I’ve been so busy setting up our house, I haven’t had time to write. But the night has come to tell my parents about the baby. I’m starting to show, and I don’t have enough billowy blouses to cover it. Besides, I’m tired of hiding. I want everybody to know I’m about to have the most gorgeous little boy this town’s ever seen. How could I not? Have you seen his daddy?
Still, I’ve been so nervous all day today, it’s been hard to cook and prepare. Billy started school so he’s gone all the time. Then when he gets home, he’s constantly talking to Bryant. He says they’re working out the details of their plan, but I can’t imagine what details they can work out with college not even behind him yet. Those are the most focused guys I’ve ever met in my life.
I had to call Lexy to let her know what was happening and get some moral support. “Lexy, I’m freaking out,” I said. “It’s B-day in Fairview.”
“What?” I heard her frown. “I don’t understand. Are you in labor?”
“No, tonight’s the night. I’m telling my parents, and I’m so scared.”
She breathed a laugh. “Oh, please. Your mother’s going to cry, she’ll be so happy.”
“But what about Daddy?” I chewed my lip as I frantically twisted my hair around my finger. “What if he has another heart attack?”
“Why should he? I mean, they already gave you guys a house.” Behind her I could hear music playing softly and what sounded like pages turning in her sketchbook. “You’re working at the hospital, and Bill’s launching his master plan to destroy East End Beach. You’re all set. They’re going to be thrilled.”
“But that’s just it,” I said, still worried. “I’ll have to stop working. What will we do for money once the baby comes?”
“Gigi will not let her only child and only grandchild go without. Stop worrying. That baby will have a trust fund before the year’s end.”
“And I don’t want Daddy saying mean things to Billy. If they don’t like each other, I don’t know if I can take it.”
“As long as you’re happy, your Daddy will be fine.” Her calm voice was always so reassuring to me. “Show him how happy you are, and everything’ll be okay.”
“I know you’re right. Oh, Lexy, you’re so smart. Are you dating anybody yet?”
She snorted a laugh. “Jeez, Meg, I’ve only been here a few months! Give me a chance to find my way around.”
“I know, but you’re so pretty.” I lifted the lid off a pot and gave the potatoes I was boiling a poke. “It isn’t right for you not to have a man.”
“Not everyone needs a man to complete her life,” she breathed, and I could just see her walking through her apartment, long, brown hair twisted into a knot with a pencil stuck in it. “Besides, you had your prince delivered to you on a silver platter. We should all be so lucky.”
“He is a prince.”
“See? All better. Now call me when it’s over. I want details.”
Sept. 6, 19--
They took it much better than I expected. It helped that Billy was right there laying out his master plan for our future the second after I sprang the news. I couldn’t stand the tension, so I finally just blurted it out in the middle of the mashed-potato course.
Mom dropped her fork. She really did. I’ve never seen her lose her good manners, but as soon as I put the bowl down and said, “You’ll have a grandson by Christmas,” her mouth flew open, her fork hit the table, and she burst into tears.
Daddy got up beaming—thank goodness! He shook hands with Billy and pulled him into the living room to discuss the matter. Right there in the middle of dinner, they got up and left. It gave Mom and me a chance to chat.
“So that was all the talk about following your dreams.” Of course, she got straight to the point. “You were expecting, young lady.”
“Well, I had an idea.”
Her eyes narrowed at me. “If you’re due in November, you had more than an idea.”
“I just didn’t want you to worry, Mama. And Billy and I have known for years we’d get married.”
“It’s all well that ends well.” She folded her napkin and put it beside her plate, her formality restored. “So have you decided what you’ll do when the baby comes?”
This was the part I feared. “We’re still working on that,” I stammered. “Billy will be at school, so I guess I’ll have to keep working. Maybe you could watch the baby a few days? Only if you want to, I mean.”
“Work!” She said it like I’d just suggested third-trimester skydiving. “You’ll do nothing of the sort. You think your father and I would sit back and make you slave away with our grandson at home? We’ll help with the bills, and you just take it easy and enjoy your little son.”
“Are you sure?” Lexy was right, and I was so relieved.
“Of course. Why do you think we gave you this house? Bill’s a hard worker. Once he gets on his feet, you two will do very well. And what’s the point of having money if you can’t help your children when they need it?”
“Oh, Mom.” I got up and went around to hug her neck. “You’re the best.”
“I expect to be well cared for when I’m old.” She winked and we laughed. I couldn’t wait to call Lexy.
Sept. 23, 19--
My goodness! It’s been almost a month since I’ve had a chance to sit down and write. Once we told Mom, she went bananas planning showers and rushing me around to get registered everywhere. I felt more than silly for worrying she’d be mad. The way she was acting, you’d think she was having the baby.
Still it’s fun. I was starting to get a little sad being the only girl in town who knew about our bundle of joy. Mom’s been great. She insisted on going to all my doctor’s appointments, and she’s really keeping me busy. I’m exhausted half the time, and now it’s not just from being pregnant.
Only a few more months until little Will makes his appearance. I can’t wait. For now, I’m off to my third shower this month. We’re going to have to build an addition to fit all the baby gear in our tiny house. But I just love presents!
Everyone talks about getting pregnant young and how it ruins your social life and limits what you can do. Well, I’ve never wanted to do anything except marry Billy and be a mom. So I’m right where I want to be. I’m living my dream.
Oct. 23, 19--
And here we are! His room’s all ready, I’ve packed his little bag, I’ve packed my little bag. Now we’re in the final stages where we just sit and wait. Any day it could happen.
I hate waiting.
Sorry I’ve been such a poor correspondent, but that’s my life now. I don’t have time to write, and when I do, I fall asleep, pen in hand. Mom’s been staying with me a lot lately. Billy’s finishing up his first semester at college, and soon he’ll start taking exams. I definitely wasn’t prepared for his exam week to fall the same time as my due date, but I don’t dare complain. I’m sure Billy’s thinking about it, and if I say anything, he’ll only get mad. This was the very thing we had our big discussion about way back in May when I assured him nothing would change if we got married.
Besides, babies are born all the time without their daddies being there. What if Billy were in the military or worked offshore? I’m not going to make a big drama over the whole thing. He’ll be seeing his son plenty after we get home. And who knows, he might be there after all. Will could come on a Sunday.
Nov. 12, 19--
Will did not come on a Sunday. Nope, my sweet little boy came a few weeks early on a Tuesday afternoon. And if there was ever a time that was inconvenient for everybody, that was it. Even my daddy was tied up at the other end of the hospital and couldn’t be there.
Of course, Mom was with me, and she and I flew to the birthing unit even though they say your first baby usually takes a long time to come out. If that’s the case, then I’d better move into the hospital when it’s time for little John, because Will was out in less than an hour. My water broke, Mom and I jumped in the car, and two hours later, there he was, screaming hi
s little head off. We cried and clung to each other. Mom and I really are baby obsessed like Lexy always says.
I called Lexy, but she must’ve been in class because it went straight to voicemail. I knew Billy was in class, but I left him a message anyway. Daddy walked down as soon as he got out of surgery and declared little Willie the finest baby ever to be born at South County General.
He really is a fine baby. He’s got a head full of light brown hair just like his daddy’s, and it looks like he’ll probably stick with the family tradition of having blue eyes. He looked at all of us wide-eyed for a little bit and then nuzzled in for food and a nap. I love him already, and I kissed his sweet little head as I fell asleep.
Next thing I knew, I was waking up to Billy slipping into the bed beside me. It was late, and he was wearing the same clothes he’d had on when he’d left that morning.
“Hi,” he whispered, gently kissing my head.
I smiled. “We got a baby today.”
“I see that,” he said. “What does he think about his beautiful Mama?”
“We’re getting along very well. He’s eaten a few times, and the nurse changed him for me. Mostly we’ve just slept.”
“Sounds right.” We both looked at his tiny face pressed against my breast. “He’s a cute little guy.”
Billy petted the baby’s head, and I kissed my husband’s cheek. “Just like his daddy.”
“You feeling okay? You look great.”
“A little tired. Sore, but nothing major. He was so good about coming out, I feel like I’ll be on my feet again in no time.”
“Good.” Billy pressed his cheek against my head.
We lay quietly watching our little son for a while. Then too soon Billy stirred, pecked my cheek, and started getting up to leave. I made a little whimper and clutched his arm.
“I can’t stay,” he said. “Final paper’s due tomorrow. But your mom’ll be here, right? You’ll be okay?”
I nodded making a pouty face. I actually felt my eyes growing damp. “Do you want to hold him before you leave?” I asked.
“Nah. Let him sleep. I’ll have plenty of time when he gets home.” He leaned in and pressed a longer kiss to my forehead before straightening up and going to the door.
I felt like my heart was breaking as I watched him go, but I couldn’t say anything. I’d promised. I’d convinced him not to wait to get married because I’d said I could do this. I just didn’t expect to miss him so much.
March 16, 19--
Time is flying since Will came. I almost forgot I was keeping a journal! I remember so well being in the hospital with him, and now here he is already four months old. Easter’s coming, and he is going to be so cute in his little seersucker Jon Jon.
I love going to mass with my little family. First, we’re the best looking parishioners in the whole church. Billy’s a show-stopper in a suit, and I sure hope all those good church ladies don’t think they’re fooling anybody. I can see them checking out my gorgeous husband with impure thoughts in their heads.
Of course, I’m always dressed to kill, and then we have our little angel who is the perfect combination of us both. And such a sweet little baby. Will never cries in public unless something’s very wrong.
We make it through the service and greet all the old ladies on the way out. We always go to my parents’ house for Sunday dinner, and then home for a nap. Billy never naps, but I’m in heaven resting with my little baby prince. It’s all perfectly perfect, and I know everyone in town is just beside themselves with envy.
Billy’s soaring through classes at the university in Sterling. I really do have the most clever husband. He said he’d graduate with honors, and so far he hasn’t missed an A yet. He also tells me he’s making good contacts through the business school. People with connections in Atlanta, who he says will put him and Bryant in front of top investors to make their business pitches.
I’ll just be glad when summer’s here. Billy’s still doing intersession and summer school, but he can’t take as many classes during the summer, and I’m hoping that means I’ll see him more.
Even though I miss him, I’m never alone. Mom’s over here all the time holding Will and helping me with him. Then we go shopping or have our nails done, and I go with her to some of the auxiliary meetings and DAR teas.
At the last meeting, she introduced me to Winifred Hayes, Winnie for short. Winnie’s a bit older than me, and she’s married to one of the young doctors who’s interning at the hospital. We have so much in common. She loves clothes and shoes and getting her nails done. And we’re both just biding our time while our absentee husbands finish their degrees.
Winnie thinks Billy’s extremely good-looking, which simply shows she isn’t blind. She wants us all to get together and have dinner sometime, but I haven’t mentioned it to Billy. I’m afraid he’ll say he doesn’t have time for things like that. He’s so loaded down with classes and projects.
“You should convince him to take a break,” Winnie said, tucking one of her red curls back in her ponytail as we walked along the sidewalk in town. It was a lovely spring day. Warm, but with a light breeze.
“I try, but you don’t know the pressure he puts on himself. He’s keeping a very strict schedule.” The wind blew my long hair softly over my shoulder, and little Will was happily sleeping in his stroller.
“Well, I don’t understand that boy. Here you are, pretty as you can be, and little Will. And he hardly ever comes home!”
“We’ve talked about that,” I said, “and it’s only going to be for a few more years.”
“A few more years!” Her face was pure horror behind her sunglasses. “That’s a long time, and you’re not getting younger.”
My forehead creased. “What are you saying?”
“I’m just wondering what’s the rush? Billy could ease up a bit, finish in four years like every other college student, and have time to spend with you and his son.”
“I can’t ask him to do that.” I shook my head and looked down at my little boy. “I told him I was fine with his plans and how much he was going to have to work. It was my whole argument for us going ahead and getting married.”
“You’re a lady. It’s your prerogative to change your mind.”
We kept walking, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what she said. It was my prerogative to change my mind, and now that Billy was a daddy, he might have changed his mind too. I decided to talk to him about it next chance I got.
April 3, 19--
Well, it happened. Not even a year of wedded bliss, and Billy and I had our first major fight. I’ve decided to blame Winifred Haynes. It’s completely her fault, and I’ll tell you why. Winnie’s words were still in my head when Billy got home last night. I kept thinking about what she’d said about changing my mind, and how Billy and I’d never revisited our conversation about his plans and getting married and my needs.
I figured now that his son was here, Billy might have changed his mind about working so hard. So I put little Will to sleep and tested the waters.
“Hey.” I put my hands on Billy’s shoulders and kissed his cheek. “How’s school going?”
“Same. Lectures, notes.” He closed a notebook and pushed it across the table in front of him then pulled out a different, huge book. “I’ve got a lot of reading to do tonight, so don’t wait up for me.”
“Billy,” I started, chewing my lip. “I was thinking about that. You’ve gone from seven classes a semester to eight. Are you planning to do intersession and summer school again?”
“That’s the plan,” he said without looking up. “I don’t think I can do more, though. Eight’s the limit.”
“I wasn’t suggesting you take more,” I said quietly, my nerves kicking in before I could continue. “I was thinking… well, have you considered backing off some? I mean, just so maybe we could do things together, as a couple sometimes?”
His blue eyes cut to mine, and my throat went dry. “Backing off?” he repeated. “What
’s more important than me finishing school as fast as possible?”
“Well, I was just thinking, wouldn’t it be nice if we had a dinner party once in a while and had people over?” My trembling hands were clutched behind my back.
“Dinner party?” His brow creased. “With who?”
“I don’t know. Maybe Winifred and Travis Hayes? He’s an intern at the hospital, and she’s in the DAR with me. I think you’ll like them.”
“And you want to have them over for dinner?” He seemed annoyed. “I don’t see what that has to do with me backing off on school.”
“Well, you’re just always so busy.” My hands were still clutched. “I never know if it’s okay to make plans with other couples. And then I was thinking we have little Willie now. Don’t you miss him?”
“Of course I miss him,” Billy said turning back to his massive book. “But I’m doing this for his future. And yours. We can’t live off your parents forever.”
“I know, but most college students take four years. There’s nothing wrong with slowing down some.”
“I can’t slow down, Meg. I’ve made commitments. Bryant is counting on me to keep up my end of the bargain.”
“But I never see you, and I miss you.” I hated how whiney my voice sounded. I hated that I was on the verge of tears. “What about my end of the bargain?”
“Meg. Don’t start.”
He didn’t even look at me, which made me mad. “I’ve never said anything about it.” My tone turned sharp. “But it’s very selfish to only think of your needs and not mine.”
He looked at me then. “What needs are you talking about?”
“Needing a husband. Not an absentee partner who checks in every night for two hours before falling asleep.” My whole body was shaking. I was going back on everything we’d agreed starting out, and I didn’t care.
He studied me a few moments. “Are you trying to say you’re not satisfied?”
“No,” I said quietly.
Undertow (Dragonfly) Page 3