by Nour Zikra
I strode toward her. Of their own free will, my hands moved to her waist.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” There was a knot in my chest, a worry that she would start bleeding again and disappear from my life. I almost didn’t want to know the answer to my question, afraid that she had been lying this whole time, which wasn’t unlike her. She was fierce and beautiful in refusing to show weakness, but she was also too stubborn at times.
“I’m fine. I promise,” she said.
“You’re not secretly in pain?”
She smiled and rolled her eyes. “No, I’m not secretly in pain.”
The blood practically coated her white top. I pictured her on the library floor in that moment when she’d gasped. The way her dark-brown eyes had seemed to drift elsewhere, far from here.
“You’re not feeling faint?”
“Just guilty.”
Her words terrified me. Not because she’d done bad things and collaborated with the devil, but because what she’d gone through was my fault. I’d disappointed God and I didn’t make it up by protecting Addy. Because of me, she’d almost died.
Needing to make sure she was truly alive, my hand cupped her head, inching her face a smidge closer. “I almost lost you today.”
Her breath caught in her throat, and her smile vanished. I wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in. Blood from her tank top smudged against my white shirt—Nate’s shirt. She didn’t seem to notice, though, because her eyes never left mine.
Resting her trembling hands against my chest, she repeated her mantra, “But I’m fine.” These words seemed to be the one thing that helped carry her through life, what with her psychotic, evil father and her secret-queen-of-the-damned mother.
But I knew the truth behind her façade. I’d seen it in her eyes the first time we met; she carried the weight of the world on her back. Still, even at that first meeting, she’d managed to look me dead on and pull herself together.
Even as she lay dying earlier today, she had been a soldier in battle, pushing all her sorrows and pain away.
I leaned my forehead against hers. Mind against mind. Right before closing my eyes, I saw her rosy cheeks return. The sight broke my heart. “I just found you. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you.”
One last time, my conscience reminded me that this was wrong. I knew I should have let Addy go and pulled away, but every part of me burned for her touch.
“Adriel?” she whispered.
I couldn’t resist. I drew her face in and kissed her long and hard, my teeth grazing her lips. Blood rushed between my legs, yet I no longer minded the odd human sensation. Her hands pressed against my chest, and I felt her lips react to mine, soft and smooth.
When she moaned, I pulled away and studied her. I didn’t want to continue if she didn’t want to. But she didn’t pull away, and her eyes stayed on me.
Her lips parted and we came together, mouths colliding and hearts hammering against each other. My tongue glided inside her mouth, tasting her, breathing her in. My head spun, drunk on her. It was all I could do not to lose my mind.
My kisses trailed down her body, down the slopes and arches of her neck and collarbone. I searched for the source of madness between us and found only her flesh and beating heart.
I picked her up, hands on the backs of her thighs, and she wrapped her legs around me. Even though every inch of her brushed against me, I wanted more. I couldn’t explain the desire and I couldn’t think of a way to fix it. Her hands moved around my neck, pulling at the long hairs in the back. She was a small thing in my arms, but she filled all of me with hunger.
Her soft lips danced with mine, passing warm breaths between us. Reaching behind me, she lifted my shirt. When she drew her face away, she helped me out of the shirt and threw it on the floor. Then she leaned in again, her dark eyes serene and her cheeks full of color. She crushed her lips against mine, intoxicating me.
I wanted nothing separating us, not even the thin fabric we wore, so I carried her to the bed and laid her on her back. Not knowing what to do next or what she felt about all of this, I stared at her, my body just inches above hers.
She smiled and said, “I’m fine.” She grabbed my shoulders, pulling me toward her.
Our lips linked again in a hungry fight. The blood in my veins surged. Every time I felt her warm breath inside my mouth, I wanted more of her. Her hands were on my back, my chest, the edge of my pants. She lingered there, her slender fingers curling inside the cottony material, digging into my lower abdomen. I groaned on instinct. The bulge between my legs could no longer be tamed.
After that, everything happened fast. Her hands pulled down my pants, and I was struggling to get hers off without knowing my motivation behind it. I knew what humans did. I’d seen it millions of times. But I never understood why. Not until she wrapped her legs around me and pressed my lower body against hers and I pushed inside, wildly, desperately, insanely lost in the moment.
Her eyes mimicked mine, large and full of wonder. And then we surrendered. We shut out the world, shut out this musty room and the people walking and talking outside. It was just me and her.
With our bodies entangled, I pulled her tank top off and threw it into the vast sea that surrounded us and carried us on this tiny island, fit for the two of us and no one else.
Her skin rubbed against mine, warm and soft and all her. We moved in a unified rhythm, heat escalating between us. At first it was slow, then fast, until we lost all our other senses.
When the last thrust came, I felt her shudder in my arms as my soul left, wrapped around her, and came back inside me.
My body sank against hers, my face in the crook of her neck.
I kissed her skin, closed my eyes, and let humanity fill me up. For the first time, I wanted to stay like this, in my human flesh.
H
We woke up what seemed like weeks later, though only an hour had passed. Addy hoisted herself up, slumped her arm across my chest, and leaned in to give me a quick peck on the lips.
“Hey.” I reached out and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her on top of me. Feeling ecstatic, I kissed her more.
When she drew away, she had the biggest smile I’d ever seen her don.
“Why’d you, you know, do this?” She rested her head against my shoulder. “I thought you said it was out of line to be with me.”
I kissed the top of her head and sighed. “I was wrong before.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think . . . I think I was in denial of the fact that I was banished from heaven. I wanted to believe I could be an angel again, but I don’t think that’s the case anymore.” I smiled at the ceiling. “I did this,” I said, kissing her forehead, “because I wanted to.”
She raised her head and looked down at me, her long curls falling over my chest. Her big brown eyes danced with a question. “You don’t regret kissing me this morning?”
Bringing my hand behind her head, I pulled her toward me and sucked on her bottom lip. She tasted sweet, like the first thing I’d savored as a human: honey lemon tea. Invigorating was what she was. Every second our lips touched, a thousand tiny electric currents ran down my body.
Pulling away, I gazed at her almond eyes and the way her hair framed her beautiful face and smiled. “I don’t regret being with you. Not at all.” The more I stared at her, the more it felt like I’d known her longer than five—soon to be six—days. Like we’d grown up together, or been angel friends. The closeness between us, the pull of our energies from day one; I couldn’t explain that. But it felt right. “I only regret not being able to protect you.”
“Adriel.” She planted her hand on my chest and sighed. “I’m not a child. I don’t need protection.”
I trailed my fingers up and down each notch of her spine. “I can see that about you, but I still can’t help wanting to keep you safe. If it weren’t for you, I’d still be in the street right now with a burnt back.”
She traced circles over my heart with her index finger. “But your back is fine now. It’s completely healed.”
I grinned. “My point is, I want to protect you just like you want to protect your brother. I know you’re strong at heart; that’s not a question. But I just can’t grasp the idea of losing you, and I don’t want to find out what that’s like. I almost did today, but not again. I won’t let that happen to you. I’d rather die first than have you go out of this world.”
She smiled and slid back down over my chest, resting her head on me. My legs were spread out, and she lay in the center, her chest against mine. For a few moments, we stayed like that. Naked and entangled and happy.
Although I had been a human for five days so far, I felt the most human now. My sensations were heightened, and I tingled all over. I wondered why God created powerful angels only to strip them of the full emotional capacity humans had.
With my skin touching Addy’s and our arms desperately clinging on to each other, I felt whole. The world might fall apart and crumble, taking us with it, but Addy and I had this moment. She was real. In this second, I had her. Because of that, I knew I would be fine.
No matter what happened next, I had held the person most dear to me and felt her chest rise and fall against my own beating heart. This was real. No one could take that away.
“Adriel?” Addy murmured.
I hugged her tighter. “Yeah?”
“What’s heaven like?”
It was the first time she had ever asked me about my origins. For a second, I wasn’t sure how to answer. From a human’s perspective, I could see now how overwhelming it was, the grandness and beauty and unmistakable purity of the realm. A floral garden abundant with yellow butterflies or a flowing stream on a sunny day would never compare to the magnitude and awe that was heaven.
Not to say that Earth wasn’t beautiful, because it was. I thought of the first time I’d felt the warmth from the sun against my skin. For a human, that sensation was precious, like having God hold your hand. Besides, he was the creator of everything; he wouldn’t create an ugly world.
But heaven could not be matched.
“Heaven is complete tranquility,” I said. “It is bright and warm, the kind of warm that makes you feel safe and loved.”
“What does it look like? Does it look like the sky, like those baroque paintings of angels on clouds?”
“Not exactly. It’s a sunny place, you could say, but it’s not literally in the sky, nor does it look like the sky.”
She giggled. “So, you didn’t sleep on clouds?”
I matched her laugh. “No, I never did.”
“Then what’s it really like?”
“Well, imagine opening a door, and from that door bursts bright light more powerful than the sun’s rays. The difference here is that you can look at the light without hurting your eyes. Hills of green and even ponds and gentle waterfalls greet you everywhere. The sounds are subtle, smooth, like hearing the ocean from a distance.”
My description didn’t come close to the real wonder of heaven, but there was no way to explain it right. A person could only experience that breathtaking realm; heaven was a feeling much more than a sight.
“I can go on; however, I could never do heaven justice. It is beyond description.”
“What about hell? Did God create it?”
“Yes. When he decided to kick Lucifer out, he created it and placed demons there, too.”
“How come?”
“No one knows. God doesn’t exactly explain his reasons to us. Perhaps it’s to control or scare the humans who sin beyond saving and become demons upon death, then end up in hell.”
She frowned. “Humans are very aware of that, how God doesn’t explain his reasons.”
I grabbed hold of her hips and flipped her underneath me. She let out a wild shriek and laughed, her belly vibrating with each breath. Her happiness was contagious. I smiled while I stared at her, unable to do anything else. Her coiled strands lay about her like someone had neatly arranged them.
“You’re so beautiful,” I said.
At my words, her laughter died out. A more serious expression masked her face, and her rosy cheeks made an appearance. Heat swelled in my lower body again. I brought my mouth to hers and consumed her. My fingers learned the dips and curves of her body, molding against the most private parts of her. She quickly relaxed under me, her hands moving to my shoulders and then lower back, urging me closer.
Back in our rhythm, one I would never forget, I found myself. My heart had become entangled with hers. Even though my enemy’s blood was a part of her, she was a part of me, and I a part of her. Nothing else mattered.
As I closed my eyes and surrendered to the ferocity pulling us together, I knew it would be impossible to get this feeling out of my system.
And I liked it that way.
Chapter Twenty-Five
ADELAIDE
For a split second, I forgot where I was. Arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. My heart started pounding when my mind jumped to Devin, and not in the good way.
Eyes still closed, I started to plot my way out. I pictured the door in Devin’s bedroom and the many steps to the front door. I thought about the way I would grab my things and quietly dress before tiptoeing out. I reminded myself to keep my breathing even and slow as I prepared to lift Devin’s hands off me.
But when I opened my eyes, it wasn’t Devin holding me. Adriel slept with his lips pursed together. His thick lashes kissed the line of his cheeks. The innocence in his soft and vulnerable expression melted my heart. Relief washed over me. He wasn’t Devin. He would never be Devin.
I inched my face closer and pressed my lips against his.
His eyes fluttered open. When he realized what was going on, he kissed me back with force. “Good morning.” Smiling, he brushed his thumb against my cheek.
“Good morning,” I said.
“I’m glad you woke me up.”
I felt tightness in my stomach as it threatened to growl. “I’m glad too, but why?”
“Because I’m starving.”
“Me too.” I buried my head in his chest. “We should get food, but I’m feeling really lazy right now. I don’t want to leave this bed.”
He ran his hand through my hair, coiling a strand around his index finger. “But if we leave now, we can get food and come back and do it all over again.”
The words coming out of his mouth sounded so casual, as if he were talking about going to work or purchasing a phone. I felt my cheeks redden.
“Come on, Addy.” He left the bed and dragged me to my feet. “Today is a good day.”
Had we really just spent the night having sex? Not once, not twice, but enough times that I had lost count?
We stood naked in front of each other, and I suddenly felt shy, mostly from the memory of what we’d done in the past twelve hours or so. I didn’t care that his eyes ravaged me from head to toe, because I was doing the same to him. But the image of the way we moved, our tongues sliding together, drove me wild. I didn’t know where to turn to hide the eager expression on my face.
My eyes searched for my clothes around the dim room. On the floor, I found my blood-soaked tank top. I went to grab it, but Adriel stepped behind me. His hands settled on my hips and he drew me to him, my back touching his chest.
“Throw that shirt out,” he said in my ear. “I never want to see that bloody thing again.”
I kicked the shirt aside. “I’ll wear something else, then.”
“Thank you.” He kissed my cheek and let go.
Before I could even move, he grabbed one of Nate’s shirts and jeans from the duffle bag by our feet. He then pulled on a clean pair of underwear from the package I bought him.
“Your turn.” He donned Nate’s gray shirt, sat on the edge of the bed, and grinned.
I reached into the duffle bag and dug out a dark-teal button-up shirt, underwear,
and a pair of denim jeans. When I started slipping the panties up each leg, he fixed a hard stare on me, no reservation whatsoever.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t already seen every part of me, but I still felt exposed in front of him.
He smiled, meeting my gaze. “I hope you know, you’re the most interesting human I’ve met, and I’ve met a lot.”
“Have you?”
“Thousands.”
I raised an eyebrow at him. “What makes me the most interesting?”
I was still getting dressed when he got up, walked toward me, and placed his hand on my cheek. “You’re fearless and beautiful and never let anything stand in your way, not even me.”
“You’re describing plenty of people.”
“None,” he said, trailing his lips up my neck to my ear, “so courageous that they’d face the devil and stab a knife through his chest . . . even if that knife couldn’t kill him.”
My eyes rolled back in my head with pleasure. “You’re forgetting those are just the perks of having the devil’s blood.”
“Maybe, but you’re still the most interesting.”
Somehow, I managed to button up the rest of my shirt. “If that’s the case, then you’re the most interesting angel. I don’t know many angels, but even so, you’re the only one who’s now a human. That says something about you.”
“Yeah, that God lost hope in me.”
“Or”—I gave him a quick kiss—“that he has just enough hope to spare you from being a demon.”
Just then, my stomach growled. Adriel smirked and placed his hand against my belly, loudly shushing it. I squeezed my lips shut and fought back a giggle.
“It’s official. We need to eat,” he said.
We grabbed the essentials: car keys, wallet, phone, my Swiss Army knife, and the sharp kitchen knife that I’d taken from my apartment. Seeing the weapon in his hand reminded me of home, back when Lizzy and I lived normal lives. I missed watching I Love Lucy with her. I missed going to Euphoria with her and our friends. And I terribly, terribly missed talking to her about everything.