by Kara Hart
“No, Marshall. I didn’t know I’d fall in love with you,” she says.
“Everything is a lie,” I say, feeling the anger rush in. It’s like the door that she opened for me has now closed forever. A solid chain wraps around the entrance and no key can unlock it now.
“It’s not a lie!” she screams. Now, I’m certain people are staring at us. Adam was right. I can’t believe he was fucking right. “What we have is real.”
“I can’t see you again. I have to take you in,” I say, though the thought of that disgusts me.
“Leave with me,” she says, as if this was her grand plan all along. “Leave the country with me. We can go anywhere. Nobody has to know. I can turn the money in. I can start over, with you. Together. Please, Marshall.”
“There’s not going to be any starting over. We were building something strong, but there was no concrete holding everything together. Now, it’s crumbling. My world is fucking crumbling down,” I say. “Don’t ever talk to me again. Don’t ever look for me again. I want you out of this city in two days. I never want to hear your name again.”
“No!” she bawls. I wipe myself off, feeling tainted. The sex we just had went from hot to something I never want to think about again. To think, I was hoping to start a life with this woman. How could I be so blind? I leave the table and turn my head from her. All I can see is the exit as I walk forward. My vision is blurred with anger and despair.
“Goodbye, Vi,” I whisper to myself. “Goodbye, forever.”
Virginia
I fucked up my only chance at forever. With two hands against his chest, I felt his heart pumping with the rhythm of my own. And then, with the sound of my voice, I let the beat crash into a violent crescendo. I watched as the city of our love burned away. I blew out the last candle and he drifted from me as fast as our eyes met on that first night.
I can’t stop thinking about everything as I slowly pack my things. Leave this city… I have two days to get out of here, but I have nowhere to go. I can’t come up with those plans right now. Nothing really makes any sense. Why I told him, why I put myself in this situation… it’s all beyond me.
I couldn’t keep the lie at the center of our love. If I did, it tainted the whole thing. Honesty, truth, and being 100 percent real is what love is really about. So in that sense, I don’t regret a thing. Anyway, I knew this was going to be our fate. I knew from the very start.
When something like this happens, you just wish you could go back in time. The whole time you’re righting these wrongs, you see it with open and clear eyes. You keep asking yourself, “Why are you doing this?” But there is no response. You watch as you commit these wrongs, over and over again. The cycle of disappointment is never broken.
I guess this is just part of my story. Eternal unhappiness. The girl that loves to fuck it all up. Look at where I am and look at where everyone else is who once surrounded me. Craig is dying. Elroy is rotting in jail. Warren Marshall’s heart has been crushed to dust. But I’m left here, as I always am, a stone, waiting for the end to come.
I zip up my bags and sit in bed, crying to myself. The pain is never-ending. This time, I don’t think I’m coming back from it. I picture myself as an old spinster, rotting away in an apartment somewhere. I deserve it, anyway.
I can’t be with anyone else. I don’t want to. All I want is Marshall. I want to fix things that cannot be fixed. We had such big plans. We were going to go to Mexico together. We were going to travel and discover ourselves. We were supposed to grow old together, dammit.
I guess I need to stop thinking about it. It only makes things worse. Only, I can’t get the image of how this all started out of my head. Running from the bank, escaping, and ending up at that bar was like fate guiding us together. When I bumped into him, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The fear was so immense. And yet, something kept me there. Sure, I was scared, but I was also enamored almost immediately. His charisma and confidence was like nothing I had ever experienced before.
I knew I had to stay and talk with him. I couldn’t say no and walk away because then I’d never know what could’ve been. Well, I know now. What could’ve been was everything. And I let it crash to pieces.
Marshall
Have you ever felt your heart physically hurt inside your body? Before now, I had never felt that. Before Vi, things were always normal. It wasn’t the most exciting life, but there wasn’t any pain attached to it. I just did my job, went out with some women to pass the time, and went to sleep. That’s how it was before her. I led a simple life.
Now, everything has fallen apart. Picture this: a grown man as sexy as me, laying on his bathroom floor with a bottle of bourbon in hand. It ain’t a pretty picture, right? That’s what this woman has done to me. She makes my head spin, my stomach turn, and my eyes wince.
She knew what was going to happen. She did it anyway. Of course she did. Why wouldn’t she? Here’s a woman who’s hell bent on playing games. From the very first night we met, she wanted to destroy everything that I had become. To her, I was just the enemy, waiting to bring her down. Yet, I had no fucking clue.
Vi. A bank robber. A criminal. It’s unfathomable to me. This woman has put me in the worst position known to man.
Lying on my bathroom floor, I hear my phone vibrate. I glance at the screen, but I can’t make out the name. I’m too fucking drunk and heartbroken for this shit. I answer it anyway, hearing Adam’s stupid voice in the phone. I can’t let him know about Virginia. He’d rub it in my face, gladly.
“Where are you, man?” he asks. “You were supposed to be here over an hour ago.”
“I’m piss drunk,” I say. “Leave me the hell alone.”
“You’re what?!” he screams. I can hear him scurrying out of the station. Outside, I can hear the cars whizz by. It’s about 9 AM and my head is throbbing. The thought of going out into the real world right now completely disturbs me. How could anyone do that at a time like this?
“Man, you have to be here. Craig just woke up from his coma. We’re hoping to get some information out of him later today,” he says.
“Fuck,” I groan. “The bastard woke up already? You’re not going to get any answers today. It’s too soon.” My words are slurred, but I’m capable of forming some coherent sentences at least.
“You need to be here. Freddie’s going to flip,” he says.
“Tell him I’ve got a fever. I’m puking my brains out. Tell him anything. I don’t give a damn. I can’t drive a car, let alone walk into work like this,” I tell him.
“Dammit, Marshall,” he sighs. “I’m coming over. Don’t do anything stupid.”
“Like hell you are!” I scream, but he just hangs up the phone. “Bastard.”
It feels like only seconds have passed when he knocks on my door. “Come in!” I yell, unable to pick myself off the ground.
I hear his footsteps in the hallway. I look up and see him standing over me. “You weren’t lying,” he laughs. “You’re totally fucked up, aren’t you?”
“Shut the fuck up, Adam,” I say. “Don’t be like that, right now. I’m hurting.”
“Headache? You need some Advil?” he asks.
“It’s my heart, dammit,” I say. “She took my heart, squished it in her hands, threw it on the pavement, and stepped all over it. She broke it into a million pieces. Now, I’ve got nothing to live for. Nothing.”
“Jesus, man,” he leans over and hands me a water bottle. “I’ve never seen you like this before. I thought women were a dime a dozen to you.”
“You envy me, right? You envy this?” I laugh with malice. “Women used to mean nothing to me. And then I met her. Virginia!”
I’m an embarrassing piece of shit. At least, that’s how I feel. Melodramatic. A man isn’t supposed to hurt like this. He’s supposed to pick himself up, dust off his jeans, and get back into the ring. Instead, I’m laying on the floor, drunk as hell, and I’m on the verge of tears.
“What happened?” he asks me.
“Why�
��d you always blame her, man?” I skip over his question. “You always made her out to be a criminal.”
“I didn’t,” he says. “Elroy said that the woman—”
“Fuck Elroy!” I yell, sitting up. The room starts to spin, but I manage to stop it in my head. “We were partners. You’re supposed to stick by me, man. You can’t go around blaming people for shit they didn’t do.”
“I wasn’t blaming her. I was keeping the option open. This case is important to me,” he says. Anyway, he was right. He doesn’t know it, but he hit the nail right on the head.
“Well, you can fuck off with your assumptions,” I say. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. She’s gone. She left me for good.”
“I don’t understand. I thought you were in love,” he says. “I saw you two together yesterday. You looked happy enough.”
That was back when life was perfect. Funny how it wasn’t that long ago, but it feels like another life entirely. “Shit happened, okay? She’s gone. Let’s leave it at that,” I say. “And I’m not coming into work. Not today, anyway.”
“You don’t want to be the one to question Craig?” he asks. “You sure? It wouldn’t bring you any joy?”
“I’m done caring about justice.” I smile. “You hear me? Done. I’ll be there tomorrow. Talk to Craig. I don’t give a flying fuck what happens.”
He gets up from kneeling next to me and shakes his head. “Get some rest, man. You’re losing it. I miss the old Marshall,” he says. I feel an angered sadness waiting to burst inside of me. He misses the old Marshall? Well, shit. I wish I’d never been born in the first place. Then, Virginia couldn’t have broken my heart.
“See you tomorrow,” I whisper. Tomorrow. Sure.
Marshall
The next day, I wake up feeling shittier than ever. I’m too sober to run away from the pain. Now, nothing matters to me. I’m as blank as a man can be. In some odd way, this gives me defiant strength. I walk into the station, ready to bring this case to rest.
“Bring me to Craig,” I say. Adam glances up at me from his desk and smiles.
“You’re finally ready?” he asks me. “You look a hell of a lot better than yesterday.”
“I’m fine,” I say. “Just a bad day. You ever have one of those? Come on. You ready to get this over with?”
“I’ve been dying to,” he says, grabbing his keys. We storm out of the building so fast that even Freddie is bewildered.
“Freddie’s tried his tactics on him, but he’s not budging. The guy keeps claiming he can’t remember anything, like he’s got amnesia or something.”
“Bullshit,” I laugh. “He knows exactly where he is. The man doesn’t want to go to jail, but he’s going to end up there, regardless.”
“I figure you’re the one for the job, not Freddie. This is your area of expertise,” he says. “Let’s just hope he tells us who the third party is. That woman.”
Virginia. The woman who broke my soul. What am I going to do with her and the knowledge she gave me? The hard pill to swallow isn’t that she committed the crime. I can deal with that eventually. It just takes some time. No, the worst part is feeling how checked out I am. And it’s all because of her. After this case, I’ll surely quit the force. It’s my time. The woman I loved duped me. You can’t come back from something like that.
“Something tells me she’s long gone,” I say.
I think of her packing her things. I imagine her leaving town in a taxi. Maybe she’ll take a boat overseas somewhere. Maybe she’ll end up in Mexico by herself. Without me.
Fuck, we had so many plans. We were going to conquer the world. I really felt like we would. How can it all be over? The heavy blows come in waves of pain and misunderstanding. Confusion. It’s part of the grieving process. Sometimes I find myself denying that it ever happened. Other times, it’s just so fucking obvious. In the end, you don’t know what to believe. You just know that it’s not how it was anymore.
We pull into the hospital, walk through those blue doors, and come across Craig Richardson’s room. The doctor is standing in front of the door, blocking our access.
“Move aside, please,” Adam says. “We have a court order.”
“I won’t let you terrorize this man during the healing process,” the doctor says. “He deserves to get better.”
“Look,” I sigh. “I’ve had a really fucking hard couple of days. The least you can do is let us through.”
“Frankly, I don’t care about your last couple of days. I’m a doctor. I focus on health.”
I let him have his say. Sure. When he’s finished I say, “This man killed someone six years. He killed someone and then robbed two banks. He doesn’t get time to fucking heal. People like him don’t deserve time,” I say, fed up with all the bullshit.
“Excuse me?” he asks, confused.
“Move aside or you’re under arrest,” I say. When he doesn’t move, I push him aside.
“Calm down, Marshall,” Adam whispers.
“I don’t give a damn anymore, Adam,” I tell him honestly. Then, I face Craig. Can you believe it? The bastard actually has a smile on his face. Even with the tubes coming out of his nose, he’s smiling. “Craig Richardson. I’ve been waiting weeks to talk to you.”
“Marshall,” he whispers, out of breath. “We finally meet.”
“It’s a real pleasure,” I say.
“I want to speak to you alone,” he says. “I won’t talk if this man stays in the room with us. I don’t trust him.”
“He’s under strict orders to stay,” I say. Though, I wish he’d leave as well. “I’m sorry, but he’s gotta stay.”
“Then you get nothing from me,” he says. “I’m very weak. I think I’ll go to sleep for a while.”
“It’s fine,” Adam sighs. “I’ll wait outside. You got this?”
“Yeah,” I groan. “I got this.”
Adam exits the room and closes the door. “Make sure it’s shut,” Craig says. “We have some things to discuss, no doubt.”
The door is definitely shut and I doubt Adam can hear anything. I can see him sitting against an opposite wall outside. I get right to the point with this guy.
“Virginia,” I say.
He nods and smiles. “So, you already know?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “I know too much.”
“You’re not going to turn her in, are you?” he asks with a concerned look on his face.
“Why do you want to protect her so badly?” I ask him. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t turn her in right now?”
“Well, for one, you withheld the information for quite a long time,” he says. “How’s that going to look to the feds in there?”
“I just found out. I’m not withholding shit,” I say.
“Oh, so your partner knows? That’s good. I was under the impression he was being kept in the dark,” he smiles.
“What’s your fucking point?” I ask, getting irritated.
“The point is, we’re all capable of making mistakes. Even you. Mister police man. Mister fucking hero,” he says.
“I’ve never killed anyone. I’ve never robbed a bank,” I say. “I don’t take from people. I try and do my best. That’s the difference between me and you.”
“And the difference between you and Virginia, I suppose?” he laughs, but it hurts him to strain his stomach.
“Me and Virginia are done,” I say. “For good.”
“Cute,” he says. “Anyway, it’s none of my business. I’m not out to turn her in. I know I’m going to prison for a very long time.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “After this case, I’m done working for the force. You at least won on that front.”
“Justice, right?” he laughs. “I don’t really give a damn. It’s all so inconsequential.”
“What do you care about, Craig?” I ask.
“I cared about leaving this place. Now, I’m stuck here forever. Funny how that goes,” he says.
“You’ll admit to everythi
ng? The murder… everything?” I ask him.
“Why not? I have nothing to live for anymore. Might as well start living truthfully,” he says. When he can tell I’m not buying it, he adds, “Don’t worry. I’ll help your case, but I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for Virginia.”
“Vi?” I frown. “Why? You think she cares about you?”
“You’re wrong about her, Marshall. Deep down, she’s a really good woman who got conned into a false narrative,” he says.
“She used me,” I look away. “She used me to get information out of the case. I know she did, dammit.”
“You know, she kept your relationship somewhat of a secret to us,” he admits. “We had to pry it out of her. I don’t think you know her intentions as well as you think. Goodbye, Marshall.”
“See you in court,” I mutter, walking out the door. When I turn to look at him one last time, he’s got his eyes closed and he’s breathing heavy.
“What happened in there?” Adam asks me right away.
“He’s going to play ball in court, that’s what happened,” I say. “Can we go home now?”
“You did it? It was that easy?” he looks astonished.
“Yeah, well, I’ve stopped giving a fuck ever since… well, ever since Vi left me. I guess it’s helped me in the long run.” I give a short smile.
He nods and thinks to himself for a minute. “And the woman who helped them? Who was she?”
“You try asking him. They won’t budge on that bit,” he says. “My guess? She’s far away from here now, sailing near the coast of Mexico.”
I think about Virginia, all alone. She’s probably on some boat somewhere, looking back at Texas. She’s no doubt remembering what we had. I can’t forget it either. She’s starting a new life now. Only, it’s without me.
Virginia
I hop in the cab and drive toward the docks. It’s a couple of hours away. There’s nothing left for me here. Now that Marshall has sworn me off, I don’t know what to do. There’s no forgiveness in this world that’s large enough for me.