Without a Mother's Love

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Without a Mother's Love Page 19

by Catherine King


  ‘May I wait here? It’s raining.’

  The woman nodded and returned to the discussion. Harriet leaned against a wooden post, feeling thirsty and weak. They looked like respectable ladies, reminding her of the principal’s wife at Blackstone. They might help her find work and somewhere to stay. She caught snatches of their conversation, villages she had heard of, names of people she had not, and sums of money.

  One or two other ladies wandered into the building, their bare heads protected from the rain by shawls and glanced in her direction. Her bonnet set her apart from them, more akin to the grouping around the table. She gave them a faltering smile.

  When the meeting started they gathered to stand in the centre. Someone came round with a small wooden box and asked for a penny if she had one. Then they said prayers and had Bible readings, and the lady who seemed to be in charge talked to them. Harriet would have called it a sermon if it had been the Sabbath and she had been a minister.

  At the end she came across to speak with her. ‘Welcome, friend.’ She smiled, holding out her hands. ‘I’m Miss Holmes, but please call me Anna.’

  No stranger had called her ‘friend’ before with such obvious sincerity. ‘Harriet Trent,’ she replied, grasping the hands firmly.

  ‘Are you new to the town?’

  ‘Yes. I am looking for work.’

  ‘I see. It’s mainly lodgings and coal mines for the women here.’

  ‘I was hoping for something better.’

  ‘Such as, my dear?’

  ‘I am a teacher, ma’am. I can read, write and do numbers.’

  Anna’s tired lined face brightened.‘Do you have a testimonial?’

  ‘From a school, yes.’ Harriet hesitated. ‘Lately I had work as a governess.’

  Clearly Anna expected her to say more.

  ‘My pupil was married and had no further need of me.’ She felt uncomfortable as she said this and Anna noticed.

  ‘But her parents gave you a letter of recommendation?’

  Harriet bit her lip. She was beginning to feel faint with thirst and sagged against a wooden post.

  ‘Have you come far?’ Anna asked gently.

  ‘No, not really, but I - I left at daybreak.’

  ‘That was hours ago! I’ll fetch you some water.’

  Anna handed her a wooden ladleful from a small half-barrel in the corner.‘I don’t suppose you have had much to eat, either. There’ll be hot pies from a butcher’s wife in the market square soon. Do you have money?’

  Harriet nodded.

  ‘I have need of a teacher.’

  ‘Here?’ She had hoped to be further away from Hill Top House.

  ‘I’m afraid not. My mission is on the other side of the Riding. I’m returning there this afternoon.’

  Harriet fished in the pocket of her skirt and drew out the letter from Blackstone, ‘to whom it may concern’, recommending her as a governess. She had removed it from Hesley Mexton’s papers weeks ago. ‘Please. Let me come with you. I can pay my own fare and ask only for board and lodging until I have proved myself to you.’

  She held her breath as Anna read. ‘This is dated more than a year ago.You have nothing to vouch for you since then?’

  Harriet shook her head nervously.

  ‘Why did you leave your position as governess?’

  She blushed. ‘I told you. My - my pupil was married.’

  ‘Well, I shall not judge you until I know more, but you must answer one question truthfully.’

  Harriet held her breath and waited.

  ‘Are you with child?’

  ‘No! Truly I am not!’ But her cheeks reddened more as she said it.

  Anna gave her a level stare. ‘You are not alone in your sin. I follow the teachings of John Wesley. He believed that we all have sinned but can be saved.’ She paused. ‘I shall be on the carrier that leaves at four this afternoon from the inn.You may join me, if you wish.’

  ‘Thank you, ma’am. I will be there.’

  Anna nodded as though she approved.‘Now you must excuse me. I have mission business to attend to. The rain is easing. Go to the fair. It is Lammas Day and there are travelling players in the town square.’

  Anonymous in the crowd, Harriet enjoyed her first day of freedom in the market. She bought a good length of cotton calico from the back of a cart. It was a strong weave and she took more than she needed. The traveller added a piece of sprigged muslin and some ribbon to her parcel and she felt pleased with her purchase. But the extra bundle was heavy to carry and she went to the inn to sit on a wall and wait for Anna. She had eaten well and drunk from the spring that filled the horse trough. Her heart lifted when she saw Anna approach with a gentleman companion, carrying a travelling bag.

  ‘You are early. I said you would be. Harriet, this is my brother, Tobias Holmes.’

  ‘Ma’am.’ He set down the bag, took off his low-crowned hat and bowed.

  ‘Sir.’ She curtsied. ‘Are you travelling with us?’

  ‘I’m afraid not. I come only to see you safely on your way. The carrier is not due for an hour. Shall we take tea inside?’

  He took one of her bundles as well as the bag, and they settled by a window so they could see the cart when it arrived. Harriet guessed that he wished to know more about his sister’s travelling companion and prepared herself for more questions.

  ‘My sister tells me you were a teacher at Blackstone?’

  ‘Do you know of it?’

  He nodded. ‘By reputation only.You understand that we are Dissenters?’

  ‘Oh, yes.’ She found herself looking at his countenance with interest. He was a handsome man. In fact, a very attractive man. Harriet could not take her eyes off him.

  ‘But Anna has not told you about her mission?’

  ‘It is all God’s work, is it not?’

  ‘Anna has chosen a particularly difficult task.’

  ‘I shall do my best for her.’

  ‘But the people who—’ He stopped as his sister put her hand on his arm.

  ‘Toby, I shall explain to Harriet as we travel.’

  ‘Very well. I shall ride over to visit you after next quarter day.’

  Anna smiled brightly. ‘Am I not lucky to have such a thoughtful brother, Harriet? Oh, good, here is our tea. And lardy cake, too. How lovely.’

  They talked about the new chapel in town as they ate and drank, and of other missions that were setting up to serve families who laboured in the Riding. It seemed to Harriet that coal mines and iron works would soon be taking over the whole town. The cart was early. Tobias loaded their belongings, then embraced his sister warmly. ‘I am so proud of you,’ he said.

  Anna smiled back and replied, ‘And I of you. We shall see you in two months’ time.’

  He bowed to Harriet and stood back as they climbed into the cart and settled themselves with their luggage. The horses jolted them away. As Harriet looked back, she had mixed feelings. She was glad, oh, so glad, to be leaving Hill Top House and the unhappiness it had caused her. But when she thought of Olivia, she felt deeply saddened and guilty that she had left her.They had become like - she hardly dared to think it - like sisters in their support of each other. It had been all she had hoped for when she had first taken the position. She prayed that Jared Tyler would keep his word, respect her and care for her. For now, she could only pray.

  She looked forward to working with Anna, even though Tobias had warned her of hardship. She deserved her sackcloth and ashes, and she would endeavour to redeem herself from her wickedness at Hill Top House. Perhaps God had not totally forsaken her. He had given her this chance to repent through Tobias and Anna’s work. Suddenly she felt elated. It did not matter how difficult Anna’s mission was. It would be her salvation. She was so lucky to have met them.

  It was a long ride, and when they were set down at a tavern they had to wait for a messenger to fetch a trap for the final stretch of the journey.

  As they lingered, Anna explained, ‘You will live with me in m
y tiny cottage. It is just outside the gates.’

  ‘Gates?’

  Anna placed her hand on Harriet’s. ‘My mission is with girls and women who have been cast out by their families.’

  Harriet thought she understood. Like some of the girls who had been at Blackstone. Those in danger of moral decay, and worse.

  ‘You must understand that some cannot think for themselves. They have never been able to. But others, well, they are different. They were influenced by - by people, by events that led to their state of mind and . . . Well, you will see for yourself.’

  ‘Where are we going?’ Harriet asked.

  Anna stood up. ‘Here is one of the warders with his trap.’

  ‘Is it a prison?’

  ‘No, but the inmates cannot leave, though many wish to.’

  Suddenly Harriet knew where she was going.‘It’s an asylum, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes. An asylum for the insane.’

  Panic rose to Harriet’s throat. ‘But I do not see how I can be a teacher of the insane.’

  ‘Please don’t be alarmed. In my view not all of the inmates are insane. As I have said, some cannot think for themselves - indeed, cannot think at all. But there are others who are there because of things they have done in moments of madness.’

  ‘Do you mean criminals? Murderers?’

  ‘No. Their behaviour has been wild enough to cause their physicians to diagnose insanity and that is why they are here.’

  Like Olivia, Harriet thought, whom everyone had said was wild but was simply lonely and unloved.

  ‘Some have recovered,’Anna went on,‘but cannot leave unless the father or husband who sent them here agrees and will look after them. Those are the ones we can help.’

  It was falling dark by the time the high stone wall loomed in front of them. The warder dropped them outside a small artisan’s cottage and continued on to the high iron gates of the asylum.

  Chapter 18

  The following day the heavy iron gates creaked as they swung open.

  ‘Don’t be frightened, Harriet.You are quite safe. Besides, we are not allowed into the main building.’

  Harriet was frightened. The insane were unpredictable. One of her pupils at Blackstone had been declared insane and taken from the school. She had attacked the principal with dress-making scissors and cut him so badly they had had to call the surgeon. She wondered if the girl had been brought here.

  The grey granite building was high and forbidding. There were three storeys with tiny windows, each with vertical bars, and she shivered as she tried to imagine the life of the inmates. She and Anna followed a laden supplies cart that trundled off to the right and around to the back of the building. ‘We go to the left.’ Anna led the way to a small grey house. Its cold austerity reminded Harriet of Blackstone, except that her school had been built of Pennine stone. At the time she had not appreciated the warmth in its hue, but she did now.

  The warden’s wife let them in, nodded briefly in Harriet’s direction and said, ‘My husband has told me about you. How do you do?’ She was plainly dressed in dark grey, with hair that seemed the same colour. Her manner was brisk. Harriet returned the greeting and the woman disappeared into a room containing a large desk and cupboards round the walls. Harriet followed Anna up a narrow wooden staircase and into a small chamber set out like a schoolroom. She relaxed a little. This was familiar territory, except that the windows had iron bars fixed across them.

  ‘Our pupils will come after they have finished their work in the kitchens. They are not allowed here unless they have shown themselves trustworthy.’

  ‘Trustworthy? But they cannot escape.’

  ‘Work in the kitchens is a privilege reserved for those who are not violent in their behaviour. There are knives in the kitchen.’

  Harriet’s nervousness returned. Anna unlocked a cupboard. ‘I do not have many teaching materials, but there is a blackboard, some slates and an abacus.’

  ‘Are there books?’

  ‘The Bible. Here it is.’

  ‘Just the one?’

  ‘I shall have more. With your help in the classroom I can spend more time visiting local landowners for donations. It is hard work because most of the charitable ones already give towards the upkeep of the asylum. Persuading them to pay for schooling is not easy. Like you, they believe the insane cannot learn.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I did not know.’

  ‘Oh, you are right. Many cannot learn. But for those who can it is their lifeline to the outside world. I have women in my class who were educated before they were admitted and seek only to return to their former lives.’

  ‘Will they do so?’

  ‘Perhaps, if I can buy paper and ink for them to write letters to their fathers or guardians.’

  ‘I see.’ Harriet surveyed the paucity of equipment in the cupboard.

  Anna saw the dismay on her face. ‘Do not despair. Everyone here will be grateful for anything you can do.’

  Harriet gazed at her companion. ‘Your brother is right.You have chosen a most difficult task for your mission.’

  Anna gave her small smile. ‘I did not choose it, it chose me, and it would not be a mission if it were easy.’

  ‘How many pupils should I expect?’

  ‘It is never the same number. Attendance here is a reward and can be taken away. Sometimes we have no one to teach and sometimes as many as a dozen.’

  ‘Only twelve? My classes were much bigger at Blackstone.’

  ‘You will find each inmate difficult in her way.’

  ‘What have you done with them so far?’

  ‘Mainly they read the Bible to me. I tried giving writing and counting exercises but I do not have teaching experience. This is where you can help.’

  Harriet nodded and began to organize the slates. ‘I shall find out what they can do first. There isn’t much chalk.’

  ‘Chalk isn’t dear. We can buy more. Listen, they are coming up the stairs.’ Anna went to the door. ‘Only six today.’

  They were dressed in the most awful brown gowns Harriet had ever seen. The material was as coarse as that used at Blackstone, and poorly sewn. The garments looked to be all the same size and with little shape to them so that they hung loose on some and were stretched tight on others. Harriet was shocked to see that every woman’s hair was cut short under a dingy calico cap. But they were not children.They were grown women, all of whom watched her closely as she stood in front of them.

  The warden’s wife and a nurse came in with them and stood at either side of the group. They were both large women with big hands, and the nurse wore a heavy grey gown covered by an apron of the same colour. Nobody smiled as Anna told them about Harriet.

  The warden’s wife left immediately. Harriet had only four slates so the nurse selected three women for writing exercises with her, and Anna took the others to the far end of the room for reading. Shortly afterwards, the nurse went downstairs and Harriet heard voices from the office below.

  The women sat at one end of the table and she asked them to put their names on the slates. They obeyed silently. They wrote their surnames so she suggested they added their Christian names. They seemed hesitant. Harriet showed them hers on her own slate. Then one woman, she seemed to be the oldest, spoke. ‘We are called by our surnames here,’ she said.

  Harriet smiled pleasantly. ‘But you have another name. Can you write it for me?’

  They did so, and Harriet walked around them to watch as they formed their letters. Isabel. Madeline. Bridget.‘What pretty names,’ she said. ‘Now write down where you live.’

  ‘We live here,’ the oldest one said.

  ‘Where you came from,’ Harriet added quickly.

  As the lesson progressed, Harriet noticed one of her class was snuffling quietly. She had her head down as though concentrating on her slate and was breathing shakily.The older woman kept glancing at her and Harriet realized that the younger one was distressed. She was weeping in a silent, controlled way th
at indicated to Harriet she was trying not to show it.

  ‘Be quiet, Wingard,’ the older woman hissed.

  Isabel Wingard wiped her nose on her sleeve.

  ‘What is it, Isabel?’ Harriet asked gently. But she realized, of course, that here it could be so many things. Isabel began to cry again. Harriet gave her a handkerchief, which only made her worse.

  The older inmate moved to Isabel’s side and spoke firmly: ‘Hush now. They’ll hear you downstairs.’

  Isabel breathed in deeply with a shudder.‘I’ve stopped,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry, Miss Trent. Please don’t send me back to the kitchen. It’s - it’s just that no one’s called me Isabel since my brother came to see me.’

  Later, when the lesson was over, Anna and Harriet were given bowls of soup with bread and cheese in a small room next to the kitchen. It was nearer to the cells where the inmates lived and they could hear shrieking and wailing, shouting and the clanging of doors.

  ‘You’ll get used to it,’ Anna said, and kept her eyes on her food. ‘The nurses eat here,’ she explained. ‘They will be in the refectory now. Everyone eats together, our pupils with poor creatures who can barely feed themselves.They rock backwards and forwards and cry out.’

  Harriet frowned with sympathy. But she was full of admiration for Anna. ‘Did they take you in there to see them? How brave of you to go.’

  Anna hesitated before she replied. ‘Not exactly, but I know how they suffer, and how they fight when they do not understand why they are here.’

  Harriet thought of occasions at Blackstone when she had been called upon to calm a pupil who had rebelled against the discipline of school, and had kicked and bitten her teachers. ‘Thank goodness for the nurses,’ she responded. ‘They all look very capable.’

  Anna looked uncomfortable. ‘Yes. They are employed for their strength.’

  Harriet tried to imagine how it must feel to lose one’s mind. She could not.‘But our pupils have some education.They speak well. Why were they admitted?’

  ‘The oldest one ran away from home. Isabel - poor Isabel - is very highly strung and wept all the time at first. I believe she refused to marry the gentleman her father had chosen for her.The other girl in your group bore a child out of wedlock.’

 

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