by Ali Olson
Jessica felt her body go cold. She’d known it could happen anytime, but it still seemed unreal. “How bad is it?” she whispered, her voice breaking.
“Bad. You need to get here. Now.”
That wasn’t what she wanted to hear, but she’d known it was coming. This wasn’t a time to cry or panic, though. She stood, mentally listing what she would need to do to get out of Vegas as soon as possible. She said, “I’m on my way,” and hung up before her sister could respond.
Cindy was looking at her with concern. Jessica started toward the door. “I have to go back home. It’s my dad.”
Cindy nodded. “I’ll look up flights. I won’t be able to book anything for you, but at least you’ll know how much time you have to pack and get to the airport.”
Jessica hugged her friend before half running to her hotel room. Within five minutes, her belongings were packed and she was in her travel clothes, ready for the flight. As she packed the last of her things, there was a knock on the door. She hoped with all her heart it would be Aaron. They might not have time to talk, but she could at least give him her phone number.
It wasn’t him on the other side of the door, though. Cindy was there with flight information written down. If she hurried, she’d just be able to make the flight leaving in a little over an hour. The next one would get her home over five hours later.
She bolted to the elevators and pressed the button frantically. “Cindy, I’m so sorry for everything this weekend. Tell the other girls I’m sorry, too. I really did enjoy getting to know them a little bit. I’ll make it up to you.”
Cindy shrugged and gave her a watery smile that seemed close to tears. “Don’t worry about it. Just get home to your family. Do you want me to do anything about Aaron?”
The elevator dinged and opened as Jessica grasped her friend into one last tight hug and took the sheet with the flight details; she walked on, rolling her small suitcase behind her. “If you can find him, tell him what happened and give him my phone number. We need to talk.”
Once she got to the lobby, she practically flew to the taxi stand, and was immediately ushered into a waiting cab. She asked him to take her to the airport as quickly as he could, then called the number Cindy had written. By the time the taxi pulled up to the airport, she was scheduled for the flight and had her boarding pass loaded on her phone.
She only had thirty-two minutes to make it through the airport, but she was not going to miss that flight. A hurried conversation with a TSA agent and she was bypassing the line at security. Rushing through, she was on the other side in record-breaking time. Her shoes were in her hands when she saw the tram that would take her to the right terminal arrive, so she held on to them and ran over in her socks. She managed to board a moment before the doors closed with a snap.
On the tram, she took a moment to breathe and put on her shoes. It was too much to think about her family, about her father who had always been there for her, so instead she thought of Aaron. Not how she walked out with him looking at her, but instead of his smile as he said that he wanted to see her again, and the light in his eyes as they ran around out in the desert.
Cindy would find him, she assured herself. She’d texted her friend his hotel information, and she trusted Cindy to do what she’d promised. She was a good friend to have around in a crisis.
The tram stopped after what seemed far too long of a ride, and Jessica was the first one out, rushing through the airport to her gate, which of course had to be the one farthest away. When she reached the door, they were making the last call for passengers. Her ticket was scanned and she was rushing down the gangplank before she could pause for breath.
Once she stepped on the plane and was moving slowly through the crush of seats and passengers, she tried to take calming breaths. Her heart was pounding so hard it hurt, from both the dash to the plane and the stress of the situation. She tried to tell herself that whatever happened, she was on her way home and that was the best she could do.
It didn’t help much.
Finding her seat, she strapped herself in. She sent a few last messages to her mother and sister, one last message to Cindy thanking her and then she put her phone in airplane mode and leaned back in her seat, still gasping. So much had happened that she couldn’t wrap her mind around it all, and the whir of thoughts made her almost nauseated.
She pulled out her headphones and set her playlist to The Beatles and the volume as loud as she could stand. She rarely listened to music, usually preferring audiobooks, but she knew that anything involving focus would be a lost cause; her goal was to drown out her thoughts as much as possible.
She leaned against the window and somehow, miraculously, she slept.
* * *
AARON HURRIED THROUGH the airport looking for the right gate. The plane hadn’t left yet, but it would be taking off any minute. When he saw it ahead, the area was deserted except for a flight attendant, and she rushed him through onto the plane.
Relieved he had made it in time, he hustled onto the plane, put his luggage in the overhead compartment and looked around. The flight wasn’t very full, which was a bit surprising. After a cursory glance, he sat in his seat and buckled his seat belt. In just over three hours he’d be back in Texas, but that was not soon enough. The faster he could get the hell out of Vegas, the better.
He felt angry at nobody in particular, and wanted nothing but to be left alone. He still couldn’t believe what had happened. Jessica had run out that afternoon because of a stupid misunderstanding that was completely his fault.
Once he saw Olivia’s text a few minutes after Jessica had taken off, he realized exactly what must have happened, what she thought. He didn’t blame her for her reaction. After he’d heard what had happened with her last boyfriend, it made perfect sense, and it killed him that he had caused her that kind of pain.
He decided to give her a little time before rushing over. If she was mad, he wanted her to be at least calm enough to listen to him. He spent that time on the phone with Olivia breaking things off for good—he felt like an ass doing it over the phone, but he couldn’t bring himself to go over and see her when things were so confused. After he felt enough time had passed, he’d gone over to Jessica’s hotel and up to her room, only to find nobody there.
Without her phone number, there was nothing he could do but go down to the casino and look for the group of women in the nearest restaurants, hoping they were having dinner somewhere nearby. He wandered around for nearly an hour before going back up to her room, determined to sit outside the door and wait for her.
He had been frustrated by that point, but not at her. He was mad at himself for not talking to her the moment he’d realized he wanted to be more than just an occasional fling.
Sitting on the plane headed back home, he still wasn’t sure what he would’ve said if she had shown up. He had only known that he couldn’t let her disappear out of his life for good. So he had sat there until a woman walked by who looked vaguely familiar. She stopped and looked him up and down slowly. She seemed to like what she saw, because her voice came out as a purr.
“Hey, sweetie. Can I help you with something?”
He didn’t want to be rude, but by that time he was tired and had been looking for so long that his patience had run short. He tilted his head toward the door, his facial expression flat. “I’m here for Jessica.”
“Jessica left a while ago. She had to fly back home. Family trouble.”
With that, he’d been done with Vegas. He felt frustrated that he’d lost his chance to explain, guilty that he had hurt her even inadvertently and appalled that he would never see her again. He considered trying to get her number from the woman but realized that if he’d hurt her enough to make up a reason to leave Vegas early just to get away from him, she probably didn’t want to hear from him, even if he was going to explain.
&nbs
p; She probably wouldn’t even believe him. Her history would make it hard to trust anyone, and that included the guy who she very definitely thought was only interested in no-strings-attached flings. She had a point there, after all. That was the way he’d been for years, and she had spotted it almost immediately. It was too much to expect her to believe in a sudden change of heart.
After his unsuccessful stakeout, he had gone back to his hotel, grabbed his things and headed to the airport. He changed his flight and was glad to watch the lights of Vegas disappear into the distance. He knew things wouldn’t be exactly the same once he got to Texas. After all, he couldn’t go back in time or erase her from his memory.
Still, at least he’d be home.
11
JESSICA WOKE UP just as the plane was starting its descent. She felt a little better, a little more clearheaded, despite her anxiety about her father. She hadn’t gotten much information from her sister, and all she could do was hope she would be back in time. The light of the sunrise streaming through the window told her it would be early morning when they touched down. She had been so busy rushing to change her flight and get on it that she hadn’t considered what time it would land, but she should have expected the evening flight cross-country and the time change to find her arriving the next day.
The moment the plane landed, her phone was out of airplane mode and she was sending and receiving messages.
Renee responded, He’s alive and awake. Get here when you can.
Jessica wiped the few tears from her face. It was very clear, though her sister never said it, that he wouldn’t be around much longer. Even though she’d been prepared for this circumstance for almost a year, it didn’t erase the pain. Her dad was dying and there was nothing she could do but be there holding his hand when he went.
There was also a message from Cindy. Hey, Jess. Went to his room, knocked on the door. Waited, but he didn’t show. I’m so sorry. I’ll try again before the flight. Love you.
Jessica didn’t think she had any emotion left to spare for Aaron with everything going on, but she still felt a stab of pain. There were few good reasons she could think of that would explain his absence, and the possibility seemed much more real that she would, in fact, never see him again.
She couldn’t let herself think about all that. She had enough to deal with already. She left the plane and headed toward the taxis. Normally she would take the subway, but speed was the issue, not expense. Once she was in the vehicle and they were on the way to the hospital, she allowed herself to consider the situation. Her father had been slowly losing his battle for a long time, and though he had been positive and put forth the effort to make things seem less dire, they had known this day was coming.
A small secret part of her knew it was for the best for them all. He had been in so much pain that her mom’s entire life had been put on hold, and she and her sister had avoided doing anything too big, too far away, so that they could be around at a moment’s notice. It was hard to admit, but they’d all needed this moment to arrive.
It didn’t stop it from hurting, though. Her heart felt as if it had been through a wringer during the past twenty-four hours, and she wished there was a way to numb the pain a little. If she had someone to hold her and comfort her, strong arms keeping her close...
Just a few hours ago, she would have tried to stop the fantasy, to avoid the possibility that she would let herself fall into a trap, but now she allowed herself to take comfort in the picture. She mentally curled herself into the crook of his arm, feeling his warmth.
The taxi pulled up to the hospital, and she strode in, directing her steps straight toward the elevator and the room her sister had sent her. She walked steadily, but her mind felt as if it were floating above her body, and the whole situation lacked the feeling of reality.
In the elevator, she took a few deep breaths to try to bring herself back together. It was important to be calm when she saw her family, but it was much more important that she be all there. She didn’t want to ever look back at this time and think she’d glazed over it. It had to stay true to life, no matter how painful.
She walked into the hospital room, and there he was. Her father, obscured somewhat by tubes and other medical devices, looked so much smaller than she pictured him, even though she’d only seen him a few days before.
Renee and her mom moved from their positions at the bedside to hug her. Neither was crying, but their eyes were red and their faces were drawn. It was clear they’d had a rough time. Jessica was sure she didn’t look much better.
Her mom whispered, “The doctors were in here just a little while ago. He’s fading fast, but we’ve got some time still. They’re not sure how much longer he’ll be aware enough to know what’s happening around him. They wanted to give him morphine for the pain, but he didn’t want to take it until after you got back.”
The tears glittered in her mother’s eyes, and Jessica felt a few spill down her own cheeks. She nodded and gave a watery smile. Of course he said that. She would never have forgiven herself if she’d been too late, and he knew that. Family had always been her dad’s number-one priority, and even now he was determined to do what he could to make things better for her.
She walked up to the bed and carefully held the frail hand in both of hers. The year before, he’d been a big, strong man who dwarfed most people. Since then, though, he’d slowly shrunk and shriveled, until she was afraid to squeeze him too tightly. His thick black hair had become light and wispy, and he looked far older than he should have. The change had been hard to watch, but he was still her dad through and through.
He opened his eyes and looked at her, and she saw the corners crinkle as he smiled at her. She smiled back, but her eyes filled with more tears. She was determined not to shed them in front of him, though. The room was quiet except for the machinery working to monitor his status and keep him alive. She spoke softly to him. “Hey, Dad. I’m here.”
His voice was barely a whisper, so she leaned in close to hear him. “Hey, baby. I missed you. Did you have fun?”
She chuckled and shook her head. It was possibly the last time they’d ever speak, and he wanted to make sure she had a good time on her vacation. “Yeah, I had fun. Missed you, though.”
“Sorry you had to cut it short.”
“Vegas was too crazy for me, anyway.”
He squinted slightly at her. “You look different. Good different.”
She rolled her eyes. “Dad, I’m a mess. I’ve gotten almost no sleep for three days.”
“Not that. Something happened. You look...sparkly.”
His voice was so quiet that she wasn’t sure she heard him correctly. “I look sparkly?”
He nodded, his head moving a fraction of an inch up and down. “It suits you. What happened?”
She’d always been able to tell her dad pretty much anything, but she didn’t know how to explain the events from the weekend, and there wasn’t much time left. “I met a guy. He was nice, but it got complicated. I don’t know if I’ll see him again.”
The earnest look in his eyes made her heart clench. “You should. It’s nice to see you happy.”
She sank down into the chair by the bed, not moving her hands from his. Happiness was definitely not one of the emotions she was feeling, but she knew what he meant. “Thanks, Dad.”
He nodded again and closed his eyes. “Love you, baby.”
“Love you, too, Daddy.”
She hoped he understood everything she meant when she said it. She lightly squeezed his hand and rested her forehead on the edge of the bed. She allowed herself to weep silently now that he couldn’t see her.
She cried because he wouldn’t be with her to give her advice anymore, because of how unfair it all was and because all she wanted to do was curl up in someone’s arms, but she was alone.
She
heard her father say her name quietly, and she quickly pulled herself together as much as she could. “What is it, Dad?”
“You’ll be okay, Jessie. I’m not worried about you.”
She closed her eyes and took a shuddering breath, nodding. “Thanks.”
“Call the doctor. I’ll take the medicine now.”
Her mother and sister, who had been standing quietly in the corner of the room moved forward, and the three women huddled together next to his bed. Jessica pressed the call button, and they all three held his hand, waiting silently. He looked each of them in the eye, and his fingers pressed the lightest of squeezes against theirs. He whispered, “I love you so much,” and a single tear slipped down his cheek.
Then he closed his eyes and relaxed his hold. The nurse entered, but none of them looked away from the figure on the bed. Jessica’s mom, her voice calm and firm, said, “You can give him the morphine now.”
* * *
THEY STAYED AT the hospital for two more days, but her dad never regained consciousness. Before he died, Jessica, her mother and her sister each took a few minutes alone to talk to him, despite knowing that he couldn’t hear or respond.
When it was Jessica’s turn, she sat down and held his hand once more. “Hi, Dad.”
She looked at his face. He seemed so peaceful. “I just want you to know I love you. I don’t really know what else to say. You’ve done so much to make my life wonderful. Thank you for everything. I’m going to try to make you proud of me.”
She could practically hear his response to that, and she laughed lightly. “I know you’d say that you’re proud of me no matter what, but you know what I mean. You’ve been telling me these past few months not to let what happened with Russ and your illness affect me, and I finally see what you mean. I didn’t realize I’d been so scared to let anybody get close. I knew I had a wall around my heart, but I couldn’t see how it was hurting me. I’m going to take more risks and keep my heart open, and even if I get hurt again, I’ll be okay.”