that. But the ball on New Year’s Eve is a costume ball. Do you have an idea of what you would like to wear?”
“I know!” Serafina looked like she was about to burst. “Be Elsa!”
I shrugged. “Okay, sure. I’ll be Elsa.” A costume ball on New Year’s Eve? I had come to accept that weird things were a regular occurrence in this household, and it was easier to just go along with it.
Liliana put me up on this little stand, and then she took all my measurements. It was a slightly disconcerting experience. Serafina told me everything that she had done in the last twenty-four hours since I h
ad abandoned her.
When Liliana finished, she gathered up all her things and left with Giacomo. They had their heads bent closely together as they spoke in rapid Italian. They were probably despairing over my fashion cluelessness.
I put my purse in the top drawer of my nightstand. I wanted it close by just in case. In case of what, I didn’t know. But I would sleep easier knowing it was nearby.
I collapsed on the bed next to Serafina. “What should we do now?”
She thought for a moment before saying, “Do you want to meet my father?”
I didn’t know anything about their father, only what that reporter in Paris had mentioned. That he had been in an accident. I admit, my curiosity got the better of me.
“Sure,” I told her.
My bedroom door was flung open, and there stood Chiara, chest heaving. “Did. You. Take. My. Phone?”
“I didn’t!” Serafina sounded so indignant. For some reason it reminded me of her brothers, which made me smile.
“You’re lying,” Chiara hissed through clenched teeth. “I know you took it! You always take it!”
“I didn’t this time!”
Which was exposed as a total lie a few seconds later when the phone fell out of Serafina’s pocket.
“I knew it!” Chiara dove onto the bed to grab it.
“I’m telling!” Serafina howled back, trying to get it away from her sister.
They started screaming at each other in Italian, and I thought it high time I intervened. “Guys, stop! Give that to me!” I pried the phone out of both of their hands and stood up. “Is this Chiara’s phone?”
Serafina didn’t answer. She just looked at me sullenly.
I handed the phone to Chiara, and she clasped it to her chest like Gollum with his ring. I was going to tell Serafina to apologize, but stopped. She wasn’t my kid. They could sort this out themselves.
Distraction always worked well in situations like these. “Come on, what were we going to do? Visit your dad?”
That seemed to snap Serafina out of her funk. “Let’s go!”
She took me through a part of their private apartments that I hadn’t been in yet. “Have you seen our Christmas tree?”
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