“But she was so full of life. She wasn’t supposed to die that way!” cried Beth.
“Willa says you must accept her passing because you are the one with so much life left to live and you mustn’t grieve so much for her. She is happy and wants to see you be happy. It is all that she wishes.” Beth sat down, sobbing quietly. When there was this much denial it affected everyone, even the research team members. Shauna took the mic and pressed a hand on Beth’s shoulder to comfort her. She decided not to prod the woman with further questions about herself.
Next there was a man who had been crushed by a huge wooden desk in his office during the same earthquake. Jackson had reached him through his younger brother, Bill. Bill was also asking similar questions as Beth had. He didn’t understand about any special “time to go” thing. His brother had just started making it up the corporate ladder, and was the first black to attain such a high level in this particular company. “Todd made it up from the bottom of the heap. We grew up poor and he was about to buy our mama a house before he died. He was so happy.”
“Todd says to tell you it’s okay. Mama got her house anyway, didn’t she?”
“Yeah, with the insurance policy money from her son’s death! How is she supposed to be happy now? Huh?”
“Your brother wants me to tell you to take your mama to the shore where she took you boys in the summer. Baker’s Beach. Take her there and tell her that Todd loves her still. Love doesn’t die when the soul leaves the body. That person is still the same person with the same memories. Do you understand?”
“I guess so,” said Bill. “But why did he have to die?”
“He was at a certain place at a certain time. That’s all it is for everyone no matter how they move on. Death is a part of life. In your culture you try to ignore death, but it is as certain as birth, which you celebrate. If you knew the truth you would celebrate death as much as birth, for it is indeed a birth into another place. In fact it is a more true reality than this one is. This world is as a dream compared to what lies beyond it. That is the true reality. The man became calm with Jackson’s words. This was his turn to ask questions. “Tell me, Bill. Where were you when the earthquake happened?”
“I was at school. In Berkeley. I wasn’t hurt at all. I just fell down on the grass outside.”
“Can I ask what was your mood? How was school going for you?”
“It was going alright. My grades weren’t as good as my brother’s though. He was way better than me. I guess I was kinda depressed. Everyone had such high hopes for me before Todd died.”
“Were you suicidal, Bill?”
Bill didn’t answer right away. He looked around at the crowd and seemed embarrassed. He stuck his hands in his pockets and looked down. “Yeah. Yeah I was. I had it all planned and everything. I was going to take some pills to get me really loaded then sniff some stuff from a canister and tape a bag over my head.” The crowd was frozen in a hush. “I’d planned to do it that night, in fact.”
“But you never went through with it,” Jackson said carefully.
“No. I had too much to do. I had to find my family and make sure everyone was all right. Then I had to stay with Mama because she was so broken up about Todd. Then afterwards I couldn’t face what doing that would do to my family. They’d already lost Todd. What could I do? I had to stay and keep going to school.”
“So,” Jackson said, “Your brother’s passing saved your life in a way, didn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say so when you put it that way. Huh.”
“We can’t always see the reasons behind things. That’s why we have to open our minds and realize there’s more to the world than what we can sense.”
Shauna thought about that for a moment. It made a lot of sense. She wished she could remember to always keep her mind that open. It just seemed like so much clutter got in the way of keeping a clear mind. Here she was trying to figure out if there was an end to the world as she knew it that was imminent when maybe she just needed to accept whatever happened. Whoever lived, lived, and whoever died, died. Simple as that. No hiding in the mountains, no storing up food rations and hunkering down for whatever catastrophe was coming, but simply going about daily life and wherever you were when it hit, that’s where you were and nothing could stop it. She knew this was a fatalistic viewpoint, but somehow it soothed her. She took the mic from Bill and waited for the next reading.
Rob whispered to Hawk, “Tough crowd tonight, eh?”
“Seems to be. Makes it interesting though, don’t you think?”
“Yes. Quite.” Rob moved over to where Peter was standing. “How’s it going, Sport?”
“Good. Everything is running just fine. I was thinking maybe we should have a backup recorder just in case something went wrong, but I don’t know....”
“That’s not a bad idea. We could pick something up tomorrow. You never know what might go funky on you.”
Jackson was finishing up with Bill. He seemed to be feeling better about his brother’s passing. It was often a hard thing to make peace with, but through Jackson the ones left behind were most often able to take comfort upon hearing their friends or family were still alive and well and, in fact, better off than when in the Earthly realm.
“I’m feeling something over in this area,” Jackson said as he made his way up the center aisle and to the left. He waved his hand in the direction of an older man and some women. “Is there someone here who knows a Heloise? She says she lived on a farm up in the mountains somewhere.”
It was the older man who answered. He had on a dirty shirt and overalls, and a couple days growth of scratchy greying beard. “My wife’s name was Heloise,” he said. “Is that her?”
“She’s talking about a shooting accident. Hunting. A rifle went off and hit her in the head.”
“That’s Heloise,” the man said. He was getting red in the face and rubbed his hands together until finally he stuffed them in his pockets. “What does she want?”
“She says she forgives you. There was a lot on your mind that day.”
“Forgives me? Forgives me for what? I didn’t do anything.” The man seemed to be getting more and more nervous. Shauna could smell the fear on him mixed with other smells– whiskey, sweat. Jackson looked quizzically at him. “She knows you’re sorry she says.”
“It was an accident. I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t mean to...” He pulled out a gun. He was crying now. “Heloise, why couldn’t you just shut the fuck up?” he said. Jackson stood in front of Shauna, who ducked down. The audience started to get up and move away from the madman. The women sitting next to him were trapped. The gun came up and pointed at Noah. “You all are just blasphemers. And you are the worst of them all. I know Heloise didn’t go to heaven. I sent that bitch to hell!” He shoved the gun into Noah’s chest. He tried to back away.
“Please, everyone remain calm,” said Jackson. “Sir, please put the gun away.”
“But I can’t take it anymore. Life is too hard now.” He pointed the gun towards himself. Shauna tried to pull Noah down beside her and away from the man with the gun. Jackson sounded perfectly calm, though. “Your wife accepts your apology Glenn. Your name is Glen, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. Glenn. I shot my wife. I saw her blood on the ground. So much blood.” Shauna was in a panic. Hawk and Rob were slowly making their way up towards them. The crowd was getting very restless. People on the edges were running for the doors. There was terror on everyone’s face but Jackson’s. “You don’t accept Jesus as your personal savior, do you? Glenn asked Jackson.
“Jesus was a great teacher and now walks among us reincarnated.”
“NO!” said Glenn. “He’s our lord and savior and when he comes back people like you will be sent to burn in hell!” Once again he pointed the gun at Jackson. “Maybe I should just do him and everyone else a favor and send you to hell right now.” He pulled the gun up and shot Noah in the left shoulder. He fell down on the steps in the aisle where he’d bee
n standing. Just then Shauna felt Hawk grab her arm and pull her away towards the front of the room. She resisted him. She couldn’t just leave poor Noah here. She took off her sweater and pressed it on the wound firmly. “He’ll bleed to death,” she told Hawk in a loud whisper.
“Who’s next? How about you little lady?” he said as he waved the gun towards Shauna. She looked up and cowered back. “You don’t want to do this Glenn,” she said. “Give me the gun and all this will be over.”
“I’ll say when it’s over!” he said as he pointed the gun in her direction. He seemed wobbly on his feet. The crowd was hysterical now, everyone for themselves as they tried to reach the exits. The women sitting next to Glenn crawled on the floor away from him. People were screaming trying to get out, but there was a log jamb of people at both exits.
“Heloise wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself or anyone else . Please Glenn. Give me the gun,” said Shauna. Hawk tightened his grasp of her and pulled her away from the spot she’d been in just as the gun went off again. It would have surely hit her in the head if Hawk hadn’t pulled her away. Sirens were heard in the distance. It became a cacophony of sounds– police, fire, ambulance sirens all at once. Noah lay where he’d fallen. Shauna tried to get back to him but Rob and Hawk pulled her away. “Ya think you can get away from the soldier of the lord. I am his vehicle to put things right. You sinners and blasphemers have to die. Then you’ll really know what it’s like in the pits of hell for people who do Satan’s work.” He raised the gun again towards the three of them as they ran behind the front chairs and threw themselves to the floor. A bullet hit one of the chairs. The sirens had stopped and Shauna hoped the police would get in here. She didn’t have much hope this guy would make it out of here alive. She just prayed she and the team would. She couldn’t see Fern or Peter.
Glenn started walking drunkenly down the steps towards where they were hiding. “Vengeance is mine sayeth the lord,” he said. Just then Shauna caught a glimpse of a cop in riot gear pushing his way in as the few last people were getting out. He kneeled and scoped for Glenn. He aimed for the heart and his shot was true. Glenn fell over like a rag doll, falling down the last few steps and landing face down on the floor next to Shauna. She ran back up to Noah and pressed her sweater hard against the wound. Somebody yelled out “all clear,” and an ambulance crew came through the doors. Hawk motioned for them to go to where Noah lay on the ground. There was a lot of blood. The paramedics asked them to stand away so they could do their jobs. Shauna stepped back a little.
They checked for a pulse and breathing. They asked what his name was. Hawk looked wonderingly at Shauna. Was it Noah or Jackson? “His name’s Noah,” said Hawk. They tried calling his name to see if he would come around. Then they put an oxygen bag over his face and forced oxygen into his lungs. He was breathing, but just barely. His heartbeat was thready. They hooked him up to an IV and put a cervical collar around his neck before they carefully slid him onto the collapsible gurney.
The ambulance crew told them they were taking him to San Francisco General, but they couldn’t allow citizens to ride along, so they’d have to follow them.
A second team had tried to revive Glenn, but he was gone before they even got to him. This was now a crime scene for the police to handle.
The police wanted Shauna and the rest of the team to stay for questioning, but were persuaded to take their statements at the hospital later so they could stay with Noah. Peter and Fern grabbed up the equipment and went out to the van with the rest of them. They jumped in and Shauna raced for the hospital. She knew exactly how to get there.
Chapter Eighteen
Shauna, Hawk, and the rest of them waited in the emergency waiting room until they were told Noah would be going into surgery on the second floor where there was a lounge with a T.V. set and couches that looked fairly new and at least one step up from hotel lobby fare. Shauna was in shock, so Hawk guided her to the ladies room where Fern helped her get washed up. Hawk saw she still had blood stains under her fingernails. There wasn’t much to say. None of them could comprehend what had taken place just an hour ago. Something had gone very wrong.
To most people what Noah did verged on entertainment. Nothing important enough to kill for. How could something like this have happened, Shauna wondered over and over again in her clouded mind. The numbness began to wear off and the stark reality of what was happening was making angry gashes into her conscious mind. It was making her dizzy. Noah had to be okay. He just had to. It was just his shoulder, but all that blood....
Hawk held her close as they all sat slumped on the overstuffed cushions and startled when anyone peeked their head through the door. Shauna was coming back around fast now. She could feel her heart beating faster. She looked around at everyone as if waking from a dream. It was like walking through a door where everything was changed. Pulling away from Hawk, she stood up and began to pace.
“What’s the doctor’s name again?” she asked.
“I think it’s Dr. Pollito,” murmured Fern, who was sitting between Rob and Peter.
“Oh yeah,” said Shauna. “I hope he’s good. It shouldn’t be too bad. Just his shoulder.”
But all that blood
“They’ll let us know as soon as he’s in the clear,” said Rob. “I’m sure he’ll be fine. We just need to try not to get all uptight and freak out or anything.”
“I’m grateful nobody else got hurt,” said Hawk. “especially you, Shauna. You scared the shit out of me, sweetheart.” He rose from the couch and put his arm around her. She looked at him a moment and resumed pacing.
“He should have given me the gun. I felt him wanting so much to give it to me. It was like he was possessed or something. Maybe he was. I don’t know. He’s gone now. We'll never know.”
“Thank goodness,” said Fern. “That was way too real for me.”
“Me, too,” said Peter. “I’m craving some candy. Anybody want anything from the vending machines?”
They all shook their heads. Peter left the room, glad to have an errand it seemed. Shauna looked out the door after him and down the long hallway. Where was Noah now? Which of these rooms was he in? She smiled when she had the thought that maybe his spirit was hovering around them out of his body while they worked on him. At least she knew he wasn’t afraid... and he wasn’t alone. He always had Jackson with him, as she had Lily. Even if he didn’t make it she knew he’d be okay with it. They’d have to try and contact him on the other side then. Strange thoughts tumbled through her head.
An officer tracked them down and asked everyone questions. He wanted to know if any of them had seen this guy, Glenn Olsen, before or if they had gotten any hate mail. He ended by saying he hoped our friend was going to be okay and left. Three hours had gone by. Finally a nurse came in and told them that Noah was doing fine, but still critical. He had to stay in the ICU for another hour, then he would be wheeled into a room. That’s when they might be able to see him and talk to his doctor.
They were all thoroughly relieved. Tensions eased. They all hugged each other. Fern was crying. This had upset every one of them. Soon another nurse came in to show them to Noah’s room. He looked too much smaller in the bed with all the tubes and blankets around him. His eyes opened when Shauna leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Hi guys,” he said weakly.
“We thought we might lose you for a minute there buddy,” said Hawk. Fern held his free hand.
The doctor came in and introduced himself. “Hi, I’m Dr. Pollito,” he said. “Your friend here has been through a tough time. He lost a lot of blood. It looks like he should recover just fine, though. The bullet went right through after a little detour off the clavicle. If you’re going to be shot it’s not a bad place for it actually. He’ll have to stay here with us for a few days if everything goes well, which I have no reason to think it won’t.”
“Thanks doctor,” said Hawk. The doctor then left them with Noah.
“I'm so sorry,” said Shauna.
“What have you got to be sorry for, Shauna?” asked Noah.
“I should have pulled you down or something. Jackson just stood there.”
“Jackson did what he thought was right at the time, that’s all.”
“I know,” she said. “We should all get out of here and let you sleep and get better.”
“Okay,” said Noah. “Hey Hawk.”
“Yeah?” said Hawk.
“While I was in surgery Jackson took me upstairs, if you know what I mean.”
“He did?” said Hawk.
“Yeah. I was with him the whole time. They did healings on me over there too. I saw things and places I’ve never seen before. It was pretty cool.”
“You’ll have to tell us all about it when you get better. It sounds incredible.”
“Bye Noah,” said Fern as she gave his hand a squeeze.
“See ya later,” said Rob. Everyone touched Noah in some way as they said their good-byes for the night.
“You have the number at the hotel if you need anything. Even if you just wanna talk, okay?” said Hawk.
“Sounds good. Thanks, you guys,” said Noah. He closed his eyes and slept.
– – –
The rest of the group went back to the hotel and went to Hawk and Shauna’s room.
“I guess now we figure out what to do from here,” said Hawk. “We’re supposed to have another reading tomorrow night, but I think we’d better cancel.”
“Yeah, I don’t think I’m up to subbing for Noah after what happened,” said Peter.
“But the night after that you might have to do just that Peter,” said Shauna. “How do you feel about that?”
“Noah wouldn’t be there to help me,” he said. “I don’t know.”
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