“Dad’s dead. He won’t know.”
“No, but we will.”
“She’s never coming back, Brennan.”
He studied me for a moment, looking for some sign that I might actually believe that to be true. Emma was my only love, my mate, my soul. And she had crept away in the middle of the night without any warning. The only way I could deal with her departure was to tell myself that it was permanent and I that had to move on. But the reality was that I’d never move on. I would only have one mate and I’d lost her forever.
“You know you’re going to be expected to fight for alpha,” Brennan said, thankfully changing the subject.
I nodded.
“And alphas won’t succeed unless they have a mate.”
Another round of hurt stabbed my heart. So much for changing the subject. “I won’t force her to be with me, Brennan,” I said.
He stood and walked over to the side wall that housed a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf. “I’m not just talking about Emma,” he finally continued. “You need someone by your side, providing you with strong cubs and giving you the support you’re going to need to lead this clan.”
“What exactly are you suggesting?” I asked with warning slipping into my words.
Brennan continued to peruse the books. “You need to mate with someone strong. And it would be even better if that someone had connections.”
“Spit it out.” Brennan didn’t hint at things if he hadn’t already figured out the solution.
“What about Portia?”
I turned toward him in surprise. “Portia Dunanski? The werewolf?”
With a casual shrug, Brennan lifted a book from the shelf. “You met her. She’s strong. And an excellent tracker.”
“And she’s a wolf.”
“So?”
“How do you think the clan would react if I mated with a wolf?”
“If you’re alpha, they’d have to go along with it.”
While he had a point, I couldn’t even fathom the idea of being with anyone but Emma. “No,” I whispered. “I can’t do that.”
Brennan watched me again, an unopen book resting in his hand and a sad smile brewing on his lips. “You still love her.”
“I’m not talking about this anymore.” I flipped through the folder not seeing any of the words in front of me. Instead I saw images of Emma and me on the boat, swimming in the bay, running through the forest. She’d left behind a deep wound in my soul—one I didn’t think I’d ever get over. But Brennan was right. If I won the position of alpha, I would be expected to carry on our family line. Maybe I could find a human mother. Someone that would be there to have my children and fulfill that role. Someone who wouldn’t care if we didn’t have a relationship. Because I could never give my heart to anyone else again.
“It’s okay, Brandt. You’re allowed to love her.”
“Where’s Dixon?” I asked with a tone that said we were done talking about Emma. Forever.
Brennan sat down again. “Don’t know. I haven’t seen him since yesterday. I thought you sent him on an errand.”
I shook my head. “No. I didn’t send him anywhere.” Dixon, our clan’s second in command, would know more about these contracts than I would right now. He could at least give me the cliff notes version. “Has he checked in?”
“Nope.”
With a sigh, I closed the folder and leaned back into the soft leather. “I still can’t believe he’s gone.” I did my best to hold in my emotions, but it was much harder to do around my brother. We were always so close that it was easy to forget I had to be strong for the whole clan.
“Brandt?”
I looked toward the door where Derrick had just stuck his head inside. “Come in.”
Aside from my brothers, Derrick Ward was my closest friend. He was the same age as Brennan so we all grew up together. He was also unnaturally good with computer programming and crunching numbers.
“Hey Brennan. Sorry to interrupt but I wanted to let you know what I found out.”
I raised a brow in confusion so Brennan filled in the missing pieces. “I asked him to work with the police and park rangers and see what they know about the murder.”
Cringing with the word murder I clenched my jaw and gestured to the empty chair. “Please, sit.”
Derrick complied, his green eyes trying to portray confidence, but there was no hiding the hint of fear in them. “Well, the sheriff and local ranger were totally useless. Of course they didn’t know that was Blaze’s body they found and I was able to forge the morgue records to show that your father died of a heart attack even though his human body hadn’t been in the hospital.”
“Thank you for that,” I said with a grateful smile.
“Sure,” Derrick hung his head. “And although they argued with me about getting the bear’s body, I finally convinced him that we could process it at one of our fish plants. We had to pay a fee for that, though.”
“That’s fine,” I said. “But they believed you? About the fish plant?”
This time Derrick smiled widely. “I convinced the woman ranger.”
Brennan chuckled and for the first time this week, I cracked a grin. “Those women can never resist you, can they?”
“Nope.”
“So, they have no leads on the poachers?” Brennan asked. He never really learned how to enjoy a moment when he was having one.
“Not really. They think there were three of them, based on the footprints. But the skin or the…head…hasn’t shown up at a taxidermy shop anywhere nearby yet. They also said they didn’t find any slugs.”
“But they could have been in the head,” I said. Everyone went silent, none of us wanting to think of our alpha dying that way.
“I’ve been monitoring their emails to see if they find anything else out that they wouldn’t share with me.”
“Thanks again, Derrick.” He was by far one of the most loyal members of the Callaghan clan and if I won alpha, I would be sure that Derrick would play and important role in my circle.
“Of course.” He shifted in his chair to look at Brennan. “Any word from Bo yet? He knows about your dad, right?”
“He does,” I cut in sharply.
Brennan glared at me. “He’s coming back on Friday for the funeral.”
“He’s still with that girl in Florida?” Derrick asked.
“Nadya? Yeah.” Brennan shook his head. “After all that vampire chaos in New York, I think he wanted a break.”
A low growl rumbled in my throat. “We all want to get away. But not all of us have the luxury of skirting our duties and traipsing off to the tropics with a girl.” I didn’t mean to sound so harsh but Bo had a tendency to run from his problems.
Just like Emma.
Derrick stared at me, obviously wondering if he should support his friend or just shut up. He stayed silent. Brennan stood and grabbed the folder again. “I’ll come back later to discuss this.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.”
Derrick pushed himself up and stuck his hands in his pockets, his chin length black hair covering most of his face. “Don’t worry about it man. We all understand.”
As the two of them left, I thought about his words. Everyone seemed to understand why I was always upset. First with Emma and now with my father—I was a perpetual pile of broken egg shells no one wanted to approach. I’d hated the way everyone looked at me, watched me, for months after Emma left. And now it was happening again.
I walked back out onto the deck, breathing in the fresh air and biting back my bear. When I was upset, he wanted to protect me. We’d been battling for a year over who would protect who. There was supposed to be a new moon tonight—blackness for hours. My bear stirred, anxious to dig into the dirt and the fresh salmon nearby.
“Okay, we’ll go tonight,” I said out loud and he settled down. “We’ll go tonight and see if we can track the poachers.”
I stared up at the Callaghan house and wondered if I’d made a mistake.
My flight was delayed and my rental car reservation had been messed up so I’d missed the memorial at the community center. I felt bad for showing up now, but at least I’d have a chance to offer my condolences to the family and let them know just how much Blaze meant to me. Plus, it was too late to turn around now.
As I stood in the large driveway that already held several trucks, limousines, and town cars, my bear relaxed. A growl of content rumbled low in my chest, a sign that she needed to be here. The voices coming from the house sounded friendly and in the distance someone played a fiddle. The notes carried over the vast landscape, the Callaghan acreage reaching from the shores of the bay to the tops of the surrounding mountains.
And I breathed it all in. While I’d spent the last year living in relatively open space, nothing compared to the vastness of Alaska. I missed the smells of the salty sea, the crisp glaciers, and the luscious pines. I missed the smell of my home.
That realization shook me to the core. How could I miss a place that had brought me so much anxiety? I’d felt trapped. My bear had felt trapped. Our life was planned out for us before I’d even reached puberty. And although we’d both wanted that future at first, the fear of losing ourselves had won out in the end.
“Well, holy shit. I think I see a ghost.”
I turned toward the familiar voice coming up behind me and couldn’t hide my smile. “Bodhi Callaghan.”
The youngest of the three brothers rushed forward and lifted me in his burly arms. While I certainly wasn’t a petite woman, his grizzly size dwarfed my frame. He’d let his hair grow out along with the stubble on his face. If one were to look up the definition of a mountain man, his picture would be right beside it.
He kissed my cheek before setting me down but still held on to my shoulders. “You know I don’t like Bodhi,” he teased.
“Too California for you, right?”
“Exactly.” Stepping back, he eyed me closely. “You look good, Emma.”
“Thanks. You too.” He wore a tailored suit that I’m sure had only graced his body a handful of times. It fit him well and he knew it. Yet there was still a sadness cloaking his features today. “I’m so sorry about your dad.”
Bo grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Yeah, it sucks. But I’m really glad you’re here. Dad would have liked that.”
While I wasn’t so sure about that sentiment, I kept my lips pressed together in a small grin. “Did you just get here?” I asked.
“Nah, but I couldn’t be in there any longer.” He shivered as though he could rid himself of all the emotions. “What about you? I didn’t see you at the memorial?”
Shaking my head, I tried to rein in the tears. “Delayed. I just got here now.”
“And where are you staying?”
“I was going to get—”
He covered my mouth with his hand. “Don’t even finish that sentence. You’re staying here.”
“Bo, I can’t.”
“You can and you will. I believe we still have your room available.”
I swallowed hard. My room wasn’t really my room, but it was where Brandt and I would stay when we needed to be here on clan business…which was often. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. What about Brandt?” It was the first time I’d said his name out loud.
“He’ll get over it.” Bo picked up my bag and pulled me toward the house. “Come on. Everyone will be happy to see you.”
“I doubt that,” I mumbled under my breath. But Bo heard and he let a light chuckle fill the air around us.
We climbed the stairs to the front deck. The log cabin like house boasted three floors, each one with some type of deck on it, a number of windows, and a small creek running alongside the north edge. I used to sit outside and let the bubbling water ease me into a trance whenever my bear was acting up. And as though she remembered, I felt her settle even deeper into her cave. She wasn’t threatened here.
At least not anymore.
Trying to stall, I continued the conversation with Bo. “So, what have you been up to?”
He stopped walking and smiled, knowing exactly what I was doing. “Well, we fought off some rogue vampires in New York recently, so that was fun. And then I spent a few weeks in Florida with…someone.” Bo hung his head and I swear I saw him flush.
“You haven’t changed at all, have you?” I laughed. “Every day for you is a new adventure, am I right?”
Bo kissed my cheek. We had grown up together and he’d always felt like a little brother to me. I only had three years on him, but sometimes that was enough to make him seem like he needed my protection. “Life would be way too boring if it wasn’t.”
“So, you were with a girl in Florida? A shifter?”
Biting his lip, Bo stared off at the mountains over my head. “No. She’s not a shifter. I’m not really a fan.”
“Of women?” I teased.
“Of shifter women,” he replied with a smirk. Bo would never give up his love of women. “It’s too…complicated. With the bear and all.”
I knew exactly what he meant. The bear would choose for you when it came to finding a mate. All of the time. And if the bear wasn’t happy, it would exhaust us until we finally gave in. My bear had chosen many years ago, despite my human need to be on my own.
“You’re stalling,” he said, pulling me back to the present.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
I looked up at him. “Seriously?”
“I know you think everyone is mad at you, but you’re here now and that’s all that matters.” He reached for my hand but I pulled back.
“Does he hate me?” I whispered, tears building in my eyes.
Bo knew I was asking about his brother. He shrugged. “He could never hate you, Emma. He’s loved you forever. He was mad. Hurt, really. He didn’t understand why you left.” Bo held up a hand to stop my words. “And you don’t need to tell me the reason, but that is a conversation the two of you should have while you’re here.”
I liked that Bo didn’t assume I was staying for good. That’s why we’d always gotten along so well. No drama and simple straight talking. I smiled at him. “Thanks, Bo. I did miss you.”
He reached forward and wrapped his arms around me again, squeezing hard enough to break a normal human. “I missed you too. We all did.”
My stomach clenched, birds clawing around inside like caged beasts. The guilt I’d felt the first few months on my own came rushing back in a wave of pain. The Callaghan clan had always been there for me. Blaze taught me how to be a female grizzly. And Brandt had given me his heart. I left all of that behind because I’d felt trapped. But now that I thought about the reasons why I ran away, it all seemed so trivial.
“Come on,” Bo said, finally letting me go. “We can’t stay out here forever.”
“We can’t?” I asked with a sad smile.
“Let’s go.”
Bo held open the door, allowing several humans to leave before we stepped inside. The smell of fresh bread, roasted chicken, and a plethora of other scents assaulted my nose. My stomach was way too upset to even think about eating but my bear perked up when she recognized the room. It was the largest open living area I’d ever seen in a house. Reminding me of a ski lodge, the second and third floors had decks that overlooked the space and a grand stone fireplace stretched up and out of the cathedral ceilings. Most of the furniture had been moved to the sides of the space to allow for several tables of food and drinks to be displayed down the center of the room.
And the place itself was crowded with people. Both human and shifters, although mostly just humans. This was the show for them. I imagined the private shifter funeral would happen tonight. Since Blaze had so many businesses and the clan had been connected to them for a long time, there were a lot of important people from the state here to pay their respects. I even thought I spotted a congressman.
“Hello, Emma.” Dixon’s gruff voice made my bear cower. We were still standing on the landing near the front door, constantly bei
ng pushed aside to let people move in and out. “Nice of you to finally join us.”
Shocked by his angry tone, I snapped my head around to respond but then noticed him glaring at Bo. “I—”
“I’m speaking to Bo, not you.”
Dixon and Bo continued to have their stare down. Bo may have been the alpha’s son, but Dixon was the clan’s second in command. I watched Bo struggle to acquiesce to the older man. Bo was never very good at submitting or following clan rules. But he did have respect for his elders and after a tense minute, he finally dropped his gaze and tilted his head to expose his neck—an acknowledgement of Dixon’s authority.
“I’m going to drop your bag off, Emma. I’ll be back soon.” Bo walked away before I had a chance to beg him not to leave me alone.
Focusing on Dixon, I felt the need to say something. “Thank you for finding me.” I was surprised with the words, as I’d never thought I say them, let alone mean them. And I never thought I’d thank Dixon. For anything.
Instead of responding, he just let out a huff and crossed his arms to survey the crowd again. I followed his gaze. I didn’t know most of the people here but I did see Brennan in the far corner talking to a person I thought was in the local government. He was facing sideways, but the resemblance to his brother was uncanny and made my heart jump. Brennan was the middle brother—the sensible and overly cautious one. He and Brandt were super close so I feared I would feel the wrath of Brennan long after Brandt forgave me. If he ever did.
“How long will you stay?” Dixon suddenly asked, startling me.
“I have a flight back in two days.”
Dixon turned his commanding stare on me. Although approaching a hundred years old, he still looked like a human in his late fifties. “You should stay longer.”
Stunned by this comment, I couldn’t help but ask. “Why?”
He shrugged and returned to his position watching the crowd. I didn’t think he was going to answer until he jerked his chin to the far corner of the room where someone had just walked in. “Because he’s going to need you.”
With a tight chest and a new round of tears threatening to break free, I watched Brandt play his role. His brown hair hung freely over his brows, his light brown eyes etched with a hint of yellow, Chiseled jaw, massive body—he couldn’t help exude sex. Brandt hadn’t made it five feet before several men in suits were on him, surrounding him like an injured elk and waiting for him to show weakness. But he smiled in the way that let me know he was just gritting his teeth and pushing down the bear. Shaking the hands of everyone, they did the friendly chuckle and shoulder taps as Brandt tried to break free. Yet just a few steps later, a female approached him. With her tight black dress with the low-cut back, I instantly felt the surge of jealousy raging inside. Every time she touched his arm, I wanted to rip her throat out.
Obeying the Bear: BBW Paranormal Shapeshifter Romance (The Callaghan Clan Book 1) Page 2