They took several steps without talking. And then Garrett delved deeper.
“What about the betrothal caused you distress?”
“I felt no distress at all, in the beginning,” Natalie responded. “The wedding was set for a year off, and I assumed I would come to have more romantic feelings for him as the engagement progressed. I hoped so anyway, because—well, the begetting of children and all that.” She looked over at him from under her lashes.
“But you did not.”
“No.” Natalie halted for Baby Bear who’d stopped to examine something curious to only him. “I came to know him better. He was always kind. He was always a perfect gentleman.” And then she smiled mischievously. “Unlike other gentlemen I know.”
Garrett persisted. “You did not wish for him to be such a gentleman?”
“That is a good question.” She tilted her head back and gazed up at the trees. “With the wedding just a month away, a group of us went on a picnic to my dower property, London Manor. Our party consisted of my brother Joseph and his now wife, Glenda. Also her Aunt Lilly, Lord Danbury, His Grace, and myself.”
Lilly, the name sounded familiar. “The aunt? She is the lady Cortland married, is she not?”
“She is. But please, please do not be sorry for me.” Natalie grasped a twig and broke it off. “Lilly is my friend. She is in love with Cortland, and he is in love with her. I became certain of it that day. In fact, I sent them off alone in hopes they might work things out. At that point, I was already desperate for Cortland to break things off.”
Cortland would never break the engagement. The little Garrett knew of the duke was enough for him to know of his impeccable honor.
Garrett did not speak. He assumed she had more to tell.
“Glenda and Joseph went into the manor, and Lilly and Cortland disappeared into the woods. That left Hugh and me alone.”
Oh, hell. Not Danbury!
Garrett knew the viscount as a harmless rake, but he did not like to imagine him with Natalie. Danbury was Cortland’s best friend but not considered nearly as honorable as the duke. In fact, he’d frequented a few of the establishments where Garrett had found pleasure.
“What happened?” Garrett prodded her.
Perhaps he did not wish to hear this. The thought of Natalie with Danbury, especially after this evening’s earlier confrontation, was enough to make him wish he’d gone ahead and laid Danbury out with his fists after all.
“Unlike my fiancé, Danbury lacked any reluctance to…step out of line with me. Not that he would have done so had he thought Cortland held me in any true affection.” She gave Garrett a stern look. “Danbury can be a rake, but he does follow a moral code of sorts.”
“Of course,” Garrett replied, clenching his fists for the second time that night. Was this jealousy? Garrett dismissed it and returned his attention to Natalie’s words.
“It was a lazy afternoon. We’d consumed a good amount of wine and were lying on the blanket in the sunshine.” Garrett did not like the scenario she created in his mind. He did not like the mental image of another man taking liberties with Natalie.
“And then he kissed me, oh, so very different from when Cortland kissed me. Michael had always seemed to hold himself apart. He is so very controlled. But Danbury, his kiss was savage…carnal even.”
Garrett wanted to growl. Instead he asked, “Was it the same as it is”—he stopped walking and kicked at some loose stones in the ground—“between you and me?”
He looked over just in time to see a warm blush crawl into her cheeks. “Oh, no! I mean, it was nice…but not…”—she seemed to be searching for her words—“not at all the same.” Her words ended in a near whisper.
“Do you have feelings for Danbury?”
She’d surprised him. He had thought his kiss had been her first.
“Gratitude.” She laughed. “For showing me so clearly what my betrothal lacked. For showing me the difference between tolerance and passion.” And then she met his eyes solemnly and shook her head. “Nothing more.”
Danbury could live, then.
God, he was besotted.
He needed to get back to his original line of questioning. “And so, after the picnic, you were even more reluctant to go through with the marriage?”
“Yes.” Natalie tugged at Baby Bear’s string pulling him back onto the path. “The thought terrified me.”
“What were you afraid of?” There must have been other things that had put her off the marriage so carefully arranged by her parents. “Were you not looking forward to gaining such a lofty title?”
“I looked forward to being a wife. I looked forward to being a mother. I did not look forward to being a duchess.” She took a few steps and then turned to look at him. “Do you know that I did not even know which of his properties we would have made into our home? I was expected to begin my marriage in a place where I would be a complete stranger to everyone around me. As a duchess, I would never know if people were friendly to me or to my position.” She warmed to her topic. “I was to become involved in large charities and fund-raising. That is what duchesses do, you know.”
“And this was not something you wanted?”
“I like visiting tenants with my mother.” Natalie scooped Baby Bear into her arms. “I like that she can make a difference in their lives and that they have come to love her for this. It is not that any title matters to me, it is just that I wish to matter, me, as a person, not just as an asset in a business arrangement.” She pulled a face. “I feel selfish when I say it out loud.”
Garrett shook his head slowly. “You should not.”
The crack of a branch nearby alerted him that their solitude was about to be interrupted. As the sounds drew nearer, the commotion revealed itself to be unpleasant, indeed.
Men’s voices rose in slurred, foul, drunken language. Realizing how far from the manor they’d drifted, Garrett took Natalie’s arm with the intention of moving her and the dog away from the approaching sounds. He had an uncomfortable suspicion as to whom the voices belonged.
The dog began barking, however, and Farley and Trident stumbled into their path, effectively blocking the way.
Farley, flushed from drink, took in the sight of the two of them together, alone, and spat on the ground. “How the mighty have fallen, Lady Natalie. Now you are not to be a duchess, you’re willing to take up with just about anybody?” His eyes gleamed with malice, and he laughed vindictively. “Does your papa know about this tête-à-tête?”
“Step off, Farley. You’re foxed and have obviously forgotten you are in the presence of a lady.” Garrett would like to have planted the bastard a facer but would not expose Natalie to violence. He was half concerned she would take it upon herself to join in the melee if one were to erupt.
Unpredictable chit.
With a wobble and a belch, Farley reached for the trunk of a tree to keep from tumbling to the ground. “Right you are, Hawthorne. But if that is the case, what is she doing out here with the likes of you?” Trident laughed and whacked Farley on the back.
The hearty slap was more than Farley could withstand, however, and ironically sent him flailing to the ground. Trident’s drunken momentum tumbled him into some bushes.
They were too sloshed to present any real danger.
Problem solved.
Shaking his head in amusement, Garrett looked over at Natalie and shrugged. She appeared to be holding back laughter. Best not to linger, though.
With one hand on the small of her back, Garrett steered Natalie and the pup clear of the two fallen cads and back to the house. The men were drunk, but they were also members of the bloody ton. This fact was laughable, and yet it illuminated the twisted culture inherent within society. The power wielded by such an institution annoyed him.
Garrett didn’t know what these two had witnessed, but if they’d managed to see Garrett kissing Natalie, they would likely not keep the information to themselves. Not that he thought they would even rem
ember the encounter, but if they did, they could instigate all manner of trouble.
The wrong kind of trouble.
Garrett needed to end this…whatever…with Lady Natalie. He could never offer for her. Because he cared for her. If she were to marry him, they would both regret it.
She wanted to be a mother.
She wanted children.
The gravity of this sank his heart like a stone.
He must set her free.
Chapter Seventeen
Something had upset him.
Farley and his cohort had been rude and insulting, but Natalie didn’t think that would have put Lord Hawthorne into such a somber mood.
He didn’t speak a word as he escorted her back onto the terrace. He didn’t attempt to kiss her again nor touch her any more than necessary. Feeling bereft with the sudden removal of his attentions, Natalie hugged her pet under her chin and slipped back into the drawing room. He did not, himself, rejoin the entertainment. He’d given no explanation, only bade her good night.
With the charades game once again in full swing, this time with several gentlemen participating, Natalie’s return went unnoticed. As did Lord Hawthorne’s absence. To avoid conversation, Natalie sat in one of the window seats with Baby Bear. There, she feigned an interest in the antics of Lord Riverton as he attempted to mime what could only be described as a giant rat.
Was it something she’d said? She massaged the folds of skin on Baby Bear’s tiny frame and reflected upon all that she’d told him. He had meticulously interrogated her about her broken engagement. She, in turn, had done nothing to hide her true feelings from him. Interesting that she could be so forthcoming when she’d known him for less than a week.
But why did he care what her feelings were regarding marriage and betrothal? Was he asking in a general sense? Or did he have another motive?
What about the betrothal caused you distress? He asked this question of her when no one, not her father, her mother, her brothers, nor even her ex-fiancé, had thought to ask. Did it matter?
Of course! It ought to have mattered greatly.
There’d been concern for her reputation, concern for the broken contracts, and concern that she find a new suitable betrothed, but no one, no one, had bothered to ask why she was so distressed!
So why should Garrett Castleton care?
Were you not looking forward to such a lofty title? Again, a question no one else had bothered to ask. It was as though Garrett saw her as an intelligent but emotional human being. As her own individual person, with feelings and fears and dreams.
And he had held her close. He’d kissed her with passion and, yes, with tenderness!
What did he mean by it?
She did not wish to consider the concept that teased her. It was such an outrageous thought she dared not let it voice itself even in her own mind.
Does he wish to become betrothed to me?
There, now she’d done it. She’d allowed the thought to enter, and of course, now it would torment her until she knew the answer.
Her parents would never allow it. Her brothers would chase him off the estate the moment they perceived his intent.
Because…because it was one thing to welcome a man into your home, quite another to allow him to marry your daughter. Before this week, Garrett had been essentially blacklisted by most of the ton. His future wife, although a countess, might very well be banished from society. Garrett’s father had been exposed as a madman! Garrett and his children would be tarnished thusly as well.
Natalie touched her abdomen. It would be cruel and irresponsible to have children when they might be born with such a tragic flaw. How must Lord Hawthorne feel then? How must Garrett feel? With that thought, a sharp ache squeezed her heart.
No wonder he seemed so confused. No wonder he did not seek love. He probably considered his own future to be as bleak as his father’s had been.
Pulling Baby Bear closer to her shoulder, Natalie located her mother and excused herself for the night. It had been a long day. Of course, Garrett would not be looking for a wife.
As her feet carried her to her bedchamber, the horrible truth hit her. She was a lady. It had been unfair of her to act so recklessly with him. He could not dally with her as he might with a widow or a dancer…or—well, no matter. Gentlemen were to act toward a lady with honorable intentions, and she had made that impossible for him. What had she, in fact, been willing to give?
He’d been right to push her away. When she’d tempted him, he’d played along but not taken advantage of her. When things had gotten out of hand, he’d been the one to call a halt every time. She’d not acted like a lady at all. She ignored the urge to knock on his door to apologize as she’d done two nights ago. Had it only been two nights?
Instead, she entered her own chamber and found Tinsdale reclining on the loveseat with the mending on the floor. Her head tilted back, a low snore escaped from her opened mouth. Her spectacles rested precariously at the very tip of her nose. Seeing Tinsdale this way made Natalie more aware than usual of how the woman had aged. She looked frail, smaller, and vulnerable.
Dropping to the loveseat, Natalie placed her hand upon Tinny’s shoulder.
“Tinny? I’d let you sleep here all night, but you’d wake with a dreadful crick in your neck.”
Mrs. Tinsdale blinked and sat up. “Just resting my eyes, m’dear.” Flustered, she searched for her needle and fabric.
While Natalie bent down and retrieved the garment, Baby Bear hopped into Tinny’s lap. Chuckling, Tinny lifted him for a kiss. Speaking to Baby Bear, rather than Natalie, the nanny cooed, “And how did Baby Bear do? Was Baby Bear a good boy?” The puppy answered by licking her on the chin and behind her ears.
Natalie tilted her head and watched as her old nurse poured affection on the pup Natalie had been certain would be her very own. Tinny resided in a private suite on the ground floor toward the back of the house. It even boasted an entrance so the elderly lady could come and go from the house without using either the servants’ entrance or the main front door. It would be perfect for letting a puppy take care of business during all hours of the day and night.
“Tinny?”
“Yes, dear.” Mrs. Tinsdale took one of Natalie’s combs and began brushing it through Baby Bear’s short dark hair.
“Would you mind if you and I shared Baby Bear?” Tinny peered at her suspiciously. “You mustn’t think you have to, mind you. It’s just that caring for Baby Bear is much more work than I thought it would be.” She had been willing though, oh so willing. Natalie’s heart broke as she continued, “I think Baby Bear needs two mamas. Don’t you? And perhaps he might do better sleeping downstairs with you, so that he can go outside easier…”
Tinny held Baby Bear closely. “Well, that’s a good point, my lady. It’s mighty grown up of you to realize that Baby Bear may need more attention than you or I could give him alone.” She kissed the pup on the head again. “And I wouldn’t mind keeping him with me.” Was that a tear in the woman’s eye?
Natalie blinked away the extra moisture that had accumulated in her own. “I think Baby Bear would like that.” She reached forward and rubbed the dog’s neck tenderly. “I think he’d like that a lot.”
With that, Mrs. Tinsdale stood up slowly. “In that case I better take this little man downstairs and show him his new room! Turn around, and I’ll unlace you before I go.”
Natalie allowed Tinny to unlace her and before she knew it was left alone holding her dress in front of her. She didn’t know when she’d last felt so empty. It seemed she’d not only lost a dog this evening, but perhaps a lady’s maid as well. She dared not think about what else she might have to let go of.
Unable to hold back the tears any longer, she fell facedown upon her bed. Maybe she didn’t want to grow up after all.
****
“Did you enjoy your moonlit stroll with that young earl of yours?” Aunt Eleanor’s eyes twinkled as she asked the question. Natalie had hoped to slip i
nto the room without being seen.
Oh dear. She and Hawthorne’s long absence had been noted after all. Had anybody else made the observation? Aunt Eleanor was more sharp-eyed than most. Shooting the older woman a sober look, Natalie did her best to refrain from blushing. “He excused himself after a few minutes. I spent most of the time walking Baby Bear—alone.”
Lady Eleanor’s eyebrows rose suspiciously. She must have sensed Natalie’s reticence, however, because she changed the subject. “I have so been looking forward to seeing Cordelia’s work. I hope Lord Hawthorne has not forgotten.”
Garrett would not disappoint the lady. He had more honor in his pinky than most so-called gentleman did in their entire bodies. Natalie forced herself to smile. She did not feel amiable today, but she had been excited to see the contents of the old crates.
She anticipated spending more time with Garrett Castleton as well. Even though she oughtn’t to—either anticipate it or spend more time with him. As she took a sip of her coffee, her gaze caught sight of his figure entering the morning room. Did her heart skip a beat? Was that even possible?
His hair disheveled and his eyes tired, he did not look well this morning. Acknowledging a few of the guests with a slight bow, he then found a plate and approached the sideboard. When he’d loaded it up, Lady Eleanor beckoned him to sit beside her. She then pointedly set the coffee pot within his easy reach.
“Good morning, my lady.” He tipped his head toward Lady Eleanor as he dropped into the chair. “Lady Natalie.”
The other members in the room were involved in various random conversations, and his arrival went unnoticed by most. He set his napkin upon his lap, poured some coffee, and dug into his food.
Just when it seemed he was going to sit silently throughout the meal, he set down his fork and addressed Lady Eleanor. “If you ladies are still of a mind to see my mother’s artwork, I’ll be opening and inspecting the crate’s contents when I am done here. I want to get them resealed and loaded on my coach by this afternoon, however, so I can depart tomorrow morning.”
At that, Natalie’s heart did skip a beat. She knew it must have, for why else would it suddenly hurt to breathe in and out?
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