Just the thought had his jaw clenching.
A hand nudging him had him looking to the side to meet Kirk’s steady gaze.
“You want to talk about this?” Kirk asked quietly.
“No.” The answer was involuntary, but then he thought about it and realised it was true. He really didn’t. Not yet. “No.”
“Okay.” Kirk continued to regard him steadily, his calmness helping Ryder to settle just a little. “What are you going to do?”
“You worried I’ll go hooning all over the countryside looking for her?” When Kirk didn’t refute that, he sighed. “I’m going home.”
“Really.”
“Yeah, really.” Ryder kicked the stand up, levelled the bike.
“Ryder.”
“Yeah?”
“You know my number.”
Meeting his friend’s eyes, Ryder saw the concern in them. He smiled slightly, a little tightly. “I know. Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything stupid.”
He’d already done that once today.
He left Kirk watching him ride away.
The truth was, he was going home. Right now he didn’t know what to think, but at least he knew Dee hadn’t driven into a tree. He could never live with himself if she’d gotten hurt.
He had a feeling he’d done a huge amount of damage already. The best thing he could do now was go home.
Okay, he took several detours on the way, he couldn’t help it, but as he’d suspected he didn’t see Dee or her bike.
Pulling into his driveway, he groaned. Rachel was waiting for him, her hair up in an artful bun, a skirt so short he could just about see her undies, and heels so high she could stab someone to death with them.
Normally the sight would have made his day brighter, his interest perk up, but annoyance was what swept through him. Jesus, his childhood friend was upset, he didn’t know where she was, he was the cause of it, and he didn’t want to stand there and smile at Rachel and make small talk. He just wasn’t in the mood.
That was a first. If Dee knew, he’d never hear the end of it.
The involuntary thought was joined by the grim realisation that he had no idea how she would react now to anything he did.
Turning off the engine, Ryder swung off the bike and wheeled it into the garage.
“Hey, sexy,” Rachel greeted him, her smile wide and bright.
“Rachel.” Smiling tightly, he took off his helmet.
“I’m so glad that you’re well and…” Her eyes widened. “Are you all right?”
“Fine.” No, he felt like shit. “Look, I’m sorry but I’m not feeling that good and-”
“Oh, you poor boy.” Immediately she trotted forward, her expression concerned. “What can I do?”
Find Dee and tell me where she is. “Nothing, really.” He sidestepped her, his manners refusing to let him just brush her away. “I just need to have a rest.”
“I’ll come in, get you some soup.”
The thought of Rachel in his kitchen just wasn’t welcome.
He managed to smile while neatly blocking her way. “I appreciate the offer, but really, there’re a few things I need to take care of.”
“But you’re sick-”
“I need to take care of a few things first then I’ll have a rest.”
She side stepped. “While you take care of things, I can get the soup warmed up.”
He blocked her path again, his patience a little thin. “I appreciate it, Rachel, but honestly, I’m not the best company right now.”
“Oh.” Stopping, she studied him. Her frown disappeared suddenly, her expression lightning. “Oh, I see. Of course.”
Of course? Of course what?
“I totally understand that you want to be alone for a little while.” She patted his arm while smiling understandingly up at him. “When someone forces their company on you while you’re unwell, sometimes you just need time to yourself.”
What? Ryder blinked. Surely she couldn’t mean…
“I’ll leave you to some peace and quiet.” Stretching up on tip toe, Rachel looked expectantly up at him.
Without thought, he bent down. “If you mean D- mmff.”
She cut his words off with a smacking kiss before she pulled away, giving him a wink before trotting off to her car, leaving him staring after her.
Two things registered at once.
One, her kiss didn’t seem as sweet as he remembered.
Two, had she just insulted Dee?
A flicker of anger went through him as he realised she’d done just that, but she was already in her car and reversing out the drive, throwing him a kiss he certainly didn’t return as she drove away.
Anger grew inside him. His emotions were twisted, he felt like shit, someone had just insulted Dee, he’d been too bloody slow on the pick-up to realise it, and now - he still felt like shit. He still felt twisted up inside.
Goddamn.
Gripping his helmet tightly, he stomped up the steps, unlocked the door and stormed into the house.
Jezebel eyed him from her position sitting on the hall table.
“You,” he informed her, “are the only female I understand.”
She batted her eyelashes coyly at him.
“And you shouldn’t be up there in that condition.” Carefully lifting her, he placed her on the floor. “Jumping up and down can’t be good for those kittens you’re carrying. You’ll make them dizzy.”
Going into the kitchen, he retrieved a tin of Coke from the ‘fridge, went into the lounge, turned on the TV and dropped onto the sofa.
Whatever happened, there was nothing he could do about Dee right now, and his own thoughts were just too scrambled to make much sense. He just needed to chill out and forget.
Good intentions, but he spent the entire football game staring at the screen without really seeing anything.
Jezebel sat on his lap, purring. Beneath his hand on her side he could feel the tiny kittens moving, one rolling beneath his palm.
Dee would have loved it.
Dee wasn’t here.
The house felt strangely empty.
She was somewhere crying and he didn’t have a Goddamn clue where to find her.
~*~
Arriving at work early the next morning, Ryder contemplated heading over to the newsagent, but a place of business wasn’t a place to discuss what had happened. Airing one’s dirty linen in public was never something he’d liked doing, and neither did Dee. But he had every intention of heading over there as soon as she closed up that night.
Meanwhile, he immersed himself in work. Or tried to. There wasn’t much action on the road and apart from taking young Harry to the hospital from the school where he’d broken his leg, road work was quiet. But there was still First Aid classes to take and the hundred and one other things that kept an Ambulance Station up and running.
His thoughts seemed more scrambled than ever, however, and he welcomed lunchtime when it finally rolled around, mostly because he definitely needed the man cave thing right now.
Grabbing his salad roll, he went next door to the fire station to see Scott and Simon already sitting down drinking hot tea and eating.
“Hey,” Scott greeted him.
Simon waved the hot pie he was devouring, one cheek bulged out like a chipmunk. In front of him sat his usual smorgasbord - egg sandwich, container of fruit salad, a chocolate bar, and a chicken strip, all of which he’d consume once he finished his pie. The man was a walking stomach.
“Hey,” Ryder greeted them back. “Any hot water left in the kettle?”
“Always,” Scott replied.
“Make me one as well.” Kirk strolled through the door.
“Yes, master.”
“Does have a nice ring to it,” Simon said. “Hey, slave-”
“Up yours, numb nuts,” Ryder returned.
Within minutes he was sitting at the table, peeling the plastic wrap off the salad roll.
“Quiet morning,” Kirk remarked.
“What?”
“The ‘Q’ word. You said the ‘Q’ word.”
“Quiet?”
“You’ve jinxed us. You know you never say the ‘Q’ word when at work, especially at break times.”
“Huh.”
Thinking about Dee sitting and having lunch with Del, Ash and Molly, Ryder bit into the salad roll. He wondered how she was feeling, what she was saying, if she was saying anything, really.
It took several seconds before he realised that the table was silent and he looked up to find his friends watching him. “What?”
“You all right?” Scott queried.
“Sure. Why?”
“You’re quiet. That’s not normal.”
“Just thinking.”
“Don’t pull a muscle.”
Ryder flipped him the bird.
Chewing on his sandwich, Kirk watched him closely.
Okay, he needed the man cave time. Needed someone to help him make sense of what had happened. Dropping the salad roll onto the table, he took a mouthful of tea, only to spit it back. “Shit a brick! Bloody hot!”
“The water came from a kettle, genius,” Simon said.
“Bugger off.”
“With you?” Simon fluttered his eyelashes. “Honey, I didn’t know you cared.”
“Not with a ten foot pole, numb nuts.”
“A ten foot pole would hurt. Big time.”
Before Ryder could retort, a small figure in the local primary school uniform came running in the door. In one small, grubby hand he held a paper bag.
Coming to a stop beside Ryder, Max looked worriedly up at him.
“Hey, Max.” Ryder ruffled his little brother’s hair. “Everything all right?”
“Yep.”
“Why are you out of school?”
“Mrs Tucker sent me to fetch some pencils from the newsagent, and while I was there I asked Dee for your comics.”
Ryder knew what was coming, as did Simon and Scott, going by their grins. But Kirk just watched quietly.
“Let me guess,” Ryder drawled, feeling back on certain, old ground. “I have to-”
“Here.” Max placed the bag on the table beside the salad roll.
“Huh?”
“Your comic.” Max looked even more worried. “Dee gave it to me.”
Ryder felt like he’d been slapped in the face. Shock actually rippled through him as he looked down at the paper bag. Not quite believing it, he picked it up and drew out the Green Lantern comic.
Dee had actually given it to Max.
“Did you hold a gun to her head or something?”
“What? No! I just asked for it like normal, and I was even already walking out the door and she called me back and just gave it to me.” Max looked like he was close to tears. “She didn’t even say one nasty thing about you. Not one, Ryder.”
Oh shit, things were worse than he’d thought. For one brief second he’d thought things could tip back to normal, awkward at first but nevertheless…shit wasn’t going to happen. Shit was happening. This was bad, very bad.
Scott and Simon exchanged glances. Kirk just continued to eat slowly and methodically, his gaze never wavering.
“Thanks.” Ryder managed to smile reassuringly at his little brother. “This is great. Thanks, Max.”
“Is Dee sick?” Max asked.
“Not that I know of.” Ryder patted his head. “You go back to school. I’ll check on her after, okay?”
“But-”
“I’ll make sure she’s okay. I’m an ambo, right? I fix people. I’ll fix Dee.”
Max looked around gravely before leaning forward to whisper confidingly, “She’s not easy to fix, you know.”
“I know. Trust me, I know.” Ryder forced a smile. “I’ve got this, okay?”
“Okay.” Max waved to the other men and ran back out of the fire station.
Shit, he so didn’t have this, far from it.
“What the hell?” Scott looked from the comic to Ryder. “Dee gave Max your comic?”
“She normally makes you come crawling in to get it yourself,” Simon added. “It’s one of the bright spots of her day.”
Kirk took a mouthful of tea.
“Something happened.” Scott’s gaze narrowed on Ryder. “What happened?”
Instead of adding his suspicions, one of Simon’s eyebrows rose.
Dropping the comic onto the paper bag, Ryder leaned back in the chair and let out a long breath. “I kissed Dee.”
Scott’s hand jerked, the hot tea slopping out of the mug to spatter on the table. “What?”
“She kissed me back.” Ryder paused. “I think she kissed me back.”
“You think?” Scott repeated incredulously.
“It happened quick. Slow. Shit. Unexpected. I didn’t expect it, all right? It wasn’t supposed to happen.”
“You sure about that?” Simon drawled.
“Yes, I’m sure about that.”
“So why did it happen?”
“I don’t know!”
“How did it happen?”
“Jesus!”
“Divine intervention?”
“No!” He paused. “Uh…no. No. Definitely no.”
“That’s pretty definite for a man who kissed a woman.”
Cripes, if he wasn’t all twisted up before, he bloody well was now. Ryder glared at Simon, who just raised his other eyebrow lazily. Goddamn, laid-back, redheaded Firie. He’d strangle him with his own hose.
“Wait a minute.” Scott held up a hand. “Haul back, Ryder.”
Exhaling, Ryder shoved a hand through his hair. The rate he was doing this, he’d be bald in no time even if it wasn’t a family trait. Dee often had him feeling like he could yank out his hair, but he never thought he’d ever get to the stage of actually doing it.
Placing one hand on the table, Kirk idly drummed his fingertips.
Scott’s gaze switched to him. “You know something.”
Kirk shrugged.
“And you didn’t tell us?”
“Really?” Simon looked at Scott. “You expect him to say anything? Man has a mouth like a steel trap. He doesn’t say anything if he doesn’t think it’s our business.”
“Ryder’s life is everyone’s business.”
“Hey.” Ryder glared at Scott. “Do you mind?”
“Yeah, I do. What the hell happened? And how come I don’t know about it?”
“Jesus, this is like talking to a bunch of women. Don’t get your panties in a knot, love.”
“I’ll wrap my Spanx around your throat and yank it tight in a minute.” Scott tapped the table top. “Get back to the important part. You kissed Dee?”
“It started with a spank.”
“Dee wears Spanx?”
“What?”
“Spanx. You said it started with Spanx.”
“It did.”
“Was she trying to get you to wear Spanx?”
“How the hell do you wear spanks?”
“You pull them on, dickhead, with a whole lot of bloody struggling and panting.”
“Jesus. Seriously?” Confounded, Ryder scratched his head.
Simon looked at Kirk. “Is this really happening?”
“Oh yeah, it is.”
“I can’t take it.” Simon pointed at Scott. “Your Spanx are different to Ryder’s spanks.”
“Different brand?”
“Holy shit. Kirk, your turn.”
Kirk smiled slightly. “Scott, your Spanx are a brand of some kind of bulge-reducing underwear. Ryder, your spanks are done with hand to arse. End of explanation.”
Incredulous, Ryder stared at Scott. “You wear Spanx?”
“No!”
“Ash?”
“Of course not. She has no need to. Woman has a beautiful body.”
“Thank God for that.”
Scott jabbed his finger at Ryder. “Did you bloody spank Dee? Christ, Ryder, if you laid a ha
nd on her-”
“I didn’t. She did.”
That had his friend’s jaw almost dropping to the table. “She what?”
“Yeah. I got in the shower and she whacked my arse.”
Simon’s eyebrows shot back up again towards his hairline, this time in surprise instead of mild curiosity. “Say what?”
Even calm Kirk’s eyebrows were raised.
“Yeah,” Ryder said in satisfaction. “Think how surprised I was.”
“Never mind that,” Simon said. “I want to know how you two managed to be in the shower together. And what happened to make her whack you?”
Scott’s eyes gleamed. “Is this some kind of kinky game thing?”
“Don’t pretend you haven’t done some kink,” Ryder shot back.
“Yeah, but that’s between me and Ash. I don’t go telling anyone.”
Heh heh. “You and Ash do kink?”
Scott glared at him.
“Never mind that,” Simon repeated. “Ryder, what happened?”
“Start from the beginning,” Kirk suggested. “It’ll make it clearer.”
Nodding, Ryder blew on the mug of hot tea before taking a careful mouthful. Holding the mug, he swirled the tea inside it, watching the steam rise from the hot liquid. “In a nutshell, I got sick, Dee stayed to make me better. I was running a temperature several times, but the first night she came I remember she put me in the shower. I also remember her whacking my arse for some reason. Not hard, just kind of light.”
“Probably because you were being an argumentative drongo as usual,” Scott said.
“Probably.” No sense arguing. “But I didn’t remember it until I was better. We were in the kitchen yesterday morning, just talking, you know?”
His friends nodded.
“She flicked me with the tea towel and I remembered. I threatened her - you know, not serious or anything, just mucking around, and we kind of ended up against the kitchen bench. She laughed, I laughed, we hugged. Then she said something about not being the first person to see me naked in the shower.”
Simon grinned a little.
Ignoring him, Ryder continued. “That threw me. I mean, naked in the shower? I’ve been naked with women before, but this is Dee.”
Simon, Scott and Kirk exchanged glances.
Normally Ryder would have called them on it, but this time he kept talking. “She got all embarrassed, a little teary.” He thrust his hand through his hair again. “Jesus, I don’t like seeing her upset, you know?”
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