by Kay Bigelow
Lauren shook her head.
After a minute, Alex asked, “Who broke your heart?”
“Sandy. We knew she’d probably die first, but it was still a shock. At first, I was angry with her for not saying goodbye. I eventually moved through my grief with the help of a wonderful therapist and got to the place where I could remember all the good things about our time together.”
“I’m sorry for your loss. How long had you been together?” Alex asked.
“Twenty-four years. She was forty-one when we met. I’ll do the math for you,” Lauren said with a smile. “She was twenty years older than me. So I know what problems a May-December couple face.”
“But you also know they can work since you were together for twenty-four years. I’m glad you told me that. It gives me hope you won’t reject me just because I’m younger than you. Why hasn’t there been any one since Sandy?”
“No time and no one rocked my boat.”
“Do I rock your boat?” Alex whispered.
“You have no idea.”
Alex was silent for a few minutes and watched Lauren. Finally, she said, “Our respective ages are no longer an issue and I rock your boat. So what’s holding you back?”
When Lauren didn’t answer immediately, Alex said, “Okay, let me ask another question while you overthink that one.”
****
“What’s your question?” Lauren asked.
“Can I have another cup of coffee?”
Lauren snorted out a very undignified laugh. She hadn’t been expecting that question. “Of course,” she said. “Do you want the same thing?”
“Sure.”
Lauren went into the kitchen and stood staring out into the backyard. What am I getting myself into here? Is this something I really want or is my attraction to Alex predicated on her attraction to me?
She opened the drawer holding the Keurig pods and studied the selection, not really seeing the labels. Lauren didn’t hear Alex come up behind her, but her surprise was quickly calmed when Alex put her arms around Lauren’s waist and nuzzled Lauren’s neck. Lauren could feel the softness of Alex’s lips and the warmth of her breath. Good God, I’m wet just from her kissing my neck. What the hell is going to happen when we make love? She leaned her head back onto Alex’s shoulder and savored the feeling of being held again.
Alex stepped away and turned Lauren so she was facing her. She raised her hand to the back of Lauren’s neck and slowly drew her in, never taking her eyes from Lauren’s. When Alex was about to kiss her, Lauren closed her eyes. She felt Alex’s lips barely touching her own in the softest, most sensuous kiss she’d ever experienced. Lauren opened her lips slightly to invite her in. She felt Alex’s tongue exploring her lips and then dipping into her mouth. Lauren’s heart started beating harder and she felt her knees becoming weak. If she doesn’t stop, I’m going to slide down the cabinet into a puddle of viscous desire.
Lauren finally noticed Alex was breathing as hard as she was.
Alex took a step away and asked, “Are you okay?”
“No. Yes. Kind of.”
“Why are you okay?”
“Oh, my God, Alex. You need to ask? You kissed me like no one ever has.”
Alex smiled, apparently pleased at the compliment. “Then how come you’re not okay?”
It was Lauren’s turn to smile. “You kissed me like no one ever has.”
“And that’s a bad thing? And a good thing?”
“No, not a bad thing. An unexpected thing,” she said. “A magical moment,” she whispered.
“Lauren, I want to kiss you for the next fifty years. Please don’t say no to me.”
“Oh, my.”
Lauren put her hand on Alex’s chest, not to push her away, but to maintain contact with her.
“I’m flustered, I hunger for you, I want to be with you,” Lauren said
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely sure.”
Chapter Nine
“Where do we go from here then?” Alex asked.
“Where do you want it to go from here?” Lauren asked.
“I want to go upstairs to your bed, but I don’t want you thinking that’s my ultimate goal.”
“What is your ultimate goal?”
“To be with you for the rest of our lives.”
Lauren didn’t respond immediately. Alex watched Lauren carefully, looking for any signs she’d gone too far. But except for a very brief glance away, there was nothing. Alex was bothered by that glance, however. What was that? Was it panic? Oh, shit. Slow this down. Don’t scare her away. Remember, too, you haven’t told her about Lucia yet.
While she wasn’t entirely sure about Lauren’s feelings, the mere thought of having to tell Lauren about Lucia stopped her in her tracks. Alex put her hand over Lauren’s where it lay on her sternum and held it there.
“I’m sorry, Lauren. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“I’m not scared, Alex, truly I’m not. I haven’t yet been able to get my head around you wanting to be with me.”
“What? Why not? Have I not been clear that I want you to be in my life for a very long time? Do you not get that I’m falling in love with you?”
“I hear your words, Alex, but for some reason they aren’t computing in my head.”
“Why not?”
“Oh, come on. You’re young, young enough to be my daughter. You’re drop-dead gorgeous. You could have any woman you want. And yet here you are standing in front of me. Me! Good Lord, what are you thinking?”
“Wow,” was all Alex could think of to say. “Let me try to explain this to you.”
“Can we not do this in the kitchen? Come with me.”
Lauren led them from the kitchen to her study in the back of the house. They again sat on the couch facing one another. Alex took Lauren’s hand.
“I’ve always been attracted to older women. Women my own age seem like they’re not yet fully formed. I picture them like the prototype of who’ll they’ll become, like a sculptor’s unfinished work, a fairly good image of what the final piece will become but easily changed with a tweak here or there. Somewhere in their forties, women begin to solidify into who they should be. And in their fifties, women become who they always were supposed to be from the day they were born. I don’t want to be part of their progress toward who they will be. I want to be with a woman who knows who she is, what she wants, and has no qualms about either of those. Am I making any sense at all to you?”
“I think so. I’m fascinated by the image you’ve drawn. I need to think about what you’ve said.”
“That’s fair. Let me continue clarifying for you. I want more than a one-night stand. I can have those, and have, but I want substance in my relationship. I want to know there’s a future with the woman I choose to be with. I want to build something solid with someone I love and who understands me. I don’t want to just be someone’s eye candy. Most importantly, I want you,” Alex said.
“But why do you want me?
“God, it is so obvious to me that I’m having a hard time getting my head around the fact that you don’t see how special you are,” Alex said. “Give me a second.”
Alex was studying Lauren, trying to find the words needed to make Lauren understand what Alex saw in her.
“Lauren, I’m impressed you had a career doing something you loved. I’m even more impressed that you had the courage and fortitude to walk away from it when it was no longer making you happy. That took guts and not many people can, or will, do that. You’re as tough as nails on the outside, an image that has undoubtedly served you well over the years, but inside you bleed for the underdog, regardless of the species. I bet you cry at photos of hurt animals or children in awful circumstances. I bet you donate to causes like the ASPCA and local animal shelters. You probably heavily support the local children’s hospital and other charities that help the helpless. Am I wrong?”
****
Lauren was stunned Alex knew her so well so quickly. Ever
ything Alex had said about her was true. She did donate to those charities. She did support the children’s hospital. She did cry during some commercials. How did she know all that? And, equally important, can she be trusted with my heart?
Clearly, though, Lauren had no idea where to go with her feelings for Alex. She wanted to take Alex upstairs to her bed and, at the same time, didn’t want to go upstairs. She was a mass of contradictions, and had no way to deal with them with Alex sitting at the other end of the couch.
Lauren knew Alex was watching as Lauren reacted to what she’d said.
“So,” Alex said. “Why don’t we date? Get to know each other, face down those people who don’t understand or approve of May/December relationships, decide what we want to do with the rest of our lives.”
“Just date?” Lauren asked, not at all sure that’s what she wanted.
“Yes, just date. Until you’re ready to take me to bed.”
I’m ready, I’m ready right now.
For a lack of anything else to say, and feeling the need to say something, Lauren said, “You know, the woman at Hudson’s you were talking to when we were there said you were a player and had broken dozens of hearts here in town.”
Alex laughed. “How long have you had that question in reserve?”
“Since she told me.”
“So you want to know if I have left a string of broken hearts behind me as I wander through town? The answer is no. I haven’t slept with every woman in town. In fact, I haven’t slept with anyone in town, including that woman. I had coffee with her, she wanted more, I wasn’t interested, and she didn’t like my answer.”
“Are you telling me you’ve been celibate since your accident?”
“No. And, before you ask, at first, I was grieving for Natalia, and there were several one-night stands and, with most of them, I didn’t even bother asking their names. Then, I became aware of a feeling someone was headed my way. I can’t explain the feeling, but I was sure I would know her when I met her. None of the women I met were her. Then, you walked into the library. As I watched you looking at the stained glass window, I knew you were the woman I was supposed to meet and love. And here I am trying to convince you to give me a chance to love you and for you to love me in return.”
“You’ve been revirginized.”
“Revirginized? Is that even a real word? What does it mean?”
Lauren laughed. “No, it’s not, but it serves the purpose, don’t you think? It means you’ve become a virgin again.”
“Yeah, it does.”
Serena came into the room to let Lauren know she needed to go out. Lauren took her out through the kitchen and stood on the porch waiting for Serena while giving herself some time to process what was going on in the study. She’d been handed a lot to think about and didn’t really know what she felt about any of it. When Alex joined her, she didn’t hold Lauren like she had earlier. Lauren was disappointed.
“How are you doing?”
“You’ve given me so much to think about, but I’m trying not to overthink any of it. Some of it I’m sure of, some not so sure.”
“What are you sure about?”
“I’m sure your idea of us dating is a good one. I’m sure I want to know you better, and I’m sure I want to make love with you. The rest, I think, is extraneous.”
“You want to make love to me?”
“Why in the world do you sound so damned surprised?” Lauren asked.
“I’m not sure, really. It’s just that I think because we both want to make love, if you were a different person we’d be upstairs doing it right now.”
“I’m not sure whether to be insulted or…or something else.”
Alex surprised Lauren by holding out her hand. Lauren knew exactly what that meant. If she took Alex’s hand, she would be acquiescing to going upstairs. If Lauren didn’t take her hand, it would mean Lauren was the prude Alex might be thinking she was. Alex, undoubtedly, knew what her hesitation was about. She leaned in and kissed Lauren lightly on the lips.
“It’s time I headed home. Mustn’t sully our reputations,” Alex said with a smile.
“It’s early yet,” Lauren murmured, not caring what the time was. Whatever the time, it was too early for Alex to be going home.
“Can we get together tomorrow night?” Alex asked.
“Of course.”
Alex led the way into the living room and went straight to the front door.
Lauren went to her and kissed her on the cheek. She took a step away and held out her hand. They both knew what that meant.
“Are you sure?” Alex asked.
“Don’t overthink this,” Lauren said with a smile.
Still, Alex hesitated. Did I just call her bluff? Lauren couldn’t tell, but Alex was hesitating. Lauren couldn’t help herself as she smiled knowing that’s exactly what she’d done.
Lauren stepped closer to Alex and took her into her arms and held her tight. “When you’re ready, let me know,” Lauren whispered.
When Alex pulled back from Lauren, she said, “I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about,” Lauren said.
“There is.”
“Alex Aoki, if you’re thinking of running away, you’d better think twice. Don’t make me drag you upstairs and have my way with you.” Lauren could tell Alex didn’t want to laugh, but did anyway.
“Is that a promise?”
“Absolutely. You can come peacefully or you can come the hard way.”
It wasn’t until the sentence was out of Lauren’s mouth that she recognized the double entendre. It was so blatantly sexual, she blushed slightly. She was hoping Alex wouldn’t notice, but, of course, she had.
“It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen a woman blush. It’s charming. And, for the record, I’d rather come hard.”
Before Lauren could digest that tidbit of information, Alex was out the door heading toward her car. Dammit! What happened here this evening? Everything was going so smoothly, but it ended so suddenly. I hope I didn’t scare her off. I hope I get to see her again, like tomorrow night.
Lauren didn’t want to think too hard about how the evening had ended so she made herself busy to avoid doing just that. Do not overthink this. By the time she got upstairs, the house was secured for the night and she was sure she’d never see Alex again. So much for not overthinking how the evening ended, Lauren.
Lauren had just climbed into bed when her phone rang. Thinking it had to be Lindsey, she thumbed it on.
“I’m not running, Lauren. Nothing has changed about my feelings for you. I know what I want, and now I think you want the same thing. I’m content with that. I think dating is a wonderful idea. My grandmother wants to feed us tomorrow night. Are you up for that?”
“I’d love to meet your grandmother. Can I bring something? Wine perhaps?”
“No, nothing. I’m not sure what we’re having but it will be delicious. Can I pick you up at five thirty? She likes to eat around six.”
“Of course.”
“What were you doing before I called?” Alex asked.
“I’d just gotten into bed. I was going to read for a while. Instead, I was remembering your kiss, and what it did to me.”
“What did it do to you?”
“Turned my blood to molten lava.”
There was silence on the other end of the phone.
“Good night, Alex. Now I’ve given you something to think about.” Lauren cut the connection and turned the sound off.
Until she’d said it to Alex, she hadn’t realized that was exactly what she was thinking about even as she tried to read. What Lauren hadn’t told Alex was that thinking about her made her wet, very wet. She moved her hand down her body and toyed with her clit. She removed her hand. The next time she came, she wanted it to be because Alex made her.
Chapter Ten
Lauren had, indeed, given Alex something to think about. Alex was emotionally weary. She knew she’d had a golden opportunity to tell L
auren about Lucia, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. If she didn’t do it soon, Alex was sure the telling would be worse because of the delay. Right now, the odds of Lauren throwing me to the curb are probably fifty-fifty. The longer I wait to tell her about Lucia, the bigger the chance she’ll be angrier about my not telling her than about the fact Lucia is my patron. But how do I tell someone I’m falling in love with that there’s another woman in my life?
As she lay in bed going around and around about telling Lauren, her eyes were drawn to the half-begun painting of the two of them in the shower. She wanted her shower fantasy to come true sooner rather than later. Had Lauren been telling her the truth about how she felt when I kissed her? Had she been serious about wanting to go upstairs with me? Why would she lie about how she felt? Have I blown it by refusing? Will she ask again? Or will she expect me to make the next move? Dammit, this is getting complicated. Is there a way to uncomplicate it? Yes. Practice what you preach, and stop overthinking everything.
Alex let her mind go where it wanted to go—to Lauren in the shower. She wondered how it would feel to have her hands sliding down Lauren’s wet body. She could easily imagine Lauren standing in front of her with hands on the shower wall. She’d be leaning slightly forward. Her ass would be pressed against Alex. In her mind, she moved her hands down Lauren’s body and listened as Lauren’s breath quickened.
In her fantasy, she moved her hands over Lauren’s tight ass. She moved her left hand around Lauren as she moved the other down her ass and between her legs. She felt Lauren’s wetness and she slid a finger up over Lauren’s clit.
She jerked herself out of the fantasy. She didn’t want to pretend to make love to Lauren, she wanted to make love to her. She wanted to hear Lauren’s moans as she entered her for the first time. She wanted to feel how slick she’d be.