“No way. I’ve got you. Let’s just talk about something else.”
“Okay. Like what?”
“Like how nervous I am right now.”
“What? Why? You’ve done my makeup lots of times. It always looks great.”
“But the lights and the people…” My hands tremble. “I’m nervous and I’m not even the one who has to go out there.”
Her sweet laughter relaxes me. “It’s only a dress rehearsal.”
As I work, she studies the script in front of her. I’ve heard her running lines with Dakota enough that I know she’s already got it memorized, but I decide it’s best not to mess with whatever process she has.
When she finally looks up, I’m ready to add another coat of mascara.
“Oh, wow, Ginny.”
“Is it too much?”
“It’s amazing.” She turns her face to look at each side more closely. “You’re a miracle worker.”
“I don’t know about that but thank you.” Mascara wand in hand, I tell her, “Look down.”
Instead of heading back to my dorm or going to class, I stay for the rehearsal. The play is a modern take on A Christmas Story, and Reagan plays the Ghost of Christmas Present. The green gown she wears could have been made specifically with her in mind. She looks exquisite. That’s my first thought, but the longer she’s on the stage, the more I fall into her character.
I smile as the clock strikes midnight, she bows her head and slowly walks backward until she disappears behind the curtain.
After the rehearsal, she comes down off the front of the stage and finds me in the third row.
“What did you think?”
I pull her into a tight hug. “You are so talented, Reagan.” I let her go to look her in the eye, so she knows how much I mean it, and then I hug her again.
A woman who’d been sitting in the row ahead of me turns and walks toward us. Her blonde hair is pulled up into a tight bun and she wears red-framed glasses that she takes off when she reaches us. She has an air of sophistication and also looks like she might cut a bitch if necessary. “Really well done, Reagan. You found the lighting up there really well.” She steps closer and inspects my friend’s face. “Your makeup…” She makes a little humming noise in her throat. “Who did you use?”
“Oh, uh, I did it. I’m sorry if it isn’t—”
“It looks amazing,” she assures me. She tips her head to Reagan. “It needs to be a little darker to read at the back of the house, but it suits you. Great job today. See you tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Dr. Rossen.”
When she’s gone, Reagan grabs my hand and squeals. “You did it.”
“That woman is scary. Who is she?”
“She’s the director.”
“Well, she is not someone I want to cross.”
“She’s made more than one person cry since she took over last year. Come on, let me buy you coffee as a thank you.”
We stay on campus and go to University Hall. It’s busy with a late afternoon rush, but we order from the café and find a small table near the door.
“I’m so relieved that’s over.”
“Don’t you have two real shows this weekend?”
“Yes, but the rehearsal is the only time I really get nervous. It’s harder to be on when you’re staring out into an empty theater.”
“I so don’t get that.”
She smiles. “Thank you again. You might have been fleeing the Heath situation, but it benefited me greatly.”
“Anytime.” I take a sip of my coffee. “So, are we going to talk about that thing you said last night?”
She looks down to the table. “I was hoping we could pretend I never said a peep.”
“Like you’ve been trying to pretend you don’t have a thing for my brother all semester?”
“Longer than that,” she mumbles.
I’m grinning ear to ear when she finally looks up at me. “I think you should go for it. He and Taryn are done for good. She’s transferring at the end of the semester. Now’s your shot.”
“I don’t know. Now that you and I are so close, wouldn’t it be weird?”
I consider it for a few moments. “No, I don’t think so. Not unless we make it weird.”
“It’s probably not even worth worrying about. Honestly, he hasn’t noticed me in the three years we’ve known each other. I don’t think he sees me like that.”
“Only one way to find out.”
“Listen to you, dishing out advice while you’re hiding from your boyfriend.”
“I’m not hiding… I’m giving us some time to breathe.”
“And?”
“I prefer breathing his air.”
I turn my phone on silent, stuff it in a desk drawer, and bury myself in schoolwork all afternoon. I don’t allow myself to think about anything else. That is until a pounding on my door breaks my concentration. My heart is in my throat waiting for Heath’s voice on the other side, but it’s Adam that calls, “Ginny, open up.”
I scramble off my bed and fling the door open. “Hey, what are you doing here?”
“I’ve been calling you all day.”
“Oh, uh, I turned my phone on silent while I caught up on schoolwork. What’s up?”
“I heard about last night.”
“Oh, that.”
“Yeah, oh that.” He moves my books out of the way and sits on my bed. “I’m sure it’s payback for meddling in your relationship with Heath, but I still can’t believe you went to so much trouble to get Taryn and me back together.”
Oooooh, right. That.
I sit and pull my pillow into my lap. “I know I overstepped. I thought you were having a reaction to Mom and Dad and I wanted to help. You’ve always looked out for me and I wanted to do the same for once.”
“Taryn said as much.”
“Are you mad?”
“No, I get it.”
“I’m sorry about you and Taryn.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“On the plus side, I know lots of girls who will be thrilled you’re single again.” One in particular, but that’s not my secret to tell.
His chest lifts and falls with a quiet chuckle. “I think I’m going to try being single for a change. With everything going on, I think the universe might be sending me a sign.”
“Single, huh? I can’t picture it.”
“Me neither.” He leans so his back rests against the concrete wall.
“I don’t think I’m doing as well with Mom and Dad as I thought either. I came back and threw myself into making plans with our friends because I wanted so badly to pretend everything was normal. But it’s not. I think it’s going to be weird for a while no matter what. Plus, uh, Heath and I are… I don’t even know.”
“Yeah, that’s actually why I’m here, but I figured that wouldn’t get me in the door.”
“You know?”
“One look at Heath this morning and I think we all knew something was up. Wanna tell me what happened?”
“The short version? He overheard me telling you that I loved him, freaked out, told me love was bullshit, and I ran.”
“Why did you run? That’s not like you.”
“Because I was embarrassed. Do you know what it’s like to tell someone you love them and have them not return the sentiment?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “But I’m sure I’ve had a lot of people say it and not mean it. It’s a risk either way.”
“You know, I never thought about it before, but you’re like the bravest person I know. You jump from girlfriend to girlfriend—”
He groans.
“Let me finish.” I punch his leg. “You keep putting yourself out there no matter how many times it doesn’t work. Maybe it’s a little excessive, but definitely brave.”
He rubs at the back of his neck. “Well, I guess that’s one way to look at it.”
We fall silent and I lean my head on his shoulder. The alarm on his phone sounds and I sit straight.
>
“I gotta go,” he says. “Are you coming to the game?”
“I’m not sure. Probably.”
“It’s funny how even when you’re pissed, you can’t help but show up to support him.”
“It’s you I’m supporting.”
“Mhmmm.”
I roll my eyes.
“Are you gonna be okay?” He stops at the door and regards me seriously.
“Yeah, I will.” I blow out a breath. “I was perfectly happy with our fun, college fling until he found out I love him. Freaking love.”
He scrunches up his face. “And on that note, I’m out.” He opens the door and winks back at me. “Later, G.”
38
Heath
When we take the ice, I automatically look for Ginny in her usual seat. She’s not there and the knife in my gut twists.
Vermont is tough. They’ve got a freshman, Lex Vonne, who’s almost as fast as I am, and their defense is big and mean.
“I played against Vonne in high school,” Adam says. “He was just a skinny kid who could barely stay upright back then.”
We watched tape last weekend on Vermont and Jordan and Adam filled us in as best they could. All three of them are from Arizona, and Jordan went to high school with Vonne, playing together all four years. No one can believe the progress he’s made. It seems the New England air agrees with him because every game he just gets better.
“Yeah, well, looks like he’s improved. A lot.”
“No shit.” Adam laughs as we watch him warm up, looking steady and sharp.
The game matches our pace, a brutal intensity that’s exactly what I need tonight. Neither team scores in the first period. I’ve skated nearly half of those twenty minutes and I’m sucking air, but the burn of my lungs is nothing compared to the feeling I get when I glance at Ginny’s empty seat.
Coach gives us his usual quick and straightforward pep talk between periods. He’s not big on grand speeches, but his words are always effective.
Vermont’s goalie is one of the best in the country, not that we’re making it hard on him. We’re losing the puck before we can even do anything with it. I get a pass from Maverick and use some of my aggression on a mean slapshot. It’s wide and I swear I feel him grin underneath that fucking mask.
The second line comes in and I get a breather and a moment to collect myself.
“You good?” Mav asks.
“Good enough to finish this,” I grunt out. And then go find Ginny.
“Let’s go then.”
When we jump the boards it’s another minute of skating my ass off before Vermont scores and the Valley crowd groans their disapproval.
We go into the third period down by one. Like some sort of masochist, I continue to glance to the spot Ginny’s occupied at every home game. Every time I look is like another punch to the gut, but I can’t stop myself.
“Payne!” Coach calls from the bench. “Are you standing still out there?”
I skate like the pain doesn’t matter. I deke out a defenseman, pass to Jordan on the left side, and fly by two more players, just as he sends it back. I get a decent look at the net that’s denied. At least this one requires the goalie to use a little of that all-star athleticism, but the end result is the same—with Valley losing. A shutout in front of our home crowd.
After our loss, no one feels like going out and the guys and I head back to the apartment.
I take a seat on the couch with my phone in hand. I haven’t heard from Ginny and I don’t think it’s because her roommate didn’t give her the message. I tap out a bunch of texts but don’t send any of them.
Rauthruss is playing video games. “Wanna play?”
“Yeah.” I lift my hand and he tosses me a controller.
We play in silence for a few minutes.
“Can, uh, I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” he says, not looking away from the screen.
“You and Carrie. How’d that come about?”
“We went to high school together.”
“Right, but I mean, how did you make it official?”
“She told me we were no longer seeing other people.”
“And that was it?”
He pauses the game and looks to me. “I probably said something real eloquent like ‘uhh okay.’ She was popular and I wasn’t. I’d have done anything she asked.”
Adam’s bedroom door opens, and he walks out and drops into the armchair and blows out a long, exaggerated breath.
Rauthruss looks to him. “Not going to Taryn’s?”
Adam waves a hand. “Nah, that’s over.”
“Another one bites the dust?” Rauthruss jokes then looks to me. “You want advice on getting a girlfriend.” He nods his head to Adam. “Scott’s the one to ask.”
“You want to ask Ginny to be your girlfriend?” Adam asks.
Yeah, this would be a lot less awkward if I weren’t having this conversation with her brother. He hated the idea before I made her cry, so I doubt he’s pumped now.
I tread carefully. “To be honest, I thought she already was, but I guess that’s a thing people talk about first?”
Adam’s face slowly transforms from a stony wall of indifference to amusement and he laughs. “Have you ever had a girlfriend, Payne?”
I clear my throat and wipe a hand over my brow. Jesus, it’s hot in here. “Clearly not.”
He studies me and lets out another one of his new broody sighs. “Ginny doesn’t need a big gesture, just tell her how you feel. Well, no, actually first, you need to convince her to speak to you again.”
“Yeah, thanks a lot. Good talk.”
Mav walks through the door. “Honey, I’m home.” He plops down and reads the room. “What’s going on?”
“Heath is gonna ask Ginny to go steady.” Rauthruss smirks.
“Fuck off,” I tell him but smile. Dammit, I should have known better than to ask him. Nothing is ever taken seriously around here.
“I take it talking didn’t go over so well?” Mav asks with a knowing smirk.
I flip him off. “Are you guys going to help me or what?”
Maverick claps his hands together. “Let’s brainstorm on the whiteboard.”
“We don’t have a whiteboard,” Adam points out.
Maverick shakes his head, smiling. “Real oversight, minion. Task one, find something to write down ideas.”
Surprisingly, Adam does get up and appears to search for something to write on. Maverick goes to the fridge and grabs four beers and then hands them out.
Adam comes back with a scrap of paper and a pen. “All right, ideas to ask a girl out. I feel like I’m back in middle school.”
“I would have guessed you started more pre-K age,” Rauthruss says and twists the cap on his beer.
Adam flips him off and then looks to me, poised to write down our ideas.
“You’re on board with this?” I ask him.
He shrugs. “If it’s what she wants. Besides, it’s going to be fun as hell to watch you try to pull this off.”
Maverick takes the lead and I let him. For as much shit as he talks about his dad, I can see the family resemblance. When he sets his mind to it, he’s a good leader.
An hour later, we’ve got a handful of ideas and they’re all pretty awful. Rauthruss is the straightforward one—take her to dinner, buy her roses. Maverick is elaborate and has so many suggestions only about half are being written down. They range from renting out a movie theater to hiring a Mariachi band and everything else you can imagine in between. Adam has some good insight since he knows Ginny the best, but none of his suggestions feel right either.
I’m probably overthinking it. I don’t know anything about love or being a good boyfriend, but I know Ginny and I know that I’m better when I’m with her.
“Well?” Rauthruss asks once we’re out of new suggestions and beer.
“Maybe dinner?” It isn’t the most creative, but a lot easier than renting out a movie theater. I have no
idea how to pull off the latter and I feel like that kind of thing might take days or weeks, and I don’t want to wait that long.
“Dinner?” Maverick’s face twists up in clear disappointment. “Dinner is so… dinner. Unless…” He sits forward, elbows on knees. “You buy out the restaurant so it’s just the two of you and then—”
I cut him off. “Let me stop you right there, buddy. `Preciate your dedication, but I don’t want it to feel like I’m being someone else for the night.”
Some of my favorite memories with Ginny over the past semester have been hanging out with our friends or chilling just the two of us. None of that was elaborate or over the top, but maybe this is different? Maybe big and bold is what I need.
I scrub a hand down my face and then look to Adam. “Does anyone know her favorite song?”
“You’re going with that one?” Rauthruss’s eyebrows shoot up. “This I gotta see.”
Maverick fist pumps. “Yeah, I love that one.”
“Of course, you do. It was your idea.”
39
Ginny
Dakota and Reagan sit on one end of my bed, their concerned faces staring back at me. Ava’s gone for the weekend visiting Trent, and when I’d told my friends I was going back to my dorm alone after the game, they insisted on coming with me.
My phone pings on my desk and Dakota reaches to get it for me.
“Read it for me.”
“It’s Adam. He says he didn’t see you at the game and wants to know if you’re in your dorm watching Notting Hill?”
She looks up to me for an explanation.
“When I was in like seventh grade, my first boyfriend broke up with me and I was so devastated I watched Notting Hill on repeat for an entire weekend. Something like twenty times. It became my go-to breakup movie.” I could so go for watching that movie on repeat about now.
“I love that movie,” Reagan says. “Julia Roberts is a goddess.”
Dakota sets my phone on the bed. “Guess they didn’t see us. That’s good.”
“Yeah,” I agree. I mean, I think it’s good. I’m not sure what difference it would have made, but there was no way I could sit in my usual seat so close to the bench where he could read the sadness on my face. The game was brutal enough as it was.
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