by Ann, Pamela
“Tired?” I softly asked as I lathered her shoulder blade.
“Why fuck me so good knowing we wouldn’t be fucking any longer after we land? That’s all shades of messed up. It pisses me off a little. Actually, I’m furious.” She shook her head and closed her eyes. “Now that I know how great you are, I’ll be thinking about you filling her the way you did with me. Lucky, lucky Rose…” Piercing gray eyes fluttered wide open. Their fierceness struck me as they penetrated into my blues. “Is sex with me as good as with Rose, Jared?”
Gisele always liked to cross the invisible line. I was still not quite used to her brash interrogation. Actually, I doubted I ever would be. And as always, we’d end up fighting. It was as if she couldn’t fathom enjoying a moment without provoking a fight. Was it a deflection of some sort? There was no mistaking how jealous she was. But if she truly wanted me, the divorce shouldn’t be on her mind at all. Well, before Japan happened, I’d have understood it…but after? No. It was unfathomable to me. Not when I was quite moved by the unadulterated force of our attraction, the potency of our intoxicating chemistry, and this mind-consuming, perpetual yearning within, one that she alone could quench, one she alone could silence.
The mirroring anger seizing us earlier ebbed away. Gisele diffused our long-standing tradition of lashing out at each other by kissing me.
“No. It’s not like with Rose, Gisele.” I kissed her nose, linking my gaze with hers. “Sex with you feels downright mental. It’s impossible to describe it. When I touch you, I’m consumed by an indescribable intrinsic feeling to connect with you. Like a missing puzzle, there’s always a void. But once I have you in my arms, the void is filled with the missing piece, completing the mystery.”
Tracing my lip with her thumb, she forlornly stared at my face. “I love you. You have no idea what I’d give to have you, but we both know how this goes. Japan was different because Rose isn’t there. But we’re back to reality, and I’m not going to compete with her. I’m done trying to because you’ll always choose her. I’m this chick you’ve wanted to have sex with, and now that you have, there’s nothing else I can offer you, Jared—not like her. You’ll bore of me, walk away like you always do. As much as I love you, I know I won’t survive another time of you doing it.”
“No, don’t say that.” Holding her close, my forehead rested against hers. “We’ve never been on the same page. I’ve never felt anything like this, and if we end this, right here, right now, we’ll always wonder ‘what if.’ Do you really want to spend the rest of our lives wondering why? I sure don’t. I want you desperately. Just you and me. Like this. Everyday. Every night. Just like this.”
She vehemently shook her head. “You don’t understand—”
My thumb pressed against her lips, shushing her. “Stay with me,” I breathed out ardently. “Let’s stay together, date, and get to know each other better and have a little fun. It’s time we really make a go for it…see how this works out, Gisele. We need to look at us, look at how we couldn’t seem to get enough of each other. Not just with sex. Don’t get me wrong; it’s bloody phenomenal…but I’m referring to how we’ve been inseparable—kissing, hugging, laughing. How do you think we’ll fare getting back to our lives, pretending as though none of this happened? I know I’m able to function getting on with life, but I’m choosing not to. I need you in my life, Gisele. As my woman…as my girlfriend and hopefully soon, if you’re willing, as my wife in the truest sense of the word.”
Her stunning features contorted. Her eyes frowned with uncertainty. Red lips wobbled with indecision. “This isn’t something to joke about. I don’t find this funny. We hate each other. You can’t stand me. I bore you, remember? Don’t fuck with my feelings, Jared. I’m not going to play this game with you. It’s just cruel.”
“Stop discouraging everything I tell you. You know me well enough to grasp the gravity of my words. I’m not one to propose such a subject if I don’t mean it. I just wouldn’t.” My eyes implored. “I’m not one to indulge in wasting someone’s time. So, when I tell you I want you, I bloody well do. I know I promised to let you go once we step out of this plane, but I’m telling you now, I won’t be able to. I just fucking can’t. It’s just unfathomable to me, not when I’m gravely addicted to you.”
Her breath hitched. Gray eyes bared and opened as she slowly gave me a glimpse of her soul, her heart. “If I say yes…if I do…will you move back into the house?”
My lips gently brushed against hers, needing a quick connection, like a glue to bind us together, before I brought my gaze to meet her intense stormy one. My decision had been cemented the moment I grasped the truth—that indulging in her body alone wouldn’t be enough any longer. I craved more depth, more laughter. There were layers of her I had yet to discover, and I hankered to know each one of them intimately. “I already did. It was done over the weekend.”
Her shocked expression was priceless. “What? I don’t understand.”
After all the mishaps I’d put her—us—through, I knew I had so much to prove and make up for. Either way, as long as she was with me, stayed with me, we would always find a way to compromise. “With or without a divorce, I made a decision last Thursday right after we had sex. I’m staying…with you.”
“Oh.” Her voice trembled as she peered at me through her long lashes. “And Rose? Where does she fit in any of this?”
“Nowhere. This time, I’m permanently breaking things off with her. I'll see her first thing in the morning. No more other people. No more Rose. No more Wyatt. No more other men asking you for dates, and definitely no more giving your phone number away, Gisele. It’ll be just you and me, hand in hand, working it out, as it should’ve been from the start.”
“This all seems surreal, Jared. I don’t know. Are you sure you're not just blinded by lust?” Her profound hesitation did little to sway my perseverance to see us through.
“I'm blinded by a lot of things, but I'm not blind to think that I can’t go on another day, hour without you,” I vehemently ground out, “Tell me you feel the same. I see it in your eyes. It's a reflection of mine. But I need to hear you say it. Tell me you need me just as I need you, Gisele.” My lips trailed kisses on her jawline as my half-mast member sprung to its full girth.
“Jared...” she moaned hopelessly as her body involuntarily responded to me. Slightly parting her thighs, my shaft lodged into her slick folds, enveloping it with her warm essence.
Christ…Would the time ever come when I wouldn’t want this body? I felt mental—out of my depth—but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. It was as if I had to connect with her, be it through touch, sex, kissing or through a quick gaze. I had to feel her in every sense of the word. It was the truest of form, in its most primal source, calling upon my primitive nature. It was embedded within. It was intrinsic. Animalistic.
“Say it, kitten,” I relentlessly pressed on. “Tell me you want me. Say you need me, Gisele.” I waited for a beat, but when she didn’t oblige, fear slowly grew. “Do you want to make this easy or the hard way? It doesn't matter. I want you, and I won't stop until you're mine again. So. Choose.”
She shook her head, hiding a mischievous grin as her lips met my forehead. “In case it escaped your notice, Sir Genius, you're not giving me a choice."
Ah, well, she caught on fast. “More or less, kitten. I’m not ready to give up just yet.”
“Why do you need to hear it? Nothing’s changed.” she shrugged, connecting the tip of her nose against mine, surrendering to the inevitable. “I want you, Jared St. James. Always have, always will.”
Chapter 29
Gisele
The following morning, I woke up with him gone. After arriving last night at almost around midnight, we were both beyond exhausted. We both fell into a deep coma the moment we entered my bedroom where the pristine bed awaited us.
Thinking back, I realized we were inseparable for the past few days. And I’d never been happier. Content with undiluted bliss. We were cocooned in our own world, bas
king in each other.
But that was all in the past…so here we were, back to the present, to my unfortunate reality. I was bitterly reminded that in this life, happiness and completion didn’t apply. After years of riddled pain, dejection, and being alone, I knew a happy ending with Jared would be too good to be true.
Even then, there was a speck within me, within my soul, steadfastly flickering brightly amidst the darkness and insecurities shrouding my mind. A fleck of hope, commanding me to not give up.
Lounging in bed, I stayed a while, pondering before I sighed and went to shower after thirty minutes without hearing from him. I faintly remembered waking up to him kissing me on the forehead before leaving, promising he’d be back before I got out of bed.
That was three hours ago.
Jared had been gone without a call or message from him. That only meant one thing—he couldn't resist her. What did I truly expect? Rose was and would always be the woman who owned him—body, heart, and soul. Again, how could I compete with that? Apart from sex, I had nothing much to offer him. After all, didn’t Jared deem me as a ‘little girl’ at one point in time? I supposed I wasn’t sophisticated enough to satiate him.
If he went back to her, well, I’d always have Japan to remember him by. But I wouldn’t hold him back. Nor did I consider begging. We’d been there before, and it was a route I passionately refused to take again. So, I would let him go, set my love free to be happy with her.
My eyes welled with tears as I turned the shower dial on. I’d been so blinded by my own selfishness I’d forgotten about Rose’s mighty effect on him.
My chest ached as I diligently scrubbed my body. Evident marks of Jared’s biting marred my skin. His semen still spurted out of my slit. I lost count how often he came inside me. After the fifth time, I stopped taking note.
Even though he couldn’t seem to get enough of me, at the end of the day, this was all physical. Just good old sex. No more, no less.
The shower’s steam did little to calm and lift my spirits and unsteady heart. Finishing up, I haphazardly wrapped my body in a white fluffy towel before getting out of the walk-in shower. I was so engrossed with my own thoughts I didn’t spot Jared leaning against the marbled counter, arms on his chest, deeply pondering.
My breath caught in my throat as my heart rapidly accelerated. As I eyed him tentatively, his stance brought little to ease my anxiety. His forlorn countenance spoke out loud. The man didn’t bear good news.
It merely took one look at him and I knew just then that Jared was about to leave me again. The ache gnawed deeper into my heart. But this time, I was quite prepared for this damning exchange. “So, I guess that's short-lived. If you're taking the time to tell me you're walking away again, save your breath, Jared. No need to ween me off. I’m a big girl. Fear not, I won’t hold you back. You can freely go now.” Without throwing him another lingering gaze, I steeled my resolve as I went past him, heading towards my closet to change. But then Jared forcefully yanked me back, pulling me into his arms, holding me down.
His head sought the nook of my neck, breathing me in before expelling a strangled breath. “I’m not going anywhere without you, kitten.”
All tension in my body evaporated in a heartbeat. The urge to cry was extraordinary, but instead of spilling tears, I clung onto him, sending a small silent prayer to not take him away from me, too.
We remained thus, quite frozen as we comforted each other with our warmth. No words were spoken, but based on our rapid heart rates, I knew he felt just as I did.
After a good minute or two, I slowly pulled away a little so I could see his gorgeous face. His eyes shone brightly. A different mixture of emotions ran deep within his soul. Stark and vivid. Undefended and profound. “What's with the sad face, my love?”
He shook his head before sighing and kissing my forehead. “She didn't make it easy. She went off. She went utterly ballistic, hurling insults, throwing things at me before she threatened to kill herself...That’s why I took forever to get back—I had to have someone watch over her for a while. The doctor and his appointed nurses will be taking turns for suicide watch. I feel utterly terrible, but I can’t stay with her. I need you, Gisele. You’ve ingrained yourself in my life. Letting you go is unfathomable to me. I need to be with you desperately.”
Jesus…Rose went crazy when Jared broke it off with her? I understood the hurt. I was in the same boat not long ago, but to go to such an extent? I couldn’t even dare try to comprehend her kind of reasoning. But each person processed pain differently. Her journey differed from mine. Each story different, singularly setting us on a unique path to embark. Mine might be more painful than hers. And I supposed, as time went on, I simply got used to it. Life experiences toughened one’s resolve. My armor, though cracked and chipped, was impenetrable.
My thumbs brushed over his eyebrows, hoping to ease his furrowed brows into submission. “I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m sure it wasn’t easy. But are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”
He shrugged before lifting his arm, baring thin superficial wounds. “Just a few scratches. Not a big deal.”
My stomach lurched at the sight of his blood. “Jesus! Let me get a first aid kit.” I tried to untangle his steel band of arms, but he wouldn’t let me move. “Let me just take care of that. Then we can carry on holding each other, okay?”
“I need to hold on for a little longer. Is that so much to ask, kitten?”
I shook my head, swallowing the lump in my throat. “No, of course not.” What happened out there? I wanted to ask. He seemed somewhat traumatized by Rose’s rejection of a break-up. Needing to comfort him, my hands rubbed his back.
“I have a confession to make.” I found myself saying, needing to free the truth before it slipped out of my mind.
“What?”
“It’s about Wyatt.”
He groaned, sounding beyond shattered. “Save it for another time. I beg of you.”
“It’s not that bad. It’s just that I knew I promised before…maybe it doesn’t matter since we weren’t anything then—maybe, I don’t know? But after my birthday, Wyatt came back with me and slept the night here. Nothing happened; however, it wasn’t for his lack of trying. I just wanted to tell you that…is all.”
He hastily pulled me close to his face. Cerulean blues bore into mine before his serious face broke into a massive grin, disconcerting me.
“You didn’t have sex with him?”
I timidly nodded, biting my bottom lip, unsure of his weird upbeat demeanor. “Yes, you heard me right the first time. How could I after what we just shared?”
He let out a boisterous laugh before picking up my body and hoisting it over his shoulder then smacking the right cheek with avid gusto. Dropping me on the bed, Jared’s happy face hovered above me as he yanked the towel off of my body.
“You ought to be punished for putting me through hell, woman!” He chuckled as his fingers slipped into my folds, ready to give me a punishing, back-breaking multitude of earth-shattering orgasms.
This was his way of punishment—no reprieve until my body and mind wholeheartedly surrendered to him.
I was his. Undeniably and irrevocably his.
Chapter 30
Jared
Rose’s erratic behavior stunned me. I’d expected anger. Hell, even a fiery display of wrath and maybe even a little vase throwing and what of it, but never in my wildest imagination had I envisaged her truly losing her wits.
She was in shambles, utterly blitzed out of her maniacal mind as she clung to my leg, vowing never to let me go. She was inconsolable and even made a random attempt in trying to get a hold of a knife, threatening she’d end her life once I walked out of the door. After an hour’s worth of cajoling her to see sense to no avail, I knew contacting the professionals was the best route to take. At the rate she was going, if I didn’t call in for help, she’d have most likely harmed us both. I wasn’t necessarily worried about me, but Rose’s frame of mind.
The more prolonged the agony, the more time it would need for her to heal. I simply wanted her to be back to her old self and not the possessed woman whose demonic eyes I couldn’t forget as she charged at me, shrilling like a crazed woman.
Guilt took hold of me. Shame even. I knew she was in love with me, and yet I didn’t have the wherewithal to let her go since I needed some consoling of my own, thanks to my damaged pride and ego after believing Gisele had betrayed me. But as Gisele had revealed, she couldn’t touch another man after our quick tryst in her bedroom.
There was no question how relieved and elated I was after learning the fact of what transpired between Rinaldi and her that night. We could’ve avoided so many arguments had she and I communicated. But with my monumental ego bruised, I continued down a destructive path, believing I had every right to feel the way I did. Hence, my reluctance to fully acknowledge Rose’s every-growing emotions for me.
Nevertheless, I was dealing the best way I knew possible and handling the delicate situation with immense care.
It had been a week since I’d left Rose’s home. She was in ongoing therapy at a facility where she’d be staying for the next three weeks. Her assistant was taking care of her business while she was in treatment. I had yet to hear from her doctor, waiting for the signal I could go in and visit her. My guilt wouldn’t easily diminish, and I doubted it would anytime soon. I hoped to see her in a more rational state of mind so I could fully apologize for my actions.
Gisele had been patient and didn’t question whatever actions I had taken in regard to Rose. I’d actually expected some reluctance or some spitefulness since she had loathed the woman ever since we married, but I hadn’t heard a negative peep out of her. She had stated she trusted me implicitly. A shocking revelation even after what had happened between us, and I admit, she had no idea how much burden it had lifted off of me. I was undeserving of her trust, but she had given it to me, anyway. I should strongly feel the same sentiment towards her, but somehow, there was still a little nagging voice that didn’t fully trust her when it came to Wyatt. Though I had given her a wide berth, there was still a tiny speck of doubt. One, I believed, wasn’t fading anytime soon.