by Lila James
“Let me out,” I said, trying to sound firm, but my voice emerged as a faint whisper instead.
“Not until you hear what I have to say.”
“I don’t want to hear what you have to say.”
“Why did you come down here, Adrian?”
“That’s not important now,” I said, not looking at him. “Will you let me by? I have a flight to catch.”
“Adrian.”
Jackson gently placed his hands on the side of my face, tilting my head to look up at him. He had shadows under his eyes and a faint stubble. Despite his obvious fatigue, he still looked as handsome as ever. My stomach lurched and I tried to look away, but he held my face firm.
“Why did you come down here?” he repeated.
I stared at him for a long moment, deciding that I might as well get the humiliation over with now. Then I could sob my eyes out and get back to New York, where I would console myself with wine and Doritos.
“To tell you that I do love you,” I whispered. “It wasn’t the wine talking. I meant it. I mean it. I’m in love with you. I probably have been for a lot longer than I realized.”
“Why did you spend the night with your ex-fiancé?” he asked, searching my face.
“Nothing happened,” I insisted. “I wanted to stay at the hospital all night. He lives close by, and he offered to let me crash at his place so I could get to the hospital the first thing in the morning. I promise you, it wasn’t anything romantic. At all. I don’t love him. I’m in love with you.”
“I came back to the hospital … and I saw you with him,” Jackson said after a brief pause. “I left and took a walk. I came back and your mother told me you went home with him.”
I remembered the feeling of someone watching me as I embraced Marcus and inwardly cringed. That had been Jackson.
“Jackson, listen to me. I don’t love Marcus anymore. We saved ourselves a lot of grief by not getting married. It’s taken me a while to recognize that. I haven’t even thought about him as much since you came into the picture.”
Jackson continued to study me, his expression stoic. I kept my eyes trained on his, willing him to see that I was telling the truth.
He smiled, taking a step toward me to grasp my hands. But I made myself move away from him.
“You’re the one who’s still married,” I said, thinking about Mrs. Jackson Taylor. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I am most definitely not married,” Jackson said, his eyes shadowing. “I had no idea she was even in my apartment. If I’d known, I would have called the police and had her thrown out.”
He took a calming breath before taking a step back and leaning against the wall, closing his eyes. After a long moment, he looked at me.
“I married Karen when I was nineteen. I was completely and utterly infatuated to the point of blindness. We’d been together since I was seventeen. High school sweethearts,” he added with a bitter smile. “When Karen got pregnant a couple of years into our marriage, I was thrilled. Until I learned the baby wasn’t mine. As it turns out, Karen was really in love with my best friend, but he turned her down. He was wealthy, his parents were complete snobs, and they didn’t approve of her background. Thought she might be a gold digger. But I’d always been sniffing around her like a fool. For her, I was a self-esteem boost. A rebound. So she agreed to marry me. My ex-best friend was content to carry on a relationship with her behind my back after we were married. Maybe I knew deep down, but I refused to believe it until I decided to follow her around one day when I told her I’d be out of town. Lo and behold, she met up with him at a hotel.”
My heart clenched with sadness for him, but I remained silent as he continued.
“We got into a terrible fight, of course. She took off with him and they got into a car crash. He died; she was only injured, but she miscarried. I felt horribly guilty, and she was of course contrite. Karen’s never been able to take care of herself, so out of guilt I agreed to stay married to her. But I couldn’t look at her without feeling so angry. And hurt. I divorced her, wrote my ironic book about finding true love, which was just wish fulfillment for me. When it became a success, I moved to New York. I paid her off to keep her quiet about our relationship. It certainly wouldn’t help my readership to know about such a disastrous relationship in my past,” Jackson said, casting a rueful glance at me. “I haven’t really let myself get close to anyone since then. Getting hurt like that leaves a scar. I’ve dated, of course, but I haven’t let myself fall so completely for anyone. All that changed when I met you. But I was not going to let myself feel anything for you. I was going to put on my game face. Still … I found myself wanting to see you, wanting to be around you. I was starting to feel what I hadn’t let myself feel for anyone in years. When you drunkenly told me you loved me, I couldn’t let myself believe that it was true. How many times had Karen drunkenly declared her love for me? When I saw you with your ex-fiancé, and your mom told me you spent the night with him … it was history repeating itself. So I had to get the hell out of New York. Away from you and him. I couldn’t go through all that again.”
“What was she doing in your apartment?” I pressed.
“I’ve had that apartment for years, since before we were married. I didn’t give it up when I moved to New York. Apparently she still has a key. I had no idea she still comes to use it. Knowing her, it makes sense, considering there’s a Jacuzzi on the roof. I was out all day. If you’d stayed, you would’ve seen that her boyfriend was in the apartment with her. I kicked her out and threatened to call the cops if she ever came by again. I’m having the locks changed immediately. My brother and Emma called me—they told me you came down to Virginia to tell me something extremely important. They told me where I could find you.”
I stared at Jackson, my heart thudding in my chest. I felt guilty at how badly I’d misjudged him. I could see now that Emma was right about him: his arrogance was just a shield to guard what was obviously a wounded heart. His ex had truly done a number on him, leaving him with obvious scars.
That was the thing about scars, emotional and otherwise—they always cut deep, and they left a mark. Jackson and I had both been wounded by our old relationships, Jackson even more so, to the point where we almost let them sabotage our new ones. It was time to break that pattern.
I stepped forward, taking both of Jackson’s hands in mine. I held them tight as I pressed my forehead against his. Jackson tilted my chin up, leaning in to kiss me. If possible, this kiss was even more passionate than our last one. When we broke apart for air, hands still clasped, Jackson looked down at me.
“I’m in love with you, Adrian Lexley. God, that feels good to say out loud. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
“It feels good to hear you say it,” I whispered. “I love you, too. Go on. Keep saying it.”
“I love you, Adrian,” Jackson repeated softly. “I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you …”
I silenced him with another kiss.
*
Jackson and I returned to New York together. We were met at the airport by Emma and Daniel, who looked ecstatic when they saw us emerge from our gate, arm in arm. Jackson was able to halt the sale of his apartment and remained in the city to work on his follow-up book. Our article was published a month later to rave reviews from the editorial staff and our readership, much to Jean’s delight.
After Jackson and I returned to New York, I kept thinking about a saying I’d once overheard: Life is best understood backward but must be lived forward. If I’d married Marcus, I never would have met Jackson. Breakups, as painful as they can be in the moment, are ultimately for the best. The universe has a way of setting things in motion the way they should be. And chances are … the next great love will top the last. I can now personally attest to that as fact.
THE END
ALSO BY LILA JAMES
AS L.D. GOFFIGAN
SHADOW DESCENDANT
THE BEAST OF LONDON
FORTRESS OF BL
OOD
REALM OF NIGHT
ldgoffiganbooks.com
A MESSAGE FROM THE AUTHOR
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thanks to Kindle Press for this wonderful publishing opportunity.
Thanks to Cosmic Letterz for my fun and awesome cover.
Thanks to my awesome husband, aka Travel Buddy, Snuggle Buddy, Star Trek Mentor, Video Game Sage, who has been my biggest cheerleader during my publishing journey. I love you more than you’ll ever know.
And finally, thanks to you, dear reader, for picking up this novel to escape for a few hours. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I loved writing it.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lila James grew up in coastal Virginia and now resides in sunny California. When not writing, she enjoys traveling, hiking, reading, and enjoying her very own happily ever after with her husband.
Stay in touch! You can join her mailing list and follow her on Twitter and Facebook. You can also reach her at [email protected].