by Liwen Y. Ho
Her mom gave her a pointed look. “You haven’t been making it easy for him to find you. You’re out practically every evening. This place is starting to feel like a hotel or more of a youth hostel, considering we don’t charge you for rent,” she winked. “I sometimes wonder if you even live here.”
Lucy did hope to move out soon though, not just to be on her own again, but to decrease her chances of bumping into Micah. Her shoulders slumped at the thought. Wow. How depressing. Micah was supposed to be her friend, her family even, but their relationship was next to non-existent. How would they ever get back to where they used to be? What do I need to do, Lord, to make things better? She prayed silently, hoping for a miracle.
Her mom continued, interrupting her thoughts. “Give him a chance, Luce. Just go over for dinner. You can always leave early.”
How funny. Lucy recalled having a similar conversation with her dad a dozen or so years ago when her family had first moved to this house. That night had turned out to be a wonderful memory. Perhaps tonight could be one, too. “Fine, I’ll go.”
A few hours later both families were seated around the Chan’s dining table. With Hope and Lexi away at college, she and Micah had been promoted to sit with the parents. Considering she was now twenty-three and he twenty-six, they were more than qualified. Part of her, however, wished they were still kids. Life had been so much simpler then.
She snuck a look across the spread of Chinese dishes on the table to where Micah sat across from her. He happened to glance her way, too, and their gazes locked. She squeezed out a smile, her first one of the night, and received a smile that was just as forced. The crinkles around Micah’s eyes that she loved were nowhere to be found. The man she used to joke around with and confide in had become a stranger.
The rest of the meal dragged on with one half of the table engrossed in conversation and the other half—hers and Micah’s—as speechless as a silent movie. Once Lucy had taken her last bite of food, she gathered her plate and chopsticks and stood up. “Auntie Olivia, Uncle Matt, thanks so much for dinner. I’ve got an early morning tomorrow, so I’m going to head home first. Good night, everyone.”
She’d made her way to the kitchen and dropped off her dishes in the sink when she heard a male voice clear his throat behind her. She turned around, hoping to see Micah; instead she came face-to-face with an older man. “Dad?”
“Hi, sweetie.” Crossing his arms, he took a deep breath. “I know you don’t like it when I poke my nose into your business, but I feel this is something I need to say. It’s time you worked things out with Micah. Avoiding him is not the answer, neither is holding onto your pride. It may surprise you”—he smirked—“but I’ve let my stubbornness get in the way before. It’s a good thing your mom is just as stubborn as me and calls me out on it. People are worth the effort, Lucy. Talk to him while you have the chance.”
Her dad’s tone had softened over the years—her heart had as well—and what he was saying was easier to swallow. She couldn’t imagine what it must’ve been like for him to lose her mom—his first wife—at age twenty-seven. Loss had made him overprotective, but more tender-hearted, too. “You’re right. I’ll talk to him. Thanks, Dad.”
He walked with her out of the kitchen, parting ways as they passed the dining room. She paused at the Chan’s foyer to slip on her shoes, and had just knotted her laced-up Espadrille sandals when someone walked over. She glanced up, surprised to see Micah.
“Your dad asked me to walk you home. He said it was getting dark.”
If it weren’t for the fact that her dad was playing peacemaker, she would’ve rolled her eyes. Instead, she tried to ease the tension with a chuckle. “Uh yeah, thanks. You know how hard it is to navigate those thirty steps from here to next door.”
Lucy followed him into the cool autumn air. The door closed behind them, shutting out their parents’ conversation. Outside, the sound of rustling leaves punctuated their silence. The setting sun painted streaks of red and orange across the sky above them, drawing her attention upward.
Micah looked up as well, “You always did love watching the sun set.”
“It’s so beautiful. There’s so much smog in So Cal, you never get to see how vivid the colors are. I really missed this when I was away.” She turned his way, ready to share her heart. She wanted her friend back. “I missed you, too, Mikey. I missed talking to my big brother.”
His expression softened at her words. “You sure about that?”
“Of course. We used to talk almost every day. I miss that so much.”
“You seemed to have survived okay without me.”
“I survived, but it doesn’t mean I was happy. I mean, how could I be when my best friend didn’t want to talk to me?” She stared into the distance past Micah’s shoulder, so she didn’t need to meet his gaze. She hated rejection, and she felt like she was on the brink of another one. “I don’t expect things to go back to the way they used to be, but could we just stop avoiding each other?”
He scoffed and shook his head. “I haven’t been the one doing the avoiding. Every time I come over to my parents’ place, your car’s gone. I have noticed, you know.”
“You haven’t exactly tried to reach out to me either.” She wasn’t proud to be turning the tables on him, but she’d rather shift blame than admit how hurt she was. “You could’ve called or texted. You had plenty of chances to do so.”
“I could have. I should have.” He paused. “I didn’t mean to be distant for so long. But once we stopped talking, it was easier to not reach out than to try to contact you. And to be honest, I didn’t know you missed me. I thought you didn’t need me anymore.”
His last sentence came out so softly, she almost didn’t hear him. But the essence of his message was clear: He had been hurt, too. “What made you think that? That couldn’t be farther from the truth! I was away for the first time in my life and on my own. Of course I needed you. I’ll always need you, Micah.”
“Yeah?” Cocking his head to one side, his expression grew wistful. “Because it sure didn’t seem like it. You left without so much as a look back; you were so eager to go. You only came home twice a year. You stayed down there during the summers to work. Then you got cast in a movie and I didn’t think you’d ever come back home.”
She winced. Everything he said was true. She had neglected her family during those five years. She couldn’t change the past, but she could do something about the present. Facing him squarely, she stated, “I’m here now though and I’m back for good.”
“I know. I’m glad you are.”
“I want us to go back to being us. Or at least try to.”
“What does that mean exactly?”
“Maybe we could watch a movie or have lunch together sometime? Just regular friend stuff?”
“Sure, that could work.” He cracked a smile and added, “As long as it doesn’t involve shopping.”
She rolled her eyes. “Deal. Maybe you could help me prepare for job interviews, assuming I get any. You wouldn’t happen to know of anyone willing to hire a drama major with minimal work experience, do you?”
“As a matter of fact, I do. The drama teacher at my school just gave her notice. I can put in a good word for you. I’m sure they’d call you in for an interview based on my referral. And once they meet you, it’d be a done deal.”
Thankfully, the confidence in his voice was more than enough for them both. “Uh, I was thinking more along the lines of office work.”
“No offense, but you would never survive in an office,” Micah laughed, and the glow of the streetlight showed off the creases around his eyes. “I really think you would enjoy teaching high schoolers.”
“I don’t know, Mikey.”
“The timing’s perfect. You need a job and there’s an opening. Remember what I used to say about God working everything—”
“Out for good for those who love him and are called according to His purpose,” she finished for him. She took a deep breath, fe
eling oddly content even amid uncertainty. It helped that Micah was here and he believed in her. More than that, he still cared for her and had all these years. She couldn’t be happier in that moment. “Okay, let’s do it.”
“Great!” he grinned. “Hey, do you wanna hang out right now? Go grab some ice cream?”
“Ice cream is for kids,” she joked. “How about some coffee?”
“Coffee it is.” And he gave her the biggest, most genuine smile she had seen in a long time.
* * *
Present Day (October)
“Hello, earth to my fiancée, is anyone there?”
Lucy jerked her head up to find John staring at her with amusement on his face. “Sorry, did you say something?”
“I was saying, I think you’ve stirred that long enough.” He pointed to her small rectangular dish of soy sauce and wasabi. “You were so zoned out you didn’t hear me for a good five seconds. You okay?”
She wasn’t, but it wouldn’t do their relationship any good to reveal she’d been thinking about another man while she was here with him. They were at her favorite sushi restaurant again, the one where John had met Micah for the first time. Ironically enough, they were seated at the same table as that evening, and she couldn’t help but think of her best friend. How Mikey knew her order from memory and always poured just the right amount of soy sauce into her dish—three quarters of the way full. And how they would fight over the last pot-sticker, but he would always let her win. Then he would proceed to tease her about how she ate it—skin first, meat last—and how it was the wrong way. Eating here with John, unfortunately, wasn’t as fun or memorable. She set down her chopsticks and tried to focus on the conversation at hand. She owed him that much; she was wearing his diamond ring after all. “I’m okay. Just tired. The beginning of the school year is always a beast.”
Understanding registered in his blue eyes. “That’s rough. You remember what we talked about before? The offer still stands. Feel free to quit anytime. My salary can support the both of us. And now that we’re engaged, you could stop working and focus on planning the wedding.”
Her gaze fell to the colorful assortment of sushi displayed on a wooden boat in the middle of their table. There was so much good food, but she suddenly lost her appetite. How could John suggest she give up a job she loved? “I know you mean well, but I’m fine with working, really.”
“If you insist. But what about our wedding? I thought most brides couldn’t wait to start searching for a venue. Did you look at the list of places I emailed you?”
“Yes. I appreciate you doing that.” She did, especially considering how busy he was at the hospital. Even knowing his packed schedule, she hadn’t made time to do her share. Why? Because, honestly, the whole idea of planning a wedding stressed her out. Or maybe it was the idea of marriage. Whatever the case, she wasn’t in a hurry. The longer she could delay the planning, the better. “I was actually hoping for someplace outdoors.”
“Outdoors? As in a garden or a park? That might work as long as it’s not allergy season.”
“I was thinking someplace tropical. Like a beach in Hawaii.”
John hesitated for a moment, his mouth pursed as he considered her suggestion. “Hawaii? You want to get married in Hawaii?”
She shrugged. “Ever since my family and I went to Kauai after my high school graduation, I’ve been wanting to go back. It’s such a romantic place, perfect for a honeymoon, too.”
“It is. Sure, why not? I’d be far away enough from the hospital that I couldn’t go in if they paged me.” He chuckled at his own joke. “It’s a great idea, Lucy.”
She squeezed out a smile, unsure if she felt relieved or not that he agreed. “Well, if we do a destination wedding, it’ll take me more time to plan everything. I’ll need to research online and read reviews for different vendors since we won’t be able to visit them in person.”
“Who says we can’t?”
“Huh?”
“Why don’t you do your research and narrow down some choices. Then we’ll take a couple of days off, fly over, and visit the different vendors. Do you have a week off for Thanksgiving?”
“Um, only half a week.”
“What about Christmas break? Don’t you get two weeks off?”
“I do.” Normally, she’d be thrilled at the idea of spending the holidays on a tropical island, but her chest tightened at the thought. “Are you sure about this? It’s a lot of money to spend on something I can do over the internet.”
“This is our wedding we’re talking about, a once in a lifetime event. I want to make sure you’re happy with everything.”
Lucy nodded. She should’ve been happy—thrilled, even—with John. He was handsome, generous, and willing to do anything for her. Then why couldn’t she shake the feeling that he wasn’t the man she wanted to be with? That the one she did long for had been avoiding her for the second time in her life. But this time, they didn’t have the benefit of distance to lessen the awkwardness.
Ever since she’d asked Micah to support her decision to marry John, he had kept his distance. At first, she assumed he’d been busy getting ready for a new school year, but when he stopped wanting to carpool, she knew something was wrong. When she confronted him, he simply said it wasn’t appropriate for them to spend so much time alone together when she was an engaged woman. She accepted his answer, but it still hurt.
This current separation stung more than the one they’d gone through when she’d been away at college, mostly because she couldn’t avoid seeing him on a regular basis. He parked his car in the school lot near hers every day. She passed by his counseling office on the way to her classroom. He sat at a different table in the staff lunchroom now—but still within view of hers—and often chatted with the new choir teacher, a curvy brunette who was too perky for her liking. Micah didn’t seem to mind though; he was all smiles when he was with her. All Lucy managed to get out of him were curt “Good mornings” and “See you laters”.
Maybe that’s why she missed him even more. But that was also why she shouldn’t be missing him. Micah appeared to have happily moved on with his life … without her.
Separation
December, 1 year ago
Micah
“What do you think, Mikey? Do these make my calves look more defined?”
“Huh?” Micah looked up from his phone where he’d been scrolling through his news feed. Lucy stood before him in a pair of three—make that four—inch heels. Her short skirt billowed around her knees as she spun around. She’d shown him eight pairs of shoes in the past twenty minutes, which explained the lack of enthusiasm in his voice. “Uh, yes? I think they look like the other ones you just had on. What’s the difference?”
“What’s the difference? Those were plain pumps. These have straps! You’re no help,” she groaned. “Other than the fact that you can carry my bags, you’re not a very good shopping buddy at all.”
He chuckled. It had taken her two and a half hours to figure this out? That was how long he had been following her around their local mall while she finished her Christmas shopping. Even with carols playing overhead and festive red and green decorations hung throughout the department store, Micah was having a hard time getting into the holiday spirit. He’d rather be sitting in his recliner at home instead of on a hard bench surrounded by shoes. But Lucy had begged him to accompany her, and he couldn’t say no to that pouty smile of hers. “Shopping is not my forte, but let me try again.” He studied the shoes and had to admit they showed off Lucy’s legs well. Honestly, those long, slim legs of hers looked great with or without heels on. He grinned, his next words coming out effortlessly: “You look amazing no matter what you wear.”
“Aw, thanks,” she gushed as she slipped the heels off. “That was a better answer.”
He watched her place the shoes back in their box and onto the shelf. “Aren’t you going to get them? They look great on you.”
“They’re too expensive. I only started teac
hing and I want to save up money so I can move out. I’ve got plenty of shoes as it is. But they’re cute, aren’t they?”
There was no reason for Micah to feel bad for her—she had more shoes than the days of the week—but he did anyway. The way her mouth twisted to one side reminded him of their first meeting when she’d put on a brave face about changing schools. That’s when he sensed a tug on his heart urging him to befriend her. He felt the same urge now to make her happy. So, he snuck away a few minutes later and bought the pair of heels while she was trying on clothes.
Lucy stuck her head out of the dressing room and stepped out when she spotted Micah. “Hey, where’d you go?”
“Just some last-minute Christmas shopping.” Pointing to the dress she had on, he asked, “Are you going to get that? Or do you have three other dresses just like it to try on?”
She stuck her tongue out. “Very funny. No, this is the last one. I think I will get it. It’s professional enough to wear to school, but it’s also comfortable. Too bad I can’t get those heels I tried on before. They would go perfectly with this dress.”
Micah couldn’t stand the disappointment on her face. He stopped her before she headed back into the changing room. “Here, this is for you. Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to wrap it yet, but I thought you might want it early.”