by Ann, Pamela
I don’t dare look in Drake’s direction. I can feel him burning holes in me, but I don’t have the capacity to look at the man who I once loved with all of my heart and my being.
“Oh dear, that was something I didn’t expect, but I do understand why you don’t want to marry Drake now. You two were in lust and are not in love. Marriage is only for people that are in love and that doesn’t apply to you both. So, it’s best that we just make the best of it and still be a family.” My mom squeezes my hand in understanding.
Patricia on the other hand looks aghast. “How could you treat her so crassly, Drake? I knew you were a playboy, but I never in my life expected my son to treat a woman like a piece of meat, let alone take her virginity and then reject her the next day. I don’t blame Lily at all for her decisions.”
Drake swears and hastily leaves the room. We hear the front door slam one minute and his bike fires up the next. I sigh dejectedly. Had I known today was going to be a house of horrors, I would never have left the bed.
After the disastrous and taxing afternoon talk with Mom and Patricia, I decide to leave ten minutes later. I want to be alone and soothe my nerves, my mind and my heart.
When I get home, I immediately go out on my deck, trying to breathe and think rationally. I stay out and watch the sunset. I reject the idea of calling Masie. I don’t want to hear ‘I told you so’ or better yet, ‘give him another chance’. She will be as undecided as I am.
I still when there is a man walking toward me from afar. As he nears, I realize that it’s Drake looking all rugged. The sunset hits the back of him and he looks too good to be true. When he reaches me, I see how his face is contorted, with what, I don’t know. Pain? Sadness? Rejection?
“I figured you’d be out here, so I took a chance,” he murmurs and sits on the other lounge chair next to me. “So, we’re having a baby, huh? Do you want it? Our baby, I mean?” he rasps out, nervously.
“Of course, I want it. Since Dad died, I always felt like there’s that big gaping hole in me that’s missing. When I found out that I was pregnant, for the first time in years, I felt like I was going to be okay.” I was a Daddy’s girl and when he died so suddenly, I had a hard time dealing with it.
“I’m sorry about last night. You don’t know how many times that situation has been shoved at me—even if it wasn’t mine. It just came out of my mouth. I didn’t sleep much because of it. I really am sorry.” Drake does look remorseful, but too bad.
The damage is done.
“I meant what I said earlier, you don’t need to feel obligated about parenting and such. I know you have a hectic lifestyle and I won’t hold that against you. You have full visitation rights and we can work out something on weekends, if you choose to spend more time with the baby.”
“Wow,” Drake breathes out. “You thought this through that quickly? Did I mean so little to you?” His wounded pride and ego are not mine to save.
Life goes on. I had to realize that once when Drake broke me and I am determined to do it again. “The past doesn’t matter. I’m concentrating on my future now.”
Drake looks at me with profound hurt in his eyes. “How long did it take you to practice saying all that, Lil?”
Not long.
“I am done talking to you, Drake. I’m tired. I will have an ultrasound coming up. I will text you when and where. If you decide to join me, great; if not, I’ll be fine on my own.”
“Like hell I would miss seeing my child.” Drake harrumphs and leaves me alone on my deck.
I feel bad that he’s pissed off, but at the same time, Drake has handled everything so badly since he learned I was pregnant.
From asking me the paternity to blabbering it to my mother firsthand, he’s done everything wrong. Yet, he doesn’t seem to realize what he’s doing to me—hurting me in the process which only makes me more resolved to not forgive him. If he can’t even understand that he’s doing things wrong, how can I hope for him to make things right?
Chapter 178
We are in the hospital waiting area for our first ultrasound together and Drake looks anxious. He sighs for the umpteenth time and I grind my teeth together, irritated.
“If you sigh one more time I will murder you. For the love of God calm the heck down, will you?” I glare at him. Drake looks offended from my mild outburst.
“I get that you’re hormonal and all, but don’t bite my head off. I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just . . . I don’t know, I guess I’ve never done this before,” he murmurs, sullenly.
Wait, but wasn’t Shannon pregnant before? “You didn’t go with Shannon?”
He shakes his head. “She said it made her uncomfortable to have me in there with her. I had to do what I had to do to make her happy, I guess.” What he spouts out next is completely unexpected. “I guess, now that I think about it, I’m not sure that she was pregnant to begin with. I think Shannon used that so I would marry her.”
If I hadn’t met the woman, I would argue about this, but I have and the woman is wretched, delusional and off her rocker. So, yes, I do agree with Drake on this score. “Good thing that you two didn’t get hitched then. You should thank your lucky stars that I came in at the right moment and saved your sorry ass!”
Drake cocks his head and smiles at me. “Yeah, I do thank them . . . Every. Single. Day, Lil.”
I wet my lips and look away. I suppose living with Shannon was one giant ball of nightmare. Yeah, he should be thanking those stars.
I’m more than thankful when they call out my name. We’re ushered into a semi-dark room where the female doctor is kind enough to point out everything for us. Drake has tons of questions. The experience is definitely amazing. Our child is a puny thing on that screen, but I already love it with all of my heart.
After thirty minutes or so, we are driving back to my house. “That was totally crazy, don’t you think?” Drake says much to himself, still amazed from the experience.
“Yeah, it was awesome to see it like that,” I murmur. My thoughts are somewhere else.
I want to be detached from Drake, but he’s making it impossible. I expect him to drop me off once we get to my house, but he follows me inside.
Since my plan was to ignore him, I go upstairs and shut my bedroom door. After a few minutes, I hear him knock.
“Lil?”
I groan. “What?”
“Can I come in?” he asks as he opens the door. “I just wanted to talk.”
More talking, great. “Anything important?”
Drake pauses and sits on the foot of my bed. He waits a few more seconds before he starts, “Ever since the day we were born, we were meant for this. We were meant for each other, but it was my cowardice that made the journey a hell as I tried to fight it tooth and nail.”
Damn, that admission from him hurts. He really doesn’t want me. “Exactly, Drake, that’s my point right there.”
He huffs and gets up pacing, ending up leaning against the wall. “I was a total moron. It was a selfish thing to do, but at that age, it meant commitment and marriage would follow after you’d finished college. Our parents wouldn’t have let us date without pushing us in that direction. I didn’t want that. I wasn’t ready for that, but I am now, Lily. If you just give me another chance. I do want you and the baby.”
I sit up on the bed. “You are going to be a part of his or her life. I’m not going to take that from you.”
“Yeah, but I want it all, with you included, as a family unit. Together.”
Damn it. Fine. “I’ll think about it. That’s all I can tell you at the moment.”
Drake comes over and kisses my forehead. “Thank you. I will work hard to earn your trust. I promise you that.” He leaves after he gives me a beaming smile.