I was living back in New York and I was married, and three years in to making movies for my studio Femme Productions. I had flown out to San Francisco to do the Phil Donahue Show when he was touring the country, and here I was being squired around in a limo and my husband and I went to see her and it was shocking. Her face was sunken in so that she looked like a much, much older woman and she was begging us to buy her a drink. This was after she had been warned by the doctor so it was clear to me that she didn’t want to live. The contrast between where each of our lives had taken us felt sad and tragic to me, she had been so gifted and had had so much promise. She was all laughter and telling me, “Girlfriend, it’s so good to see you.”
Alcoholism killed Leilani, and malnourishment. She was so thin — she really didn’t eat much and she ended up in the hospital with a distended liver. Her doctor had told her that if she continued to drink she was going to die. Leilani died from a brain embolism, which is essentially a stroke. She was twenty-nine but far older than her years. And I remember I came back to New York, and I was writing the script for Three Daughters, and the very last line of the script is Heather, the lead, telling her best friend on the phone, “I’m going to miss you, girlfriend”. That was my call out to Leilani. She died while I was writing the script and I dedicated Three Daughters to her. To this day, I can’t watch the end of that movie without tearing up.
What I will always remember when I think of Leilani is a very delicate ethereal flower with a silky warm voice, translucent, green eyes, and a seductive smile that let you know she was in on the joke of life and only stopping by on her way to a far more magical place.
Deep Inside Porn Stars
I didn’t grow up saying, “Oh, I want to be a porn star!” On the one hand, I thought there was nothing wrong with it. I was a part of a culture that was exploring sexuality wildly, and openly, but on the other hand, I know that if I’d had better self-esteem and more belief in my talents and abilities, I would never have gotten into adult movies. My parents left me in New York after my first year of college and moved to Florida so they could try and save their marriage — which, by the way, they never could. Feeling lost and disinterested after two and a half years of college, I moved to San Francisco, along with so many other young people from all over the country who were searching for their own identities while rejecting the rules we all experienced growing up. We rejected materialism, marriage, and all the other social structures we felt restricted people from truly enjoying life. We experimented with sex, and drugs, and many of my friends lost their young lives to too much of a good thing.
In hindsight, I came to believe that had my parents played a more active role in my life at that time, watching more carefully what I was up to, and insisting that I at least finish college before taking off for the other side of the country, I probably wouldn’t have made those choices. In our culture, you don’t make the decision to appear in adult movies without realizing on some level that you’re closing a lot of doors behind you. It’s not easy breaking a taboo. It’s with you forever. Certainly, I’ve wondered about what my life would be like if I’d chosen something else. I excelled at what I did. I was supposed to be a fashion illustrator. It’s a good thing I didn’t. I don’t think that there are fashion illustrators anymore! How could I not occasionally wonder what would life have been like if I’d chosen a less controversial career?
Just before I started Femme Productions, Playgirl Magazine, back when it was still taken a bit more seriously decided to do a piece on some of the top porn stars. The writer who was commissioned to do it brought five of us together. They set up an elaborate photo session where we were dressed up as Victorian ladies at tea and the article was called, “How to make a thousand dollars a day”. It featured me and Veronica Hart, Kelly Nichols, Tiffany Clark, and Annie Sprinkle. Between the time that we each spent being interviewed and photographed, we all gave generously of our time. I recall the writer came over and spent all day talking to me, as I was right on the cusp of starting Femme Productions. I was in a good space — I was ready to trail-blaze. She got a lot of stuff out of me and out of all of us — we were all very interesting women with fascinating and unique stories to tell. Yet, when the article came out, it was focused almost entirely on Tiffany Clark who was probably, it would be safe to say, the least fortunate among us. She had a history of abuse and I don’t mean to be cruel because she was a very sweet girl, but she fit all the stereotypes. It was clear that she was the focus because it made for sensational reading. Fair and balanced, it was not. I was furious and I wrote a scathing letter. It was not nice.
I would do it differently today, but I used to be very hot tempered. I hadn’t yet learned how to temper my words. They did print part of [my letter]. During the interview she had asked for my advice on how to give a good blowjob, so in the letter I outed her for this, writing something to the effect of, “next time go see a sex therapist instead of wasting my time looking for free sex advice”. Naturally, they printed that part! As disappointing as it was this was, it became the turning point at which the media and the culture started to perk up and pay attention to who we were, as women and as human beings.
The performance we did, “Deep inside Porn Stars,” really blew the lid off. This was our legacy: do not categorize us in to the same old stereotypes: victim, whore, women without a future. We’re far more complex than that. We have goals. We have college degrees and careers. We have families, husbands, and children. We have businesses and we own our own homes. You may be uncomfortable with that but that’s who we are.
The Club 90 group was essentially born out of necessity when several friends gathered together to plan a baby shower for Veronica Hart in 1983, and began to open a dialogue about their association with the adult industry as women. Club 90 served as a haven whereby each member could air personal feelings, experiences, and grievances without the possibility of external judgment or condemnation. The women took a symbolic vow that all conversations would be strictly confidential. Through Femme Productions, Candida was able to encourage members of Club 90 to actively devise a new and different brand of pornography, personally designed to reflect individual dynamics, strengths, and capacities. All of the women in Club 90 have directed films under Femme’s umbrella. “Deep inside Porn Stars” became an original theatrical piece that was the genesis of the collaboration between Club 90 and the feminist art group, Carnival Knowledge. Stage material was adopted from actual intimate conversations that had taken place within the group.
Adult movies are out there for all to see. You will be judged for it and people’s opinions will definitely take into account what you’ve done for the rest of your life. I have friends who have made the choice to try and keep their porn careers a secret from their families, their future husbands, and it only ends in disaster. That’s why when I made my choice to create Femme productions, it was a great way to embrace my name and everything I had done and just say, “You know what? I’m not going to run from it. I’m going to reclaim my name and recognition and do something I’m proud of with it.” Back when I was an actress, the assumption was that women didn’t get in to pornography unless they were hookers or victims of some form of abuse, or had no other options. No one wrote about us, no one talked about us, no one really thought about us. We were still seen as an enigma, as tragic and unfortunate. I would say that another thing I’m proud of in terms of a legacy is that we changed how women in the industry are viewed.
Head Held High
I’ve always hung around with interesting, creative people who have never been judgmental of me. I would say that about my men too. I’ve never picked abusive men. My father wasn’t an easy man, he had his own set of problems, but he wasn’t a physically abusive father. There are things that I’m not willing to share about my home life and my father that are deeply personal. I may talk about them in my own book one day.
I’ve sacrificed pieces of my life. I have very little relationship with the Italian side of my family any
longer, a whole piece of my family that was a major part of my life when I was growing up. Before I left for San Francisco, I had already showed signs of becoming different. I had become a woman’s libber and part of the hippie culture, which they didn’t approve of so I didn’t stay in touch with them once I left New York and lived in California for eight years. Italians don’t forgive easily and I think they felt betrayed. They probably heard something about my lifestyle, which would have naturally been shocking for hard-working, middle-class Italians. When I came back to New York, except for a few, most of them were not comfortable or interested in reconnecting with me. It was actually mutual. I found I had little to say to them. While it sometimes makes me sad to think about the huge family I lost, I accept it as an unavoidable consequence of choosing to break the rules and live according to my own beliefs.
While certain members of her family distanced themselves once Candida’s profession became known, other relatives were surprised to find out about their famous cousin after the Playgirl magazine piece was published. Several of Royalle’s first cousins accepted her with open arms and no judgment, which became the beginning of an even closer relationship. Similarly, Candida and her sister have made their bond a priority.
My sister is my love. My sister is probably my greatest grounding force in my life at this point. I have the feeling she’d say the same thing about me even though she has a son. He’s living his own life now and in terms of a grounding force, she relies on me for emotional support more than she would on her son. She was a single mom, so she doesn’t have a husband to rely upon. She lives out in California so we don’t see each other more than a couple of times a year but when we do, it’s just precious. I love her dearly. We’ve had a lot of things we had to work through because of the complicated childhood that we shared. Even though we were close as little girls, it just seemed inevitable that when you have parents who had tremendous conflicts with each other and with their own lives, they often take it out on their kids and end up — not necessarily consciously — but they end up playing the kids off of one another. She acted out by having a life-long weight problem. She was a beautiful girl, but she would often take the position that I was the lucky one, and I was the pretty one, and I was thin, which of course, invalidated all of the things that I was going through. I wasn’t allowed to have problems and feel sad and insecure. There was a lot of stuff to work through which we finally did in our thirties. We had some fierce confrontations and amazing breakthroughs because we chose, each of us, to work through our issues with one another because we knew we were all we had when it came to family. We were determined to have a good, loving relationship. One thing that helped was that we’re very similar in terms of our political views — remarkably similar actually, and we’re both very analytical. It’s great. When we get together, it’s somewhat like two peas in a pod. The older we’ve gotten, the closer we’ve gotten. We even sound alike and laugh alike — if we’re both on the telephone, you can’t tell who’s who. It’s kind of spooky. We’ve melded into one another. You know how people look like their pets. That’s how we are!
My father was definitely a troubled man and I had to come to terms over the years that, in some ways, he bore a lot of responsibility for me going into the business. I came to understand that part of the reason I went in to the porn business was my need to feel loved by my father: the unrelenting search — in all the wrong places — for the good daddy. Once my sister and I reached puberty, he withdrew any affection for us. I believe he was afraid of his own feelings toward us. After my sister left home and my parents barely spoke to each other, and probably never touched each other, my father took a lot of his anger out on me by being highly critical and unsupportive of me as I began to formulate my own ideas, political and otherwise. For having such a sweet, pretty daughter who never got into any trouble and showed tremendous talents and gifts, he stopped showing any appreciation, rarely came to my dance performances, or spent any time with me.
I’ve had to redevelop my self-respect and I’ve had to look things right in the face and dig up all of the stuff that I felt uncertain about, and the stuff that was sort of niggling at me and making me feel like “Oooh, should I be ashamed of what I did?” I looked at it head on. I took out the worst and the scariest and ugliest things in my soul and looked them in the face and not just with the industry, but other mistakes I have made. You have to find a way to forgive yourself and understand yourself. Then you can move on.
In June 2012, Royalle’s hometown New York City became the meeting place for the first official reunion in fifteen years of the Club 90 group. The women came from across the United States and beyond for a joyful celebration: a wedding union for one of their own, former porn actor and writer Veronica Vera. As it happened, I was in New York City with a girlfriend during the same weekend. Graciously, Candida extended the invitation to join her and a few friends on a small boat parked in the marina located at the W. 79th St. boat basin in Manhattan. It was wonderful to finally meet in person after having spoken with Candida on a few occasions over the past five years. Royalle is petite, bright, and lovely, like precious shimmering light. She welcomed us into the fold as the group passed around bread and cheese, cherries, grapes, sparkling water and wine. It was a delight to be included in such rare and wonderful company.
I worry about all of the young women coming into the adult industry now, and not having the wherewithal to go into therapy. I’m sorry, you can’t do something that’s this controversial and taboo without having some conflict about it, and in some way, it stays with people for the rest of your life. Even though we know that there’s nothing wrong with what we did, a lot of people are going to judge you for it. If I had the wherewithal and the inclination, I would start some kind of place for women to come and get counseling because they’re going to need it. It’s not as if I’d be telling them, “You’re a sick person” or “you’re a bad person”. Just talk about it and make sure you’re okay with it because it’s the only way to stand up to people’s judgments. You’ve got to have self-respect, self-love, and self-understanding.
COURTESY OF CANDIDA ROYALLE
Candida with Mike Ranger in Hot Rackets. CAL-VISTA
COURTESY OF CANDIDA ROYALLE
COURTESY OF CANDIDA ROYALLE
COURTESY OF CANDIDA ROYALLE
PHOTOGRAPHY BY ARNE SVENSON
Laurien Dominique. PHOTOGRAPHY BY HOWIE GORDON
“Girlfriends,” Leilani and Candida. PHOTOGRAPHY BY HOWIE GORDON
“Deep Inside Porn Stars,” Playgirl Magazine.
Candida Royalle. PHOTOGRAPHY BY PEGGY GIROUX
8.
Gloria Leonard
The Grand Damndest of them All
PHOTOGRAPHY BY KENNETH BREWSTER
“I am somebody who was at the forefront of what was considered as a rebellious and radical industry that is now quite commonplace. I feel we championed free speech and freedom for people to do what they want and to watch what they want.”
— Gloria Leonard
Gloria Leonard is considered by her contemporaries as the highly esteemed “Grand Dame” of the golden era of erotic films. Now in her seventy-second year, Gloria still possesses razor sharp wit, intimidating intelligence, beauty and savvy. Leonard’s verbal dissertation about her life, career, and the world around her is often delivered with delicious, acerbic humor that would make Leonard’s teenage mentor, comedian and satirist, Lenny Bruce, smile in his grave.
As the youngest of four children, the New York native was just five when her siblings all left the family roost. During her elementary and high school years, Leonard excelled at her studies, but was prone to haunting jazz clubs or hanging with pals at the Mosholu Parkway across the road from her school. Some of those in her eclectic group of comrades went on to become famous personalities in the television, film, and fashion worlds.
Bored with the college scene after a short stint, Gloria decided to put her writing skills into effect and landed jobs with various PR
agencies in New York. One of her roles was comprised of composing liner notes for Elektra Records when they were still a start-up company. Leonard’s adept work aptitude afforded her several employment opportunities outside of the Big Apple as well. In the 1970s, she served as assistant production manager for a small film company based in Puerto Rico. Eventually, she returned to New York where she graduated to Wall Street for a short term as a registered rep for a brokerage firm.
Disillusionment with high finance in the mid-seventies, along with the realities of single parenthood, brought about a new direction in Leonard’s professional life when she applied for a production job on a Radley Metzger (Henri Paris) film and wound up cast as a supporting character in The Opening of Misty Beethoven (1975). The exceptional feature, nourished by Leonard’s debut performance became one of the most highly touted films of the adult genus. Gloria is one of the first X-rated stars to have achieved international stardom when she filmed multiple features in France in the late 1970s.
Since her start in adult pictures, Leonard has been lauded as an ardent advocate for First Amendment rights. She has gone toe to toe with fervent, anti-porn feminists such as Andrea Dworkin, and participated in lively public debates during guest appearances at colleges and universities across the United States. Leonard’s diverse credits, apart from acting and directing, include publisher of High Society magazine for fourteen years. In 1983, she developed the concept for phone sex lines and won a Supreme Court ruling over the controversy of the lines on behalf of High Society. The bonafide powerhouse, who also served as President of the Free Speech Coalition for two terms, has literally received every accolade possible in the erotic entertainment genre.
GOLDEN GODDESSES: 25 LEGENDARY WOMEN OF CLASSIC EROTIC CINEMA, 1968-1985 Page 26