by Robin Roseau
I sighed. "Fine. I still think this is all ridiculous. I still can't believe you had me drugged and kidnapped. Countries aren't supposed to do that. I can't believe you would do something so sure of making me angry."
"We are sorry for the necessity," said the queen, repeating words from earlier. "You will have a good life, Lady Yallameenara, and your children after you."
"Oh, no," I said. "No children. You can just chase that idea right out of your heads. I am not remotely interested in the activities that lead to children. I've had more than enough of men who think they own me. I am not letting one of them near this body. If any man touches me, it is rape. But I suppose that isn't beneath you, if everything else you've done you find acceptable."
"There are ways," said Larien. "Surely you know this."
"Hello. Ignorant girl of the horse people! I can read, slowly. I can write, slowly. I can do numbers, slowly. I can play the violin, poorly. I can ride a horse very well, and I can manage the amount of money I have. And that's about it."
"Well," she replied. "There are ways. This is not an immediate concern. We will not force you, but we may find interesting bribes."
"Bribe away," I said. "You have nothing I want except my freedom, and it doesn't appear that is available for discussion."
"Better food," suggested the queen. "Delicacies."
"Girl of the horse people, raised on rough food and frequently no food at all. Try again."
"A more comfortable bed," offered the king.
"Grew up sleeping on the ground. In winter."
"Jewels?" suggested the queen, but it sounded like she already knew the answer, and I simply snorted.
"We can address this in the future," said Larien. "After your hair grows out."
"Fine. What else is there to discuss?"
"Only your needs. You leave early in the morning," said the queen.
I thought about it. "Fine. Familiar tea."
"Already handled," said the queen.
"I play the violin. I am not very good, but I would like an instrument. It does not need to be an expensive instrument, as that would be wasted in my hands."
"We will acquire one," promised the king.
I looked at Larien. "You promised some books." At that she nodded.
"Well then," I said, standing. "I guess that's everything." Without permission, and quite rudely to boot, I turned my back and stomped to the door, then waited for Larien to open it and lead me back to my opulent jail cell.
* * * *
My sleep was troubled, which didn't surprise me, and twice when I woke, my heart was in my throat, and I was sick to my stomach over the events. And so when Féla and Naddí came to my room to prepare me to travel, I woke poorly and in a grumble.
They appeared not to notice, and I let them do whatever they wanted to me. It wasn't long before I was dressed, not in the same outfit from yesterday, but one that was similar. A cold breakfast arrived, as Larien had suggested, and I ate lightly.
A few minutes later, the doors opened. Larien stepped in and said, "Please remain seated, Lady Yallameenara." I nodded to her, and behind her, several servants entered. The stepped past me to the closet then retraced their path, pulling a variety of trunks with them. Only when they were done and the doors closed did Larien move to sit opposite me.
"Will you offer parole?"
"No."
She sighed. "Will you agree to offer no violence to me or your maids?"
I thought about that. "If you get between me and freedom, there are no promises at all. I'll kill you if that's what it takes."
"You would kill lovely Naddí?"
"If she is in a position to hinder my escape, yes. Do you blame me? If she doesn't like the risk, she should stay here." I shrugged. "I don't know how to fight. Juleena told me as foreign-born, I couldn't legally be taught. I can't imagine any threats I make have standing. But that doesn't mean I would go down without a fight, if an opportunity arises."
"Will you agree to engage in no violence against us when the chances of escape are slight?"
I thought again. "Yes, but that doesn't mean I consider any of you a chaperone to my good behavior. Don't stick one of them with me all the time and then think I won't bean her over the head if I think I can get away."
"I won't give you that chance, and you know it."
"I am only being clear."
"Do you offer no violence outside of a clear opportunity to escape?"
"No, because if I see Muranna again, I'll happily hit her again. And I'm still not sure you don't deserve it every bit as much as she does."
"Yallameenara, I am trying to determine how closely you must be shackled for the trip."
"Is anyone going to insult my horses?"
"No."
"Is anyone going to insult me or anything I care about?"
"No."
"Is anyone going to gloat at my situation?"
"They are going to be very pleased, Yallameenara. I imagine there will be smiles and laughter. When you are presented with long hair resembling mine, there will be celebrations. I promise these things. That is not the same as gloating over your misery."
I thought carefully. "Outside cases everyone will agree are justified, or a clear opportunity to escape, I will behave on a few conditions."
"Name them."
"I do not care to be paraded in front of the crowds. I do not believe I am this high priestess, and I am uncomfortable with the attention. I am also still exceedingly upset at the situation and very raw, and it will feel like I am being displayed as some bounty or prize. I do not deserve to be made to feel worse than I already do."
It was her turn to think. "What about our stops? There will be stops."
"Send riders ahead to disperse crowds if you must. Let them explain the situation. If I am actually as loved as you say I am, the people should respect that. If they don't, they aren't very nice people."
"They are curious and afraid."
"Not my problem."
"I'll do my best, and if it's not good enough, you will accept it as my best."
I thought about it and nodded. "Your best."
"What else?"
"Books for the journey."
"Already packed, and there are a few waiting in the carriage."
"Are you coming along?"
"Of course. I expect to ride in the carriage with you, and the maids, if you'll allow."
"Have a spare horse for all of you in case I get sick of your faces." Then I smiled. "Or find one for me."
"That's not happening," she said. "But otherwise agreed."
To my annoyance, I couldn't think of anything else. "Are you going to tie my hands?"
"If you hit anyone, I will," she said.
"My feet?"
She considered carefully. "If you even look like you're attempting to escape, Yallemeenara..."
I nodded and stood. “For the record, you do not have the right to do what you are doing to me, regardless of who I may be. What you’re helping to do is wrong, and even you must know that.” I turned my back on her.
* * * *
Naddí and Féla were already waiting, along with a bit of an entourage. I looked at the carriage. I looked at the horses. They were all monsters. I didn't know which would be less comfortable, but I didn't think I had any way to acquire a horse, even one of their giant beasts. I slipped past the maids without a word and climbed into the carriage, taking the forward-facing seat. I intentionally sat in the middle just to be difficult.
Larien poked her nose in, saw what I was doing, and said nothing. But she climbed in, sat down across from me, and then the maids. Larien spoke a few words, and they took the seat next to Larien, the three crammed together.
"Seriously?" I said. "You're going to let me get away with this?" I moved over, and after a moment, Naddí sat beside me. But she looked over at me nervously.
"Tell her I don't bite," I said. "I'm out of sorts, didn't sleep well, and unhappy, but I have no intention of taking it out on
them. You, though... You’re fair game."
Larien spoke a minute or two. Then the girls answered.
"They understand," she said. "They aren't afraid of you. They don't know how to help make this easier for you. That is all."
"Honestly?"
"Honestly," she said. "If you want anything from them, they'll give it, Yallameenara. And they'll take glee in the opportunity. I don't say that lightly."
"I don't do that."
"I'm not talking about sex, but that's available. I'm talking foot rubs, for instance."
I said nothing, but there was noise outside, and Larien answered back. A moment later, we were moving.
I didn't look out the window. Instead I leaned against the wall. It wasn't comfortable, and I kept banging my head. But then Féla produced a pillow. I didn't even see where it was kept. But I set it in place, and that helped.
It was some time later, perhaps a half hour, when I said, "I had a purse when I was taken. There was a significant sum in it. What happened to it?"
"You have no need of money now, Yalla."
"I told you that name was not yours to use," I snarled. "What happened to my purse?"
"It's in your things. We didn't steal it. I don't know where, exactly. You won't need it."
"Fine. They want to know how to help me? Are we traveling through villages along the way?"
"It's impossible not to. The roads go between villages."
"Give them some money. The equivalent of a couple of crowns in small amounts," I said. "Take it from my funds later."
"That isn't necessary, Lady Yallameenara."
"Do you have to argue with me about everything?"
"I'm sorry. What else."
"They can visit the bakeries or sweet shops," I said. "They can buy little treats for the four of us to share. Their favorites, I think, whatever they find. If we're going to get sticky, have some way to clean our hands."
"An excellent suggestion." She spoke to them, and both girls brightened considerably, having been given something to do. Larien noticed that and then turned to me, my eyes lidded, but I was watching her.
"Sneaky," she said. "And very kind."
I offered a half a shrug. "Tell them if they grow sleepy and lean against me, or put a head in my lap, I won't be offended. That's not a command. We're four traveling in a small carriage with nothing to do. Sleep is obvious. That's all it is."
She spoke again, and then said, "And they return the offer." She smiled. "Does that offer include me?"
"Of course not," I said.
"Well, if you put your head in my lap at some point, that's fine," she said.
"Don't hold your breath," I said, closing my eyes.
"You're wrong about something," she said a few minutes later.
"I'm sure you'll delight in telling me about it."
"There are things we can do. I have books for you. We can play cards. And we can begin your language lessons."
"Don't push it," I said. "I might read later. Right now my head hurts, and I'm trying to calm down. I might be willing to play cards later. But language lessons can wait."
"For now," she agreed.
"Forever, as far as I'm concerned," I countered.
* * * *
The route, well, the route doesn't matter. I couldn't have retraced it, anyway, unless I'd ridden it from a horse, not riding along in an enclosed carriage while sleeping half the time. But we headed east first. We didn't stop in every village, and when we stopped, there weren't always places to buy treats, but at many of the villages, the girls got out, stretched for a moment, then went in search of what they could find. They bought baked goods, some of which were very good, and sweets. I'd never had sweets before reaching Framara, and I had never acquired a taste for most. The Altearan treats were unusual, but I liked some and didn't care for others.
I spent part of the time reading. I was a slow reader, and self-conscious about it besides, and so it was difficult to read in front of Larien. Even if she wasn't judging, it felt to me like she should be.
I caught her watching me, and said, "What? So I'm slow. I only learned to read five years ago. What do you expect?"
She held her hands up defensively. "Lady Yallameenara, I didn't say a word."
"You were looking at me."
"This is true. We are seated across from each other, and there are few other places to look. I wasn't thinking about your reading. I was wondering what I could do to make this easier for you. I swear."
I lowered my eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm self-conscious about it."
"You don't need to be."
"I bet you have great expectations of your high priestess. I can't fill them."
"You may not be treated the same as the high priestesses that came before you," she said. "You may not have the same authority. I guess we'll see."
"I don't care about that," I said. "And you know it."
"I know," she said.
"So, what? I'll sit around until the Goddess has something to say, then repeat it, and then sit around some more?"
"I think we'll keep you a little busier than that, Yallameenara."
"I'm not helping. I don't owe any of you a thing."
"So if I bring a child to you, hot with infection, and you can help the child, you won't?"
"I hate you."
"And you won't bless the fields, I suppose. Those farmers had nothing to do with what has happened to you, but sure. Let them suffer for the actions of others."
"You do it. It's your country, not mine."
"It's the land of your mother. Don't you feel any connection at all?"
"No."
"I don't think I believe you. I think you're justifiably upset how you arrived, and I don't blame you at all. But I think if we'd told you all of this, and could make you believe, you would have felt some connection."
"Severed when Muranna poured a drug into my drink," I said. "Cut with a knife."
"Stretched," she said. "I grant that. Not severed. I don't think so."
I studied her for a few minutes. "I don't believe you have magic."
"You'll have to take my word for it."
"Fine. Do something. Cut your finger and heal it."
"I do not have that magic."
"Then do something else."
"My magic channels through the high priestess," she said. "Or channels from her. I can affect you."
"My mother has been gone since before either of us were born. How could you learn your magic if she wasn't here?"
"It's subtle, Yallameenara. We can do a little with each other. We can do a little when we are in the Heart of the Goddess."
"What does that mean?"
"Her temple," she said. And so I nodded. "If you had your hair, then I could work through you. But if I try now, the magic runs into you and stops. That's how I could raise your passion. You trapped the magic."
"So it was fake."
"No. I told you. We were both willing. Even now, we're drawn to each other."
"I'm drawn to push this boot somewhere," I said.
"You've had chances, and you haven't taken them."
"No more of your magic on me."
"Only if you invite it," she said. "Or it's part of a rite."
"Fine," I said. I looked down at the book. "I bet you read Framaran faster than I do?"
"Probably not," she replied. "Altearan, yes, but not Framaran."
I closed the book and tried to chase the tears away. "I've worked so hard," I whispered. "To learn to read. To learn to help in the palace. I was so proud when Juleena declared me ready to help. And now my efforts are worthless. Wasted. There's not a thing I've learned that applies. I have to start over. Again."
"I'm sorry."
"What do you care?" I asked. "You're probably tired of my whining. What do I have to whine about? I'm going to be some pampered thing who barely has to lift her finger to ask for riches to be bestowed upon her. What do I have to whine about?"
"You're in mourning," she said. "And you
will not find justice for what we've done to you."
"You stole from Ralalta. She put a lot of effort into me, and you stole that. She spent a lot of money on me, and you stole that, too."
"I know."
"The kids I tried to help. I barely started."
"I know."
"Andro and Valara," I said.
"I know."
"Juleena."
"I know."
I turned to look out the window. "You should have killed me. That would have been better. The priesthood would jump lines."
"Your mother may still be alive. We might have to wait decades still."
"Life on The Hippa is hard, and she wasn't well loved."
"She has the strength of the Goddess. Absolutely no one discussed killing you, Yallameenara. Some may have considered it, but no one would have dared to suggest it. The closest we came to that was doing something so you would turn barren, and the queen screamed her head off about that one."
"I bet you discussed stealing my children."
"Yes. And the queen screamed, as did others."
"You?"
"My voice is loud now only because of our relationship, and as I am the one who learned Framaran. I was present for these conversations, but silent."
"I suppose you couldn't have lured me with someone my mother's age, and so you were selected."
She smiled. "Yes."
"You were selected for your beauty."
"It was a part. And my ability to learn Framaran quickly. And my personality. It was felt we would suit. I have not acted with you, Yallameenara. I have been myself."
* * * *
And so, we traveled. We stopped here and there. We made camp at night, the sort of camp the Arrlotta might make, avoiding inns. I didn't care, but I thought it was difficult for some of the others. Tough.
I read. I let them teach me a card game, but I was never a good card player. We rotated partners around, and I even submitted to partnering with Larien for her share with the poor player. The maids beat us easily and were quietly pleased to do so.
"Are we losing money to them?"
"No. It is just for fun," Larien said.
The land grew rougher and dry. We turned north. And then we moved into mountains. Some of the mountains smoked. I didn't ask about it.
But then one morning, when I was ready to turn to the carriage, Larien stopped me. "This is as far as the carriage can take us."