Between Love and Lies

by Jacqui Nelson

  He had to return her farm, show her the house he’d spent the last days improving with a few finishing touches. Or more than a few as he procrastinated.

  What if his offering stirred the old resentments?

  Slipping his hand inside his pocket, he touched Edward’s letter, although it was as much Sadie’s letter now. He’d read her words so many times they were burned into his subconscious.

  I won’t let the best truth I’ve ever known die with me. I will always love you.

  Why hadn’t she said the words? Not once had she even mentioned the letter—not when he’d found her under the tub at the Great Western and not in the days that followed. That worried him. She’d written the words hastily, under adverse circumstances. She’d been scared, feared she might die.

  Did she remain silent because she regretted what she’d written?

  He’d find out if he went to talk to her. But his feet remained rooted in place. If he didn’t speak to her, he could hold onto the lie that her love might be true.

  The door to the jail creaked open and closed behind him. He straightened his back, realizing he’d hunched into a coil of black thoughts.

  Bat handed him a cup of coffee and set his shoulder against the porch post beside him. Two sentinels watching over Dodge.

  “How’s Gertie settling into her new home?” Noah asked.

  Bat grinned. “She looks good sitting in Miss Sullivan’s cell. Jus’ sorry we didn’t find a way to put her in there sooner.”

  Noah’s fingers tightened around his cup. “Would look a helluva lot better if Wardell was locked up with her.”

  “True, very true. But knowing a person should be in jail ’n getting them there are two different things. Edward’s letter might not hold up in court, but that don’t matter after we caught the madam with his missing possessions. The judge will convict her for theft, but with Wardell, there wasn’t a charge we could make stick.”

  Noah huffed out a disgruntled breath.

  Bat released a low chuckle. “You should be happy Wardell obliged us ’n left town. Dodge’s an interesting place, appalling ’n fascinating in equal measure. I reckon I’m ready to move on. Either that or take my business here to a new level.” He eyed Noah from under the brim of his hat. “How ’bout you, Deputy? Have you finally decided on that plan we talked about?”

  Noah stared at the cup in his hands. “I’d like to go home to Texas.”

  “But?”

  He ran through all the possible excuses, then gave up and settled for the truth. “I’m not sure I can leave without Sadie.”

  Bat drew in a long breath and whistled it out.

  Noah’s skin prickled in anticipation, but Bat was silent.

  “What? You got nothing to say?” Strangely, perversely, he wanted the lawman to needle him, give him unwanted advice, fill the void of uncertainty that surrounded him. “You’ve always got something to say.”

  The faintest of smiles curved Bat’s mouth. “Sorry, not this time.” He stepped down into the street. Without breaking stride, he tipped his hat to a pair of passing ladies before calling over his shoulder, “This time, my friend, yer on yer own.”

  * * *

  Inside her room at the Dodge House Hotel, Sadie sat with her hands folded in her lap. Golden beams of afternoon sunlight spilled through the second-story window, caressing her skin like a loved one’s tender touch. Not asking for, or taking, anything. Not clammy and overpowering, like the fever and chills that had overrun her body during the last few months. Not harsh and demanding, like Gertie’s and Wardell’s schemes for her future.

  Everything was different.

  She rose to her feet and wasn’t overcome with dizziness or the slightest fatigue. Her vision didn’t blur. Darkness didn’t crowd in from the corners. She could see, with no impediments, her surroundings: a modest but homey room with not only a bed and a bureau, but also a writing desk with an ornate clock, and a chair with plump cushions.

  A smile tugged her lips as she smoothed the folds of her skirt. Her dress was new, but what pleased her most was its neckline and hem. The highest button rested on her collarbone while the skirt swished the floor when she turned.

  Bat had asked his ladylove, Lizzie, to help Sadie acquire new clothing. Lizzie had pulled the soft yellow dress from a trunk and proclaimed, with a wink, that it suited Sadie much better than her.

  The color suddenly reminded her of the buttercup curtains in her bedroom at the Star. She willed her shoulders to relax. She’d never see those curtains, or that room, again.

  She’d succeeded. Edward’s treasures were no longer in the hands of his murderer.

  Gertie had tried her damnedest to keep them to the very end, though. They hadn’t been in her piano and she’d denied any knowledge of their whereabouts. She’d also locked her safe and refused to open it.

  When Noah and Bat had discussed ways to break into the cast-iron box—use dynamite or send for an expert from Chicago—she’d offered another option. She’d given them the combination. The one she’d learned while hiding under Gertie’s bed.

  Noah finally knew how she’d gotten so dusty the night he’d first kissed her properly. He’d again expressed his concern for her risky behavior, but she deemed it well worth the danger.

  In the end, that gamble had paid off.

  After so much time and effort, finding the watch and jewelry box in a rough canvas sack in the safe made them seem smaller. But their true value couldn’t be denied. It wasn’t their size or even the amount of money they’d fetch at auction. They equaled her freedom, her debt to Edward repaid, her promise to avenge his murder fulfilled.

  Your last moments were not in vain, my friend.

  She’d accomplished what she’d set out to do. She hadn’t regained her farm, but it no longer seemed important. Not when she had her health and her freedom, and something as precious.

  New friends.

  In addition to giving her respectable clothing, Bat and Lizzie had, along with Doctor Rhodes, called in several favors to secure her new living accommodations. She now resided in a respectable establishment, dressed like a lady with her future wide open.

  No one could order her to stay in this room, or go anywhere else. She could do whatever she pleased. And still…something was missing.

  Certain wishes were as far out of reach as ever: a home she could nurture and cherish, this time alongside a partner who’d make her stronger while she did the same for him. Her dreams had coalesced into a single point of longing.

  Noah. She wanted to spend every day of her new future with him.

  And him? What did he want? Each minute that passed, she became more certain he was waiting until he decided she was truly safe and he could leave. She hadn’t seen him since they’d found Edward’s possessions. Then today she’d received a message from the boy who’d delivered so many.

  Noah had asked to visit her at four o’clock.

  She reclaimed her seat in the chair she’d placed between the window and the desk. It provided the best view of the jail and the clock.

  Almost time. Time to face the truth.

  Noah hadn’t mentioned the declaration she’d written on Edward’s letter. He knew she loved him. Yet he’d said nothing in return. Maybe when he arrived, he’d speak to her in a different way. He’d take her in his arms, and his kiss would tell her everything she longed to hear.

  The clock read one minute to four. The door of the jail opened. Her gaze never left Noah as he crossed the street. If today was the last time she saw him, she wanted to memorize every minute.

  Too soon, and not soon enough, he entered the hotel below her window. Turning in her chair, she faced the door to her room. The clock ticked loudly in the silence. Her heart out-paced its rhythm, accelerating until she could no longer sit waiting. She leaped to her feet and wrenched open the door.

  Noah stood outside. One bruised and scraped hand was raised to knock on the door. The other held his hat. More wounds from his battle with Gertie and Warde
ll’s men marred his face. Nothing had stopped him. He was reliable and steadfast and everything her heart desired.

  He lowered his hand. His gaze drifted down as well, skimming her dress before returning to her face with a look of hunger. Her response came quick. A welcome rush of heat made her lean toward him.

  His gaze went to his hat now clutched in both hands. “I’m glad to see you looking so well, Miss Sullivan.”

  A chill snuffed out her hope. Only once before had he called her Miss Sullivan. Back when they were strangers visiting graveyards. Had the time for falsehoods returned? Before she could halt it, her false smile tightened her lips. “Thank you, Mr. Ballantyne.”

  A frown pinched his brow, but he didn’t look up from his hat. An extended silence stretched between them. She racked her brain for a way to bring them closer, only to have him retreat a stride.

  “Will you accompany me on an outing?” He gestured along the hall.

  There wasn’t anything in Dodge she wanted to see. She caught herself before she said no. He wouldn’t leave her side while they walked wherever he wanted to go. She could hold onto him a bit longer. She collected her new bonnet.

  Imagining his gaze upon her, she fumbled to tie the ribbons beneath her chin.

  “May I assist you?” he asked softly.

  Not trusting her voice to remain steady, she nodded. As he tied the bow, his fingers brushed her chin and her neck. Did he feel her love pounding in her veins? Would he see it in her eyes? She kept her gaze averted.

  “How’s that?” A gentle tug tested the bow he’d made. “Not too tight?”

  She shook her head. When his hands retreated, she summoned the strength to look at him.

  The frown remained on his brow. “You’re very quiet today. Aren’t you curious where we’re going?”

  As long as I’m with you the destination doesn’t matter. She buried the thought and said, “Anywhere will be fine.”

  He led her out onto Front Street. At the far end of the hotel’s hitching rail a dainty chestnut mare stood next to his faithful gray. “I arranged for the livery to provide you with a horse.

  They were traveling someplace that required riding? When she was ill, she’d longed to ride on her own. Now she wanted to demand he fetch a buggy or wagon. Then she could be closer to him, like they’d been on their trip to the picnic.

  Why was he acting so formal, like they’d just met? Why call her—?

  “Miss Sullivan, may I help you onto your horse?”

  She stifled her grimace. “That might be a good idea. It’s been a while since I’ve ridden.”

  His hands were warm and solid around her waist as he helped her onto the mare. Unfortunately he released her with the timeliness of a polite suitor, or man full of disinterest. He untied her reins and gave them to her without touching her hand.

  Then he swung into his own saddle and winced. The beating he’d taken behind the jail continued to bother him. Yet he’d suggested this outing. Her spirits deflated further. He must be very eager to speak with her, so he could leave Dodge.

  Side by side, they rode south out of town. She didn’t ask where they were going. She cared even less now. It was enough that he was with her. He hadn’t said goodbye. Not yet.

  They traveled along a swath of earth packed hard by the hooves of thousands of longhorns. As they continued, an increasing familiarity tugged at her senses. She ignored it, preferring to cocoon herself in the daydream that Noah might be taking her all the way to Texas.

  The abrupt halt of their horses jarred her back to reality.

  Noah had brought her home. But this was nothing like her home of a year ago.

  In front of her stood one of the most idyllic houses she could imagine. A waist-high fence surrounded a small but solid looking house with windows flanking a door on a south-facing porch. She pictured herself sitting on that porch every evening, staring south toward Texas.

  Alone.

  The ember of hope in her heart sputtered and snuffed out.

  Noah dismounted.

  She scrambled down before he could help her. “You built this?”

  “I wanted to replace the house my herd destroyed. This one will stand the test of time. It’ll last.” Despite his words, he eyed the house as if it troubled him. “Neither beast nor nature can easily tear this down.”

  She stared at the structure. She didn’t see a home. She saw another prison. A solid one built—like he said—to last.

  “Do you want to see inside?” he asked.

  The thought of entering the house unleashed her panic. She stumbled away from it and Noah. “None of this is mine. I never earned those last acres.”

  “I shouldn’t have asked that of you. I’m giving them back. All of them.”

  Her throat constricted. One word burst free. “Don’t.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “Don’t?”

  She wanted to say, Don’t leave me. She settled for, “Don’t be so kind.”

  “I only want to help.”

  “Stop telling me that!”

  The lines etching his face deepened.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m being ungrateful. It’s a lovely house. Thank you.”

  “Now who’s being kind? You’re trying to spare my feelings.” He scrubbed his hand across the back of his neck. “Tell me how to make things better, Sadie.”

  The sound of her name on his lips made her heart ache. She shook her head.

  “I know not everything can be mended or replaced, but I hoped with time I could earn your forgiveness.”

  Tears blurred her eyes. She refused to let them fall. “I forgive you. I did a long time ago.”

  “Oh, hell,” he muttered. “Not even at first was it so bad you cried. Bringing you here was selfish. You need…something else. Maybe more time.” He turned toward his horse. “I should go.”

  Of all places, he’d leave her here? Once again, she stood on her farm watching him destroy what she cherished most.

  Anger ripped through her like fire along a tinder dry prairie. “If you leave me here, I’ll burn down that house.” She jabbed her finger at his beautiful offering. “Then I’ll sell this land and turn my back on all of it, because it means nothing to me—the same way my letter meant nothing to you.” Her voice rose higher and higher with each word. “Go on. Climb on your horse and leave.”

  He stared at her with an expression so full of worry it left room for nothing else.

  The ache in her heart swelled until it made her entire body hurt. Damn his concern. She neither wanted it nor needed it. “What’re you waiting for?” She shoved his chest with both hands. “Leave me here. Like you did before.”

  When he didn’t budge, she launched herself at him with all her strength. He caught her before losing his footing. He landed on his back with her on top of him. His breath left him in a hiss. Too late, she remembered his injuries.

  She cringed. This wasn’t like before. She couldn’t hit him like she had last year. She couldn’t pretend she hated him. Not when he was the most precious thing in her world. A hundred times he’d earned her forgiveness and her love, but he deserved his freedom. He deserved a peaceful goodbye.

  You have to let him go, she told herself. Her body disagreed. With a will of their own, her arms rose to bring him closer.

  Despite his injuries, he hugged her in return. “I wasn’t leaving you.” His voice was quiet but firm. “I was only going into town. No farther. I came to visit you today with the intention of courting you.”

  “Courting me?” She raised her head to gape at him. “You called Miss Sullivan like we were strangers. You kept me at a distance. You wouldn’t touch me.”

  “Isn’t that how courting goes? I wanted to treat you with the respect you deserve, the respect I should’ve given you when I first arrived in Dodge. I wanted to take things slow, do things proper.” He exhaled a ragged breath. “To hell with being proper. Tell me the truth. Tell me about your letter. If the words are true, say them.” Despite his gr
uff tone, hope glowed in the golden depths of his eyes.

  She adored his eyes. “I love you.”

  His mouth met hers in a scorching kiss that stole her breath, but promised more than it could ever take. When their lips finally parted, they were both breathing heavily.

  “I love you, too,” he said. “Will you come home with me to Texas?”

  “Can we leave today?”

  “If you want.” A smile tugged the corners of his mouth. “But first, what do you want to do with your farm? Shall we burn down the house together?”

  She gave her smile full rein. “Let’s give it Bat and Lizzie.”

  “I imagine they both prefer living in the thick of things. Better to pick someone who needs to get out of Dodge as much as we do.”

  In unison, they both said, “Doctor Rhodes.”

  That they’d agreed so easily about anything concerning the doctor made her laugh.

  Noah paused to pay great attention to exploring the curve of her lips before he continued speaking. “Living in the country when he isn’t busy doctoring in town might bring him some peace.”

  “I hope he gives up that rum-hole across from the Star.”

  “You’ve seen him go there as well?”

  “I’ve seen many things from my window. I watched you talking to your friend Lewis as he packed his horse for Texas.” She felt her brow tighten. “I thought you might go with him.”

  “Not without you.” He pressed his lips to her forehead and kissed her worries away. “Lewis will be happy to see you come home with me. I know I’m going to be even happier.” His lips sought hers. He kissed her until she smiled again. “I look forward to making you smile in Texas. Every day.”

  Pure joy coursed through her veins. She threw back her head and laughed. The sky arced high above them, endless with possibilities. But when she looked down again, the warmth in his eyes was all she truly needed.

  EPILOGUE