“There’s another one in here with just a hint of tongue. Like barely any… but it’s so dirty!”
Julia and I dissect a few more of the pictures before I hear Greg getting curious from her end of the line. Less than a minute later, I’ve got a text from Rux, because those two are like twelve-year-old girls.
Rux: Those were private pictures. I can’t believe you shared them.
And of course it’s punctuated with a little lip emoji that looks like an exclamation mark.
Cammy: My phone was hacked.
Rux: The internet is forever.
“Hey, pay attention to me,” Julia teases through the line. “You can text with Rux anytime.”
“Sorry, sorry!” I say, snapping a quick picture of my own lips, wide and smiling, and even though I’m not wearing any lipstick, shoot it off to Rux. “So when are you guys leaving for LA anyway?”
With Greg out for the foreseeable future, he’s going with Julia while she shoots her show.
“Tomorrow night. I’ll be out there for two weeks but Greg might come back early. Hey, how’d it go with Matty at Jeremy’s last night?”
And like that, my good humor dies. Stepping out of my office, I glance down the hall to my son’s door. “Good. He brought the cooler back empty, so his dad could keep the snacks for next time he came over. And when he got home, he talked about a mile a minute about playing cards and board games.”
Julia’s more reserved now as well. “That’s nice he had fun.”
“It is,” I agree, knowing that neither one of us really loves it all that much. Even if we both want Matty to be able to have the kind of relationship with his father that neither of us had with ours, it’s still a little hard to get that excited about my son bonding with a man that, deep down, I’m worried will leave him again.
“When’s Matty going next?”
“He’s going to sleep over the weekend after next, but I think Jeremy will see him for a few hours next Saturday with his parents.”
“How’s it going with the GPs now that he’s back?”
“It’s a little weird actually. Like maybe they aren’t sure how close they should be with me. I don’t know. Maybe that isn’t fair, but it feels like every time I’ve seen them since he said he was coming home his mom has been looking at me differently.”
“You think she’s worried you won’t let Jeremy back into Matty’s life the way she wants you to?”
Possibly. Jeremy’s parents have never been my biggest fans. When we dated in high school they were kind and welcoming, but there was a coolness, a detachment there. And when I got pregnant, it changed to something more like blame.
At the time, it was disappointing because I’d always dreamed of being a part of a big, warm, loving family and it was clear that wasn’t the case with the Levensons. And when Jeremy left me—well, I didn’t see them again for a year. Not until they reached out, wanting to have a relationship with their grandson.
“I think she’s just trying to figure out how this is going to affect her relationship with Matty. They’ve been taking him every other Friday night for the last four years. Now Jeremy is and”—I sigh, shaking my head—“there’s only so much time I’m willing to give my son up. So yes, it’s going to be different.”
“You can’t feel bad about that, Cam.”
My heart pangs and I nod. “I know. It’s just a little hard sometimes when life feels like it’s slipping out of my control. I want something better for Matty than we had. And before Jeremy decided to move back I kind of thought I might be giving it to him. He didn’t have a dad, but he had everything else. He had stability. He felt safe. And now that Jeremy’s back, he’s getting the dad part but that security feels like it’s slipping through my fingers.”
“Hey, I know what that feels like and I know how scary it is. But this isn’t going to be another repeat of what happened throughout our childhood. This is going to be fine. You and Matty have a support structure here that Mom never could have dreamed of and wouldn’t have even wanted. It’s going to be fine.”
“I love you, Julia.”
“Love you too, kiddo.”
Chapter 5
Rux
We’re almost out of time. Down by two with less than five minutes on the clock, and I’m off. Out of sync with the guys, missing shots I shouldn’t be missing. I’m a half-second behind, when I need to be ahead, and it’s costing us the game, damn it.
Twisting back, I untangle my stick from Halson’s, pushing off hard to get free, to get open. There’s a blink when I’m looking to where Greg should be, only I’m lined up with Vassar and O’Brian and instead of just knowing where they are on an instinctual level, I’ve got to find them. Get to where they can find me.
It happens, but I can’t miss that half-second delay that feels wrong in every fucking way. Even when I knock the puck out of the air and carry it up the ice, even when I find that sliver of space between the guys dogging my heels and the teammate powering into position. Even when the puck lands on his stick and a single flick of his wrist later, the net lights up and the crowd goes wild—I can’t shake that half-second delay because it feels like the reason we’re still down a point instead of rocking a lead.
It’s the reason we don’t win.
Everyone’s got too much aggression bottled up inside. We’re pissed because this is a game we should have won. Could have won, if things were gelling between the players more consistently… If I could bring it together.
I hate this feeling of letting the guys down. I know they wouldn’t say I did and I know they’d tell me it takes more than one player to make a team. But I also know what it feels like when that connection is locked down. When that half second is on your side instead of working against you.
By the time I get past the interviews and heart-to-heart with Coach, I’m not in any mood to hang out. At least not with the guys I let down tonight. What I want is to head back to Cammy’s place and sit on the couch and hear about her day. I want to know who Matty hung out with at recess and whether the tortellini bake she was trying off Pinterest was actually as good as scratch lasagna. I want to chill and relax in a way I don’t get to with anyone but her.
But Cammy was at the game tonight. And we have plans to meet at the Five Hole. So that’s where I’m going.
I walk into the bar with Vassar and get a slightly more subdued version of our normal greeting. There are still cheers and back slaps, and guys and girls I’ve never laid eyes on before edging up into my space to tell me what a fan they are. And I know what a lucky schmuck I am, so even though tonight I’m really not in the mood to shake all the hands and smile at all the compliments I don’t feel like I deserve, I do it anyway.
Finally, I clear the front end of the bar, and once I reach the back, the crowd peels off. It’s sort of an unwritten rule in the Five Hole and the main reason most of the guys come here—once we’re past that first open area, we’re allowed to be guys out for a beer. People don’t approach us for handshakes or selfies, they don’t ask for autographs.
Cammy’s at the back end of the bar with Natalie, and just seeing her there decked out in my number, head tilted back, eyes glittering as she laughs at something Nat said, is enough to loosen the vise of tension around my chest. Vassar places a hand on my shoulder and edges past to swoop in on his girl. Grabbing four beers off the bar, Cammy finds me with that smile I can’t get enough of.
And it’s all good.
I take one of the beers and sling an arm around her slim shoulders, pulling her in for a hug as we walk over to our usual table.
“Matty get over to Teddy’s okay?” It’s not Jeremy’s week but Matty got invited to a sleepover at his best friend’s house for the night.
“Yes, Sally texted to let me know they tore into the Legos the second they got there and didn’t stop until they went to bed.” She holds up her phone and I can’t help but grin at the picture of the little dude with his buddy surrounded by a sea of tiny bricks.
“Check out the speeder, nice.”
“He’s been building them over and over since you showed him how. He’s very proud of his new skill.”
I sit taller and dust off my shoulders. “I’m badass with the Legos.”
Cammy thumbs to the next picture, Matty conked out on the rollaway bed in Teddy’s room, his face peaceful, hair a little messy over his brow.
“Damn, you made a cute kid.”
She smiles beside me and I find out all the shit I like to hear about from her day, like the funny-as-hell outtake Julia shared from taping with one of the rookie Bears players. The guy was so nervous he ended up spilling a cup of coffee down her chest and then was so mortified he tried wiping it up.
“And his face is like purple by this point and she keeps telling him it’s okay and the producers are swarming the set, but he won’t give them the napkins. And I mean this kid is practically cupping her boob”—she’s holding her hands up, pantomiming the whole thing with this frantic look on her face—“and it’s like you can see in his horrified eyes that he knows he’s making it worse but he just can’t stop.”
This is what I needed.
Only then Cammy’s face loses some of its light. I follow her eyes to where the bar opens up, and a few people down from Vassar and Nat is The Blip.
“Jesus, this guy is everywhere.”
The muscles that had barely begun to unlock are suddenly winding tight again. That feeling of futility and exasperation pushing into my chest.
Except unlike with the game, I’m pretty sure I can do something about this.
Cammy sits back in her chair and takes a swallow of her beer. “Forget about him. I have.”
“I will.” I reach out and brush a wayward curl from her face, tucking that bit of blonde behind her ear. “Right after this.”
“Right after what?” Her eyes go a little wider, like on some level she already knows.
Letting the backs of my knuckles stroke against the silky skin of her cheek, I lean closer. “Right after I make my point.” And I lean in the rest of the way and kiss her.
Cammy
Rux’s kiss is a soft press so different from that first showy thing a few weeks ago, I barely recognize the connection. While that kiss had been sudden, a press of body parts in an almost clinical way—this feels infinitely different.
Maybe it’s the way he looked at me, searching my eyes before moving in. Or the tender touch that set my nerve endings on edge. Or maybe it’s just that I could read in his eyes what he was going to do and after last week with that not-quite kiss I was the tiniest bit more curious than I should have been.
But instead of delivering a cold shock of surprise, this kiss warms me, sending tendrils of heat through my lips and across my skin. Sparking an awareness I’m not supposed to feel with my best friend, but that’s so good and nice and different from anything I’ve felt in years… I lean into it instead of pulling away.
One big hand sifts into the hair at the back of my neck and the other gently cups my jaw, holding me as he tastes my lips again. The contact lingers before breaking as his hand glides down the length of my neck to just below my collar bone, trailing more of that nerve-stirring warmth in its wake.
It feels good. Maybe a little too good.
My eyes lift slowly, because wow.
Catching my hand in his, he threads our fingers together, holding them against his thigh like we’re—
“Total boyfriend move,” he murmurs, cocking his head toward mine. “Right?”
A soft sigh slips past my still-tingling lips and I touch the fingers of my free hand to them. “Definitely a boyfriend move.”
So much so that I can feel the wires starting to cross in my mind. The line that’s always been so clear I never had to even think about it before… smudging just a little.
And I see it.
Rux would be a really nice boyfriend for someone.
For the right girl. At the right time. If he ever decided that was what he wanted.
“Thought about going all in, doing the devouring-your-mouth-like-a-starving-man business.” He’s rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb while he talks—light strokes, soft circles. “But that’s more like heat-of-the-moment stuff. So I went understated instead.”
I nod, trying not to think about those little circles. The tingles spreading from that contained touch. The heat unfurling in my belly as Rux casually discusses his choice of kiss. I try not to think about what that other version might have been like.
“Seems like the right call. I’m impressed.” And while I don’t feel quite as casual about it as I make it sound, I really am.
He looks down at where our hands are locked together over his mountain of a thigh and then grins at me again. “This is nice. The hand-holding. Would it be weird if I wanted to do it all the time?”
I give him a squeeze. “Not at all.”
Vaughn and Nat slide into the seats across from us, and Vaughn raises a brow. “You two holding hands under the table?”
Rux nods. “We’re a couple. Totally into each other on a more than physical level.”
Natalie sits back in her chair with a delighted smile and asks, “Wow, so this is getting serious then, huh?”
“Hell, yeah, it is. Three-week anniversary tonight. Figured I’d bring her back to where it all started.”
I almost spit out my beer and, looking to the guy who makes me laugh like no one else, cock my head. “He’s so sentimental.”
“She’s got it bad for me. Thinking about those three little words.” He leans in toward our friends. “I’m ready to introduce her to my mom. It’s not too soon, is it, Sunshine?”
“I’ve met your mom. Twice.” She’s like a mellowed version of her son… but still totally over the top.
Rux rubs my hand against his thigh, angling his body toward me again. “Yeah, she loves you. Maybe we can Skype her one of these nights when Matty’s home.”
From across the table, Vaughn is shaking his head. “You guys are nuts.”
Maybe a little. My eyes cut to Rux. Maybe a lot. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Rux finally lets my hand go. We haven’t seen The Blip since before the quality-boyfriend-kiss incident, but Rux isn’t giving up the pretense. He drops a kiss on my hand before going up to grab another beer for Nat and me, and the minute he sits back down he pulls me into his side like he always does—except not quite like always. My back rests against his side, and where his arm would normally be hooked behind me, this time, it loops over my shoulder, so our hands are tucked together in the vicinity of my heart.
Nat and Vaughn give us shit about it, but the whole thing feels so natural, it’s all too easy to forget it isn’t real. That Rux doesn’t always hold my hand or play with my hair. That prior to this night, there existed an inch of space between us.
Chapter 6
Rux
“You ready to get out of here?” I ask as Cammy yawns into her hand. She’s still tucked into my side, closer than I normally get to cuddle her, and not gonna lie. It’s pretty nice.
“Oh, yeah, sure. If you are.” She sits straight, eyes sharp as she scans the crowd around us.
Ahh. Looking for The Blip. Probably wondering what kind of no-brain move I’m going to make on the way out of here. Not that I can really blame her after the liberties I’ve taken tonight. I’m lucky she didn’t take my head off for stealing another kiss.
But it’s kind of stuck in my craw that she was worried that one kiss would make her look like fair game for a one-nighter. Even with as little time as I spent with that guy, most people pick up on the fact that I’m pretty protective of Cammy real quick. And even if she was feeling vulnerable, no way would I let anyone—not a teammate, not a buddy, and not myself—anywhere close enough to take advantage.
And I’m not going to let some asshole too dumb to see what kind of once-in-a-lifetime opportunity he had within his grasp think it either.
Still, fun driving the point home. But it’
s not something Cammy needs to worry about a repeat performance of after tonight.
“Pretty sure he left already,” I say, running a hand over her shoulder. “Saw him and those two dipshits he always hangs around with headed for the door when I grabbed the beers earlier.”
I’m half expecting her to lay into me for keeping the pretense up when we didn’t need to. But I’ve already got my defense lined up, so she can bring it. What if he had other friends at the bar? What would they think if it was hands-off the second that guy walked out the door?
It’s a legit excuse, but not the primary one.
Snuggling in with Cammy just feels good. And while I get physical affection from her on the regular, this is different. I like holding her hand. Touching her hair. Hell, I like kissing that soft, sweet mouth of hers. But none of that is really cool for friends to do, unless they’ve got a damn good excuse.
As it happens... I do.
Yeah, I’m still going to be just as relentless about shutting down any stray thoughts that cross the line as I always am. But I’m also going to enjoy this for as long as I’ve got it. Because it’s nice.
“They left?” she asks.
“Pretty sure.”
Her spine softens and with the way her shoulders droop and her eyes skate away—that can’t be right—she almost looks… disappointed?
“You okay?”
As quickly as whatever that look was appeared, it’s gone. And then she’s smiling at me. Grabbing her coat and letting me help her into it.
Nat and Vassar have already left, so we say goodbye to Diesel and Grady who are huddled up at the end of the bar.
Once we’re in the truck, she turns to me. “You make a pretty good boyfriend, Rux.”
“So long as no one actually has to count on me for anything.”
She shakes her head and, even though I know it’s true, I like that she disagrees.
Pulling into traffic, I start toward her place. “Thought I was going to have to take another jabby finger-beating for sneaking that kiss.”
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