The party was winding down as we came back inside. “Ah, there’s our candidate,” beamed Miss Sallie Anderson. “Come right here and let me hug you good night, honey, before I take these poor old bones home to bed.”
More neighbors followed, but there were plenty of friends and kinfolk left as Will and Haywood picked up their instruments and began to play a final and familiar tune. Seth carried the verse in his clear baritone and I went and stood beside him to sing alto. One of my earliest memories was harmonizing with Seth, me just a baby and him nearly grown. The others stood and listened till the chorus; then everyone linked arms and swayed together, and all our voices blended in a sweetness too beautiful to bear:
Will the circle be unbroken
By and by, Lord, by and by?
There’s a better home a-waiting,
In the sky, Lord, in the sky.
Corny as that old song is, it always brings tears to my eyes. My mother dead, Seth and Haywood’s mother dead, our daddy too proud to come celebrate tonight-our circle sure was gapped.
Even so, enough of it remained.
9 now that we’re alone
My one scheduled court case next day had been postponed, but it didn’t help as much as I’d hoped for catching up on office chores. Every time I’d start to dictate a letter or abstract a deposition, the phone would ring. I’d finished about a half a percentage point ahead of Luther Parker-exactly sixty-two votes ahead, to be exact-and everybody who hadn’t come by the house last night seemed minded to call in their congratulations.
“I’ll say you’re busy if you want me to,” Sherry offered. Wednesday mornings were usually slow for her, too, because that’s when John Claude normally attended court in Widdington and Reid headed for Makely.
“No, I’ll talk to them.” As long as people felt like they had a personal stake in my election, every conversation could mean one more vote in June.
Most well-wishers were disposed of quickly, but Minnie kept me on the line forty-five minutes discussing how best to utilize our less than thirty days till the runoff election. Even the defeated ADA from Black Creek called to say-at pompous length-that I could count on his support both now and in November. No word from Perry Byrd’s fat protégé. He’d struck me as a closet Republican though, so I doubted if he’d be supporting Luther Parker either.
I kept going straight through lunch and by midafternoon had just about had it with telephones. When Sherry buzzed that Gayle Whitehead was there, I immediately pushed aside the papers and had her sent in.
“This is probably a bad time,” Gayle apologized.
“Your timing’s perfect. You don’t know what a relief it is to actually see who I’m talking to.” I waved her over to a chair and caught a whiff of fragrance. I almost never wear perfume and it makes me sensitive to everybody else’s. This was something light that reminded me of my mother’s spring gardens. Wisteria? Narcissus? I was caught offstep by an underlying hint of tobacco. A lot of high school kids still think it’s cool to smoke; evidently that included Gayle.
“I’m sorry you didn’t flat-out win yesterday.” She wore jeans and sneakers today and her hair was caught up in a loose ponytail by a yellow plastic clip that matched her yellow shirt. “I voted for you.”
“Hey, your first time voting, wasn’t it?” Incredible to realize that little baby Gayle could now help pick judges and presidents, negotiate contracts and marry or join the army without parental consent.
“You really are all growed up, aren’t you?” I teased.
“Yeah.” Dimples flashed in her cheeks. “Still not old enough to buy beer though.”
“Do you want to?” Despite what I see in the courtroom, I’m always curious about what turns people on.
“Not really. It’s the principle of the thing. Kids buy pot or white light”-her voice faltered, and in that split second, I knew she was wondering whether to take her foot out of her mouth and apologize and maybe make it worse, or pretend there was nothing personally embarrassing to me about bootleg whiskey-“ning all over the county, but when it comes to something as harmless as a Bud Lite for anybody under twenty-one, forget it.”
It would have been a perfectly smooth recovery if she could have kept from flushing.
I’d had more practice at pretending not to notice things. “So what brings you over to Dobbs today? I’m afraid I don’t have anything new to tell you yet.”
“Oh, I didn’t think you would,” she said, though she was too transparent to hide a slight disappointment. “Dad made me promise I wouldn’t do anything stupid by myself and I know you’re busy and all, but I was wondering if-” She hesitated. “I’ve never been out to Ridley’s Mill.”
I was surprised. “Never?”
She shook her head and her ponytail swayed with each movement.
The phone rang for the ten-thousandth time, and all at once, getting out of the office suddenly sounded like a great idea. “But we’ll have to run by the house first and let me change clothes,” I told her.
My strappy green sandles and linen skirt weren’t up to hiking through brambles and poison oak.
The sun was still high and hot in the western sky when we reached Cotton Grove. Gayle left her car at the Tastee-Freez and we got us a Mountain Dew with lots of ice to drink as we drove on through town together.
New Forty-Eight-new in the fifties before I was born- crossed back over Possum Creek on a wide four-lane bridge and headed due south to Makely; but I automatically took Old Forty-Eight, a narrow, two-lane blacktop that followed the bends and crooks of the creek past birches and tulip poplars and weeping willows on one side of the road and broad fields of young green tobacco on the other. Once I could have driven this road with my eyes closed, just put my T-bird on automatic pilot and let it find its way back to the farm exactly like my grandfather’s mules always carried him home no matter how blind drunk he was.
“And if he’d stuck to mules, he’d still be alive to this very day,” Daddy always said, even though the last time I heard him say it my grandfather would have been pushing a hundred and five. Knotts are long-lived but I never heard of any that made it much past ninety-five.
What actually killed my grandfather was when he passed out at the wheel of his T-model truck, the way he used to pass out at the reins, and crashed into the creek.
That’s one version.
Another’s that he had a load of whiskey in the back and was trying to outrun revenuers when they shot out his lights.
In both versions, so much whiskey went into Possum Creek that night that the bullfrogs started croaking out “Sweet Adeline” in four-part harmony and catfish were staggering up on the banks to cheer them on.
I tried to find an objective version in the Ledger once, but that was back when the editor’s wife was writing the death notices and they say she was a good-hearted person who hated it when her husband printed facts that shamed an innocent family. Miss Annie’s flowery language didn’t always make it clear whether a person died in bed or with a noose around his neck, but “untimely tragedy” usually meant an unexpected death that wasn’t going to have legal repercussions-anything from a mule hoof in the head to a husband coming home unexpectedly.
In my grandfather’s case, mention was made of the bereft widow, of grieving progeny with “no father’s hand to guide them,” and of a fifteen-year-old son suddenly “o’er-burdened with manhood’s somber responsibilities by fate’s stern necessity.”
They don’t write obituaries like that any more.
Or give out many tombstones like the ornate monument Daddy reared to his father’s memory a few years later when he had the money.
Nowadays, they stick you out in a field with flat brass nameplates that won’t hinder the tractor mowers. Instead of marble urns, you get little flip-up brass vases, so that on decoration days a modern graveyard looks like a child’s drawing of a treeless cow pasture with tufts of plastic flowers stuck in all over. Personally, I want to lie beneath huge magnolias or under live oaks draped
in mournful Spanish moss. And if I can’t have a ten-foot obsidian shaft with gold lettering, or a lifesize weeping angel, I say the hell with it. Just cremate me and scatter my ashes over the Colleton County Courthouse where I can be an irritating cinder in Judge Perry Byrd’s eye.
The Whiteheads tried to talk Jed out of it, but he got a double stone for Janie. Gleaming white marble, three feet high. Her side has her name and dates and a broken lily to signify that she’d been cut down in the bloom of life. His has a stem of bleeding hearts, his birthdate, and then a dash.
He probably really did think he’d spend the rest of his life grieving for her. Wonder how Dinah Jean felt attending sunrise services every Easter morning, watching Jed and Gayle put flowers on the grave with that place at Janie’s side reserved for Jed?
As if she’d been following along in my mind, Gayle said, “Did you know they had to take Mom back to the sanatorium?”
I eased off the gas pedal and glanced over at her. All the windows were open and her brown ponytail was streaming in the wind as her coral lips pursed around the straw of her drink. Like me, she had on sunglasses, too, and I couldn’t read her eyes.
“What happened?”
“The same old thing. She got to drinking too much again, and then she’d call up and just start crying if it was me answered. If it was Dad, she’d hang up. I tried not to let him know, but…” Her hand sketched futility. “Anyhow, the Raynors took her back up there day before yesterday.”
“Rough on you, honey.”
“Not really. I mean, I hate what she’s doing to herself and I just wish I could help somehow. I thought if I went up to see her. Maybe talk with her doctors? But Gran says I ought to wait awhile. Give her a couple of weeks to dry out.”
“Probably a good idea,” I murmured. My hair swirled over my sunglasses and I propped an elbow on the window edge to keep it pushed back while steering with the fingers of my right hand. Except for an occasional tractor, there was almost no traffic on the road.
Gayle finished her drink, then drew a pack of cigarettes from her purse. “You mind if I smoke?”
“I grew up on a tobacco farm, remember?” Part of my income still came from an allotment I’d inherited from Mother. All the same, schizoid and hypocritical or not, it disappointed me a bit to see her light up with such graceful familiarity.
“I just don’t understand how Dad can be so cold about it,” Gayle said, exhaling pensively. “The way he’s cut her off completely and won’t see her and doesn’t want to talk about her. I know he gives her alimony, but he acts like he never- that they never-I mean she was his wife! Not a hired housekeeper or something. And the Raynors don’t know how to help her. They say they watch her like a hawk, but she keeps getting liquor from somewh-”
Again she caught herself.
“Listen, Gayle,” I said. “I’d appreciate it if you’d quit acting like I’ve never heard of white liquor, okay?”
She tugged at her seat belt and twisted around to half face me. “You don’t mind talking about it?”
I tapped my horn and pulled around a slow-moving farm truck loaded down with hundred-pound bags of fertilizer. “What’s to talk?”
When I didn’t answer, her hand gently touched my blue-jeaned knee.
“Deb’rah? I’m sorry. I guess it must be for you like it is for me when people slip and talk about murders and shootings and then remember it’s more than just words.”
I was suddenly seized by a perverse curiosity. “What do people say about my father?”
She fiddled with her cigarette and didn’t answer.
“Do they still say he’s the biggest bootlegger in eastern North Carolina? Go ahead. I really want to know. It won’t hurt my feelings.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“I’ve heard he used to have men working stills for him all over the county,” she began carefully. “I also heard they even did a television program on him one time?”
“He was mentioned,” I admitted. “The program was supposed to be about Southern politics.”
The filming of that documentary accidentally coincided with right after Daddy got his conviction expunged, and they used his circumstances as yet another illustration of the power wielded by one of our senators back then. Mother probably let me stay up to watch it with the rest of the family so I’d be prepared, but I was only eight years old, for God’s sake. Even though I felt the tension in the living room as the program unfolded, the segment about Daddy must have been full of speculations and innuendoes that went right over my head because I know I kissed him good night and went to bed happy that his picture had been on television and still thinking he sat on God’s right footstool.
I didn’t know a thing about those eighteen months in Atlanta till I got on the school bus next morning and was greeted by silent stares. Tax evasion, federal penitentiaries, expungements- none of those terms had meaning for me. I’m not sure I fully understood what bootlegging even was, only that it was something shameful and criminal and suddenly connected to us. I still remember the bewilderment I felt, then the scalding embarrassment when later that day in the girls’ bathroom, my best friend walked away from me and two of the other girls started chanting, “Your daddy’s been in ja-il! Your daddy’s been in ja-il!”
I jumped them both and the teacher had to come in and break it up, but not before one girl went flying against the sink and cut her jeering lip. Fighting normally got everybody involved five smacks on the palm with the teacher’s ruler, and though this was my first school fight, I expected the usual punishment. Instead, we only had to put our heads on our desks for the rest of recess. No note went home to my parents and the injured girl’s mother did not call mine, though she had always screamed when anybody touched her precious daughter.
I think that’s the day I realized Daddy did have a dark power that everyone else recognized.
As for the jeering of the other kids, that lasted barely a day. The little twins (three inches taller but fifteen years younger than the “big twins”) were in eighth grade then and Will was a senior. Not that I ever went running to any of my brothers to fight my battles, but they always seemed to hear about it pretty quick and nobody messed with me without risking biack eyes or bloody noses.
A slab-sided hound started across the road and I braked sharply. “Fool dog!”
It slunk back into the ditch weeds.
“What else do folks say?”
“Mostly they always talk about what a good man Mr. Kezzie is and how if anybody ever needs anything, they can always go to him.” Gayle leaned over and carefully stubbed out her cigarette in my ashtray. “Just last week he was sitting with some men in the store near Amy Blalock’s, and her mother and Mrs. Medlin were talking about the air conditioner giving out at the parsonage. They didn’t even know he was listening till he stood up and reached in his pocket, pulled out three hundred-dollar bills, and told her to put it in the collection plate toward a new unit. Some of the rough kids at school joke about getting some white lightning as good as Kezzie Knott used to make, but honest, nobody thinks your daddy’s actually messing with it any more. I mean, he’s really old now, isn’t he?”
“Almost eighty-two,” I agreed. Never mind that he moved and looked like a vigorous sixty and could still straight-arm an axe.
What she’d said came close to echoing what I heard from Reid last time I asked. After all, Daddy’d served his time before I was even born. And he’d kept so closely to his own land after Mother died that people were starting to think of him as part of the county’s colorful and rapidly disappearing past.
Or so Reid said.
I just hoped it’d stay that way till after the election, but Aunt Zell’s words yesterday morning had made me uneasy. Everybody “knew” that Daddy’s first wife had kept his secret books, just as everybody “knew” he’d kept that part of his life from touching my mother and-by extension-me. So far it hadn’t been an election issue. Probably because when cancer took Mother and D
addy moved back to the farm, I’d stayed in Dobbs with Aunt Zell and Uncle Ash whenever I came home from college.
The road curved again. I made a left turn into a rutted drive, then rolled to a stop, blocked by a heavy steel cable that had been stretched tautly across the lane to Ridley’s Mill. I would have ignored the No Trespassing sign, but the underbrush was too thick and the terrain too rough to drive my car around the barrier.
“Is it a long walk to the mill?” asked Gayle, peering down the lane that soon dissolved behind a leafy green barrier. Judging by its overgrown condition, no one had driven down there since winter.
I threw the car in reverse. “Less than a quarter of a mile, but I’ve got a better idea.”
It was only a short distance to where Old Forty-Eight crossed Possum Creek at the north corner of Knott land and then bordered our farm on the east side of the creek. About a half-mile on, I turned left into a rutted clay-and-gravel road that cut over to New Forty-Eight.
“Where’re we going?” Gayle said as we bucketed along, red clouds of dust boiling up behind us.
“Over to the Pot Shot.” I had to lift my voice to be heard above the rattles of the rough road. “If Michael Vickery’s there, we’ll get him to tell about the day you and your mother were found.”
10 i go crazy
At New Forty-Eight I made another left and headed back north toward Cotton Grove. A few minutes later, we were turning in at a ye olde quainte-type sign that pronounced this the entrance to the Pot Shot Pottery, open to the public only on weekends or by appointment.
This wasn’t the weekend, but neither were there no cables stretched across this lane, so I drove through a double line of high rose hedges for at least a quarter of a mile till the lane opened into a wide level farmyard graced by weeping willows that swept down a broad grassy bank to Possum Creek. Except for that one vista, the rest of the view was obscured by hedge roses, breath-of-spring bushes, mock oranges, and crepe myrtles.
Bootlegger’s Daughter Page 10