by E J Darling
“Lex.” He groaned.
She let go of his arm and grabbed her bouncing breasts, playing with her nipples as he watched, pounding into her harder.
“Don’t you dare fucking stop.” She demanded.
There was no way in hell he’d do that. He couldn’t if he tried. She was so painfully tight but damn she felt good. He released the nape of her neck and used his nails to rake down her body. He didn’t break the skin, but it would have been so easy to do. Lexie did the same; her nails gripped his thighs and ran down the thick meat there. He felt the power he was longing for.
Declan removed himself from her body and gripped her hips, tossing her over on her back. He placed his knees outside of her to hold her in place and pulled her ass up to meet his cock. He didn’t skip a beat and he thrust into her again. He didn’t need guidance. She was so wet and ready that he buried himself inside her easily. He placed a hand just above her ass, and she arched her back.
His hand slid down, his now slightly extended claws raked her back and she whimpered, “Fuck!” He growled. Declan didn’t know if he could do this. He couldn’t go slow or take his time. He wanted her fast and hard. He grabbed her hips, his grip strong and brutal as he held her still and plunged into her. He felt something under his touch though; imperfections in her skin, and Declan released one of his hands and gazed through the dark. They were gashes the size of nails right under his palm and rage boiled inside him.
Who had hurt her? They were so fresh and the bear inside him roared.
It was you. You did this. You were mindless and she was trying to help you. You hurt her.
No. He spoke back. I didn’t. You did this. You made her bleed. You hurt my Lexie.
Declan tried to shake off the thoughts, but the anger only grew inside him. It had been his hands that hurt her whether he had been mindless or not. He was the reason she bled. He knew he couldn’t be kind or gentle. He knew he’d hurt someday but he had hoped he wouldn’t. They were so deep, and she knew exactly what he’d done to her, yet she was still willing to lay with him. Still willing to give her body to him and trust him. Maybe she wasn’t as strong and stable as he thought. Declan bore himself into her then. Unable to do anything else but pleasure her into accepting him. His way of begging for forgiveness.
Her elbows lost their grip and her breasts hit the mattress. The sound of their bodies pounding together, and their panting breaths was the only thing in his mind. Declan wettened two fingers and reached under to play with her clit. He rolled his fingertips around the bud to the same rhythm of his hips and Lexie screamed.
“Oh, fuck! Don’t stop, please.” She begged.
Declan slowed down, withdrawing almost completely and shoving back in again. Over and over.
“Cum for me, Lex. Cum and scream my name again. You’re going to do it over and over until you can’t move.”
Her vaginal walls gripped him tightly and he knew she was so close to coming. He could feel in it every part of his body. His own climax was so close, but he wouldn’t come until she did. He wanted to feel her release as he milked himself inside her.
“Oh shit,” She cried out, just before she clamped down on his dick and her back arched more, giving him more access to her depth. He withdrew and rolled his hips one more time causing her to yell out his name one last time. “Declan!”
He fell down around her and his mouth instinctually went for her neck. He teeth gripped her soft skin and he bit down. But stopped himself. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t take her life away from her. Waves of extasy washed over his body, flooding every bit of his senses. He slowed down more and relished in the feel of Lexie, as he emptied himself inside of her. His orgasm ran through him and it took every single bit of strength to let go of her and reel himself back in.
Declan leaned up just enough to run a rough hand over her back, squeezing her skin and doing everything he could not to draw blood. Still, in this moment of passion, he couldn’t be gentle. He’d been so rough with her. Bruises were beginning to mar her pale skin and guilt ate at him.
Lexie collapsed under him and Declan rolled to the side. They panted and laid there in the cold air. The logs must be dying in the fire and he needed to build it up if they were going to be comfortable up here. The wind hit the side of the cabin and he was reminded of the harsh conditions that lay just outside the small window of his loft.
“That was fucking incredible.” Lexie whispered, still trying to catch her breath. There was a playful hint in her voice and the sound made his lips pull at the sides into a soft smile. A smile. He didn’t do much of that anymore.
“Mmm.” He hummed. Declan rolled over and pulled Lexie closer to him. His fingers delicately caressed her skin and touched the scabs that he couldn’t remember causing. “When did I do this?”
“It doesn’t matter.” She said with a smile and pulled his hand to her lips, kissing it and spreading out his fingers with her own. She threaded them together and tucked them under to body, purposefully preventing him for going anywhere. “You didn’t mean it. You were… scared.”
That was a word, but it wasn’t the right one and he knew she didn’t mean it. She meant she had been scared but refused to admit it. “I’m not whole, Lex. I’m torn up inside and I doubt that will ever change. What we’re doing here is just prolonging the inevitable. The monster inside me wants out. He wants you, but I won’t let him have you if I can help it.” He leaned in and kissed her shoulder. “You’re too good to be cursed like I have.”
“Mmm.” She hummed, mimicking his response. “I’m not too good for anything, Declan. I’m just me, Alexis Porter. And I walk this earth alone.”
Declan snuggled in close and tighten his hold on her. He loved the feeling of having her close. She wanted to be here and didn’t make excuses to get up or leave. Lexie was content being right next him and that said more than he cared to admit.
It meant that he wasn’t the reason Autumn couldn’t stick around. It meant he hadn’t been that hard to love in the first place. He could have done everything right and Autumn would still be gone. Declan froze as his mind wandered to the dark pieces that made him manic. Made him lose his sanity time and time again.
Autumn.
He closed his eyes and opened them back up. Dark hair still lay on the pillow in front of him and his arm still wrapped around Lexie’s calm body. He was still here, and his own body was calm with her.
Lexie.
He could remember her name. Her face. He inhaled and the familiar scent filled his nose.
He was still here with her.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Declan tossed the last two logs into the fireplace. The cabin was freezing cold, but the sun was coming up now and he was determined to get to work. He laced up his boots and finished buttoning his thick flannel shirt.
“You look like a lumberjack.” A sleepy voice crooned from the loft.
Declan looked up to see Lexie’s messy hair, flush face, and easy smile. She was beautiful in the morning. And in the afternoon. And in the evening after going four rounds with him under a wolf skin blanket. Each time he’d touched her it had gotten easier, softer. He’d learned to be gentle with each opportunity she’d given him.
“You’re supposed to stay in bed and keep warm. I think that’s what I told you anyway.” He smiled.
“Well believe it or not, you were the only thing keeping me warm. This place is freezing, and I need a full body suit and this blanket to get warm.”
“I’m going out to chop wood now for the fire. I’ll get it warmed up in here soon enough.” He pulled on his beanie and stood from the couch. “Get some clothes on and try to stay warm until then.”
The wind had died down sometime in the early morning, but the next storm was going to roll in soon enough, and there was a lot of work to do before then. Declan picked up the ax that rested against the wall and opened the door. He stepped out in the deep snow; glad he had proper clothes on this time and threw the cutter over his shoulder.
“Dammit.” He cursed. “I really do look like a God damn lumberjack.”
Declan wiped the sweat that formed over his brow. Even in the freezing ass cold he was still able to manage soaking his shirt. His log pile was growing quickly, and he thanked Mother Nature for giving him a few hours of calm before she started up again.
He shouldn’t have let it get this bad. He should have kept up with the place better and maybe he wouldn’t have fallen so deep into his mind. That wasn’t how it worked but he liked to pretend that this whole thing was something he could have controlled, and maybe he could have. He could have been stronger minded, but he wasn’t. You’d think years of being abandoned and alone would have brought him up to be more tolerant but that wasn’t the case. No. It had been the reason for the insanity.
Declan brought his ax down on the last log, left the ax stuck in the stump, and placed the split pieces on the pile. He looked around him. Everything was covered in perfectly untouched snow, from the trees surrounding him to the distant mountain peaks.
“It sure is beautiful up here during Christmas time.” Lexie’s soft voice startled him and pulled him out of his thoughts. “This place called to my father, but he never got to come.”
She stood in the doorway, a mug of coffee in her hand and she wore a pair of his sweatpants that were much too large, and one of his flannel shirts peeked out from under her thick coat. She’d shucked on her winter boots and looked as warm as she could get. Looking at Lexie in his clothes made his dick jump and all he could do was stare at her.
“Is that why you’re up here?”
“I was supposed to be on vacation.” She chuckled and took a sip from her mug, “But if you asked anyone that knew me, they’d tell you it’s for closure maybe, or peace of mind. But they’re wrong.”
“What do you want to call it?” He asked.
She seemed to ponder his question and stayed silent for a moment. She took another sip and rested her head on the frame, looking out to the tundra before her. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I think anymore. This was supposed to be a Christmas vacation. A tree. A book. No one to talk to me and ask me if I’m okay every hour. Ask me how I’m holding up.”
Declan nodded his head. He could understand that enough. He’d never had anyone ask him if he was okay after his loss. No one had ever cared that much about him to wonder.
“I just wanted to get away and I picked the one place my dad always wanted to go.” She shrugged and closed her eyes. Declan could see the tears streaming down her face and he stepped towards her, wanting to comfort her. Hold her in his arms. The snow crunched under his boot and she started. “Don’t.” Her voice was cold, and her hands went up in defense. “Don’t touch me.”
“Lexie,” He begged.
“No. Don’t touch me.” She said again and crossed her arms over her body. “I need a minute and I don’t need to be coddled.”
He didn’t know what was going on with her, but he would respect her wish. It took everything in him to hold back but he did. Declan stepped back and sat on the stump where he’d been cutting logs. Lexie didn’t move so he just watched her, silently killing himself over the fact that he couldn’t touch her.
Long moments passed, but Lexie finally looked up at him. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Yes.” He didn’t even hesitate. He’d give her anything she asked of him right now just to help her.
“Who’s Autumn?”
…
“No. Don’t touch me.” Lexie crossed her arms over her body in an attempt to comfort herself. She didn’t want Declan’s sympathy. She’d had enough of it to last a lifetime, “I need a minute and I don’t’ need to be coddled.”
Lexie closed her eyes and tried to fight back the memories of the accident. Declan had opened up something inside her that she’d come up here to forget and now all her control was slipping away. He wanted to know more about her, that was normal, but the last thing she wanted to do is rehash the same shit she did with everyone she knew. She wanted to start fresh and get away from everyone that pitied her.
She opened her eyes and looked to the beautiful wonder in front of her. It would be a perfect place to lose herself and never come home. There would be no one to talk to but Declan and she’d never have to go back to the place that carried so much heartbreak. Everything back home was a reminder and a memory from her childhood. A stark contrast to this mountain cabin and these woods. Declan didn’t know shit about her, and she liked it that way.
Something strange opened inside her and Lexie looked back to Declan. He sat there, patiently waiting for her to work through her mind, but she tried to think of anything she knew about the man. She’d opened up about herself but there he sat, an enigma.
“Can I ask you a question?”
He replied immediately, “Yes.”
“Who’s Autumn?”
Lexie knew the question was an invasion, but she wanted to know the man she’d slept with. The man that she was stuck in a cabin with for who knew how long. The man that had treated her right by all accounts but was starting to become an enigma with every passing moment. She’d let out some details of her life but all he seemed to do was go crazy and start rambling, and that was the only time she’d gotten a snippet into his life.
Declan just sat there. His eyes had hit the ground in front of him the moment the question had left her lips and he hadn’t looked up since. But she wasn’t going to back down. It was in her head now and she wouldn’t be able to relax until she knew something about him.
“Is she dead?” Lexie wanted her answers, but she wouldn’t lie to herself. The enigma he may be, she was no doubt falling for the man and wanted to know if she was fighting for his attention with another woman. She wouldn’t be a side bitch to anyone, not even a muscle packed lumberjack looking sexpot like Declan.
He nodded his answer, but she wanted more. “How? Did the wolves kill her?” He nodded again and pinched his nose as he rested his elbow on his knee. He wasn’t going to go crazy now. He was going to stay right here with her and talk. Talk about it all.
“Tell me now or I’m walking out of this place and never coming back.”
His head flew up and the look of desperation was written on his face. He obviously didn’t like that threat. “Don’t leave. Please.”
“Then tell me. Tell me the truth so I can stay.”
“You won’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
Declan stared at her for just a moment before he spoke. “The wolves that brought you here used to be just like me. They were men once, maybe a few of them were even good men, but years of mountain living, and harsh conditions have turned them into something else entirely. They rely purely on their animals for survival now and until you showed up, I was not far behind them.”
“You’re nothing like them, Declan. They’re animals and you’re…”
“An animal.”
The tone of his voice sent chills up her body. It didn’t sound like him. It was gruff and terrifying, like someone else was speaking through his mouth. It wasn’t new to her though. If she just thought for a moment, she could think of a dozen other times he’d sounded like that and she had ignored it. He’d growled in the shower and maybe even more times than she could remember. Lexie could have imagined it though. This could all be some elaborate prank on his part to scare her, but the way he looked at her like he was begging her, willing her to believe him, is what scared her more. This was real to him. This was the part of him that she’d wanted to see and was now more intrigued by it all. She wanted to know more. She wanted to know all of it.
“Prove it.” Those two tiny words changed something in Declan. His pleading eyes morphed into something dark and his mouth twisted into a smile that instantly brought back all the fear she’d tried to suppress.
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me, Lex.” His voice stayed deep and harsh. “The animal inside me isn’t some starving wolf with an attitude problem. He’s worse and
it’s getting hard to control him. He’s crazy, Lexie. If you knew the things he wanted to do to you, then you would run now. You’d run as far as you could away from here and never look back, and I wouldn’t blame you. But he’d hunt you down. This bruin inside me would never let you leave.” Declan stood from his stump and took two steps closer to Lexie. She wanted to back away but the way he looked at her had her legs weak and her body ready. He looked at her like she was the only important thing in his life. Like the air she breathed was more important than his. Something about this man had her melting at his words and her insides were pawing at him like a sex-crazed cat.
His words were terrifying, she wouldn’t deny that, but the way he spoke and looked at her made her want to trust him. Declan was a siren, drawing her in with each syllable and once she got close enough, he’d pull her into the depths with him. “He wants you. For forever and always until death takes us both. I fear the moment you step out my door I won’t have control anymore, Lexie. He’s so close to the surface that I can feel his claws under my skin. Everything is heightened all the time and I can’t get away from his madness. Unless, I look at you.” He stepped closer once more until only a foot separated them. She looked into his eyes, but she couldn’t move, and he didn’t reach out for her. “The moment your eyes hit mine, the moment your voice hits my ears, he gets quiet and I can finally think. You’ve quickly become the high I will be chasing the rest of my short life.”
One more step and Declan wrapped his arms around her. It wasn’t desperate or quick. It was slow and begged her for acceptance. She allowed it, wanting the touch just as much as he did at this moment. She’d asked him for space, and he’d given it for as long as he could stand. “To answer your question. Autumn was taken from me by her own doing. She was broken and the madness was too much for her. She didn’t look to me to anchor herself like I have done with you. She couldn’t love me. She was pack through and through and that’s what got her killed.”