“Me, too.”
“Luca’s gonna kill us.”
“Fuck Luca,” Tav muttered. “He could’ve died. Jack’s gonna kill him if he carries on. He nearly did.”
Aaron shook his head.
“Where’s David?”
“Not been in since.”
“Why’re you―”
“Mam made me.”
Tav snorted. “Me, too.” He bit his lip, then shook his head. “Fuck this. You wanna go out on the playing fields and hang out for a bit? Not like any of the teachers are gonna bother us today, right?”
“Maybe,” Aaron agreed, then rolled his shoulders and nodded. “Okay. Yeah. Playing fields, then you tell me how he is. Is he off swimming for good? He’ll climb the walls if he can’t swim, he’s fucking obsessed…”
Grudgingly, as they headed out the back entrance towards the playing fields, Tav had to admit his mother had been right. Just…just being with Aaron, just being with someone else who got it, who knew what had been going on, who’d been as scared as Tav had been…
“Has Jack been in school?”
Aaron snorted. “Nah.”
“When’s he back?”
“If he’s smart? Never.”
“And if he’s stupid?” Tav asked.
Aaron shook his head, colder than Tav had ever seen him. “Then I’ll tell you after I’m done with him.”
* * * *
The walk up to the ward was getting familiar, but the loneliness when he got there wasn’t. Luca was on his own, the curtains open and the bustle of the ward low and quiet when Tav stepped into the cubicle and drew the curtain around. There were new magazines on the side, and a water bottle he thought possibly belonged to Tomas, but no bags or coats. Whoever had been here was gone.
So Tav pulled up the chair and slid his fingers carefully under Luca’s good ones. “Hey,” he whispered, but Luca slept on. His broken arm was laid over the sheets again, the fingers poking out of the plaster feebly, and Tav hesitantly slid a finger under the tips until it was—almost—like Luca was holding his hand.
The swelling around his face and neck was starting to go down, the skin still a savage black, and Tav itched for Luca to just wake up and hear him. Just for a split second, because waking up would hurt like crazy. But when he repeated his greeting, nothing happened, so he leaned close to Luca’s face, kissed his ear, and went for shock value.
“I told the police everything about Jack harassing you.”
And—nothing.
Tav swallowed against the scratch in his throat, but the words had started, and they just kept coming. “I know you said not to, but I had to. He nearly killed you this time. I was right to do it, Luc. I was. He’s not going to stop. I told them everything after that incident with the knife in the swimming pool, and Aaron’s told them everything about this. Something…they’ll do something. They have to do something.”
Still nothing. Tav took to stroking Luca’s fingernails, one by one. They were starting to grow, now Luca wasn’t constantly chewing on them.
“When you wake up, Aaron and David need to come and see you. They’re freaking out, too. They saw you…after. Right after, I mean. So they’ll come and see you. And your family’s always here, one or other of them, but…but can you wake up when I’m here? So I can see you first? Or nearly first, at least?”
Nothing.
Slowly, Tav slipped free and braced himself with his hand against the head of the bed, to stoop and—so softly he barely made contact—kiss Luca’s forehead. He smelled of hospital and antiseptic. He smelled of cheap soap and shampoo. He smelled wrong, and it brought a sharp burn to Tav’s eyes.
“Just…just wake up for me, Luc. Just for a minute. Please?”
And…
Nothing.
Chapter 25: “I love you.”
It took over a week.
Over a week of waiting, of nobody telling him exactly what the doctor was saying, of rarely getting any alone time to sit with Luca between Mam insisting Tav went to school and visiting hours not allowing a family of five to visit much without all intruding on each other…
It was horrible.
It was the worst week of Tav’s life, the endless whispering to someone who couldn’t hear him. The savage blackness on his features started to ease, and the oxygen mask was replaced with a tube under his nose, but…nothing else really changed. He started to look thinner.
And then…
After a week, they must have changed the drugs or something, because suddenly Luca was never on his own when Tav arrived to see him, and his family would be talking to him. Tav talked to him all the time, but the Jensens didn’t, he’d noticed that already.
“What’s happening?” he asked Antonio that weekend.
“They’re bringing him out of it,” was the reply. “Slow, mind, but he’s coming up. And Mamma read this article that said people in comas can hear you, so…her orders.”
Slow was an understatement. For the first two days after that, Tav noticed nothing new. On the third, though, Luca’s eyes were moving under his eyelids, and he opened them a crack once, but didn’t seem to see Tav and Tomas when they tried to get his attention. He just…opened them, sighed, and drifted away again.
But for Tav…for Tav, the big thing?
None of his brothers held his hand. That was too girly for them, even in the middle of everything, so Tav got to do it. And on the fourth day after Antonio said they were waking him up, Luca held back. He just…Tav held it, and said hello, and Luca squeezed back. Weakly, but he did. And Tav could have sat there for a thousand fucking years, because it had to mean…it had to mean Luca heard him, didn’t it? It had to mean that Luca had heard him, and knew who he was, and wanted to say hi back. Right?
So on the fifth day after, on the Thursday, Tav got out of school as fast as possible and persuaded Ian to drive him up to the hospital between clients. He got there especially early, just as visiting hours started, and was all geared up for another four hours of holding Luca’s hand and ranting to him about how unreasonable it was of Tav’s teachers to expect him to be doing fucking homework, especially right now…
But Tav’s heart stopped when he pulled back the curtain—because the dark head on pale pillows rolled laxly in his direction.
“Luca?” he breathed.
“He’s in and out a bit.” Paolo—sitting with a book in the visitor’s chair that had become ‘the family observation chair’ as opposed to ‘the Luca interaction chair’—grinned, and patted Luca’s good hand on the sheets. “Hey, Luca. It’s Tav.”
“Tav?”
Luca’s voice was barely more than a croak, and Tav felt the hot burn of tears. His chest seized and he dropped his bag by the bed, caught by those half-lidded eyes and that vacant, bleary stare.
“Hey,” he whispered.
“Tav?” Luca repeated, and his fingers twitched under Paolo’s. “Y’came?”
“Yeah, I came, I’m here,” Tav said, and Paolo passed Luca’s limp hand to him. The wrist was weak and the grip feeble, but those narrow fingers were warm and familiar. “Hey.”
Luca frowned, blinking as if in slow motion. “Tav?”
“Yeah,” Tav breathed. He swallowed and tried to smile. “I’m so glad to see you.”
Luca’s face twisted. His nose wrinkled and his mouth stretched down at the edges, sharp like he hadn’t quite meant to. “M’sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Tav said, not quite sure what the apology was for. “It’s okay, you’re here now.” Ish. “How are you feeling?”
“M’sorry,” Luca repeated, and started squeezing Tav’s hand weakly. His eyes were getting wide and he started to shift against the sheets. “I’m sorry, Tav.”
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Tav soothed, brushing the edges of his fingers against Luca’s hair carefully. When Luca turned his face into the attention, he pushed his hand into those thick curls and started to…to pet, as Luca had always accused him of. “What’re you sorry for?”
&n
bsp; Paolo pushed his book aside and sat forward in his chair with a deep frown. “Luca?” He squeezed Luca’s upper arm, but Luca’s blown gaze never wavered from Tav.
“You came,” Luca breathed, and then his fingers were around Tav’s wrist instead of his hand. “Stay. Y’ll stay?”
“Sure, I’m here to see you,” Tav said, exchanging glances with Paolo. “What’re you sorry for, Luca? You didn’t mean to—hey, no, don’t!”
The tears were accompanied with a hitching sob and a muted groan of pain. Luca’s hand was suddenly strong again, a vice around the bones of Tav’s wrist, and Tav pulled it up to kiss the white knuckles and then Luca’s forehead.
“Hey-hey-hey,” he murmured, trying to soothe without his usual go-to of a hug. “Don’t cry, Luca. Don’t cry. It’s okay, I’m right here, aren’t I? I’m not going anywhere. I have a whole two weeks’ worth of kisses for you and everything. Baci, yeah?”
“Here, sit here,” Paolo murmured, coming around the bed. Tav gingerly raised himself off the chair enough to let Paolo slide it to the very head of the bed, and when he sat down again, found his arm being pulled across Luca’s upper chest to cover those sharp collarbones. Luca clung to his elbow, tears leaking from wide brown eyes, and the sight of him hurt. “He finds that comforting. I think.”
“Hey,” Tav whispered. The new position brought his face much closer, and he nudged his nose against Luca’s forehead. “Hey, don’t cry. What’re you sorry for?”
Luca mumbled something, and Paolo snorted. “English, Luca.”
“Th’argument.”
Paolo squeezed Tav’s shoulder. “Do you want a minute?”
“Please,” Tav whispered, and when the curtain whispered shut behind him, returned his eyes to Luca’s. “Luca? Luca, forget about the argument. I’m sorry, too. We were both being stupid, yeah? There’s more important shit now.”
Luca shook his head and squeezed Tav’s elbow tightly. “I’m sorry.”
“Okay? Apology accepted? Luca, what’s the―”
“Don’t—come back.”
“I haven’t gone anywhere.”
“Come back,” Luca insisted, and started to cry harder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean t’upset you, pl’se don’t leave me…”
Tav’s heart lurched. It physically twitched, and he felt like Luca had hauled off and punched him in the chest. “Leave you?” he echoed incredulously, and the words sounded foreign. Did that mean something else in Italian? It had to, right? Levame, or something like it, that had to be an Italian term, right? A verb or something? Because there was no way Luca had actually said what Tav thought he’d said?
“I’m not leaving you!”
Luca’s gaze was—it was horrible. It was the most heartbreaking look Tav had ever seen, and the pieces clicked into place. How on earth Luca had come to that conclusion was beyond him—maybe it was the morphine, or waking up without Tav in the room—but Luca thought Tav had dumped him, didn’t he?
“Oh my God, Luca, I’m not leaving you,” Tav said urgently, and folded his arm up to rub at the tears with his thumb. One hand in that thick hair and one on that pale skin, he almost cupped Luca’s face entirely, and on impulse he leaned forward to kiss the bridge of that long nose. “I’ve been coming every day to see you, but you’ve been asleep.”
“Not that,” Luca whispered. “The row.”
“Luca, that was days ago.”
“You were so angry with me…”
“You weren’t exactly being shy either,” Tav teased, and kissed the corner of Luca’s mouth. “I was angry. I still think you made a stupid decision—I mean, come on, you’re in hospital now, that’s how stupid it was. But I was never going to split up with you. Okay? Aren’t you the one always saying you’re not going to let anybody else dictate who and how you love? Well, I’m not letting some stupid fight about Jack Collins do it either.”
Luca closed his eyes. Another tear slipped free and headed for the pillow. Tav grimaced and pressed his lips to Luca’s temple, leaving them there for a long minute before pushing another kiss to his earlobe.
“I love you,” he whispered.
Luca’s hand contracted around his elbow again.
“I love you so much, and you scared the shit out of me, and I’m going to kill you when you get out of here—but I’m never breaking up with you, Luca. Okay? I dunno how you got to that thought, but it’s the wrong thought. Alright?”
“I don’t—pl’se…”
“You are mine,” Tav insisted fiercely. “Even being stupid and getting mashed up by a taxi doesn’t change that. Even arguing doesn’t change it. You’re mine and I am never, ever getting rid of you. I’m not dumping you, I promise.”
Luca’s breathing was loud and shaky, but the tears seemed to have stopped. His eyes stayed closed, and Tav leaned sideways until he could rest his head on the pillow and slide the hand in Luca’s hair gently under his neck. When Luca didn’t wince or protest, Tav relaxed. It was as close to a hug as they were going to get, even if the angle he was leaning at was going to give him pins and needles in his left arm.
“Everything okay?”
Paolo. He had bought a newspaper and some chocolate somewhere, and settled back into his chair with a long glance at Luca.
“Is he asleep?”
“No,” Tav murmured, and Luca’s death grip on his elbow eased. “Luca? Y’okay?”
Nothing. The hand on Tav’s elbow started to rub up and down the same inch of skin on the inside of the joint.
“He’ll drop off in a bit,” Paolo said quietly. “Sorry about that, I should have warned you. He’s been freaking out about pretty much anyone who’s not here for long periods of time.”
Tav grimaced.
“Don’t take it personally,” Paolo advised. “He started crying that Granddad Antonelli hated him this morning, that’s how messed up he is right now.”
“But he’ll be okay?”
“Yeah, it’s just the drugs,” Paolo said. “Antonio and Tomas are the same. He’s having nightmares, too, and I don’t think he can tell what he’s dreamed about and what’s real.”
Tav took a shaky breath and pressed forward a fraction to kiss Luca’s hair. His breathing was slowing down, but the hand was still moving.
“We argued,” he said.
“Yeah, I know,” Paolo said, and snorted. “He trashed his room, and you were not flavour of the month when he did it. He’s lucky Mamma didn’t take the broom to him, she was spitting feathers.”
“No, I mean, we argued again. That morning. At the lockers at school.”
Paolo shrugged. “People row, Tav, get over it. And Luca could drive a saint up the wall once he’s dug his heels in.”
Tav chuckled. Luca shifted in his arms and the hand squeezed. “Stay.”
“I’m staying,” Tav promised. Paolo’s reassurance was soothing, and he stroked Luca’s shoulder calmly. “Right here. You want me to bring one of my hoodies or something from home tomorrow?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Luca?” Paolo called, leaning towards the bed and squeezing Luca’s upper arm just below Tav’s joined hands. “You want to try sleeping for a bit, Skywalker? Mamma’s bringing some dinner for you later, you want to be able to talk to Mamma, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Yeah, he’s going,” Paolo murmured. “You okay?”
“Mm.”
“He’ll be fine, Tav.”
Tav swallowed and stared at Luca’s dark coils of hair. They’d been washed again, and looked fluffy like they’d been given the hairdryer treatment. “I know. S’just hard, you know? And what if he freaks out when I’ve gone home and thinks I’ve dumped him again?”
Paolo shrugged. “You’ll just have to keep coming back until they dial down the drugs, won’t you?”
Tav smiled faintly.
“Don’t get wound up about it, that’s my advice. He’s freaking out about anyone and anything. Like I said, he suddenly started giving a fuck about Granddad Antonelli
this morning.”
Tav shifted his gaze to Paolo. “Why Granddad?”
“Huh?”
“Why not…I don’t know the word, but it can’t be Granddad.”
Paolo snorted and smirked. “Because he’s not nonno, he’s a bastard. None of us have seen him in years. One time we went over there, he tried to use his belt on Luca and Tomas for playing dress-up with Mamma’s jewellery. Luca must have been like…seven. Said they’d turn out gay and Mamma needed to beat them more.”
Tav wrinkled his nose.
“Well, one of two ain’t bad, I suppose,” Paolo quipped, and Tav laughed. He stopped quickly when Luca hissed, but those gorgeous eyes didn’t so much as flicker. “You comfortable there for the minute?”
No, but he wouldn’t have moved for the world. Not even for Granddad Antonelli and his belt.
“I’ve got work in an hour, and Antonio’s not coming until half five. Mamma’ll throw a fit if she thinks he was left alone in here. You alright to cover for me for the next hour?”
“Yeah,” Tav said. “I’m not going anywhere. What do I do if he wigs out, though?”
“He won’t,” Paolo said, and smiled. “He’s been asking for you all morning. He’ll be alright for a good few hours now, especially if you’re still here when he wakes up again.”
And with that, Paolo was gone and Tav was left alone. There was no TV, and he couldn’t let go to get his book out of his bag, and he was terrified of Luca waking up and crying again, but—
But Luca was asleep, warm and breathing, a heavy weight on Tav’s arm. He was alive. And he was going to be okay.
Tav settled in, and waited.
Chapter 26: “You don’t remember?”
Luca was drifting when he heard the beeping stop. The sudden quiet was disorienting, and he tried to blink before realising he already had his eyes closed. Why did he have his eyes closed? God, that was stupid of him—even if the thought slid away, and he couldn’t quite remember why it was stupid of him…
Still. The beeping had stopped, and Luca found he didn’t really like the quiet. All the other times he’d woken up, there’d been beeping or people talking. And there were people talking, but not to Luca. They were murmuring, like he was asleep. Where…where was Paolo? Paolo had been reading from one of his dorky books, and Luca kind of wanted him back. Arthur Dent had just found out about mice ruling the world, hadn’t he?
The Italian Word for Kisses Page 23