by Nikita Singh
‘You’re not getting any better at marketing.’ Siddhant laughed. ‘I’ll still try one. And I’ll take one of those coconut lime cupcakes from yesterday too, if you have any left.’
‘We do, actually. Just a couple. That one was a hit!’ Maahi said cheerfully.
‘I haven’t had breakfast or lunch today, so I’m glad I have room for these,’ Siddhant said when she brought him the cupcakes. ‘Looks delicious. I haven’t slept in thirty hours. I need to go home and pass out, so I really shouldn’t be having any sugar, but what the hell, let’s throw caution to the wind.’
‘Such a daredevil!’ Maahi grinned. He left after a while, and even though Maahi wanted to spend more time with him, she could see how tired he was. She was sad to see him go, and when she realized it, she paused and wondered why. Maybe she was beginning to like him.
Maahi pushed that thought from her mind and got back to Hemingway. Laila was pulling her away from the dystopian YA novels she still adored and introducing her to more challenging literature. Time flew as the book demanded her sincere attention. Just as she was about to close the shop, she got a text from Siddhant.
Siddhant: What’s up?
Maahi: About to close. You?
Siddhant: Just woke up. Want to hang out?
Maahi: Now?
Maahi regretted the second question mark as soon as she hit send.
Siddhant: Yeah! Come play Mario Kart with us?
Maahi: Who’s us?
Siddhant: Me and my roommates.
This was the first time Siddhant had asked to meet her anywhere. Maahi needed to go back to Vaishali, and didn’t want to be late. Besides, she might have known him for about a month, but didn’t really know him. She hadn’t even seen him in anything other than his long, white lab coats. Between all the doubt, that thought excited her—seeing him in regular clothes.
She texted Laila to ask what she should do. Laila texted back within seconds: ‘Oo. Go for it, girl!’
Maahi decided not to overthink it, and said yes. Siddhant texted her his address. She took her time closing, and then walking slowly to his place, as if waiting, hoping for a sign to make her turn around and go home. However, nothing of that sort happened, and before she knew it, she was at his door, and he was waving at her from his balcony. There was another guy with him, probably Siddhant’s roommate. She got more nervous.
‘Come on up,’ Siddhant said and disappeared.
His smile reassured her, but not enough. She walked in and up two flights of stairs. He met her at the door, and greeted her with a small hug. It was the first time they had any kind of physical contact, and Maahi could feel his arm around her long after he released her.
He was wearing a navy-blue sweatshirt that had a strange, colourful Aztec pattern printed on grey in the front, with light blue washed-out jeans and a pair of grey sneakers. Maahi found it funny that their shoes almost matched. She liked seeing him in something other than his lab coat. He looked well rested too.
Siddhant led her into his apartment, and Maahi looked around, trying to estimate the amount of danger she would be in if they tried to hold her prisoner or something. She took one step into the living room. There was a girl lying senseless on the couch.
‘That’s Alia.’
‘Is she … alive?’
‘She’s fine. She hadn’t slept in a long time and then she ate too much—she’s basically passed out on food,’ Siddhant explained.
‘Is that a real thing?’ Maahi asked.
‘Yup,’ Alia’s muffled voice came from under the pillow. She remained unmoving, facedown, but raised two fingers and said, ‘Hi.’
‘Nice to meet you. I’m Maahi.’
‘Welcome.’
Maahi didn’t hear from Alia for the rest of the night. Siddhant introduced her to his other roommate, Eshaan, who was a short guy with square-rimmed glasses. He was from Assam, here for his medical studies. All three of them went to AIIMS, and were in their internship year of MBBS.
From the living room, she could see three doors, one on her right and two on the other side, so she assumed it was just the three of them living there. ‘Where do your parents live?’ Maahi asked Siddhant.
‘They live here, in Delhi. It’s easier for me to live with these guys because we can study together and our schedules are all over the place, so it makes sense to live with other med students. Although, my parents are both doctors too, so it’s not like they don’t understand,’ he said. ‘I don’t want to be a bother, mostly. Their lives are pretty hectic as it is.’
‘Your parents are both doctors?’
‘Yep. And my elder brother,’ Siddhant said.
‘Yeah, so there was no pressure on Sid to become one,’ Eshaan added.
Maahi laughed with them, but noticed something off with Siddhant’s laughter. ‘That must’ve been tough. But you’ve made it,’ she said.
‘Not yet. Med school’s just the beginning. There’s a long way to go, trust me. I haven’t even started yet,’ Siddhant said, staring at the blank TV screen, suddenly very serious.
Maahi turned towards Eshaan for support, but found him nodding at the coffee mug in his hand. Maybe he was thinking about his own career and the path ahead. Maahi got intimidated for a second, seeing how driven and ambitious these men were. Admittedly, she knew nothing about the struggles in a doctor’s life and career, and found herself unqualified to comment. ‘One step at a time,’ she said quietly.
Maahi thought about her own life. She wished she had that kind of passion and vision for her career. Laila had graduated a couple of months ago—after the first six months of theory and practical training, she had interned at a five-star hotel for the last six months, which was a course requirement. She then took up a day job at a hotshot bakery. But the closest she got to baking there was handling the packaging of baked goods and desserts. Her job was mostly keeping track of stock levels, filling out inventory and managing production sheets. It was taking much of her time, and even though she was making money and the work environment was excellent, she wasn’t enjoying her actual work. She had been working at Cozy Coffee less and less. Maahi still had about two years of college left, but she couldn’t help but get nervous.
‘Wow, quite a mood we’ve got going here, huh? One basically dead person on the couch, and then there’s the two of us, sitting here all depressed about our lives.’ Siddhant laughed. ‘We really know how to entertain our guests.’
‘We sure do!’ Eshaan agreed. ‘Didn’t you say we were going to play Mario Kart?’
‘Yeah, let’s do it. Alia, you want to play?’
There was no sound from the lump under the pillows. They were all on the same L-shaped couch—Maahi between Alia and Siddhant, Eshaan on the other side of Siddhant. Eshaan set up the game and Siddhant taught Maahi the controls.
‘Who do you want to be?’ Eshaan asked Maahi.
‘I don’t know. I’ve never played this before. Which one should I pick?’
‘Be Toad.’
‘Yeah, Sid’s right. Toad’s awesome.’
Maahi couldn’t figure out whether they were making fun of her or being serious. She picked Mario; it seemed like a safe bet. Siddhant chose Yoshi and Eshaan chose Toad. Maahi wanted to be Toad now, but didn’t want to say anything.
They were playing on Nintendo Wii, a console she had no experience with. Sarthak had a PlayStation 3 at home, which she was familiar with, and she’d also played games on Rohit’s Xbox. Even though Siddhant taught her the controls, she kept messing up and landing in ditches. Eshaan kept drifting and slipstreaming his cart expertly and Siddhant performed spectacular mid-air stunts and wheelies on his motorcycle.
‘Your controller looks different from mine!’
‘Yes, ma’am. Mine’s the Nintendo GameCube controller—which is awesome!’ Eshaan bragged.
‘That’s unfair,’ Maahi complained.
‘Your controller is easier, if that helps,’ Siddhant said.
‘Fuck you. Yours has a steering
wheel, when you don’t even have a cart! Who uses a steering wheel to ride a bike?’
‘I gave you the classic controller, so I’m stuck with this! I was only trying to help you out because you’re a beginner.’
‘Beginner, my foot. I’m going to kick your ass,’ Maahi said, not looking away from the TV screen.
‘Whoa!’ the guys hooted together.
Despite her promise and intention, no matter how hard she tried, Maahi couldn’t kick anyone’s ass. The rest of the evening was spent with the boys making fun of her, repeatedly beating her at each game. Maahi was terrible in the beginning, bumping into everything in her way, most times going out of her way to bump into things. She came twelfth in the first couple of rounds. Siddhant was nice enough to take the blame for it, saying he picked the wrong levels for a beginner, and Maahi told him that she knew he did that on purpose so she could come last, and he would come first—and that would be good for his ego.
Maahi stopped using the excuse of never having played the game before and concentrated very hard in the third round. She finished fifth, beating Eshaan, who came in seventh and Siddhant came first. She let herself go in the fourth and final round and finished tenth, while Eshaan came in third and Siddhant came in first, as was the trend, something that annoyed Maahi, but she felt strangely proud of at the same time.
‘Oh, I didn’t realize what time it was,’ Maahi exclaimed, when she looked at her phone.
‘You need to be home?’ Siddhant asked.
‘Yeah, it’s getting late. I have to go all the way to Vaishali.’
‘Oh, yeah, that’s right. I’ll walk you to the Metro station. You take M.G. Road, right?’
‘Yeah,’ Maahi said. She said her goodbyes to Eshaan and the unconscious Alia, and walked out with Siddhant. It had been a fun evening, despite her nervousness in the beginning. They talked about her poor performance at Mario Kart on their way to the Metro, and Maahi accused him of being an egotistical loser.
‘Well, I think we could all see who the real loser there was. Quite clearly.’ Siddhant laughed.
‘You’re so mean.’
‘As if you’re not!’
‘I don’t know why I’m even talking to you,’ Maahi said, shaking her head and looking away.
‘Come on! You know I’m only kidding. I’m not mean for real.’ Siddhant put his arm around her back and touched her waist for a second.
Maahi laughed with him, trying to hide her blush.
‘I had fun,’ she said when they reached the station.
‘Me too,’ Siddhant said. ‘Safe to assume we’ll hang out again? Unless you’re planning to never see my face again.’
‘We’ll see,’ Maahi said, giving him a quick hug before leaving. They both knew they were going to see each other again soon.
Siddhant texted her later that night, asking if she had reached home safely. They chatted for hours. They had been texting before that too, but seeing each other outside of Cozy Coffee really opened the communication channels between them. Maahi went to sleep with a silly smile on her face, still feeling his slight touch on her waist.
11
‘I don’t know what! Everything was okay,’ Maahi said, her elbows on the counter, her face in her hands.
‘Something must have happened. Are you sure you didn’t say anything stupid?’ Laila asked. ‘Maybe later on? Something that might’ve offended him?’
‘No. I mean … I don’t think so.’ Maahi tried to go back to the conversations she had had with Siddhant. She didn’t remember having said anything offensive to him or him reacting to something in a strange manner. As far as she could tell, everything was okay between them. Not just okay, things were actually going great. He was attentive, and interested in her, asking how her day was, talking about his own—Maahi thought it was on the way to becoming something special. It definitely seemed to have the potential to.
Until, all of a sudden, he stopped texting her first, and then he stopped texting her altogether. It reached a point where he was only responding to her texts, his responses stiff and precise. Maahi felt like she was talking to a wall. For the first couple of days, it really hurt. Realizing he wasn’t into her, facing and accepting the rejection brought back her insecurities, making her feel like she wasn’t good enough. Then they tried to evaluate why that happened. Why, if he was interested to begin with, did he stop being interested now?
‘Well then, I don’t know. Men are weird. Maybe he’s just a fuckboy. Maybe this is his routine—giving attention to make sure you notice him and then pulling back,’ Laila said. She was wearing a cloth headband that went from the base of her neck to the top of her forehead. It was grey with off-white flower patterns—quite unlike her usual style, but she made it look less girlish by pulling her hair back in a high ponytail. Her face was clear of all makeup except for a dull-red lipstick. That and her already perfect arched eyebrows gave her the edge she carried with her.
Maahi nodded. ‘Maybe.’
‘I’m sorry, love. I know you don’t want to hear it. Hell, I don’t want to say it. But I really don’t know what’s up. He seemed okay to me,’ Laila said. She put an arm around Maahi and squeezed her.
Maahi let her head fall on the counter.
‘Come on, man. Don’t let him do this to you,’ Laila said. ‘You can’t let this get to you. You’re better than that, you know that, right? You know that.’
Maahi got off her stool and stretched her legs. ‘I need to bake,’ she said. ‘Maybe that’ll help.’
‘Yes! What do you need?’
‘Can I bake the cookies today? You take over the cupcakes?’ Maahi asked. ‘I just can’t today … Siddhant, he used to come here for my cupcakes…’
‘No. Maahi, you can’t do this. I won’t let you. You can’t stop what you love doing for a guy you’ve known for what, six weeks?’
‘Let it go, Laila. I just can’t, today. It’s not like I’m giving up on life. I need some time—a day. It’s not that big a deal.’
Laila stood in front of her with her arms folded over her chest, studying her, as if mad at her for being sad. Maahi understood that Laila cared about her, but she hoped her friend would let her be a normal human being and feel for one day. She really liked Siddhant. She was developing feelings for him, and it hurt that he didn’t feel the same about her.
‘Okay?’ Maahi asked.
‘Yeah,’ Laila said. ‘As long as you’re fine. I just don’t like seeing you like this. It makes me sad, which pisses me off. Anyway, I was planning on almond meal coconut cookies with chocolate chips. Would you like to bake that?’
Maahi looked at her friend, so tiny and trying to be so tough. A small smile crept on her face. ‘Only if you bake it with me.’
Maahi’s mid-term exams were close, and she still had to figure out where to get notes from and what the syllabus for the tests was. She had been skipping classes recently. Not many—just a few, to work with Laila at the coffee shop, which they were slowly turning into a bakery, or at least they would’ve if CJ hadn’t interfered. They had really grown passionate about baking and decorating cakes, and went for elaborate designs, spending multiple days on one cake.
A couple of customers, impressed by their cookies and cupcakes, had inquired if they baked custom cakes on order and Laila had lied through her teeth and said yes. Things escalated and they found themselves drowning in cake orders. Soon enough, CJ got a whiff of the situation and cakes were banned from Cozy Coffee. CJ wanted the place to simply sell coffee. It made sense to Maahi, but Laila didn’t see it. Her logic was ‘why settle for less when we can get more?’ CJ’s was ‘less is more’. Maahi chose to stay out of it. Ten days of baking cakes had really put her behind on her coursework and Maahi was panicking.
She decided to meet her teacher later that day and ask him for guidance, book references and such. She sat through the third class of the day, trying to make sense of what they were being taught. She checked her phone once the class ended to find a text.
&nb
sp; Laila: Your boy’s here.
Maahi: He’s not my boy.
She resumed her day normally. She had neither the time nor the energy to deal with that right now. She wondered why Laila was at the coffee shop that early. She herself was supposed to go there in two hours from then.
Maahi finished her work at college and took her time getting there. There was no way Siddhant would still be there, but she didn’t want to take any chances. She wondered briefly why he had come by, and what he would’ve done if she’d been there, but tried not to think about it.
Still, when Maahi reached the coffee shop, she felt a weight at the pit of her stomach when she looked around and couldn’t see Siddhant there. She liked seeing him around, had even become used to it, expectant of it. She reluctantly admitted to herself that she missed him.
Laila met her eye and read her feelings. She stuck out her lower lip at Maahi, a what-can-we-do expression. Laila even tousled her hair when she got behind the counter, which Maahi thought was weird because she wasn’t exactly her child, even though it sometimes felt that way.
Late that night, when Maahi got off the Metro at Vaishali, she received a message from Siddhant: ‘Hey’. On her walk to her house, Maahi contemplated whether she should respond to it or not, and if yes, what she should say. She reached home, changed, had dinner with her parents—Sarthak was out group studying with his friends—and got into bed before responding a well-thought-out, calculated text message: ‘Hey’.
Siddhant responded within minutes: ‘How are you?’
Maahi: Good.
Siddhant: What’s going on?
Maahi: College, coffee shop, the usual.
Siddhant: Hmm. So listen, I realize I need to apologize for my behaviour earlier. There was just a lot of shit that I’ve been going through, still am, and I didn’t know where this would fit in.
Maahi: Nah, it’s alright. You don’t owe me anything.
Siddhant: Maybe not, but you deserve better. And I’m sorry if I hurt you at any point. Trust me, that was never my intention.
Maahi wanted to trust him, but something held her back. Maybe it was the fear of getting hurt again, maybe it was Laila’s voice repeating the definition of fuckboy in her head or maybe she just didn’t want to hope again.