by Marian Tee
The waiter handed them their menus, and neither of them spent much time poring over their choices. Surely he knew by now, she thought numbly. She usually took ages to order, but then that was because those times, she had known she would enjoy those meals.
This meal, however – it felt more like the Last Supper, only it was lunchtime.
“You look beautiful,” she heard Luca say.
Vivian’s fingers clenched against her lap, and she said tremulously, “Thank you.” She had done her best to make herself beautiful today, spending almost half an hour just to style her hair on her own, choosing a new dress to wear, and even putting on makeup. At that time, she had thought she was going out on a date.
Worse comes to worst, she thought, at least she was going to go out with a bang.
Luca began to talk again, making polite conversation, and slowly driving her crazy with every minute. By the time their appetizers were served, she could no longer take it, and she waited just long enough for the waiter to disappear back into the kitchen before whispering, “Just say it.”
Luca tensed, and when he saw his wife’s glassy eyes, he tensed even more, realizing too late that all the pretenses had been for nothing.
“Just say what you brought me here to say.” The way her lips trembled at the effort not to cry made his fingers clench around the stem of his wineglass. “Please.”
Drawing a sharp breath, he said flatly, “Since it appears you have already guessed the gist of it, then there is no reason---”
“Say it!”
It was not quite a shout, not quite a cry, but her voice was much louder than it usually was. Much shriller.
Much sadder.
It had both of them stiffening, Vivian because she was shocked and aghast at how she had failed to control herself and Luca because he was beginning to realize how much he would have to hurt her still.
“Don’t make this harder for you,” he bit out finally.
She shook her head. “You mean, don’t make it harder for yourself, right?”
“Vivi---”
“Don’t c-call me that!” Her voice caught. “You can’t call me that until I hear what excuses you’ve come up---”
“There is no excuse,” he said tonelessly.
Her laugh had the tinge of hysterics, and she looked at him like he was insane. “Do you really think I’ll buy whatever you have to say as the truth?” Hands clasping and unclasping on her lap, she asked shakily, “Why did you bring me here?”
Luca gazed straight into her eyes, and she found herself praying. Please God. Please change his mind---
“I came here to let you know I will be divorcing you.”
Ah.
Despair extinguished the last embers of her hope, and even though she had expected the worst – and no words could hurt more than what he had said – knowing what was to come didn’t make any difference in the way her heart broke.
Lowering her head so he wouldn’t see how close she was to breaking down, she forced herself to ask, “Why?”
“Because I found someone else more appropriate.”
She had thought the pain she had felt earlier was already the worst, but it was nothing compared to the way Luca’s words devastated her now.
It hurt.
God, it hurt so, so much.
She had not known that she could hurt this much.
With her head bowed, Luca was unable to see how she was taking it all in. Crushing the urge to tip her face up and telling himself he no longer had a right to be concerned, he forced himself to continue. “You’ll have visitation rights to Eula, and this will be discussed with you at a later date by my lawyer. You will of course receive alimony, and I urge you not to reject it. You must be practical at times like this.”
All the while he had been talking, he had been waiting for her to interrupt.
But she hadn’t.
He stared at her, thinking that this might be the last time he would ever see his wife---
No.
He must stop thinking of her that way again.
Luca took a gulp of his wine, a fine vintage that tasted stale to his tongue. He looked around him, and it was almost like the whole world was just a bit duller, the colors washed away by the knowledge that after this, Vivian would not be in his life again.
Glancing back at her, he asked abruptly, “Are you not going to say anything?” He heard her laugh and choke, and Luca froze. Before he could ask her what was wrong, she had already looked up, raising her gaze to meet his, and he already had his answer.
Everything was wrong.
Everything.
“You really want to hear what I have to say? Really? Are you sure?”
“I would not have asked,” he said stiffly, “if I did not---”
She cut him off, saying thinly, “Liar. That’s what I have to say. I think you’re a liar, I t-think you’re a coward.” Clumsily coming to her feet, she echoed his words, saying, “You came here to divorce me? Liar! You c-came here to celebrate our third month together---”
“No, I didn’t---”
“But then something, I don’t know what, I don’t even care, I just know something happened and---” Vivian snapped her fingers and Luca flinched, the sharp sound cutting the silence, and as he looked at her, seeing the way tears had streamed silently down her cheek, it was almost like hearing the sound of her heart breaking into pieces.
“I know your first marriage d-didn’t work,” Vivian choked out. “I know it m-made you mistrust women, and I know it m-made you think you should have a wife like me because I was s-someone you could control.” Wiping her tears furiously, she continued tremulously, “I k-knew all that, but n-none of it mattered to me b-because I thought we had a c-chance.” Choking back a sob, she whispered, “But I guess I was wrong. We c-can’t ever have a chance because you’re too afraid, too much of a coward to take a risk on me. On us. And that you could even---”
She could no longer talk, the pain of remembering what he had said was too much.
Because I found someone else more appropriate.
Closing her eyes, she told him tonelessly, “My lawyer will talk to your lawyer, and yes, I’ll take those visitation rights, and the alimony, too. In fact, I’ll even get my lawyer to ask for as much as possible just to make it easier for you. This way, you can tell yourself you were right to divorce me. And in return, please do me a favor.”
Staring at her, he wanted to throw the table between them out of the way, wanted to haul her into his arms and tell her to forget every damn thing he had said. But he could not. He would not.
“What is it?”
“Never let me see you again.”
And then she was walking away, and she never looked back.
Even when he caved in at the end, and he whispered harshly, “Wait.”
She didn’t look back, didn’t stumble, didn’t stop---
And a moment later, she was gone.
It was all over.
For a long time, he simply stayed there, the minutes ticking by, and all he could see was Vivian walking away from him.
His wife walking away from him.
Finally, he forced himself to move, and as the chauffeur opened the door to his limousine, Luca told him to drive him home.
“Understood, sir. And Mrs. Valencia?”
Luca resisted the inexplicable urge to crash his fist into the window and instead said grimly, “She will not be back. Ever.”
His driver was visibly shocked. “U-understood, sir. A-apologies, sir.”
Inside the limousine, Luca closed his eyes wearily, but still there was no escape.
Never let me see you again.
Agony ripped into his chest, and it was like fire consuming him from within. He opened his eyes and straightened on his seat. Turning towards the built-in cooler, Luca was about to take out a can of beer when he saw something on the floor.
Vivian’s phone.
Slowly, he reached for it, recalling how she had been texting nonst
op on the way to the restaurant. He opened it, thinking he would see the last messages she had sent, but instead the screen opened on the iPhone’s notepad.
There were just five words, but they were typed over and over, up to the bottom of the screen.
I love him so much.
I love him so much.
I love him so much.
His eyes closed, and it was like time rewinding, and he imagined the two of them, seated apart, and while he had distracted himself with calls so that he would not have an excuse to look at her or talk to her---
She had already known what he had planned.
She had already known that he intended to hurt her.
She had already known, and still she had typed this.
I love him so much.
Luca stared sightlessly at the screen, and the words broke him.
Dio.
What a fool he had been.
Chapter Ten
“A letter for you today.” Leaning against the doorway, Luca dangled the letter from his fingers, and his lips curved in a brief smile as he saw his daughter’s face glow with excitement. Climbing quickly out of her bed, Eula nearly tripped on her way to him and Luca immediately crouched down to help her keep her balance.
“Slow down. This letter isn’t going anywhere.”
“But I’m excited,” she explained as she took the letter from his hands. As always, it was sealed and addressed to Eula. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her to his bedroom, which had felt too empty since his wife had left.
“I’m going to sleep in your room again, Papa?”
“You don’t want to?”
“You’re scared again?”
This time, he simply didn’t feel like lying, and he heard himself say, “No. Just…sad.”
When he settled Eula down on the bed, she quickly embraced him and stroked his head like he was her pet. “It’s okay, Papa.”
Ah.
Kissing her forehead, he settled next to her and after pulling the covers up to their waists, he gestured towards the letter. “Shall we read it?”
Nodding eagerly, Eula tore open the envelope carefully and unfolded the letter. Clearing her throat, she read the note haltingly, her brows furrowed in concentration.
Once upon a time,
A princess went on an adventure
To share new stories every day
With her little girl.
He listened quietly to yet another new story, and again he was impressed at the clever way in which Vivi had ensured Eula would not pine in her absence. As far as his daughter was concerned, she still believed that Vivi would come back one day and the only reason she was gone was because of the stories she wanted Eula to enjoy.
Ironically, it was Luca, the adult, who was pining, and seeing the vast empty space beside him that his little girl couldn’t quite fill only made everything worse. It had been more than a month since he had last seen her.
Thirty-seven days of not hearing her voice, of not knowing where she was, what she was doing, or who she was with. All her letters and messages had been coursed through their lawyers, and every time he had asked to speak with her, Vivi’s legal counsel had only a poker-faced reply.
My client’s stand on the issue remains unchanged.
“Papa, what is this word?”
Looking down, he saw what she was pointing at and spelled it out.
“Thank you.” Clearing her throat, Eula continued with the last paragraph of the story.
And so the mystery is solved.
Now it is time for the princess
To go to bed.
For tomorrow a new adventure awaits,
And she is excited
To share it with her little girl,
Who she will always love.
This little girl has the princess’ heart,
And if she has need of the princess,
She only has to call,
And the princess will be back the moment she opens her eyes.
“The End,” Eula finished.
He tipped her chin up. “Happy?”
She nodded with a yawn. “It was a great story.”
When he switched the lights off, his little girl snuggled closer to him and said sleepily, “Good night, Papa.”
He kissed her hair. “Good night, principesa.”
“I love you, Papa.”
“Love you, too.”
“I also love Vivi.”
His throat closed, and his hand, which had been stroking her hair, stilled. A few moments later, he whispered bleakly in the dark, “I love her, too.”
But no one heard him. Eula was already asleep, and the woman his words were meant for was gone. He had pushed her away.
Luca stared up at the ceiling.
I love you, Vivi.
If he wanted to, he knew he could hire investigators to find out where she was, and it wouldn’t even take either much of his time or money. But he didn’t. Every time Luca had an urge to see her or hear her voice, he would also inevitably remember the last time he had seen her---
He would remember the way she had looked at him, crying in silence, like her pain had stolen her ability to speak.
And when she finally had---
Never let me see you again.
Those words had hurt, but remembering how she looked, he knew that it had hurt her more to speak them.
Luca closed his eyes, and still the memories were inescapable. He remembered the last words she had typed on her phone---
I love him so much.
Pain squeezed his chest. In the past, getting over his ex-wife had been a routine that he found easy to embrace. All he had to do was work day and night, dividing his hours between building his empire and being both mother and father to Eula. But this time, the same strategy didn’t work. He loved Eula just as fiercely as before, but it didn’t feel enough. He was as passionate as he had been before with his work, too, but it did not feel enough either.
Nothing was enough without her.
But how could he ask her back when he knew he didn’t deserve her at all?
I love you, Vivi.
But they were words he was determined to lock in his heart, as a way to punish himself for the pain he had caused the one woman who had loved him above all.
Never let me see you again.
It was all she had asked, and so he would give it to her, knowing also that she deserved someone far better than him.
It was a promise he meant to keep…or at least he did until the next morning, when he received a call from Maggie.
****
Friday, Vivian thought when she woke up. But like recent days past, she didn’t automatically open her eyes at the thought, and neither did she think it was the start of a new chapter in her life. Every day was the same now, a monotonous stream of hours that had no ups and downs – nothing to make her smile or cry.
Even now, knowing that she was in the hospital, Maggie having rushed her to E.R. when she collapsed in exhaustion, nothing about her current condition made Vivian feel worried or frightened.
So she had fainted. It had happened, but it was over. It did not change anything. She was still alone, and Luca didn’t want her.
Vivian heard the door open, and she reluctantly opened her eyes, thinking it was either Maggie or one of the nurses. But she was wrong.
Luca came forward, and Vivian caught a glimpse of giggling and staring interns at the hallway before the door swung shut. He looked vividly handsome in a pinstriped suit that emphasized his commanding height and powerful build, and in his hands was a bouquet of flowers.
“Buongiorno, Vi…vian.”
The near imperceptible pause wasn’t lost on Vivian, and she knew that he had changed his mind at the last minute, calling her ‘Vivian’ instead of ‘Vivi.’ She knew why of course. She had asked that of him, told him he couldn’t call her ‘Vivi’ anymore, and at that time she had meant it. Misery did love company, as she had come to realize, and at that time all she had wanted was t
o hurt him, too.
But now, thinking about it only made her feel mortifyingly childish, and without meeting his gaze, she mumbled, “It’s okay to call me Vivi. It d-doesn’t really matter.” And it didn’t, because now she was sensible enough to know that someone using special names to call you didn’t mean that person loved you.
Luca willed himself to remain impassive even as her words sliced into him. So it didn’t matter whatever he called her then, he thought dully. Did it mean she was completely over him that nothing he could do would hurt her…or bring her joy?
He said stiltedly, “These are for you.”
She accepted the flowers, making sure that their fingers didn’t graze each other as she did. “Thank you. They’re lovely.” It was a struggle to keep her voice steady, a struggle not to cry at the mere sound of his voice and the knowledge that after all these weeks, she was suddenly in the same room with the man who had broken her heart.
With the way Vivian kept avoiding his gaze, Luca knew that she didn’t want to see him again. And that shouldn’t surprise him, he thought heavily. So just say what you have come here to say, Valencia, and then get out of her life, for good this time.
He said abruptly, “Maggie told me you were here.”
Oh. She swallowed, saying, “She was probably worried sick about me. But there’s n-nothing to worry about. I was just tired, and I didn’t have enough rest.”
“Clearly that’s an understatement,” Luca said grimly. “You’re too thin, and too pale.”
Her lips twitched. “Thank you for making me feel beautiful.”
Luca jerked. “Apologies, I didn’t mean to---”
She shook her head. “I was joking.”
More silence.
Keeping her hands under the covers, her fingers digging into her palms, she asked unevenly, “Why are you here, Luca?”
He didn’t answer, but she could feel his intense dark gaze on her, like his eyes were trying to memorize the way she looked, almost like he didn’t want to forget her---