by S. J. Maylee
The conversation at the table turned to the club and some of the new ways they’d be using a few of the areas. He wasn’t listening to any of it. His mind focused on the woman that had always mystified him. He wasn’t running away this time. He’d stay and fight or go if she asked him too, but he’d never leave her completely alone, not ever again.
****
Gina came downstairs in the late morning, after wakening to her stomach rumbling. She pulled her robe tight around her. It seemed impossible she'd ever need to eat again after all she’d consumed last night. She rolled her shoulders, confirming they didn’t ache. Marcus had worked her over pretty well last night. His wicked fingers were like magic. Between the massage and the orgasm, she had an excellent night sleep.
He’d once again left before she woke. Something inside her told her he’d be back and the thought gave her comfort. She couldn’t ignore how much his presence had come to mean to her. She’d been in love with the man most of her life, but never imagined he’d be with her when she’d needed him most. His presence these past few weeks had been a real gift. It was reassuring to know nothing she’d done so far had pushed him away. Not yet anyway. She had no doubt eventually she’d do something that would make him leave. She rubbed her belly, wishing she could push out all the heartache.
Once in the kitchen, she stopped at the fridge, zeroing in on the other problem she couldn't face. It was the worst kind of nightmare knowing her mother had sent her last words to her through Dale. Her fingers grabbed the handle on the fridge but she couldn't open it, just like the damn letter.
So many things in her life were forced upon her. She didn't have a choice about her dad dying or her mother's cancer. She did have a choice about opening the letter. She made her way into the family room and slumped onto her love seat. The lumpy pillow behind her back got a swift beating. She hit the pillow over and over and then stuffed it behind her. It still wasn't comforting. Yet another thing she couldn't fix.
She thought back on all she'd done to try and change things in her life. When she was young she hid from her feelings for Marcus and as an adult she hid the truth as well. There was only one reason for hiding Dale's bad behavior. All she wanted was for her mom to be happy.
If only Dale had kept his cheating hands off her. If only. So many things would be different. If she'd told the truth about Dale, her stepsister might not despise her. She might still be with Rob. They might not have divorced.
Would she have been happy?
It was possible. Rob was an amazing man. She'd been happy for a lot of years with him. No, they would have divorced eventually. They weren’t right for each other, not really. Rob was better off with Jane.
If she didn’t hide Dale’s treachery, who knows how all the ugliness would have weakened her mom and right when she needed all her strength to live as long as she could. Fucking cancer. Her stomach rolled again. She yanked the wimpy pillow out from behind her and threw it at the fridge and yanked the throw that hung over the back of the couch up over her head.
The letter could be a lot of things. It could hold her mother's disappointed words. It could be a whole lot of Dale’s hot air. He’d brought it after all. She had no reason to believe the letter was anything less than her worst fears realized. And it was all too possible Dale dared to challenge Marcus by working his own brand of evil to remove Gina from her mother's life. She pulled the blanket tighter around her.
Everything had been going smoothly with Dale, until Marcus came with her to the house. What if his win against Dale, to save Janna's precious project, led to the squashing of all she'd done to ensure her mother's last days were filled with happiness? She shouldn’t have let Marcus in. She lost focus as the possibilities came to her. A dark vision filled her thoughts and her pulse thundered in her ears.
In her mother's most vulnerable moment, Dale might have spewed his lies, convincing the woman who loved him that he was the only one in her life who truly cared. A thought came to her, giving her an out from both problems. Weak choices they may be, but she didn’t care. She would block them both out. After tossing the blanket, she charged to the front door and secured the chain. It would take more than the chain to keep Marcus out. At the moment, she couldn’t figure out if that was a good thing. Regardless, he couldn’t just walk right in when he decided to come back.
Next, she walked to the damn letter. She should probably tear it open. Let the truth out. There was no other way around the mess. Once she got Dale's latest move out in the open, she could decide her next step. It would probably involve moving out of this condo.
It made her sick to think of Dale living in any of the places her parents had owned. At one time, she dreamed of having the Lake Geneva house once again to herself, to turn it back into a place of true love, a place where she could remember the happiness she once had in a complete package with her parents before anything could alter the course of their lives.
She grasped the tiny magnet holding the letter in place and shifted it. The letter floated to the floor, hopefully drifting off to a dark place never to be seen again. She didn’t have the strength to face either of her troubles. One, she feared would always haunt her and the other, she was scared to death to lose.
After selecting a scone, she went in search for the remote. A day full of binge watching a show sounded like the perfect distraction except she couldn't find the remote. The doorbell rang. Against her better judgment she made her way over to the front door and peered through the peephole.
“Open up, Gina. We need to talk.” Marcus stood on her front porch, looking as handsome as ever in his crisp white shirt and dark jeans.
She removed the chain and opened the door. “Fine, maybe you can tell me where the remote is.” She walked back to her family room and settled on her couch. “I'd prefer some more time alone. A few hours doesn't really cut it. So, I'd rather you didn't stay. Find the remote first though, of course.”
“I would have been here sooner actually, but I needed to pick Leslie up first.”
“Hi, Gina.”
“Hi.” Time seemed to stop while she took in the sight of her stepsister. They hadn't had a pleasant conversation in almost a year. Her chest tightened under the pressure. She wanted to reach out to her, but thought better of it and picked at her scone instead. “Marcus.” She waved at the room. “The remote, please.”
“Leslie was with your mom when she died.” He walked over to the shelves, picked up the remote and tossed it in her lap.
She stared out into space. This was it. The moment when she could no longer hide from the lies. “How did she find out? Did your dad tell her everything or something?”
“No.” Leslie sat on the couch. “Dale wasn't even there.”
“I'm confused.” Gina looked at Marcus.
“Dale's speech here last night was his last play, his only play.” He sat beside her. “He only had one more way to hurt you and he took full advantage. He played on your fears.”
“Your mom and I had a great morning together.” She reached out and took a hold of Gina's hands. “We talked about her plans for the garden. She said Andrew had it all written down. We talked about my career options, but mostly we talked about you. You too, Marcus. She was so glad to see you and Gina together.”
Gina looked at Marcus again. Unsure if she could believe what she was hearing.
“Tell her about the letter.” He shifted closer to Gina.
“I'm not reading that thing. I don't even know where it is.” The edge of the envelope peeked out from behind her cabinet. She closed her eyes.
“That's not the letter she wrote. Leslie has the real one.”
“That's right. I made the mistake of telling my dad about it, but I didn't give it to him. I was going to give it to you yesterday at the funeral, but I was afraid he'd make a scene.” She dug through her purse. “I was on my way here when Marcus found me.” She handed Gina a letter. “Her last words in this world were for you. She died shortly after.”
G
ina held the envelope in her lap, swiping back and forth over the surface. She looked around the room. Her thoughts couldn’t quite catch up to what her heart knew for certain. Her mother’s last moments hadn’t been spoiled by Dale’s vile lies.
“On our way over, I asked Marcus a lot of questions. I owe you an apology.”
“No you don't.” Gina tapped the envelope on her leg. “You believed what I asked you to.”
“Still. There's no way I could apologize for my father's behavior.”
“Nonsense. I know he didn't make your life easy.”
“Thank you for that.” She looked to Marcus. “The two of you should open it together. I know she wrote letters to both of you.”
Gina looked down. Their names were written across the top in her mother's delicate penmanship.
“Would you look at that?” Marcus put his arm around her back.
“I'm going to leave.” Leslie got up.
“You don't have to.” Gina got up too. “I have quite a lot to eat. There are scones, fruit salad. You know how they don’t keep.”
“I know, but I have a lot to process.” She pulled her purse higher on her shoulder. “Call me when you're ready to talk. It would mean a lot to me if we could reconnect.”
“You're all I have left.” She hugged her sister. “I'd really like that.” She walked her to the door and grabbed the tissue box on her way back to the couch.
“Well, go ahead. Let's see what she wanted to tell us.”
“Right now? Maybe we should wait a little.”
“Gina, I'm not letting you stew about this any longer. Open the letter or I'm putting you over my lap.”
She shook her head.
“Gina.”
“I'm weighing my options.”
“I'll read it.” He tried to take the letter from her.
“No.” She turned away. These were her mother's last words. No matter how painful, it was hers. She ripped the envelope open and pulled out the paper inside. “It looks like there are two. This one is for you.” She handed it to him and opened hers.
My Dearest Gina,
I'm getting weaker every day and I'm not sure how much time I have left. I want to make sure I say these things to you again so you'll always remember. You've grown into such a beautiful young woman. I'm so proud of you and all your accomplishments and I know your dad is smiling down on you. The only good thing about leaving you behind is knowing my sweetheart is waiting for me.
Thank you for putting up with Dale all these years. I know he wasn't your favorite. I'd hoped you and he would get along. I was worried how you'd do once I left this world, but I'm no longer worried.
Seeing you with Marcus last week settled all my fears. I'd prayed he'd come back into your life. I always believed he was the right one for you. We loved Rob, but both your father and I knew your heart belonged to Marcus. I hope you've told him all he means to you. Let him into your life. Let him all the way in. It’s the only way you'll ever really know. Love is hard and not always fair, but you must take the risk.
I wish we had more time. I'm so sorry I have to go. Know you'll always be in my heart.
I love you,
Mom
P.S. I'm hoping you'll give Leslie another chance. She seems to be missing you and she really is a good girl.
A tornado of emotions tore through her thoughts. How could she possibly process it all? It was too much.
“Wow.” Marcus took a deep breath.
“What does yours say?” There had to be something more. This couldn't be it.
“I'll tell you, someday.”
“That's shit. My mom wrote it.” She clung to her anger, letting it over take everything she couldn't process which left her in an uncomfortable middle ground. She wanted to cling to him, have him tell her he loved her. It would all be so simple. Nothing in her life was simple. She didn't want to be the type of girl who fell apart because the one guy she couldn't live without didn't love her back. She’d never wanted to be that girl.
“You're going to have to settle for disappointment.”
“Then, I'm not sharing mine either.” She tucked the letter into the book sitting on her coffee table and got up, determined to keep moving. “I'm hungry.”
“Do you want me to stay?”
“Not if you don't want to.” She turned around. Her mother was right about one thing. She did love Marcus. All her fears circled around her and settled on the fact. She had not one bit of strength left to face it. Maybe it was everything with Dale or losing her mom, but she didn't have it in her to risk her heart. She couldn't do it all those years ago and she couldn't do it now. She wasn’t strong enough. “You know what, get out.” Somehow she needed to get him out before the tears came back.
“What?”
“You heard me.” She walked past him to the door and tugged it open. Kicking him out felt a lot better than facing the alternative of him leaving her one day all too soon. “We're long past Keller's request. There's really no longer a reason for you to stay, right?”
“I didn't think I needed a reason.”
“I just don't know why you'd want to, unless you're in need of more bonus points with Keller or are you really hoping he’ll have a statue made of you?” She squeezed the doorknob. “That must be it.” She put her other hand on her hip. “You’ve kept me in line. Well done, Marcus. I think you’ve done plenty to earn that statue.”
“You just can't help yourself, can you?”
“I'd bet Keller paid for the commission the day he gave us our assignment.” She opened her door. “Of course he did. He had Saint Marcus on the job. You don't have to worry about me anymore.” She raised her chin. “Besides, shouldn't you be at work? I'm sure Janna needs you.”
“And you don't need me, do you, Gina?” He took out his keys and stopped next to her. “There are a few things I should check into.”
“Whatever.”
“Your mother was right about you.” He walked out and stopped on her front step.
“You're still not going to tell me what the note said?”
“Nope.” He turned back. “Our parents know us very well, but only you can decide what's right for you. Let me know if you figure it out.” He walked down the street, looking like he didn’t have a care in the world. She slammed the door and walked back into her kitchen. Picking up Dale's letter, she tore it open. There was nothing but a blank sheet of paper inside.
“Fucking asshole.” She crumpled it up and threw it across the room, past a vase of limp flowers. Loneliness covered her like a cold bucket of water. She picked up the vase and tossed the whole thing in the trash.
Chapter Eleven
Simon had warned him the waiting would suck. The only thing he figured would be worse was giving up on her all together. It got a little easier once she started working again. Between seeing her every day and his weekly conversations with Andrew, he was keeping decent tabs on her. She'd been spending most of her weekends up at the house with Leslie. The first few weekends the girls looked through all the old photo albums. They’d turned her mother’s room into a library. With all the medical supplies and furniture gone, the large room had plenty of space for several sitting areas. Her mother’s large book collection now lined the walls. Andrew also reported they'd had a big bonfire with the things Dale had left behind. He was very thankful for Andrew's reports since Gina was still keeping her distance.
Keller and Mistress Charlie both told him she was doing better. She'd been having regular talks with Charlie and the submissives from the club were trying to talk her into joining them at their weekly brunch, but so far she hadn't. At least she'd let Leslie back into her life. It was a step. He didn't know how long it would take her to make her next step, but he was going to wait.
He saw now that he’d been waiting for her all his life. Everything within him told him he'd never been as happy as he'd been the few weeks they'd had together. He wanted her back. Gina with all her brashness, gorgeous blue eyes, and sassy mouth was what h
e craved. His love for her was strong, strong enough to convince him into believing she would eventually let him back in. She had to realize they just didn't work as well apart as they did together. Eventually. She'd believe. She had to.
He was supposed to be at the club. Luckily, Miles called that afternoon and asked if they could switch shifts. He thankfully agreed. Andrew had already told him Gina wasn't coming up to the house that weekend and he was sitting outside her condo, determined to catch another glimpse of her.
His phone lit up. “Hi, Keller. I was just thinking about the club. Sorry I didn't call you back earlier. Miles is there, covering my shift, right?”
“Oh yes, he checked in on time. That's not why I called. I know where Gina is.”
“That's great because I've been sitting here at her place and I don't think she's coming home. Where is she?”
“She's here at the club.”
“What?”
“She signed up for the blind taste test.”
“Shit.” He pounded his thigh. “I'm going to lose her, Keller. She's pulling further away instead of letting me back in.”
“Maybe not. How long will it take you to get here?”
“I'm guessing at least a half hour.”
“Drive carefully. We'll stall as long as we can.”
****
Gina stood on the left side of the stage, waiting her turn. For some reason, they kept pushing her back in line. She was the last sub waiting now. They couldn't postpone her moment any longer.
She hadn't played at the club since Marcus handled her spanking all those months ago. It felt weird being back here without him. Everything she did felt weird without him now. She circled her shoulders and shook her hands. She couldn't get Marcus out of her thoughts, maybe that's because she couldn't see her life past him. It was time to knock herself out of this funk and move forward with her life. Once and for all, she’d find a way to live without Marcus.