by J. H. Croix
There was that and the fact that, despite my own intense feelings for him, for all I knew, he felt nothing more than lust for me. I didn’t doubt the nearly incendiary attraction between us, but the rest, well, there was no way for me to know.
Because of his priorities, which I completely respected, considering the idea of navigating the risky terrain of a relationship was more than I could ask.
“What? What’s that look for?” Shay asked.
I glanced away, looking out the window where the sun was sliding down the sky, its light casting at an angle through the window, the soft gold rays warm in the air-conditioned room. Looking back at Shay, I shrugged and sighed. “That kind of sums it all up, doesn’t it?”
Shay leaned forward. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Family means everything to him. Rylie is his priority, and she should be. I think I need to stop worrying and realize that’s just where he’s at. Trying to push something when I don’t even know what I really want certainly doesn’t make sense.”
Shay shook her head. “Of course family’s important, but that doesn’t mean Lucas should never get serious with anyone. That’s crazy. I happen to know his sister, and I know from her—”
I cut in. “I met her, and it was pretty clear she was not thrilled to meet me.”
Shay rolled her eyes. “Okay, whatever. Not having been there, I can’t speak to that. Just think about it.”
“Think about what?”
“Telling him how you feel,” she replied rather emphatically.
“I think first I have to figure out how I feel. Even then, it’s best if I don’t get my hopes up. I’d rather just be his friend and leave it at that.”
I wasn’t feeling at all resolved from this conversation. I didn’t think Shay was about to let me off the hook, but there was a quick knock on the door, and we both looked over to find Jackson there.
“Mind manning the front?” he asked Shay.
“Of course not,” she said, standing quickly. “What’s up?”
“An emergency surgery. I’m gonna need help from Skylar, so she won’t be at the front.”
“On it.” Shay stood quickly. Just as she reached the door, she glanced back, her eyes catching mine. “Do you mind feeding the animals?”
“Of course not,” I replied quickly. “Consider it done.”
“Thanks,” she called over her shoulder as she hurried down the hallway.
I got a little bit more done out of sheer stubbornness because not being able to focus annoyed me to no end. I managed to finish a few reports regarding ordering and budgeting before it was time to start the rounds of feeding.
I went to the rescue barn first because going there always made me smile. Gloria was waddling along the fence line between the pastures and kept me company as I crossed over. The horses were still out in one pasture, gathered in a corner under the shade of the big willow beside the pond. The air was heavy today. Even though it was early evening, stepping outside the air conditioning felt like hitting a blast of heat. My skin was instantly damp and sticky from the humidity.
I reached down, scratching behind Gloria’s ears. She made her a little snuffling sound and bumped her nose against my knees. Once I got to the rescue barn, I went through the rounds. I’d learned to deal with the goats first because they were bossy and made noise the whole time if I didn’t.
Once they were settled, I moved on to deal with the dogs. The dogs rotated more than any of the other rescues. We’d taken in two more last week. One of them, a sweet older hound mix, nudged her head against my thigh when I stepped into her kennel to feed her. I stayed with her a few extra minutes making sure she was comfortable when I heard Squeaky outside.
I fetched a carrot out of my pocket and offered it to her as she came through the door. After taking care of her and Gloria, I headed out to deal with the horses. I realized as I was walking over that I had to take care of the stallion alone. According to Shay, Jackson was looking high and low for another place for him because he wasn’t fitting in well. He figured the stallion needed a place with less horses and more space.
The other times I helped with feeding, Lucas had dealt with the stallion. I didn’t like thinking about that, so I kicked those thoughts right out of my mind. I started with the other horses first. The stallion was nowhere to be found. After a few calls, I figured my only choice was to go find him.
Through the trees in the corner, I saw a shadow moving, so I walked in that direction, sticking close to the fence. At the sound of hooves pounding, I looked up to see him burst through the trees. Racing straight toward me, he let out a rumbling neigh and threw his head up.
My heart started to beat wildly, and fear had my feet frozen to the ground. At the last minute, I came out of my stupor and dashed toward the fence line, but it was too late. The stallion raced straight at me, dodging at the last minute and kicking his feet up.
Pain struck the back of my head, sharp and jolting.
I heard someone calling my name as I fell. There was a glancing thud against my shoulder and then everything went black.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Lucas
I parked over at the clinic to check in with Jackson about the first responder schedule before I went home. When I heard the sound of a horse galloping and glanced over to see Valentina directly in the line of sight with the stallion, my heart stopped.
I broke into a run. “Valentina!”
The horse kicked as he blew past her, clipping the back of her head, and she fell limply to the ground. The horse kept on, circling in front of the paddock and aiming for the far end of the pasture. Panic clogged my throat and sent my pulse lunging.
“Valentina!”
My eyes scanned the ground as I reached the edge of the pasture, distantly aware of someone calling my name. I ignored it. Ducking, I stepped through the lower pole of the fence and dashed to her side.
Her red hair was bright against the ground. Her skin was pale, and her head lolled to the side. Kneeling in the dirt with the air hot and sticky around us, I pressed two fingers to the pulse on her neck, finding it rapid and shallow. I kept telling myself to be calm, but inside, I felt completely disoriented.
My brain fuzzed with panic. Despite my heart thrashing in my chest and fear beating like a drum in my thoughts, I functioned mostly on autopilot. I hadn’t been a first responder for almost a decade for nothing. After checking her pulse, I quickly checked to make sure nothing had been broken, then I moved to lift her in my arms.
Only to stop abruptly when I heard my name. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Dawson jogging over, carrying a lightweight portable stretcher in one hand. “Slow your roll, man,” he said as he reached me and stepped through the fence. “She took quite a hit. I saw it from the barn. Wade and I came over to check on some supplies. Ryan’s headed out to wrangle the stallion. Let me help you lift her onto the stretcher.”
I almost barked at him and told him to get the hell away because I wanted Valentina close to me, but I knew he was being smart, and I wasn’t.
Within a minute, he had the lightweight stretcher unfolded on the ground and helped me ease her onto it. I kept wanting her to wake up and open her eyes. But she didn’t.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ryan jogging along the fence toward the trees. At this point, I didn’t think we were at risk. The stallion might be a fucking asshole, but I knew damn well he hadn’t intended to hurt Valentina. He was just full of it.
We walked alongside the fence to the gate. Dawson was quiet and calm, which I appreciated. He was a jokester when it wasn’t serious, but all business when it was. He had a remarkably steady presence. I trusted everyone on our crew. By chance, I had worked the most with him and Jackson, and knew Dawson was rock solid.
If he had an opinion about my reaction, it didn’t show. Meanwhile, my eyes kept flicking to Valentina. Her head had rolled to the side when we shifted her onto the stretcher. I wanted her to wake up. I needed to know she was oka
y. When we reached the barn, Wade had the emergency vehicle Jackson kept on site idling in the parking area between the vet clinic and house. Dawson and I shifted Valentina onto the wheeled stretcher and slid it into the back of the van.
“You riding with?” Dawson asked, looking straight at me.
“Of course.”
He simply nodded, not even asking if I was riding in the front. I climbed in beside Valentina, pulling the doors shut in the back. My throat was tight, and my heart felt as if it was about to explode. Part of me wanted to argue the point and say we didn’t need to take her to the hospital, but I knew better. Head injuries had a protocol, and it sure as hell didn’t involve blowing off a full medical evaluation.
Dawson and Wade were up front, and Wade peeled out, gravel spinning behind the tires as he flicked on the emergency lights and sirens. The hospital in Stolen Hearts Valley was no more than ten minutes away, but it was winding mountain roads every mile between the lodge and downtown.
I barely noticed anything, dimly aware of Dawson and Wade’s hushed conversation and their occasional calls back to ask me how Valentina was doing.
“Fine,” I kept saying. Except she wasn’t conscious yet, so I didn’t know if I was only saying that to trick myself into believing she was. Maybe if I said it enough, she would be guaranteed to be fine.
Thoughts barreled through my mind, slamming into me. My regret ran deep—at the distance I had put between us recently and wondering just what the hell I was thinking.
Mine, mine, mine repeated on a loop. I’d made a huge fucking mistake. It was a mistake thinking I shouldn’t give us a shot. The idea of losing her utterly terrified me. I couldn’t stop thinking of that possibility.
You’re not gonna fucking lose her.
You don’t know. You just can’t know that.
Head injuries were weird. People died. I knew that. Just like Melissa, Valentina could be gone.
It felt like forever and no time at all when Wade pulled into the circular drive at the emergency room entrance. They swung into action. At least for this part, my autopilot worked. I helped them get Valentina out, and we jogged in through the ER doors, wheeling her on the stretcher.
I wanted to go with her to the examining room, but it wasn’t an option. This was the part where we handed her over to someone else’s care. I didn’t want to let her go, suddenly concerned that whoever took over wouldn’t get it right.
Wade caught my arm. “Come on, man. Let them do their thing.”
My feet were rooted to the floor as the medical team shifted into gear, taking the stretcher from us and hurrying down the hallway. I looked into Wade’s calm brown gaze and simply nodded, turning with him and walking down the hall in silence.
I sank into a chair in the waiting room, surprised when Wade sat down beside me. Glancing over, I asked, “Don’t you need to deal with the van?”
“Nah. Dawson’s got it.”
“You don’t have to wait with me.”
I was quite certain I saw something like sympathy flicker in his eyes. “I’m waiting. Dawson’ll be back soon, and we’ll wait with you.”
I was too numb to cry, but the burn in my eyes and my throat was intense.
We waited in silence. I realized the last time I’d been at the hospital was when Melissa died. She collapsed at work, and I got a call from the receptionist where she worked to let me know they’d called 911. By the time I got to the hospital, she’d already been declared dead, but I wouldn’t find that out right away. I had to wait for the doctor. Rylie had been with my mother that afternoon. It had been all I could do not to completely fall apart.
As brutal as that event was, somehow this felt worse. I didn’t mean to make it sound as though it wasn’t horrible that Melissa died. It was. It was just that I hadn’t known what I might be facing then. My fear now was smothering, perhaps because I knew what a loss like this could feel like.
Dawson returned. He and Wade were blessedly quiet, not expecting anything from me. Dawson fetched us all coffee and handed me one of those thin paper cups.
After I took a sip and then another, he cleared his throat from where he sat across from me. “All right, man, I’m not one for lots of advice, but I just have one thing to say.”
When my eyes swung up to meet his, he nodded firmly. “Stop being a fucking idiot about her. It’s pretty obvious.”
“What’s obvious?” I asked, promptly demonstrating my ability to be said idiot.
Wade sighed heavily. “That you love her.”
For just a second, the part of me that had closed ranks after Melissa died wanted to snap back at him. The rest of my heart smacked that voice upside the head. You do love her.
I swallowed, chasing the pain knotted in my throat with another sip of semi-cold shitty coffee, and nodded. “I know.”
“Thank fuck for small favors,” Wade said, leaning his head against the wall.
“Maybe you’ll be in a better mood now,” Dawson added with a chuckle, finally letting out a bit of his teasing side.
After a moment, a woman in a white coat came out, glancing around. “Family for Valentina Smith?”
I jumped up, crossing the room swiftly, realizing just then I should probably call her parents. I didn’t even know them, much less how to reach them. I needed to remedy that soon.
“Right here,” I said as I stopped in front of her. I was willing to lie if necessary. “I’m her boyfriend.”
The doctor paused and then carried on. “Ms. Smith should be fine. She’s awake now. Given the tests we ran, she should be cleared for release in another hour. She’ll need someone with her for the next twenty-four hours to wake her every two hours.”
“She’ll be with me,” I replied swiftly. “Can I see her?”
When I stepped into Valentina’s room minutes later, her eyes widened when she saw me. My heart finally relaxed, but my emotions were still spinning wildly through me, making me feel half crazy.
Approaching the bed carefully, I stopped at her side, looking down. Her red hair was bright against the white pillows propped up behind her. Although she wasn’t as pale as she’d been earlier, her freckles stood out against her skin.
“You gave me a scare,” I said, reaching to curl my hand around hers where it rested by her side. Her skin was cool, and I wanted to make her warm.
“I gave myself a scare. That stallion’s an asshole.”
The mere mention of the stallion flying by and kicking her brought my fear rushing back and set my heart to pounding.
Valentina’s eyes coasted over my face, her brow furrowing. “Are you okay? And what are you doing here?”
Her hand curled into mine, squeezing slightly with her questions. Of course she would be worried about me. “I’m okay but only because you’re okay,” I said, my voice coming out scratchy. “I’m here because I was near the pasture and saw the stallion knock you out with a kick.”
I tried to gather my thoughts, to say something sensible, but nothing felt sensible now. “I screwed up. I’m sorry. I thought, well, I thought it wasn’t a good idea to let Rylie get ideas. I guess I thought I should wait, but I can’t. You’re too important.” I dived into the deep end of this conversation so fast, I startled myself. But I couldn’t put this off.
Valentina’s eyes widened just as a nurse came in, all business.
“Okay, dear, we need to do a few checks. You’re gonna have to sit tight for at least an hour.”
“But I feel fine,” Valentina insisted.
Looking into her eyes, I sensed she did not enjoy feeling at the mercy of the hospital. “You’re going to wait until they say it’s okay for you to leave. Then you’re coming home with me.”
All the while, my heart kept up that steady, almost thrashing beat. She seemed okay, but I wasn’t going to relax until we got through tomorrow.
Chapter Thirty
Valentina
I felt everything—every inch of my body. My head carried a dull ache, and subtle pains throbbed in rando
m places. I presumed my fall had jolted me enough everywhere and figured I’d find a few bruises later.
All the while, even though I was a little confused with Lucas’s shift, I was so relieved he was here. He rarely left the room while I was waiting. Others stopped by to see me. I learned Dawson had delivered Lucas’s truck to him so he could drive me home and was catching a ride back to the lodge with Wade.
Dani visited for a little bit. She and Lucas had a tense conversation in the corner of the room. It ended with her words carrying across the room to me. “You better not screw this up.”
She’d spun away from him and cast me a smile. She braided my hair for me even though I told her it wasn’t necessary. Just before she left, she leaned over and whispered in my ear, “I think Lucas is in love with you, so you might want to figure out how you feel.”
I had so many questions, but I was tired, and all of my questions were emotional landmines. I felt as if my emotions were pressing against my skin, almost bursting through. With the state of my headache, I didn’t think I was in the best place to try to have an emotional conversation with Lucas.
When we arrived at his house, I was surprised to discover Rylie wasn’t there. When I glanced his way in the truck, he answered my unspoken question. “She’s at my parents’ for the night. I texted them while we were waiting at the hospital.”
Without further comment, Lucas rounded the truck and lifted me into his arms to carry me inside. Although I found having so many people hovering at the hospital disconcerting, I discovered I liked being held in his arms. I liked it a lot. He set me down on the couch, still quiet. He gave off an intensity I didn’t quite know how to interpret.
Glancing down, he said, “Your call. We can sleep out here or in my bedroom, but I’m supposed to wake you every two hours.”
Selfishly, I wanted the comfort of his bed. That way, he would be right beside me. I might not have had many nights with Lucas, but I loved every single one.