It took her a minute to realize that Holt was trying to reassure her. Setting her mug on the floor with a shaking hand, she tried to smile at him. “I know you will. I won’t tell you I’m not scared, but I trust you to protect me. There’s no place I’d feel safer than here with you.” She swallowed and continued in a low voice, “That’s not why I’m nervous tonight.”
He took her hand. “Why, then?”
“Because I have to tell you things I would rather keep hidden.”
His hand tightened around hers. “There’s nothing you have to tell me.”
“Then there’s something I want to tell you.”
Holding her hand, he studied her face. “You look like you’re being led to your execution. Don’t you know, Tory, that nothing you say could ever make me think less of you?”
Some of the ice inside her began to thaw. “Thank you for saying that. But maybe you’d better hear what I have to say first.”
“Shoot.” He settled on the couch, still holding her hand. She shifted her grip and curled her fingers around his.
“Last night...” She swallowed and reached for her mug, taking too big a gulp.
“Last night was wonderful,” Holt said softly.
“Yes, it was.” She set the mug down and turned to him, determined to get it out. “But I wasn’t completely fair to you. I should have told you about this before... before we made love.”
Pressing his fingers to the pulse thundering in her wrist, he slowly raised it to his mouth and brushed it with his lips. “Tell me now.”
“It’s difficult for me to surrender control to anyone else. In any part of my life.”
“That’s not always a fault.”
“Last night it was.”
“Last night we were both nervous.” He leaned over and brushed her mouth with his. “It’ll be better next time.”
“That’s just it,” she whispered, her heart aching. “I don’t know if it will.”
He watched her for a moment. “Tell me why.”
She tried to pull her hand away from his, but he held it tightly. Finally she let her hand rest quietly in his. “My father was an alcoholic who wasn’t around much. My mother was, to put it delicately, not very discriminating in her choice of companions when he wasn’t home.” She looked him in the eye. “Everyone in Eagle Ridge knew all about it when I was growing up. We moved around town constantly, to wherever my mother could find two beds. Every day in school I knew everyone including the teachers was looking at me, knowing what I was.”
“And what were you?” he asked softly.
“The daughter of a whore and a drunk. The kid everyone pitied when they weren’t laughing at me.”
“That’s why you left town as soon as you could.”
“I got a scholarship to college and never looked back. My mother died my freshman year, and after that there was no reason to come back to Eagle Ridge.”
“What about your father?”
“No one saw him again after my mother died.”
“What does that have to do with me or what happened last night?”
She turned away, unable to look at the understanding on his face. She was afraid she’d start to cry. “The day I left home at eighteen, I swore I would always be in control of every aspect of my life. I vowed I would never be that helpless again, that vulnerable to another person. I swore I would make a success of my life.”
“And you did.” His thumb caressed the inside of her wrist. “You’re a successful veterinarian, and now you own your own practice.”
“I also swore I would never come back here.”
His thumb stopped and he looked at her. “Did you come back because of Barber?”
She nodded, amazed at his perception. “After that happened, after he attacked me, I fell apart completely. I realized how fragile the structure of my life really was. Because I’d been so determined to control everything, my life was completely rigid, and a few blows from his baton cracked it beyond repair.”
“You could have gone anywhere to start over. Why did you come here?”
“Because this is where it all started. I thought if I could confront the demons I’d left behind in Eagle Ridge, I could rebuild my life. From the ground up.” She smiled tremulously. “And seeing Bobby Duvall was the first step. When I realized I wasn’t afraid of him any longer, I felt better than I have in months.”
“I still don’t understand what this has to do with last night.”
Her smile dimmed. “I was afraid last night,” she whispered. “I was afraid to lose control. That wasn’t fair to you. And I don’t know if I’ll ever not be afraid.”
Slowly he set his coffee mug down and reached for her. Pulling her close, he cradled her in his arms as he nuzzled her neck. “Nobody expects everything to be perfect the first time two people make love. It’ll be easier next time.” His arms tightened, then he leaned away from her. “And it’s not as if I gave you everything I had, either. What I told you last night was the simple truth. I don’t know if I can give you anything more.”
A ball of regret lodged in her chest. Last night she had seen what they might have had together. But the images had been blurry and indistinct, as if she looked through a layer of thick fabric and saw only shadows beyond it. Would either of them be able to reach out and tear the barrier aside?
Slowly he pulled her closer. “You’re shaking,” he murmured in her ear.
Swallowing hard, she tried to tell herself to move away from him, that it would be better in the long run. But she wanted to stay close. “It’s not easy to tell those things to someone I... care about.”
“It took a tremendous amount of courage,” he agreed quietly. “You’re not regretting that you told me, are you?”
“Of course not.” But she spoke too quickly.
He looked at her, astonished. “You can’t believe that what you told me is going to make any difference, can you?” When she didn’t answer, he shook her lightly. “Nothing that happened to you when you were a child was in any way your fault. If anything, your story only makes me admire you more. There aren’t many people who could create success out of a cesspool like the one you were raised in. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
Reaching out, she cupped his cheek with her hand. “I’m ashamed of being afraid last night. And I’m afraid I hurt you because of it.”
“Then I guess you’ll have to figure out a way to make it up to me, won’t you?” His eyes darkened to the color of smoke, and his fingers slid down to her waist.
The fear was still there, its wings beating in her head and its foul breath a trace of heat on her skin, but it had retreated to a distant corner of her mind. Leaning into his hand, she let her fingers creep up his shirt and slowly push a button through its buttonhole, her knuckles brushing the springy hair underneath. “I’ll see what I can come up with,” she murmured, hardly recognizing the low, husky voice as her own.
He tensed as another button, then another was freed. “I’d say you’re doing a pretty good job.”
When the last button opened and his uniform shirt fell open, she laid her hands on his chest. His muscles were strong and hard under her hands, his skin smooth and hot. He sat still as a stone while she smoothed her hands over him, tracing the shape of his ribs and the outline of his muscles with the tips of her fingers.
When she touched the hard nubbins of his nipples, he shuddered and closed his eyes. Sucking in a deep breath, he suddenly reached for her and crushed her against him. His mouth found hers in a deep, searing kiss that seemed to go on forever. When it ended, she was shaking as hard as he was.
Without a word he stood and took her hand, leading her up the stairs, not stopping until they stood next to the bed. Smoothing his hands down her face, he stared at her for the space of one heartbeat. What he saw there seemed to satisfy him, because he bent his head to kiss her again.
Something exploded inside her the instant his lips touched hers. She was on fire, burning for him. Aching for him.
He was equally frantic. His hands trembled as he swept her clothes away and pushed them to the floor. She heard a faint ripping sound when she tried to open the button on his slacks. In seconds they were naked on the bed, their arms and legs tangled as they rolled over the comforter.
Holt’s hands moved constantly, sweeping down her body, touching her everywhere, as if he could be satisfied by that sensation alone. His greedy mouth roamed over her face, down to her breast, nibbled on her thigh.
She throbbed and ached, burning out of control along with him. When he rose and thrust into her, she arched up to meet him, gripping him with her legs. In seconds they both flew over the edge, riding the crest together. She heard a voice and dimly realized that it was hers, sobbing his name.
She floated for a long time, her body sated and still quivering, before he shifted and she felt the weight of his sweatslicked body crushing her into the mattress. He tried to slide next to her, but she held him more tightly. “No,” she whispered. “I want to feel you against me.”
He eased to the side then pulled her close, his hand tracing lazy patterns on her back. “Believe me, I’m not going anywhere.” Searching for her mouth, he kissed her gently, lingering over her swollen lips.
She shuddered one more time, then gave in to the need and curled around him. The wings of fear fluttered once in her mind, but she brushed them away easily. Maybe Holt was right, she thought hazily as she drifted into sleep. Maybe everything would get easier.
Tory awakened to the quiet sound of a zipper closing. Opening her eyes, she saw Holt standing next to her bed, reaching for his shirt. As if he could feel her eyes on him, he turned to look at her.
“Hey, sleepyhead.” He smiled, and the sight made her heart turn over in her chest. Holt didn’t smile often.
“Hey, yourself.” She struggled to sit up, flushing as she grabbed the sheet to cover herself. Holt’s eyes darkened as he watched her. “Where are you going?”
“We got a call about a prowler at a house between here and town. I’m going to check it out.” He must have seen the fear rise in her face, because he leaned down and brushed his mouth over hers. “I called Teddy and he’s at the clinic. When you’re dressed and ready to go, call him and he’ll walk you over there. Okay?”
She nodded. “Okay.” Swallowing hard, she watched him button his shirt. “Do you think this prowler could be the murderer?”
“It’s possible,” he said grimly. “The house wasn’t far from here.”
“Be careful,” she said in a low voice.
Sliding onto the bed, he pulled her to him for a hard kiss. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back before you know it.”
His hands lingered at her waist, then he stood and strode to the door. Pausing to look back at her, he shoved his hands into his pockets and let his gaze drift to Spike, who lay on the floor with his head on his paws. “Take care of her, buddy,” he said gruffly, then he turned and clattered down the stairs. A moment later the front door closed.
She wouldn’t think about being alone in the house. Throwing off the covers, she went into the bathroom and started the shower. Ten minutes later she emerged and headed for her bedroom again, closing the door against the chill.
Spike wagged his tail in greeting, thumping it against the floor, and she relaxed. She dressed quickly and was slipping her shoes on when she saw the hair stand up on Spike’s back.
A low growl rumbled in his throat, and he slowly stood. At the same moment, she heard the third stair creak.
Panic washed over her, and she looked blindly for a weapon. Seeing none, she grabbed a chair and rammed it under the doorknob, then ran to the phone and dialed the police. Her heart thundered so loudly she could hardly hear her voice giving the message. When she hung up the phone she turned and looked at Spike. He stood at the door of her room, vibrating as he growled. Tory curled her fingers around the telephone and waited.
Chapter 13
He didn’t like the smell of this prowler situation. The rough vinyl of the steering wheel ground into Holt’s fingertips, and he pressed the accelerator a little harder. He didn’t like it at all.
Nobody had reported a prowler for weeks. Hell, no one had seen or heard a thing on the nights of the three murders. So why was there a prowler now, at six o’clock in the morning, at the house closest to Tory’s?
He lifted his foot from the gas pedal and glanced at the narrow road, scanning for a place to turn around. The next instant he clenched his teeth together and deliberately accelerated. He was almost there. It would only take a few minutes to look around and make sure the prowler was gone, then he could bolt to Tory’s and let one of his officers do a more thorough job.
He was turning into the driveway of the house that had reported the prowler when his radio crackled to life. As soon as he heard the words Dr. Falcon and prowler he spun the steering wheel viciously to the side and gunned the engine. The Blazer shot onto the road, fishtailing wildly as Holt struggled to control both the truck and his fear.
He would be damned useless if he ran into the house terrified and panicked. That knowledge was the only thing that allowed him to block out his terror and suppress the images of Tory. But pictures of what the bastard would do to her if he didn’t get there in time hovered at the edges of his mind, taunting him with his helplessness.
Skidding into her driveway, he was out of the truck before it had completely stopped as he ran toward her house, he searched frantically in his pocket for the key she had given him the evening before. Shoving it into the lock, he threw the door open and rushed inside.
The first thing he saw was the broken window, the curtain lifting lazily in the breeze. In spite of his vow to stay detached, he felt his stomach clench and tighten as fear hit him like a gut punch.
“Tory!” he yelled, frantically scanning the first floor then taking the stairs two at a time. “Are you here?”
“Holt?” Her voice was shaky and so low he could barely hear it, but it was coming from her bedroom. Thank God she was alive. Prayers he didn’t even realize he knew tumbled from his lips.
As he reached the top of the stairs, he heard her fumbling with something inside her bedroom. He saw a flash of red on her door out of the corner of his eye, but then the door opened a crack and he shoved it completely open.
He let his gaze sweep over her once then he crushed her into his arms and held on tight. Her heart thundered against his chest, its beat matching his own. Drawing a deep, shaky breath, the first one he’d taken since he ran into the house, he tightened his arms around her and breathed in the scent of her.
“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone,” he murmured into the fragrant cloud of her hair.
He could feel her tremble in his arms. “Did you catch him?”
“I didn’t see a thing. He was gone before I got here.”
She leaned back in his arms, her face white with fear. “Was I imagining it, then? Maybe there wasn’t anyone in the house.”
“You weren’t imagining it. There’s a broken window downstairs.” His voice was grim. “Tell me what happened.”
She swallowed hard and bent to pet Spike. “I finished my shower and came in here. It was chilly, so I shut the door. I was almost dressed when Spike started to growl, then I heard the stair creak.” She swallowed again and looked at him, terror blotting everything else from her eyes. “The third stair from the bottom squeaks. I’ve been meaning to fix it.”
“Thank God you didn’t. What happened then?”
“I rammed a chair under the doorknob and called the police. Then I waited.”
He didn’t want to think about how terrified she must have been, waiting in her room while a murderer climbed her stairs. Listening to him get closer and closer to her. He swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the sickness from his throat. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I never should have left you alone,” he repeated.
Her face was white, but she looked at him steadily. “You did the right thing, Holt. Who would have
guessed he’d be so clever?”
“I should have.” Rage built inside him as he realized what a close call she’d had. “I should have been more suspicious. I swear I won’t leave you alone again, Tory.”
Her eyes were huge and so dark they looked almost black. “Where did he go, Holt? You were here only a few minutes after I called. How could he disappear so fast?” Her face was frozen with fear.
“I don’t know, but we’ll find out.” He took her hand, the feel of her icy, stiff fingers stoking the rage inside him. “Believe me, we’ll find him.”
For a moment she clung to him, her cold hand curling around his like she’d never let go. Then she stood and reached for her shoes. “Maybe you’d better take a look around. Since he left in a hurry, maybe he got careless.”
“I’ll wait for you to come downstairs with me. I don’t want you out of my—”
Shock hit him as he turned toward the hallway. Her door stood open, and painted on the side facing the hall was a large red X. The red paint dripped down the door, making it look like spatters of blood against the dark wood.
“Oh, my God.” She spoke faintly behind him, and he immediately grabbed her arms.
“This is good, Tory,” he said too quickly. “Maybe he got some paint on his hands and left a fingerprint somewhere. This gives us a chance.”
She didn’t look like she’d heard him. She stared at the door, her arms wrapped around her shoulders. “I heard him doing it,” she whispered. “I heard something scratching at the door, but I thought he was trying to get in. I stood here and listened to him on the other side of my door.”
“He won’t get that close again, Tory, I swear it.” Holt’s fingers curled into the softness of her upper arms. She just kept staring at the door.
Finally she looked at him. “I need to get out of here. Can I go over to the clinic?”
“I’ll walk you over there and make sure everything’s all right. I want to talk to Teddy, anyway.”
The Dark Side Of The Moon Page 19