My Life in Smiley (Book 3 in Smiley series)

by Anne Kalicky

  After that we played a little soccer tournament, and in the afternoon it was time for “Cook Nook!” —a cooking workshop. Aldo seized at another opportunity to complain and said, “Cooking eez a thing for-a geerls,” and that he’d rather play more soccer. But the class was actually kind of fun; Caroline and Anthony suggested we make dessert for dinner tonight: chocolate candy! Max, Mehd, Yan, Kil, and I all thought the idea was pretty good. Especially when Clara asked if I wanted to work together with her. It seems like there’s a good chance I really didn’t dream: Clara is head over heels for me. I guess I’m just a bona fide chick magnet. OK, fine, I’ll admit I may have a certain natural charisma, but it’s really not that easy for me. You know, dear future human, all this doesn’t really jive with the whole ♡Naïs thing. I love her, and we’ve got something steady going on.

  You know me: I’m an honest guy, the kind of guy who’s sure of himself! So I stuck to my supremely tricky technique, the stealth mode I alone had mastered: PRETENDING I couldn’t care less!

  On another note, it’s crazy how what we made didn’t end up looking AT ALL like what the leaders did! I’ve got to say, my finished dessert looked way more like the turds from Rocky, my neighbor Miss Roudan’s dog, than a chocolate candy.

  At the time, I wasn’t so sure the newcomers would appreciate this kind of welcome. But in the end, I figured it might chase them away a little faster.

  They showed up around seven! Our group was a total mess. The counselors had told us to gather outside and welcome them with the camp song. But Valentin was way too timid to handle something so nerve-racking, so he went to hide in his room. And Aldo did some kind of ridiculous Aztec dance around their bus. The new guys got off the bus, and there was a crazy scramble for everyone to find their bags. All of the chaos prevented me from getting a really good look at any of them. A few minutes later, I suddenly felt a strange presence behind me.

  At first I thought it was Aldo, so when I turned around, I almost jumped down his throat. But who was it? You’ll never believe it! Nicolas Frilo!

  NICO! MY BUDDY!

  Unbelievable, right? I almost exploded with joy. Good luck was finally smiling upon me! And believe me, I wasn’t the only one happy to see a familiar face. We gave each other a huge hug. . . . I mean, we patted each other on the back . . . you know, like real men!

  I introduced him to my friends right away: Mehdi, Maxence, Yanis, and the whole gang. Nico told me later that, when he found out I’d gone to camp, he begged his mom to sign him up too. He said he was as bored as a goldfish in a bowl, all alone at home, after Tom and Léna went on vacation.

  And luckily, there was still one spot left for this week. Our lucky break! My camp friends and I gave him a tour of the place and helped him unpack. I would’ve liked for him to join our room, but his group is in the other building, closer to the girls’ cabin. And since I get along really well with Mehdi and the others, I wasn’t going to betray them by asking to switch rooms.

  From now on, there are more leaders: Manon, Élisa, and Kader. They’re the ones who called everyone over for the cookout. And I’ve got to admit—we all had a great night!

  To give you an idea of what the place is like: the whole property is surrounded by a forest, and right in the middle there’s a little clearing with a fire pit. We all gathered around the fire.

  The newcomers introduced themselves, thanks to the talking stick, and then we sang the camp anthem again under the stars.

  The leaders grilled fish. Romain gulped down second and third helpings, so fast that he lodged a fishbone on the roof of his mouth.

  As for me, I’m pretty sure this little feast brought me around to the idea of eating fish, which I normally hate. Then Aldo and Samuel were selected to pass out the chocolate candy we’d made this afternoon. Around the fire, everyone burst into laughter when they saw what the dessert looked like, but it was actually pretty good.

  Afterward, Mehdi and I told Nico about our discovery of the secret anonymous notebook, and we officially “inducted” him into our mystery council. On the other side of the campfire, I caught Clara’s eye, but she immediately looked away. She seemed sad.

  I’ll spare you the details of this awful day, which was mostly set aside for . . . a medieval tournament.

  It was our group against the new kids. On the agenda: archery, orienteering, and jousting—during which, instead of being a knight, I ended up as Aldo’s squire. . . . To be honest, he didn’t look very impressive on top of his steed.

  It reminded me of the stupid postcard of Raoul Kador at a rodeo last year, after he got back from Texas.

  Then it was laundry time, which wasn’t exactly delightful. I think if my parents had shown up at camp, they’d have been forced to wear a gas mask. Quite a few of us have given up on showering. The girls took forever in the laundry room, so when it was finally our turn, there wasn’t any water left.

  Dylan and Hugo went to go complain to Gerald, who was in the middle of watering the plants.

  We followed them, but we really shouldn’t have: the response was drastic, worthy of “real men,” according to the director.

  The whole evening was devoted to an event in the activity room: The Mehdi Show. This dork volunteered to “perform” in front of the whole camp. Gerald, no doubt a little short on ideas after all these years, accepted his offer without a second’s hesitation! After we’d moved all the chairs from the dining hall for the show, I ran into Mehdi “backstage.” He had a serious case of stage fright.

  His reaction was totally normal, and I could relate: Last year I was pretty nervous at Pleasant Gardens, when I had to sing “Hope and Life.” So I gave him a little pep talk and a few relaxation tips I stole from Children Soft as Pandas —without saying where I got them, of course. Mainly I just told him, based on my own experience, “Don’t think; just go for it! You’ve got this!”

  In the audience, I wound up sitting between Nico and Clara. I suspect my buddy set that one up. Which reminds me: when Nico arrived last night, I immediately asked him about Naïs. Guess what . . . he and Tom bumped into her a few times, hand in hand with some older dude—maybe sixteen years old. Neither one of them knew who the guy was, but Naïs and this loser seemed to be getting along a little too well. If I see him when I get back, he’s gonna be in for a rough time, I guarantee it!

  This news totally shocked me, and it’s undoubtedly the reason I was off my game during the medieval tournament that morning. If I had to sum up my current romantic situation in one word, it’d be: heartbroken! And believe me, it really hurts for Maxime Cropin the Great to admit something like that. I’m definitely going to have to set things straight when school starts. But I’m already wondering how I’ll be able to do that, because even though I’m a chick magnet, I don’t know much about love yet.

  The lights dimmed, the velvet curtain parted, and Mehdi appeared on the stage. For a good half hour, he told every joke he had and managed to really get the crowd going.

  During the performance, I got the feeling that Clara was waiting for me to make a move. The tension between us was “electric,” but . . . I was still in stealth mode. Eventually Nico elbowed me and gave me a look that said, “What are you waiting for?!”

  Jeez! I’m taking my time, man! You can’t rush me. I’m already in a state of shock about my near break-up with Naïs, as I see it. I need TIME.

  We all got up to applaud for Mehdi. Lola, Mélissa, Paloma, and Cassandre even went and asked him for an autograph . . . which made me a tiny bit jealous. Then it was curfew time, so we all went back to our rooms.

  But Mehdi and I didn’t plan on going to bed right away. . . . Killian, on the other hand, crashed the minute the lights went out. Maxence and Yanis preferred to keep a lookout.

  We waited for almost an hour for everything to quiet
down: Yanis went out into the hallway to make sure that everyone else was sleeping and that the counselors had also gone off to bed. I took the anonymous journal, and Mehdi and I tiptoed back to the activity room where we’d planned to rendezvous with Nico.

  But Nico wasn’t alone. He and Arthur were there waiting for us. Arthur is one of Nico’s roommates, and to be honest, I wasn’t too happy at first to have an outsider tag along. But since it was dark and turning on a light would’ve been way too risky, Arthur offered to go look for candles in the kitchen.

  It was perfect timing, because we’d also celebrated Coline’s birthday this afternoon. In the end I figured this guy was actually pretty cool, especially when he came back with not only a bag of candles but also an enormous chocolate pound cake he’d found in a cupboard.

  It was almost time to reveal the mystery! And make no mistake—thanks to The Resourceful Ranger’s Handbook, I knew exactly how to analyze invisible ink. All I had to do was heat the first page using the candle to discover the initial letters:

  I don’t know how much time we spent reading the journal, dear future human, but it turns out by some strange coincidence that the author—this notorious Dindin Hood—starts each of his pages in the exact same way I do: by addressing the human of the future. It’s incredible, right?

  He talks about plenty of stuff we’ve already experienced here: the fish cookouts, the talking stick, a certain Claire stuck in the bathroom. He even mentions a young counselor, Gerald! But above all, this notebook, written over twenty years ago, is in fact . . .

  It’s a unique, visionary account of the last century. It’s brimming with all kinds of tricks, such as:

  A godsend, an absolute treasure, I guarantee it! And with only five days left at camp, it’s about time something like this fell into my lap.

  Today at Champ Camp was honestly not that great. Killian, Hugo, and Maeva found out they have lice. So that meant we all had to go through the treatment. Then Lola and Salomé got in a fight because of something having to do with clothes. . . . Anyway, the mood throughout the camp was tense, until I received 100% confirmation that Clara has a crush on me.

  I thought about it for a bit and decided I’m WAY too young to stay single. I decided to move from stealth mode to attack mode!

  But like I already told you, things aren’t that simple.

  You won’t believe it, but last night, when we were in the activity room carrying out our investigation, Clara, Coline, Lola, Salomé, and some other girls snuck out to our building.

  Back in my room Killian was sleeping, but Yanis and Maxence wanted to mess with us by switching beds while we were gone. Maxence was in my bed when Clara showed up. She said something like:

  “Max, are you there?”

  “Yeah,” Maxence said. “Over here, the bottom bunk on the right.”

  “Max, umm . . . how should I say this . . . do you want to go out with me?”

  “Uhh . . . yeah, OK.”

  *smack!* *smack!*

  And that little weasel took advantage of the confusion between our similar names (which had been common knowledge at camp for a few days) to kiss her!

  It’s true! I swear!

  Needless to say, she realized it the second she heard Yanis bust out laughing. She turned on the light, and, according to what they told me, bolted out the door. It’s lucky that the leaders didn’t wake up. Luckier still that Maxence didn’t think about touching my secret pillow!

  And this morning at breakfast, Clara had disappeared. I decided to take things into my own hands. I scribbled a note on a piece of paper and passed it to Sarah, who went to give it to Clara in the nurse’s office—where she’d apparently decided to quarantine herself for the rest of the week.

  The offensive method worked like a charm: Sarah delivered the note for me, Clara checked the YES box with a heart, and then Clara came back herself about an hour later. Her eyes were all red, but she had a big smile.

  Tonight, we snuck back out to the activity room again, and believe me—Maxence and Yanis better not even so much as look at my bed!

  Using candlelight, we continued reading Dindin Hood’s Journal to pick up as many pointers as possible before the wilderness trek taking place in less than forty-eight hours.

  But the craziest part of this story is that Dindin Hood seemed to have exactly the same outlook on life as me . . . albeit less recent. He wasn’t afraid of being an astronaut lost in space, but he talked constantly about his phobia of the Bermuda Triangle. He was obsessed with Explosix candy and thought that we’d all be living in wind turbines in twenty years. You’d have thought he was my clone or something. . . . It scared the crap out of me!

  We sat around trying to figure out who this guy could really be. That’s when Nico came up with the idea of the century: make a little trip to Gerald’s office. We looked through all his cabinets and found a file from 1994 with all the health records for everyone at Champ Camp that year. And we found a form for our anonymous author.

  Believe it or not, but this notorious Charles Dindin ALSO turned out to be my exact doppelganger from the past! OK, perhaps slightly less “charismatic,” if you want my opinion. Let’s not push it! Just then, we heard something in the hallway and rushed to hide.

  It was Gerald, who was doing his night rounds. I held my breath . . . and phew! He left. We practically sprinted back to our rooms, but the recent discovery kept me awake for another hour. Maybe time is nothing but an eternal cycle, and there’s another Max Cropin out there somewhere, in his forties.

  Oh yeah, by the way, I sat next to Clara during the outdoor movie tonight. We gazed at each other—and even smiled! I’m pretty good, aren’t I? I think I’m becoming a man.

  We spent most of the day preparing for our “survival outing” tomorrow: packing all our things into our backpacks . . . which proved to be much more difficult for the girls. For example, Lola wanted to bring her travel hairdryer. Anthony regretfully informed her that the trees didn’t have electrical outlets installed yet. We gathered canteens, compasses, ponchos, first-aid kits, and food. We also made a mascot, a kind of totem pole that Nico and I thought up.

  Next Gerald, like a seasoned adventurer, rallied us in the activity room to teach us some survival “basics.” He went over how to find food and water in the woods, how to use a fire starter, and how to recognize certain edible fruits —all the while emphasizing the “importance of staying together.” Then he reminded us of his famous “rule of four threes.”

  Mehdi, Nico, Arthur, and I already knew the rules because we’d read them word for word in Dindin’s notebook. But the rest of the group was shaking in their boots. That’s when Aldo broke the ice and asked:

  Dear future human, I leave tomorrow. I don’t know if I’ll make it out of this adventure in one piece, so just in case, I’d like to say farewell. . . . Like Marion would say, it was nice knowing you. . . .

  At the time of writing this to you, I’ve just returned from the “wilderness trek,” and I have good news:

  Well . . . it was a close call. . . . As you probably guessed, I couldn’t take my observation notebook with me, because the instructions were clear: bring as little as possible, only absolute necessities to avoid weighing down our packs. We left yesterday morning at dawn. As expected, Yanis had spent the whole night reciting incantations, and he was dragging his feet from the get-go. And Killian was running on autopilot, still fully asleep.

  No one really knew what to expect. There was nothing but radio silence from the counselors. None of them wanted to tell us what we were going to do. But then we saw that all five of them were dressed in camouflage, which put us all on edge. We just imagined all the unthinkable things they had in store.

  Even though the leaders encouraged us to “keep up our team spirit,” we hiked for hours with all of
these dark thoughts on our minds. And believe me—the hike last week was nothing compared to what was waiting for us.

  I think I even saw Aldo dropping bread crumbs behind him.

  First: he was wasting food.

  Second: he must not have read the right version of Hansel and Gretel, which clearly shows the pebble option is better than breadcrumbs.

  The farther we went, the deeper we sank into the woods. The dampness chilled our bones, and the darkness grew heavier and heavier. It was totally freaky!

  But after a while, we finally stopped. Gerald and the counselors announced that we’d arrived at our “base camp” for the next two days. An “ideal” spot, near a river, sheltered by enormous trees. Mehdi, Nico, Yanis, the others, and I FAILED TO SEE exactly what was “ideal” about the situation or exactly how we’d survive in the middle of nowhere. There wasn’t a cell phone tower in sight, in case we needed to call someone in an emergency, but Gerald and the counselors seemed to know the drill.