by Lacey Silks
“Come in,” he said.
Well, at least he hasn’t changed his mind. Taking a deep breath, I pushed on the door and turned on the dimmer, making sure that the light wasn’t too bright.
“Hey, Molly.” That smile alone was worth the trip. What the hell had been happening here the past two weeks? Carter looked like an entirely different man. Well, not exactly. He still looked the same, but the energy sizzling off him ignited my skin.
“How are you?” I heard a quiver in my voice as my nerves got the better of me. After all, he’d pretty much told me to get lost, and now I was the one he’d called in the middle of the night. Why?
“Better, I guess. Thank you for coming.”
“Of course. Is everything okay?”
“Yes and no. Come, sit.” He pointed to the chair beside his bed. I made my way around him and took my seat.
“First of all, I wanted to apologize. I wanted to let you know how sorry I am for treating you the way I did.”
“I understand.”
“No, there’s no excuse. You’re a good friend, and I shouldn’t have said those things to you. I was mean. Cruel, actually. Please accept my apology.”
“Apology accepted.”
“And I don’t want you to think that I only called you because I need something. Well, I do need something, but even if I didn’t, I wanted to call you first anyway. And if I didn’t, Jo threatened to not let me see Mac again. She might have mentioned something about growing up as well.”
Well, finally someone had been able to smack some sense into him. I held onto the rail of his bed. “What can I do? What can I help with?”
“The doctor said I can leave tomorrow, but I’d either need to return here every couple of days to have my dressings changed and assessed, or have a nurse come to my house, where I know that my mother will treat me like a four-year-old child, or…. well, I was thinking that maybe since you lived nearby, I could find an apartment and you’d help me with the dressings. I’d pay you and all.”
“Me?” I pointed to my chest, half shocked.
“Well, you’re a doctor, aren’t you?”
“Technically, not yet. But I will be in three weeks.” That’s when it would be official. Three weeks from now, I would finally start my career as a family doctor.
“That’s too cool. I don’t think I’ve ever known a real doctor. Weren’t you supposed to be a nurse?”
“Yes, but I changed my mind. Actually, that’s a lie. I always wanted to be a doctor.”
“Why would you tell everyone you wanted to be a nurse, then?” I asked.
I waved my hand in dismissal. “It’s a long story.”
“Well, I’m sure you’re more qualified than any nurse, in that case. Which may be more expensive for me.”
“Thanks. I’m not saying no, I’m just surprised you’d think of me. And if I agreed to this, there’s no way I’d accept any money from you.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re a friend. You really want me?”
“Of course, you. You’re… Molly. I trust you.”
My heart warmed in the most cuddly way it knew.
“Move in with me, then,” I blurted.
“What? No way. I’m hell to live with.”
“You lived with Jo as friends, and we’re friends. I’m sure we’d be fine. I could help with your recovery and make sure you did your physiotherapy. You could go back home much quicker.”
He scrunched his brows. Carter seemed uneasy about the offer, and I wasn’t sure why. “Come on, Carter. Do you have a better idea?”
“Not really. Not unless I want to stay here, eat gross hospital food, and accumulate more debt. Most of the insurance money I’ll get for the house will go toward this bill.”
“You don’t have to tell me about bills. Trust me. My school loans will take forever to pay off.” And they would have been more if I hadn’t gotten a partial scholarship each year.
“Your parents aren’t able to help?” he asked, then recoiled. Carter knew what my parents were like: non-existent. I’d cut myself off from that world, and I didn’t want to go back. Except to see my brother, that is. I missed him.
“I wouldn’t want to be a burden on you, Molly. I mean that. Not a financial one or an emotional one. They’re telling me that my mobility will be limited for a while. That’s a lot to deal with. Are you sure about this?”
“You’re strong, and you wouldn’t be a burden. I promise.”
He reached for my wrist, where the leather strap covered one of my many secrets. Carter was the only one aware of this one, though I’d never explained to him why I used to cut myself. I’d never told him why, at the age of sixteen, I’d wanted to die. I was pretty sure that I’d made up another lie. After I recovered, I promised Doctor Burke that I would do good with my life. Doctor Burke, in fact, was the one who had inspired me and helped me to become a doctor.
“Everything else okay with you, Molly?”
“Yeah, everything else is good.”
It would be as long as I remained far away from Hope Bay. Carter didn’t push any further. I wasn’t sure whether I’d ever tell him the truth or admit to anyone what had happened. I wasn’t ready to speak of it, and I was certain that he wasn’t ready to hear about that part of my life.
“Can I have a look at your arm?” I asked.
“Yeah, sure.”
I washed my hands, put on latex gloves, and unwound the bandage. From what I remembered, this area wasn’t as bad as Carter’s torso. When I first saw him after the fire, the hope I’d had for his recovery went up in flames along with the remaining walls of his house. Yes, he was young and healthy – but I knew from experience that a lot of the damage a burn could do to a body was irreversible.
I smiled at the healing wound. The graft he’d received on his arm had taken well. “You’re going to need compression sleeves for this,” I said.
“Yes, that’s what they said. And for my ribs as well.”
“Can I look at those?”
He nodded. I took the surgical scissors and cut through the bandage where I knew he wasn’t hurt and slowly peeled the dressing away. The area appeared normal, except around one edge of the transplant, which had more redness and swelling than it should have.
“Let me see your chart.” I reached for the clipboard attached to the side of his bed and looked through the most recent entries.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m just making sure they’re giving you antibiotics for this. Here it is. Second day now. Hmm…”
“Hmm what?”
“Well, this looks a little inflamed. It’s a possible infection, but the antibiotics should help.”
“They said this morning that it’s improved already.”
“That’s why they’re releasing you. But we’ll still need to keep a close eye on it.” I took a new dressing and began wrapping the wound again.
“Look at you acting all doctor-like.”
I smiled, whispering, “Not yet. Three weeks.”
“You’re already a doctor in my mind.” He winked in a typical sexy Carter style, and I couldn’t help but giggle on the inside.
“But seriously, I don’t want to be a burden on you, Molly.”
“You won’t be. And it looks like your face will recover nicely as well.” I reached for his cheek and gently skimmed my finger over one of the crusted scabs. If he didn’t pick them, which it didn’t appear that he had, he had a chance at full recovery.
“Do they itch?” I asked.
“Like a bitch,” he said, his eyes going wide. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?”
“I shouldn’t talk like that in front of you.”
“You should. You should be the Carter that I’ve always known. That’s all I ask.”
“Thanks, Molly. You know, for a long time there I didn’t know if I could find myself again, but you… you always made remembering who I was easy. I’m sorry I’ve been such a jerk to you. I’m sorry I didn
’t believe you.”
Something clattered outside the room, drawing our attention to the door that was slowly opening. A small head popped in. First the eyes opened wide, and when I saw that bright smile as the culprit recognized me, I knew exactly who it was.
“Sarah?”
“Doctor Fowler?”
“Hi, honey. What are you doing here so late?”
“I saw you come in, but I had to wait for the guard to leave the hallway to see you because I couldn’t fall asleep again.”
“Oh, come here, Sarah.” I reached out, and she almost ran to me. “I want you to meet someone. This is Carter. He’s a firefighter, and he saved a little girl like you, from a fire.”
“You’re a hero. Did you get burned?” she asked, looking over Carter’s bandages.
Carter gave her a wide smile, the kind that I loved so much when he was proud.
“I did, but I’d do it all over again.”
“Fires are dangerous.”
“They are. What are you here for?”
“I have leukemia.” Sarah shrugged.
“That sucks.”
Sarah turned to me, saying, “I like him.”
“Me too,” I answered.
Carter cleared his throat to get her attention again. “But you know what helps the body recover, heal, and fight better?”
“What?”
“Sleep. Lots of sleep. Now I can’t promise that it will heal you, but more sleep will help you feel much better the next morning.”
“I know, it’s just hard.”
“Wanna try here?” He pointed to the empty bed beside him.
“Yes,” she whispered, half looking at me for permission, and so I nodded.
Sarah jumped off my lap and hopped onto the bed beside Carter, pulling the covers right up to her chin and smiling.
“Usually I’d make finger puppets in the light, but I’m sort of tied up here.” He wiggled his right arm. Sarah giggled.
I came to sit at her bedside. “Close your eyes, sweetheart.”
“Doctor Fowler? Can you sing the rainbow song for me?”
I’d do anything to take the leukemia out of this girl. I’d take it upon myself if I had to; in fact, I’d checked to see if I was a match for a bone marrow transplant, but I wasn’t. Sarah was still on the waiting list. She had her whole life ahead of her and here she was, fighting for the mere chance to actually make use of it.
I lay down beside her and sang, the way I always did when she asked me to, watching her eyes slowly close. Once Sarah was asleep, I sat back beside Carter.
“She’s a gorgeous little girl. Those freckles…”
Yeah, I knew exactly who they reminded him of.
“Do you know who this is?” I asked, with a hint of trepidation.
“She said her name is Sarah,” he answered, partly confused.
“It is. Sarah is Daisy’s little cousin, but Daisy didn’t get to meet her.”
“What? How do you know?”
“Because she’s my cousin as well, but on Father’s side. Sarah’s dad and Father were brothers, but they were never close. Our families were sort of estranged. Father wasn’t exactly a nice brother, I’m told. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know that his brother had a child. Joanne, Sarah’s mom, never liked father, which isn’t much of a surprise, I guess. Anyway, Daisy’s mom has been helping out her sister the past few years.”
“I feel like such a jerk. I haven’t been in touch with Daisy’s family since her death. I tried, but they moved away.”
“They moved to her sister’s in the city six months after the funeral without telling a soul. You heard the rumors they couldn’t deal with their daughter’s death. Daisy’s mom has been determined to find a donor for her niece.”
“What are her chances?” It broke my heart that someone so young and innocent, someone who was supposed to have her entire life ahead of her, was forced to deal with such an illness.
“Usually pretty high, but Sarah’s case is aggressive. We thought she beat it after the first round of chemo and radiation. She was doing very well, in fact. But then she relapsed. They’re waiting for her to get a little stronger before the next treatment, but that can’t happen until they find a match for a bone marrow donor. She’s definitely a fighter, though, just like Daisy was.”
At the mention of Daisy’s name, I felt a light breeze sweep through the room, followed by goosebumps over my arms. I looked around to see where it was coming from, but both the window and the door were closed. I looked over at Carter, who seemed not to have noticed the change in temperature.
“Sarah’s the only other girl in the family, and if they lose her, there will be no future generations.”
“Is there any hope?” he asked.
“There’s always hope, Carter.”
His brows scrunched as he looked at Sarah and then he let go of a breath, as if he’d found a resolve. I said goodbye to Carter and rolled Sarah to her room, making a note to check in on her tomorrow. Of all people, Carter wanted me to be the one to pick him up when he was released in the morning.
How had we gone from not talking to one another to having one of the most thoughtful conversations I could have ever expected, without stupid one-liners or drowning in the past? Never mind that he was moving into my apartment. I was afraid I’d have a hard time figuring that one out for a while. What happened? Had the passing time healed parts of our hearts? The comfort level between us was out of this world. Could this friendship really be as good as I always believed it was years ago, and as good as I wanted it to be? I wasn’t sure, but I knew that as of tomorrow, living with Carter Clark would be one heck of an adventure.
CARTER
I knocked on the third door on the pediatric floor and peeked through the partially open room. Sarah lifted her head and greeted me with a wide smile.
“Hey, kiddo. You remember me?”
“Who could forget a firefighter? You’re a hero.”
During the past week, we’d exchanged the same two sentences each time I came to visit her.
“How are you feeling, Sarah?”
“Meh, could be better. How are the scars?”
“Meh, could be better.” I pushed on the wheels to roll closer to Sarah’s bed. She looked more frail today than she had last week. She almost reminded me of Daisy when the ambulance took her away after the tornado hit Hope Bay, barely holding on to life.
“Can I get you anything?”
“Nah, I’m just tired today.”
“What about this?” I reached into the side bag attached to my wheelchair and removed a wrapped popsicle. Hopefully it hadn’t melted.
“Is that banana flavor?” she asked, without waiting for my reply. Sarah peeled the packaging off for a taste. Her eyes rolled back. “It’s my favorite.”
I thought it would be. I took a chance assuming she’d like it, but it was Daisy’s favorite as well, so my gamble paid off.
“So, I heard you’re having a crappy week.”
“Yeah, my Autologus stem cell transplant didn’t work that well. They said some of my grown cells must have been infected already.”
“Molly told me they’ve been growing them for a while.”
“Yeah, my mama is sad. She had to sell the house to pay for the cells because they were expensive. And they didn’t work.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. She says I’m worth it.”
My heart squeezed. I really had high hopes for the transplant.
“Of course you’re worth it. And don’t worry about your mama and the house. She has lots of friends who will help her.”
“Are you one of them?”
“Yeah, I definitely am, honey. You don’t know this, but I used to be very close with your cousin Daisy.”
“The one who was killed in a tornado?”
The hairs at my nape stood tall.
“Yes, that one. She had freckles just like yours and I have a funny feeling that I landed in this hospital on purp
ose. To meet you.”
And help you, I added in my mind.
“How do you suppose?” Her brows furrowed in question.
“I think Daisy would have wanted us to be friends.”
“I think I would have liked her.”
“I’m sure you would have. So, do you think I’ll be able to come visit next week, after the chemo?”
“I’m not a doctor, but I’d really like that.”
“Maybe if we turn off the lights after dinner, we can do some finger puppets.” I wiggled my hand. It still had a compression glove on, but I could move my fingers. Sarah looked to the side table where her cold dinner was waiting. The nurse said her appetite had been getting worse the past few days.
She sighed, and for a moment, Sarah looked like she’d lost hope. Her eyes were shadowed with exhaustion. Even her blinking seemed fatigued. I would pray that she’d have enough strength to get through a treatment that would wipe out her immune system. I covered her small hand with my big one.
“You have to hold on a bit longer, Sarah. I know you can do it.”
She placed her other small hand over my big one, saying, “I know you can do it as well, Carter. You can get over the burns.”
And just like that, she surprised me again. “How about I hold on just as long as you do?” I asked.
“That’s not fair and you know it. Your illness isn’t terminal.”
Why did she have to speak like an adult? Why did the word terminal even need to be in her vocabulary?
“Neither is yours. People fully recover from cancer. They get better and so will you.” I squeezed her hand. “You have to promise me that you’ll get better. And it won’t help if you don’t eat.”
“My tummy doesn’t feel good when I eat.”
“I know, sweetheart. But you need to get strong for the chemo and radiation. I know you know it will be tough.”
She motioned with her hand for me to bring the tray full of food closer. I pushed on the table, rolling it toward her. She lifted the cover off the main dish and dug her fork into the mashed potatoes before sticking it into her mouth.