by Cynthia Eden
I love you. Completely. And that was terrifying. “If you died tomorrow, what do you think I’d do?”
She blinked.
“If I’d gotten to that fucking pit in the Everglades five minutes later and that bastard had taken your heart…what do you think I would’ve done?”
“Julian—”
“Anything. I’d do anything to get you back.” That was the part that tore him up. “You say I’m not like Simon. You’re right. In some ways, I’m worse. Because I wouldn’t have fucking dicked around like he did. I would have moved heaven and hell immediately to get you back. I would have traded any life to have you back. You think I wouldn’t kill an innocent to get back the woman I love?”
“You love me?”
Always. “I would kill anyone. I would trade anything…I would do everything to get you back. Because I am a monster in my soul. And monsters aren’t supposed to love because when we do, we just destroy. The love we feel is selfish and addictive and it’s not right for you.”
She shook her head. “No, you don’t get to say what’s right.”
“I mated you, and I didn’t even tell you!”
Her eyes widened. “Wh-what?”
“When we made love, I bit you. I marked you.” His hand slid from hers and touched her on the shoulder. That sweet curve that led up to her neck. His fingers trailed over her silken skin. “When you mark here, that’s a mating bite for my kind. Fucking binding as marriage. I’m locked to you, tied to you now for the rest of my life. I won’t ever be happy with anyone else.” He’d never feel so much as a flicker of desire for anyone else. He couldn’t. He was mated and that meant that he belonged—body and soul—to her.
“I don’t really want you happy with anyone else,” she muttered.
She didn’t get it.
“If you were a shifter, the marking would have just condemned us both to a life where we were always tied to one another. If you left me, you’d mourn for me. Your body would hurt because you needed me close to you.” He exhaled. “But you’re not a shifter, thankfully. So the rules that apply to me…they won’t apply to you. You can walk away. You can be happy without me. You can have a life that isn’t tied to a monster.”
“And what about you? Will you be happy without me?”
Never. “I will be happy…knowing that you’re safe. Knowing that you have a life that suits you better.”
“You’re…you’re telling me to walk away.”
He was trying to get her to run away. “Being noble isn’t something I do well.” Or at all, usually. “I am the monster in the closet. The one that little kids are supposed to fear. I’m a nightmare, and I don’t know how to handle anything good.” His hand lingered against her skin. “When I try, I destroy it.” Just like he’d destroyed her. “You need someone better than me. You need to go…you need to just…leave, Rose. Live your life.”
“Without you.” She shook her head. Tears gleamed in her beautiful eyes. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because, for once, I want to put someone else first. I don’t want to be like Simon. I don’t want to take and take and take…until there is nothing left of you.”
A tear slid down her cheek. “But I thought…”
He forced a hard smile. “That we’d get a happy ending? That’s not for people like me. The ending I wanted…I wanted a redo for you. I wanted Leo to make you human again, and then I was going to get him to make you forget me.”
She sucked in a sharp breath. “What?”
“We weren’t going to be together when this story ended. You were going to have your life, and I was just going to be a bad dream that faded away when you woke up at dawn.”
“You were going to do that—to me?” And she jerked away from him. She fumbled with the door, and she shoved it open, sending a crack snaking along the glass with the force she used. “You bastard!”
She jumped out of the chopper. He didn’t follow her.
“You don’t get to decide my life! I’ve learned to be a vampire and you know why? Not because I’m evil or dark or any crap like that…but because I’m strong.” Her hand gripped the door. “I’m strong enough to keep going even when I was so terrified of the world around me. I’m strong enough that I learned to hunt, learned to live a whole new life. If I didn’t want this, I could have given up at any moment. You think Luke didn’t offer me a way out?”
“What?” Shock froze his heart. No, no, Luke would not have done that. He’d known just how desperate Julian was for Rose, how much he cared for her. He would not have offered her death.
“When I opened my eyes, he immediately started telling me the ways that I could die. He was giving me an out right then.”
Julian shook his head. No, Luke had just been warning her…hadn’t he? Doubt gnawed at him as he started to see the past with different eyes.
“And he came to me later…when I was so afraid of killing someone else, and he had a wooden stake with him. He told me…he told me that I wouldn’t even feel the pain, if that was what I wanted.”
For an instant, the whole world went dark. Rose—dead? Luke had gone to her with a stake. I will kill him. “The sonofabitch never told me—”
“That he offered me death? He did, but I didn’t want death. I wanted to keep living. I chose to keep going. It’s been my choice all along. Just like you have been. I want you, Julian. I love you. Beast or man, it’s the same to me. You are the same.”
“Rose…”
“It’s time for you to make a choice.” She let go of the door and stepped back. “If you want me, then we’re looking to the future. There is no more guilt and no more regret. No more fear, not for either of us.”
She still didn’t get it. “I will destroy you.” As he’d destroyed others. He didn’t get out of the chopper. If he got out, he’d touch her. If he touched her, he’d be lost. She’d be lost. I’m mated to her. There will never be another for me. But she still has a chance. Why couldn’t she see that? “I’m good for one thing in this world.” He looked down at his hands and saw the claws that had sprung forth. “Killing. It was what I was born to do. It’s what I’ve spent years doing. That shouldn’t touch you. That blood and death—”
Her husky laughter cut him off. “Oh, Julian…I’m a vampire, blood and death are my life. They are the only things I know.”
Because of him.
His breath sighed out. “I stayed away from you…because I didn’t want to hurt you. I need you too much. I want you too much. When other men are near you…” He looked over at her. “I want to rip them apart.”
She stared back at him. “That’s called jealousy. It’s normal.”
It was normal for a human. “My control is razor thin when it comes to you. Others might want to rip apart another male who comes too close, but I can actually do it. It wouldn’t even take effort. One swipe of my claws, and death follows.”
“You wouldn’t do it.”
That was where she was wrong. He just stared back at her, willing her to see him for who he truly was.
“Why can’t you see?” Now her voice was sad. “You’re looking in a broken mirror. That’s not who you are.”
It was exactly who he was. “You should step away from the helicopter.”
A furrow appeared between her brows. “What?” Her eyes widened. “You’re leaving me?”
He was setting her free. There was a difference.
“You bastard! I love you, and you’re walking—flying—away from me?”
He didn’t speak.
She did. “I never thought you were a coward.” Her words were low, but he heard them clearly. “You’re afraid, aren’t you? So afraid of what could happen that you won’t let us have a chance together.”
It wasn’t a matter of could. The past spoke for itself. The past—their past. Her death. Because of him. And the whole tangled shit with the Collector? It went back to him. Julian had gotten her turned into a vampire. If he hadn’t done that, she never would have been on the Coll
ector’s radar. She never would have been living with monsters.
“You blame yourself for everything, don’t you?”
“For all the pain you’ve felt…” And there had been so much since she’d ended her human life. “Yes,” he rasped. “It’s on me. It will always be on me. I can’t undo it, but I can stop it from happening again. I can make sure that I don’t cause you to suffer more. When you walk away from me, you’ll be safe.”
“And what will you be?”
Empty. Broken. Alone.
A killer. “What I was always meant to be.”
Her hair began to blow, tossing back against her face. Her clothes pressed to her body. He hadn’t yet made the helicopter blades spin, so that rush of wind wasn’t coming from him. If it wasn’t from him…oh, bugger. “Rose, get back in the chopper.” He lunged for her.
“Now you want me back?” she demanded and retreated a step. “I’ve had a really shitty day, so you need to make up your mind, panther.”
Leo landed at her side. “We had a deal.” His face was flushed and twisted in anger. “And no one breaks my deals.”
Rose spun toward him.
He locked her into his arms and shot into the sky.
“No!” Julian bellowed. No, that SOB wasn’t supposed to take her away. He slapped at the controls and the blades began to spin, faster and faster. The chopper lifted into the air and he raced after Leo.
Chapter Eighteen
Leo landed on a beach—a star-shrouded beach that was far too familiar to Rose. “Luke’s island?” She jerked away from him and her shoes sank into the wet sand. The waves rolled onto the beach. “What, do you seriously have a death wish or something?”
“Maybe.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I also don’t have much time. Your lover would have found a damn chopper to use so he’ll be here soon. Another problem to deal with.”
“You aren’t hurting him!”
He sighed. “You don’t want me to hurt him, he doesn’t want you hurt…this love thing is so annoying.”
Rose glared at him. “What do you want? Why did you take me?”
“He took you…because of me.”
Rose spun at that soft, sad voice, and she saw the angel step from the shadows. Luke was right by her side. Actually, he was penning Lila to his side.
“Good,” Leo snapped when he saw his twin. “At least someone knows how to hold up a deal.” He motioned to Luke. “I get the angel, you get the vamp, and we’re squared away.”
Lila shuddered.
“She doesn’t want to go back,” Rose said, whirling to glare at Leo. “You heard her before! You can’t make her go back.”
“You don’t understand what’s happening here.” He raked his hand through his hair. “Her mind…she’s confused. Angels can’t handle the load of emotions that humans—and other paranormals—have. She’s feeling, for the first time ever, and Lila doesn’t understand how dangerous that can be.”
“I understand plenty,” Lila responded. Her voice was lilting and warm. Exactly the voice that Rose imagined an angel would possess. “You’re the one who doesn’t get it. You think you can make things right, but it’s too late.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I can’t let it be. I can’t fail you.” He pointed to Luke. “Send her to me, and I’ll send the vampire over—with the same gift I always promised Julian she would get.”
Gift? “No,” Rose said, then she shouted, “No! I don’t want any gift from you. I don’t want a human life. I don’t want any kind of magical do-over. I want what I’ve got.” In the distance, she heard the whir of an approaching helicopter. “I won’t change.”
“Rose…” Luke’s voice drifted to her. “Are you sure? Do you know what you’re giving up?”
She knew. She turned to face Luke. “Shifters aren’t supposed to love humans. That’s one of your precious rules, right?”
He gave a grim nod. “Shifters are too brutal, they can’t—”
“They can love vampires, though. Can’t they? Because a vampire can handle a beast.”
Leo’s hand curled around her shoulder. “You’d give up my gift for a shifter? You’d lose your life for him?”
He didn’t understand. The angel was right. He was the confused one. “I’m not giving up anything. I’m choosing. And I’m choosing him.” Julian had just better stop being a dumbass and choose her in return. She turned her head and stared at the angel. “So there’s no trade here. Lila is free.”
Luke exhaled. “I wish that were the case.” He rolled back his shoulders. “But I hold no dominion over the light. He does.” His eyes glowed in the dark. “I thought you still wanted to be human, Rose, so when Leo came to me, desperate because the angel had vanished with Rayce, I found them. I brought them back here.”
A growl came from the darkness. Rayce’s growl. “A shitty move,” Rayce called out.
Leo inched closer to the angel.
Rose heard the pop and crack of bones. Somewhere in those shadows, Rayce was transforming.
“I hold no dominion over her,” Luke said again. “But he does…and since I’ve brought her here…”
“She’ll be leaving with me.” Leo rushed toward the angel with a burst of speed. His hand reached out to grab her, but a giant white wolf appeared in his path.
And that wolf snapped at Leo’s hand.
Leo yelled and jerked back, narrowly avoiding those razor-sharp teeth.
The wolf stood guard in front of the angel.
“Angel!” Leo bellowed.
The whir of the helicopter blades was even louder. Rose felt the rush of air against her back. The chopper was landing.
“Angel, come to me!” Leo ordered.
Lila took a wrenching step forward, as if she were a puppet, being pulled on a string.
Luke said he had no dominion over her. Leo controls her. She has to do what he says.
The wolf whined and bumped against her, but the angel kept walking with those hard, lurching steps.
“You tricked me,” Luke said to his brother, and his voice crackled with anger. “You knew that Rose didn’t want to go back, didn’t you? But you couldn’t find the angel. You had to get her close enough to hear your voice so you could control her. You used me.” His eyes didn’t just glow now. They blazed.
Leo opened his hand to Lila.
She shook her head, but her hand rose, as if she’d take his. As soon as they touched, Rose knew Leo would spirit the angel away.
It’s not right. It’s not what she wants.
The wolf howled as he shifted back into the form of a man. “Let her go, you bastard!” Rayce demanded and then he was flying across the sand.
The wind pounded into Rose’s back. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Julian bounding from the helicopter. “Rose!” Julian screamed. “No, you can’t take her!”
But Leo wasn’t there to take her. He was about to take the angel who shook as she reached for his hand. The angel who wasn’t being given the choice she wanted.
Screw this.
Leo was worried about the threat coming from Rayce, but Rose was the one standing closest to him. And had he learned nothing from their last little episode? She shoved the angel to the ground and Rose was the one who grabbed Leo’s hand. She jerked his wrist forward and her teeth sank into him. His blood pulsed into her mouth, hot and powerful, just like before.
“No!” Julian bellowed. “Rose, please, no!”
It was too late. She’d attacked. Leo yanked back beneath her touch but she didn’t let him go.
“Angel, get out of here!” Rayce yelled. “Fly away—now!”
Now…while Leo was distracted.
Now…while Leo was weak.
But…oddly…she was the one who felt weak.
Rose and Leo both fell to the ground, their knees hitting the sand. She still didn’t let him go.
She heard the rush of wings. That would be the angel, flying to safety. Getting far enough away from Leo that he couldn’t control her.
And then she felt hands on her. Strong, warm hands that were tipped with claws. Those hands pulled her away from Leo. She blinked and found herself staring up at Julian. She tried to smile for him.
Fear had deepened the lines on his face. “Oh, love, what did you do?”
She’d…helped.
“You’re dead,” Leo rasped.
Julian lifted her into his arms. “Watch your fucking mouth, bastard.” Julian’s hold tightened on her.
Leo surged to his feet. His blood dripped into the sand. “That vamp is dead!” He lunged for her and Julian, but Luke blocked him.
The twins faced off.
“I think you’re mistaken,” Luke murmured, his voice as gentle as a breeze. “You see…Rose is a vampire. That means she’s under my dominion. A creature of the dark. You have no say about what happens to her. And if you so much as twitch in her direction…we’ll finally have that battle that has been prophesized for centuries.”
The waves crashed onto the shore.
Fire began to burn inside of Rose’s body. Just like before…just like when she’d had Leo’s blood in her and it had started to burn her up, from the inside out. “J-Julian?” Now she was the one afraid.
He stared down at her, and his bright eyes were all she could see. Everything else was getting too dark.
“She wasn’t supposed to have my blood!” Leo yelled. “It is poison! She barely survived once—it will hit her even harder this time. She’s dying! I wasn’t threatening her—I was telling you what’s happening. She’s dead—and there is nothing either of us can do for her now!”
Julian’s hold tightened on her.
She wanted to smile for him.
She couldn’t.
“Love…don’t go,” he whispered.
“I…choose…” She had to say this. He needed to always know. “You.”
***
Her fangs were gone.
“Why doesn’t the vamp have fangs anymore?” Rayce muttered.
Because something was fucking wrong.