by Lacey Silks
I laughed through my tears, remembering the rainy days that had brought us together in the past. But Carter wasn’t done just yet and I couldn’t stop smiling. “You were the one who healed my heart and my body. You were a friend I could always count on, no matter how stupid I was. You took a ruined man on the brink of death and made him whole again. You saved me.”
My tears were coursing down my cheeks. Carter’s words were the most beautiful I’d ever heard. I’d always known that he was it for me yet I never realized that it would be so easy to love him. I never thought that I could love someone without effort or a single question about who he was. “I love you too, Carter.”
He kissed me hard, sealing our declaration for each other. When he pulled away, there was a new resilience and determination in his eyes.
“Then let me be the one who saves you this time. Let me make things right for you. I don’t want you to be afraid to turn around. I don’t want you to have nightmares or forego a relationship with your mother and your brother because of him. He does not own you or control you, and if I have anything to do with it, he will never come near you again. He will never threaten or blackmail you again. He blackmailed you to take the blame for the barn fire, didn’t he?”
I nodded, wiping my tears on his shirt. What he spoke of was impossible. There was no way that my father would ever leave us alone. He was too stubborn and too sure of himself. There was no way out. What was Carter planning?
“I’ve gone through hundreds if not thousands of scenarios trying to piece together a solution and I couldn’t. Unless he drops dead in the middle of the street, I’ll never be able to move on, so you see, you can’t save me Carter. No one can. And you’d better stay away from him. He’s a dangerous man.”
“I’m not sure yet how I’ll save you, but I will. And that’s a promise.”
That’s what I was afraid of. I sank in my seat and felt my shoulders droop. Carter sat back down beside me. He wrapped his arm around me and lowered us to the pillows, covering us with a blanket. I snuggled against him, feeling peace surround me.
“It makes sense that you don’t want another man touching you like that,” he said. “And I’m sorry if I pushed it too far.”
I lifted my head and looked up to meet his sad gaze. “But I do want those touches. I want you, but I’m afraid of the emotional pain. I’m afraid I’ll be thinking about that moment in my life I want to forget. I don’t want to compare it to that, and unfortunately that’s where I’m afraid my mind will go. I’m afraid that because my first time was forever ruined, I will never be able to enjoy what should create a deep bond between two people, ever again.” I felt my eyes well up and the tears come again.
“So if we ever have sex, you’ll be thinking about the time you were raped?”
“I don’t want to.” I was sobbing. I was crying so hard that I was having trouble breathing. In fact, I couldn’t breathe.
“Shh, it’s okay. I’m sorry. This really caught me by surprise tonight. It was definitely not what I expected.”
He held me tight and I couldn’t help but ask, “Does this mean you won’t ever want to have sex with me?”
“Is that what you’re thinking? No, Molly. Definitely not, and now that I know, I’ll make sure you always feel safe and cared for. You never have to worry about anyone hurting you ever again. And I can wait for you. I’ll wait until we’re both ready. There is no time limit or an expiration date on that. I’ll wait until the end of our days if I have to. Holding you like this, in my arms, is more than anything I ever hoped for.”
I snuggled deeper into his embrace. That night we slept on the deck. Carter held me in the security of his arms until the sun came up. While we didn’t have sex, it felt like one of the most magical nights of my life. We were connected on such a deep level that I had difficulty understanding how a revelation of a decade old secret could tie us that way.
CARTER
“I’m going to kill him. And it will be the slowest death ever.”
Those were the last words I remembered speaking in my dream after I pledged my ever-lasting loyalty and love to Molly.
Holding a scepter in my hand.
Wearing a cloak and a crown.
Leading an army into a battle I had to fight, not only to save her life, but also to win her hand.
The sound of a splash woke me up, and it was a good thing because I didn’t know the first thing about fighting in a battle and I definitely didn’t want to be defeated and lose Molly, even if it was just in my dream.
The first light of day struck and I shaded my eyes with my hand before crawling out from underneath the covers onto the deck. Molly was nowhere to be seen. I followed the sound of gentle splashes to the side of the boat where Molly just dove underwater, giving me a glimpse of her behind. I reached between my legs, readjusting the wood I still had from sleep, leaned over the railing, and when she surfaced, watched her swim away from the boat. When she turned around and greeted me with a warm smile, I knew that the night we’d shared on the boat had brought us closer than I could have hoped.
The question now was, what was I going to do about it?
“Good morning,” I called out.
“Good morning.”
I looked at my watch. It was barely past sunrise.
“Do you know what time it is?”
“Swim time? I don’t know, Carter. I woke up and I was so happy and the water was so clear. I couldn’t resist. Did you sleep well?”
“I dreamt that you were going to be my queen. Literally, with a castle and a crown and all.”
She laughed. “Those are some high dreams you have.”
“It was fine until I had to go to battle riding a horse.”
“Not a bull?” she teased.
“No, not a bull.” I laughed again.
“You know how to ride a horse.”
“Yeah, but not well enough to gallop with a sword in my hand.”
She laughed again, the echo carrying over the calm water for a few seconds.
“Did you tell Jo to pack my bathing suit?” she asked.
“Please tell me that she didn’t. I was hoping you’d skinny dip.”
Seeing that Molly was actually wearing a bikini, I assumed that Jo had packed one.
“She did.” She swam further away and reached underneath the water. After fumbling for a few moments, Molly fished out her bikini bottoms from underneath. I stood on the deck with my mouth completely open and reached down to my crotch for the second time in two minutes. There was no fucking way that my dick would go down now that I knew she was naked under the surface.
“You didn’t!”
“I thought you wanted me to skinny dip,” she called out coyly.
“Yeah, but with me.”
“Well, too bad you’re still recovering,” she teased, and reached behind her back to untie the two small strings that held the top of her bikini.
I wanted to scream: Molly, so help me God, if you take that top off I’m jumping in, but I was afraid my warning would actually stop her and so I just shook my head. She was too far away to see clearly underneath the water, but my imagination was wild and the little bosom curvature I could see at her chest, as she swum freely, was enough to drive me insane.
“Now I feel stupid. Should have kept that request until I was ready to jump in with you. Ah, the heck with it.” I grasped at the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head, wondering whether I should jump in with the compression tank on or off. I decided to keep it on. Though Molly was familiar with my scars, I didn’t want her seeing me that way. Not today.
“Carter, you know you can’t. Your injuries…”
“You think I’ll catch something? Like bacteria?” I asked.
“No, I’m not worried about the wounds. They’re healed, but your mobility—”
“I’ve been exercising and stretching. Besides, you’ve seen how much time I’ve spent on my feet. I’ll be fine in the water.” I reached for my sweatpants and lowered them t
o the deck. Now it was just my boxer-briefs standing between me, my hard dick, and that cool water which I hoped would diminish this sudden flash of testosterone that was cruising through my body.
“Yes, but you’re still taking a chance.”
“Actually, I’ve read up on this. Swimming in fresh water is much healthier than in a pool full of chemicals. And it doesn’t get any fresher than Pebble Lake.”
That part was true. The lake was fed by fresh streams of water flowing from the mountains on the west side of our town.
“Yes, but you haven’t tried swimming yet. It should be in a more controlled environment. Like a… a smaller lake. Shallow water.”
“Molly, you know I’m a good swimmer and the depth is nothing.” I waved my hand.
She looked petrified. The idea of me jumping in while she was without garments scared her. Would she be less afraid if I were naked as well? The idea grew on me more with each passing second.
“So in your professional doctor’s opinion, if I can physically move, I should be fine swimming, right?”
“Ahm, I’m not your doctor, but as a friend—”
“Ha! That means I’m right!” I reached for my boxer-briefs and pulled them down to my ankles, temporarily disappearing behind the side of the boat.
“Carter! What are you doing?”
“Don’t worry, Molly. I’m not shy. You can look, but you don’t have to.” I winked before climbing on top of the railing and picking a spot in the water to dive into. The freshness of cool morning water whizzed past my body as I sliced through before it wrapped me in its unpolluted, freakishly freezing waters.
“Fuck that’s cold!” I screamed when I surfaced and watched Molly’s face shift from terror to laughter.
“You deserve that!” she called out, swimming a little bit away from me.
“You think that’s funny?” I took a few strokes forward, inching closer with each move.
“Carter, what are you doing?”
“Swimming toward you.”
“Why?” Her voice was lower, filled with a need and anticipation I’d never heard before.
“Because I want to be close to you.”
By the time she was objecting, I dove under and cut through the water in her direction. She didn’t have a chance to get away. I surfaced in front of her surprised face and placed a soft kiss on her lips.
“Now that’s a better good morning.”
Her smile stretched wide, overshadowing the glowing sun behind the trees.
“It is, isn’t it? I can’t believe you just jumped in naked.”
“And I can’t believe that you took your suit off.” I took her hips and brought her close to me.
“Carter—”
“Are you uncomfortable?”
“No.”
“Then what is it? It’s a beautiful morning, clear water, birds chirping… what’s the matter?”
“You know we can’t. I’m not ready.”
“Ready for what?”
“You know, sex.”
“Is that what you think we’re about to do?”
“Well, we’re naked…”
I had a lot of work to do to teach her all about what loving someone meant. Sex wasn’t the core of a relationship. Yes, it was a large part, but not everything.
“Naked is fine. We’re friends. No, actually, way more than friends. I’d like to think that we’re dating exclusively.”
“I’d like to think that as well.”
“And although skinny dipping isn’t the usual course of action in a relationship this early, I think our relationship started a long time ago. I’m comfortable just being here with you, like this. So no, the sex part will not happen here in the water. Not our first time, at least. And definitely not today. Today we’re simply Carter and Molly, boyfriend and girlfriend, enjoying each other’s company. No ulterior motive. Firefighter’s honor.”
I raised my hand in a true Scout fashion, even though I’d never been a Scout in my life. It just looked like something you should do when giving a girl your word.
“You’re so full of it, Carter!” She laughed and gently pushed at my chest to swim away. “I’ve known you too long to not recognize bullshit. You’re still a guy and I’m still a girl and naked… well… that needs to be saved for a special occasion.”
She pushed her hands through the water, swimming closer and closer to the shrubs behind her. From what I remembered, the water was shallower in that area.
“Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a little, but is it so wrong that I want to be close to you?”
“I have nothing against you being close to me. But naked?”
“You’ve seen me naked, so it’s only fair—”
“When you were a patient. That’s different.”
“That’s hypocritical. It’s in no way different than now. At least you’re conscious. I was in a coma. Then I was sedated. Did you take advantage of me, Molly, and never told me about it?”
Her cheeks flushed. I knew that she hadn’t, but teasing her like this and trying to swim closer as she slowly backed away was a game of seduction I was willing to play all day long.
She splashed me back as an answer, laughing. Molly was still grasping her bathing suit in her hands, holding on tight to the fabric as if it were going to save her life. Fearing she’d have nowhere else to swim to run away, I stopped moving forward and watched her carefree face change into a horrified one.
“What’s the matter?” I asked.
“Something’s got me!” And she disappeared under water.
“Molly! Molly!” I wasn’t far away from her, but swimming now, knowing that she could be in danger, felt as if I were swimming through tar. She surfaced again and took a long, deep inhale. “I can’t get away. Something’s got my le…” and she went under again. I dove and after reaching for her for what seemed like forever, I grasped her hand, reassuring her with my touch. I followed the path of her body, down her torso, hips, and legs. On a normal day, this would have been an erotic venture, but not when I was trying to save her life. Maybe Molly was right – seeing someone naked when they were in dire need was definitely different.
I finally reached her calf and ripped the tangled grass around it. It was tough and I wasn’t surprised that the more Molly thrashed around, the more it wrapped itself around her. I held her steady as she tried to push up through the water to get air; otherwise, the weeds wouldn’t give her a chance to surface for another breath. But the weed seemed relentless. I was near the end of my own breath when the grass let go. That’s when Molly stilled, and that’s when I realized that she wasn’t conscious.
Shit!
I quickly grabbed her from behind and pulled her up to the surface. Her beautiful lifeless face was shadowed by the darkened sky above as clouds swept down from the mountains.
“Come on, Molly. Breathe. Please breathe.” I touched her face, supported her head with one hand, tilting it back, opened her mouth and pinched her nose closed with the other. I touched my lips to hers and pushed air into her lungs. I had to get her to the boat because if this didn’t work, she’d need chest compressions. Did she have a pulse?
I should check for a pulse.
“Don’t panic, Carter,” I said to myself between the breaths.
I cannot lose you. I can’t go on without you. If you die, so will I.
I gave her mouth-to-mouth three times before she coughed the water up. Molly grabbed at my shoulders, shimmied her legs as if they were being attacked by a snake, and clung to my arm.
“It’s okay, Molly. You’re okay now. Let’s get to the boat. I think it’s going to rain.”
The first few drops were already falling from the sky. The water no longer looked clear and could get someone’s imagination spinning quickly if they wondered what was swimming underneath the surface.
“What happened?” Her hands were clasped around my right arm as we treaded the water closer and closer to the boat.
“You got tangled in grasses. Badl
y.”
“You saved me?”
“I guess I did.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime.”
She was still in shock. We swam up to the boat’s ladder. I held it steady, saying, “You can go first. I promise to keep my eyes closed.”
“Okay,” Molly didn’t argue. As I held onto the ladder, I could feel it vibrate underneath her weight. She was trembling, and all I wanted to do was hold her, but I’d kept my promise and didn’t peek until she called me up.
“I’m done. You can come up.”
The rain picked up, making the metal steps slippery. I didn’t wait until she turned around and escaped to the cabin. I jumped onto the deck and with two strides was standing buck naked in front of her; a blanket wrapped around her body was the only fabric between us.
“I thought I lost you. I really, really thought I lost you.” I took her face between my palms as drops of rain danced over her cheeks. With our foreheads pressed against each other, streams of water ran down the sides of our faces.
“You didn’t. I’m here.”
I looked overboard, where two pieces of fabric were floating at the surface. “Your bathing suit. I’ll be right back.” I turned halfway before I felt her grasp on my arm.
“Please don’t go. Please don’t leave me.”
Those simple words were enough for me to turn back around and realize that the bathing suit didn’t matter. What really mattered was who was standing right in front of me. Her and only her. And so I grabbed another blanket, partly wet from the rain, wrapped it around myself, and stood in front of her with my arms and the blanket around us both, holding her in my arms.
“I love it when it rains. It reminds me of when we were young and carefree.” She sighed.
“Remember when we came home from school soaking wet? I think it was in grade two, and we promised to behave.”
That stormy day we’d run outside into the pouring rain. It wasn’t the first time and it wouldn’t be the last. Molly inflicted some kind of joy on me when she first introduced me to the beauty of puddles and rainy days. Jo, Daisy, Nick, and Andrew were laughing at us from underneath an awning. They were laughing so hard they had a hard time staying up. I was pretty sure that at some point Daisy was having so much fun she peed herself.