Samui Fever
In many ways, Barbara discovered life in Samui was an extension of Venice Beach. Mills and her husband Frank were first introduced to the beautiful island haven through their son Nigel.
A friend of our son’s was teaching English in Korea. Teachers used to go down to Samui for a warm holiday because Korea is very cold. It was very inexpensive. The beauty of it is it looks like a tropical island because it used to be a coconut plantation before it became a backpackers’ paradise. Now it’s more of a spa island. We were working and living here in California until May 2009 and we’d go to Samui for one month out of the year. We retired there last year [2009] so we’ve only been living there for one year. We bought the house in 2006, so now it’s big enough for all of us. It’s spread out — every bedroom has its own entrance, its own bathroom. It ambles down the hill. We got very lucky.
It’s incredible how affordable it was to build a whole other addition onto the house. We’re talking fifteen hundred square feet of addition. The average cost of an American kitchen is around fifty thousand for a remodel. We spent fifty thousand for a huge kitchen/family room, granite counters, step-downs, bath-powder room, and bedroom, and bath suite underneath. That’s the difference. Unfortunately, wine over there has a four hundred percent luxury tax — the hotel owners are starting to quack about that now that the new Prime Minister has been approved and all this mess is over in Bangkok — they blew up the Paragon. Where we are, we’re relatively isolated. There are about one hundred thousand people tops on this island. High-rises are not allowed. No building higher than a coconut tree. I’m afraid though that people are going to get too homogenously westernized.
I’m going to be sixty. I’m just like a hermit now. I go out to dinner parties and I go out to SOS [Sisters on Samui] meetings on the island, but I’m very happy staying home. I can’t work because I have a retirement Visa. I couldn’t serve at a public venue because I would be taking a job away from a Thai person. If a certain position is a job that a Thai person can do, they should be able to work at it. They work very hard and they don’t make a lot of money. I cook a lot. My son has a catering business so I help him with that. I help him prep. His business is Nigel’s Barbeque and Catering. His website is samui-catering.com. My kids are great. Nigel is thirty-seven, and Carly is thirty-five. Our son’s wedding is a special moment in my life, and obviously, the birth of our granddaughter was huge. The first one was born September 13 in Thailand in a moving car! Our anniversary is the same day that Nigel and his wife planned their wedding, so we had a big old party up in the hills of Thailand by the ocean. It is beautiful. I can’t wait to get back!
Regrets, I’ve had (very) few.
You know, things were different a few decades ago. Today you can go to Disneyland and you won’t be turned away because you have long hair. I’ve often thought my own brother should have been born in the cowboy days, in the late 1800s. He died in 1978, in a fire. He just wasn’t made for urban life. He listened more than he spoke even when he was a child, but when he spoke, he always nailed it. He was a great judge of character. My sister and I are very close. In fact, she’s coming to Thailand on July 1.
Me, I’m too lazy for anything too complicated. I want to eat, live, and read. As far as changing anything about my past, I would have gotten a college degree earlier if the situation had been right and I wouldn’t have had an abortion.
When I remember my former work in films, I believe we left behind a free spirit. We weren’t condemned for what we did. We were sometimes greatly appreciated for our work. It was interesting. It was an innocent time, it wasn’t considered real. The industry is quite different today and it will never go back to what it was. It was a one shot wonder — a small window of time, really.
In Memoriam
Shadows are falling and I’m running out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
If I leave you, it doesn’t mean I love you any less
Keep me in your heart for a while
— WARREN ZEVON
Barbara Mills’s untimely death was felt deeply by her family and friends, and by those who cherished the woman who bestowed her gentle gifts of laughter and a sense of timelessness whenever in their presence. Carly Mills described the ceremony held in her mother’s memory, and painted an absorbing picture of the last thirty-five years.
My mom was a non-denominational minister and she married five couples in the exact same spot, in Venice Beach, as where we had the memorial. As well, my brother and I were both christened there. They’d had a little ceremony and took pictures. It was interesting because my friend who was at the memorial is also a non-denominational minister and she read a few verses from the same book that was my mom’s actual copy of The Prophet. The energy there was strong, and even some of the couples that my mother had married were at the service. It was just so intense.
We probably had about a hundred people at the memorial. There were also people who couldn’t make it to the memorial, but we had about sixty people back at the house. We all stood in a semi-circle and we had the four corners that represented the four elements. It really was incredible. I had no doubt in my mind what I wanted the ceremony to be. Everything I was completely certain of and I believe that’s because of her guidance in some way. I was so clear in what I wanted, but then, it turned out even better. Everything about it was so momentous. Not only was it beautiful as planned but we had a bowl of water that was holy water and I bought white rose petals, and everybody went up to her altar and said a blessing or a prayer and put the rose petals and holy water on the altar. When it was time, I called someone from her bloodline which is my aunt and I went to pick up the bowl, and the moment I picked up the bowl we had a show of seagulls fly overhead. It wasn’t chaotic or an arrow formation, they just swooped over as I was picking up the bowl. It lasted about a minute. Then we walked down toward the water and we poured the water out, and it was very weird because these dolphins started jumping out of the water. There is no way I could have planned anything like it. This was at Pomona — the ocean front walk at Venice Beach. Straight out from Pomona is where my parents met. My brother and I were born on that street. They’d had over ten different apartments in the sixties on Pomona on the Avenue. We timed the memorial perfectly to the sunset just as it was going down.
The picture of me and my mother together is really weird because during the service when I believe the minister was reading, my friend just happened to be standing there on the other side of the semi-circle and took a picture of me in front of the photo of my mother — that is my reflection in the photo. It wasn’t planned or anything.
Escape to Passion
Barbara had always made motherhood her first priority, but as her children grew older and became inquisitive about their mother’s past work in films, Mills began to slowly divulge.
CARLY MILLS: To be honest, for years and years, my mom was embarrassed of that time in her life and of that work. She really took measures so that my brother and I wouldn’t know about it. It was only times when people would visit they would be more relaxed and have a bit of wine that these stories would pop up. When I became a teenager, I really started to wonder what was going on with all of this. As a young adult, I started looking stuff up on the computer and then I found that she had a fan page and there were these people writing really nice things about her. One of the things said was that she hadn’t progressed to hardcore, which is partly why they were so enamored with her. Then we talked about it, and I told her, “Look, it’s innocent and it’s cute. You have a cult following of people who are really into this. It’s something you should be proud of.” She started to embrace it after that.
We knew that she was a model, and we knew she’d been in a couple of movies as an actress. I know she took us to a movie once and she wore big glasses. It was one of her later movies where they had just edited in material from previous movies. You know how they pick all of these old films and splice bits together. We walked out
and she told us the story about it. Yeah, we’d seen all of these glamorous photos of her, but we hadn’t known she had such a huge body of work. I’ve recently been collecting the posters for her films and Escape to Passion (1970) is one that I own. It sounds like it could be a good one.
Barbara (as Barbara Caron) had more than a few speaking lines in Escape to Passion where she played Audrey, the wife of Jason (Sebastian Figg), a Roy Orbison impersonator. Jason’s ball-busted buddy Leo (Leo Schumaker) attempts to emulate his bad guy cinema idols by robbing a bank. After a shoot out with police Leo, his girl, and another crony plan to hide out at Audrey and Jason’s pad. When they land in on the couple, an orgy is in full swing. Leo is incredulous that his overweight boss is in the middle of the party, and grotesquely covered in gooey Crisco oil while naked Audrey and a girlfriend take turns gliding across his stomach like a water slide. Sensing things will go from bad to worse, Audrey begins to cozy up to Leo, his pal, and his girl, in hope that one of them will take her along with them before the cops arrive on the scene and haul everyone off to jail. In the role of Audrey, Barbara is frisky, and as always, she is equipped with a naturalistic essence and sensual, classic appeal.
CARLY MILLS: I really believe that the key to all of this is these women like my mother were glamorous and they were edgy, and they were doing things that people considered questionable at the time. It’s interesting because everybody was unique. They all came from all different walks of life. They were trying to get by, that was the major point. They weren’t trying to be an actor. If a person has done something they’re proud of or not proud of, you have to own yourself.
When my mom gave birth to my brother is when she started doing makeup on John Holmes’s sets. — She stopped acting, and then when she had me she stopped completely because she had two kids and it was too hard to work with both of us. My brother was always on set with my parents and he remembers a lot more than I did. I was probably only two or three years old.
She was a stay at home mom so she took care of us, and she also took every single art class she could at Santa Monica College. I used to go with her to the art classes in whatever medium she was working in. I would have a coloring book and she would be using either charcoal or watercolor paints. She took a nude sketching or painting class and I used to go with her to that. It was my first experience with nudity when I was five years old. My parents never told me there was anything wrong with my body or anyone else’s body. I never had any of those sexual fears or that it was wrong. They made sure that I was okay with it myself and not to be embarrassed about it.
Her first job was at an art store and then she got a job as a teacher in a Special Ed class. She was teaching Special Ed students — people with Down syndrome and other things. She also ran a daycare for a long time in the school system and worked in the school system for many years. When she went back to school to become a teacher, she ended up working in the food industry. She did deli-management and then she went into cake decorating. When she graduated from college to become a teacher, she was already making the amount that a teacher would make. My mom never took the final test that was required to become a teacher. You know, she really had wanted to become a teacher, but her insurance was better in the food industry and she was now doing the cake decorating which she really liked because of the artistic part of that. There wasn’t any real reason for her to make the big move. Even when she retired, she was making cakes in Thailand although I’ve heard that it’s more difficult because it’s too hot there for the icing but she was doing it. She painted when she was there too. I photographed all of her paintings when I was last there because I want to put together a website of her artwork.
Carly and her mother enjoyed many common interests apart from their shared enthusiasm for painting and self-expression through art. When I visited Carly in July 2011 at her mother and father’s former Venice Beach residence, it was like stepping into a time warp to more carefree, spirited days. The house is immediately inviting with wonderful art pieces created by both Barbara and Carly covering much of the naturally lit wall space within the home. The reverent sixties aura still lingers in the air like a ghost, and the outside garden is dotted with flowerbeds and herbs along the path, with little clay sculptures peeking out from behind clusters of cacti.
With coffee mugs in our hands, we sat down in Carly’s living area surrounded by several guitars and microphones as she continued to describe life with and without her mother.
My mom was just so goofy. She liked to read Tarot cards. I read Tarot cards, but that was her big thing. I think she used it as an excuse to sit around and have girl time or talk about life or anything that interested us. It was our time to communicate about what was going on. So we would do that all of the time and we’d turn on our music. We painted together, too with our music playing. I always like to think about that. Even when I visited my parents in Thailand, she asked me if I’d brought my Tarot cards. I had forgotten — they’d been on the table at home so I didn’t bring them. I ended up going to a bookstore and bought Tarot cards and they were easier to use. I always did the readings. That was when she had been in the hospital, so we never got to do a reading after I got her the Tarot cards, but I used them the other day and I got the best reading I’d had in years and years. I guess she had helped with that.
I had lived with my parents for quite a few years. My brother moved out early, but I would move out, live with a boyfriend for a year and come home. I lived with them for twenty-nine years, and I’m only in my thirties, so they were my friends. I really liked to hang out with my parents. One of the things I really miss about my mom is that my dad would put on music, and me and my mom would dance together. I could still do it by myself and feel as if she’s there, but I really think about that. Dancing with my mom, she really loved that.
She was very spiritual. We were raised in a Pagan type fashion. I never went to church ever, I don’t recall. At Christmas, she would talk about the winter solstice and things like that. We really had a non-traditional upbringing. My mom was very spiritual, and my dad, too.
Love Hurts
The reason I’m still single is because I have never seen anything that resembles the way my dad looks at my mom. It’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. He gets this joy in his eyes. It’s a real intensity. He sees her as if she’s eighteen all the time. It’s extremely difficult for him since she’s been gone. He’s not as communicative as my mom was. I would always talk to my mom, and my dad would talk through her, but now I talk to him almost every other day. He’s doing better than I would expect really. I can only imagine how hard it is for him with her gone.
My dad didn’t come to the memorial in Venice Beach, but he has remained in Thailand. The whole Buddhist ceremony is difficult and they do cremation and have an open casket. I don’t think he was ready to face any more grief. It’s just too sad for him to be here and be present for the memorial. She had about one hundred people at the memorial in Thailand. It started three days after she died. That would never happen in L.A. — it was just amazing, the outpour of people.
Her death from Hepatitis C is somewhat of a bone of contention for all of us. When they came home in May [2010], they had all their tests. My dad has little things he has to go to the doctor for and they had their annual check-ups. They would take a test for the liver and get the numbers back. She went to have all of her tests and she told us that everything was fine, that all of her numbers were normal, but I actually wonder about that because the doctor had not gotten back to her before they left for Thailand. I had said to her “Make sure you call him.” I never heard anything back from her. Either she didn’t call, or she thought he would call her if there was something wrong, or she was fine and it just happened very quickly. I don’t know how long these types of things take. They were living a healthy life in Thailand. When they found out they had Hepatitis C they stopped drinking, but they might have a little glass of wine at a party.
In August 1999, The New E
ngland Journal of Medicine reported five million people living in the United States infected with Hepatitis C (HCV) believed to be one of the greatest public health threats in this century including the contraction of HIV. Eighty-five percent of people exposed to the virus will contract Hepatitis C in its chronic form, and twenty-five percent will eventually die from cirrhosis or liver cancer.
My dad has Hepatitis C too, but his numbers are fine. They believe it’s from a blood transfusion that my dad had. He had several major surgeries throughout his life, and apparently, donated blood for Hepatitis C. The blood was tested only up until 1992. If it can only be transferred by blood, at some point, he and my mother must have transferred blood having been married and together every day for forty years. I had no idea that it could happen so suddenly. They didn’t even know how extreme it was. My mom and dad had talked when they found out that her liver was starting to fail. This was after she went to the hospital in Thailand, and they were talking about whether or not they should tell us before Christmas, so they obviously didn’t know it was so severe because my mom thought it would be better to wait until after Christmas.
She died on December 15 [2010]. She talked about having a stomachache and had heartburn, but that was about it. As a family, we’re happy that she didn’t have to suffer. She had hated doctors and hospitals; they made her uncomfortable. If she had to go, that was the best way, I think.
GOLDEN GODDESSES: 25 LEGENDARY WOMEN OF CLASSIC EROTIC CINEMA, 1968-1985 Page 7