by Anne Connor
I broke her trust once before. But I was fucking stupid. I thought it would make me worthy enough for her. I thought it would balance out the fucking scales of the universe and make me clean. But it doesn’t work like that. It doesn’t fucking work like that.
“I won’t hurt you again, Daisy.” I pull her close to me and guide us down to sit on a rock, crushing my mouth into hers like it’s the first time again. And it feels like the first time. Every kiss, every glance, it always feels like the first time with her. But it’s familiar, too. It’s like we’ve always been part of each other. Tied together. Intertwined, forever. Not just by an accident of birth. I could have been born next door to any girl.
But any other girl wouldn’t be Daisy.
My blooming flower, my delicate love. I can’t hurt her again. I won’t.
“I know,” she breathes. “And I won’t let you let me down again. I should have fought for us harder too, Travis.”
I guide her into my lap and she slowly wraps her legs around my waist. I’m so hard for her already, and I take her lips with mine. Her arms come up in an embrace, wrapping tight around my back.
“It wasn’t your fault, Daisy.”
My fingers go to the zipper on her hoodie, and I slowly begin to pull it down. A shadow falls over the perfect skin on her gorgeous neck, and when I pull the zipper down farther, a small moan comes from her perfect lips. She isn’t wearing a bra - all that’s underneath is a thin tank top. I push the hoodie off her shoulders and kiss her collarbone, bringing her body closer to me.
“That feels so good,” she moans.
“I dreamed of this every fucking night,” I growl. “You’re perfect.”
She grinds against me in my lap, straddling me, the friction between our bodies heating up. I slip my finger under one of the straps on her tank top, pulling it down over her flawless skin as my mouth moves lower.
“Wait,” she whispers. My cock is so hard, so ready for her. I want to tear her clothes off her. Daisy puts her fingers at the edge of her tank top and pulls it up over her head, letting her perfect breasts come free. “That’s better.”
“Fuck,” I groan into her ear. She moves in my lap, pushing herself against me. She gazes up at me, breathing heavily. I know what she wants; I know what drives her fucking crazy. It makes me crazy too, to see her like this.
I move my mouth down to her neck and kiss her gently, letting my fingers press against the skin of her chest, taking one of her tiny pink nipples between my thumb and forefinger, rolling it against my rough skin. Her breath hitches deep inside her throat and she trembles, her chest falling against me.
“I just want to make you feel good,” I whisper in her ear. “I can’t take away the pain I’ve caused you. Not all at once. But I can make you feel good day by day.”
I put my lips on her neck, making a trail of kisses to the soft spot behind her ear. She exhales shakily, her body melting into me. My fingers find a lock of hair and I tug at it gently, and she giggles, but the sound turns into something else as I push my other hand down her stomach.
“Do you want it?” I stop, waiting for her answer. I know what she’s feeling. Now that we’ve talked, though, I want her to tell me that she still wants me to make her feel the way I’ve always been able. I want her to tell me she needs my touch. And no one else’s.
“Yes, Travis,” she says, her eyes trailing up to mine. “I want it.”
I push my fingers down into her jeans. I can’t fucking take it. I find her wet clit and trace my finger against it. My cock is on fire and I need to bury myself deep inside her, but I want to make her beg for it first. I want her to know how serious I am about her tonight. I can’t make her trust me again all at once, but I can make her beg for my cock. I can take this one step at a time, one night at a time, until she’ll wear my ring again.
Her teeth come down on her bottom lip and her eyes grow larger, her brows knitting together in a silent plea to take her. To take her here and now, under the moonlight, where no one will find us.
I trace two fingers slowly along her clit, pressing them onto either side of it, circling against her. I’ve never felt her wetter or hotter or more ready for me.
“You do want it, don’t you?” I whisper into her ear. There’s no one around, but I want to make sure she’s the only one who can hear. Everyone will know she’s mine again soon enough, but right now, she’s the only one who I want to know. My words are for her, and only for her.
“Yes,” she whimpers. “I want it.”
“Tell me how bad you want it.” My hand comes around to the back of her neck and I tilt her head back slightly, kissing the pure, exposed flesh on her neck. “Tell me.”
“I want you inside me,” she pleads. “I missed you. I was angry, but I missed you.”
“Tell me what you thought about,” I say. It fucking hurts. I should never have been away from her. I should never have made her fantasize about me. I should have taken her body every single night and never let her go.
“I thought about you coming over to my house like you used to,” she says. “I thought about you coming into my room in the dark. How we used to not turn the lights on. I thought about how it was before we fucked. When we just kissed. How it was a secret between us.”
I press my fingers against her clit as she grinds against me softly, then push my fingers into her, past her tight folds, into her velvet, perfect flesh.
“It’s not going to be a secret anymore, baby. Not anymore.” I pull her mouth to mine, kissing her lips with the pent-up desire of the last year. Every kiss I’ve given her since getting out has been nothing compared to this. Each kiss I’ve shared with her has been incredible, but without her love, there was something missing. It was there all along, and I knew it. I just needed to hear her say it.
She makes my cock hard, and she makes my heart so fucking soft - ready and open to take her love. All of it.
I finally feel good enough for her. I finally feel that I can take her all the way.
“Show me,” she glowers up at me. “Show me what I’ve been missing. Bring it out into the light. I don’t want it to be a secret anymore.”
She stands up, her lusciously curvy hips tempting me toward her. I bring my mouth to her belly and kiss her flesh, bringing her jeans down slowly over her ass, running my hands over her curves.
“Sit down, baby,” I say as her shorts hit the ground. I quickly undo my belt and let the zipper on my jeans fall, taking my cock out for her. “Let me show you what you’ve been missing.”
Her eyes trail down from mine and reach my cock as she steps forward. Her chest rises and falls, and I reach out to take her hips in my hands, guiding her into my lap. She presses herself onto my cock, slowly coming down as I spear into her.
“I love you,” I whisper into her ear as she comes down onto me.
I grind into her, regretting the past year, but thankful for it. It was a mistake, but I had to do it. My confusion begins to melt away, though, as I take her in my arms and we move together.
This is where I belong. This is where I’ll stay.
Her breathing becomes heavier as I slam myself into her over and over. Her moans fill the night air, and I don’t try to stop her.
“Travis,” she moans. That’s what I need; that’s what I want. My chest grows hot with my growing desire for her, my cock full and heavy inside her. I want my name painted on her lips, her body satisfied but wanting more and craving me every single day.
“You’re mine, baby,” I whisper into her ear. She mewls onto my lips as her face turns to mine, our lips moving together as our bodies heat.
I feel her begin to cum, her thighs pressed up around my body, her pussy tight with my fullness inside her.
I wrap her hair up in my fingers, my fist drawing up her long, luscious brown hair at the nape of her neck. She’s naked except for my hand on the back of her neck, pulling at her hair gently, making her crazy as she cums.
She pulls away from me, putting her mouth on
my neck, moaning into my skin. Her pussy squeezes up on my full length and I cum hard, shooting myself deep into her.
This is what I’ve wanted. This is what I’ve been waiting for.
“Daisy,” I say as her head falls against her chest. I loosen my grip on her long hair and press my palm to the back of her neck. “I’m yours.”
Daisy
I’d never been to the quarry before. It was like being at the lake with him; it was how it used to be.
Before he walked out on me and crushed my heart.
And it felt good. It felt good to be with him again. It felt right.
He put himself on the line for his friend. He gave up everything he knew would make him happy so his friend wouldn’t have to leave his new wife and child.
If I hadn’t been in the picture, I’d think he was completely insane, and completely justified.
I can’t help forgiving him. I couldn’t help begging him to take me, to make me his all over again. Because as much as it hurt, I don’t think he’s crazy. Maybe he didn’t do the right thing, but he didn’t do the wrong thing, either.
I did fantasize about him. It felt wrong, because I didn’t know if I would be able to let him back in. The truth is that I don’t know if I ever fully pushed him out of my heart.
The quarry was beautiful, but the distance down into the water was a dizzying height. I looked down at the craggy rocks and wondered what would happen if I fell. I wondered whether Travis would jump down after me and save me.
My father was right - the boy next door broke my heart. But he’s also the only one who can mend me, make me whole, put me back together. If I fall, he’s the one who will catch me.
I just wish I could have saved him a year ago.
When we get back home after the quarry, I see that my parents’ car is in the driveway. There are no lights on inside the house, though. There’s no frost on the ground and I’m able to get back inside without making too much noise. When I get to my front door, I turn around to face Travis’ house. He’s standing there, waiting to make sure I get inside okay, even though I’m already home.
I go upstairs to my room, the memory of his kisses still fresh on my skin. I can still feel him on me, all around me.
If I had only known the truth a year ago. I could have saved him. I could have told my father the truth. Still, I don’t know that I would have. I don’t know that I would have covered for Travis. He made his choice, and it confuses me to know I understand why he did what he did. Even though it put time and space between us.
I never openly wore the ring he gave me. I never had a chance to. I didn’t want my parents to know that I’d given myself to him.
And the words my father told me still echo inside my head. As I get to my room, careful to not make any noise as I pass my parents’ room, those words come back to me. They always sneak back in. Like the nervous excitement that seeps through the edges of my thoughts when I allow myself to think of Travis, my dad’s words still come in.
I’m especially conscious of them when I enter my bedroom. The words come to me more now, because this is where I was always alone with my thoughts. Whether he was across the yard from me or not, whether he was behind bars in a prison cell or just behind his curtain and the screen and glass on his window, I was alone in my room to think of him.
As I slip down between my sheets, I check the window one last time. Travis is there, across our yards. He waves, and the lights in his room flicker off.
I don’t know if he can see me. It doesn’t matter.
He knows I’m here.
Travis
“This is the beginning, man.” Alec gets into my car, waving at his wife and baby as he turns the crank to roll down his window.
It’s an unseasonably warm day, and my chest fills with warmth when I see his baby waving at him. I flick my cigarette out the window and roll it up.
“What do you mean by that?” I ask, turning down the radio. Alec always comes out with stuff like that. I think he could have been a poet in another life.
“Look around,” he says. He glances up through the windshield, at the limitless blue sky above us. “This is a fresh start. For both of us.”
I pull out of the parking space slowly, my tires gripping the ground even through the puddles in the street. I hear the puddles splash as we roll away. I’m careful not to drive too fast. I want to be careful.
“I don’t want a fresh start,” I say. “I want things to be how they used to.”
A fresh start would mean putting away all of the time I’ve spent with Daisy - a fresh start would mean forgetting all of the happiness, the joy, the fucking heartbreak I’ve caused her. I don’t want to forget. I want those scars to remain. I want the reminder of what we’ve been through together.
I don’t want my time away from her to have been in vain. I don’t want to forget. I don’t want a fresh start. I want to pick up right here. I want to prove to her that she’s my girl, and I don’t want her to go one more day without my lips on hers.
And the next time I go to the police station for an appointment with my parole officer, I intend on speaking to her father. I want him to see me for who I am - a man who will work every single day to prove that I’m good enough for Daisy. I want him to see me for who I really am.
My head thrums with a nervous energy as we drive through town to the garage where we used to work together. We’re going there to get our old jobs back.
The ride is fast and we pass the time silently.
One of the conditions of my parole is that I find a job - and keep it.
I want to work in the garage again. It’s where I belong. It’s where Alec and I learned what we’re really good at.
I started as an apprentice, doing battery and tire installations, and quickly moved up to diagnosing mechanical issues and assisting with more complex problems.
By the time I had to leave, I was managing my own roster of clients and doing fixes on rare and antique cars in addition to completing oil changes for soccer moms.
When we arrive at the garage, I pull into a narrow space just outside and look up. It’s as though no time has passed at all. I feel that Alec and I belong here, and a wave of nostalgia hits my chest as we both get out and the car doors slam in unison behind us.
Bells chime as we pass through the front door, making our way into the narrow hall behind the entrance.
Our old boss looks up from the cash register and nearly does a double-take when he sees us.
“Boys?” He smiles wide and scratches his chin, shaking his head in disbelief. I feel my chest grow warm at the scent of this place, at seeing the old man who gave me a job when I was sixteen. All of those extra hours I spent at the garage helped me save mom’s house, too. But being here is also a reminder of how I ran from her, how I hid myself away and made excuses. It reminds me of how I should have been there when she finally passed.
“Sammy,” Alec says, clapping the old man’s back as he comes around to our side of the counter.
The old man steadies himself against the counter filled with air fresheners and cup holder inserts, grinning up at us.
“I haven’t seen you two in…how long has it been?”
“A year,” I say. I’m acutely aware of how much time has gone by. I know it as sure as I can tell the time by the length of the shadows falling across my yard.
The old man’s eyes widen slightly as he shakes his head.
“A year,” he says, a tone of defeat coloring his voice. “For you boys a year probably seems like a long time. When you get older, you’ll see that it goes by fast. That’s not to say I haven’t missed you, though.”
He starts toward the door at the end of the long hallway, into the garage. He’s always walked with a slight limp, caused by some injury a long time ago that he’s only alluded to and never explained to us, but now his gait is more damaged than it used to be.
“There’s a lot of work to be done, and I can’t do it all on my own,” he says.
&nbs
p; We step into the garage, the smell of gasoline and motor oil making my heart ache for the past.
I let my eyes pass easily over the row of mini vans he has lined up at close intervals. There’s no interesting cars back here. It’s all newer models. I can tell just from looking that these are all easy jobs.
Alec steps forward, walking between two rows of vans and disappearing into the back of the garage. He’s looking at everything and nothing.
“It’s hard to find help,” the old man says, leaning on the wall with one hand. “Frankly, there aren’t too many people around town who can do what you can, Travis. And that’s caused me to lose business.”
“You’re capable,” I say, but the place looks like a mess. I don’t know if it’s because his health has deteriorated or because he isn’t as skilled as I once thought he was, but there’s not much going on here to make it look like a place I’d bring my ride.
“Look,” the man says, scrubbing the side of his face with an open palm. The lines in his forehead look deeper now, the lines around his eyes make him look like he hasn’t had a moment’s rest in the past year. “I know you had to go away for a while, but I know you’re a good kid. If you want your old job back, it’s yours. You too, Alec,” he adds, looking out at the rows of cars.
“I’m on probation right now, so I need to keep a good job. But it isn’t just for that,” I add. “I missed this damn place.”
He puts his hand out and we shake on it. A bittersweet hope fills my chest. I can do this. This will work.
A chime of bells cuts through our moment, and someone knocks at the door. The old man claps me on the back and smiles, turning his attention toward getting back out to help his customer.
The door swings closed behind me, muffling out the voices behind it. Alec comes over to me, appears from between a row of cars.
“We’re going to rule again, brother,” he says, leaning back on the hood of a car. “It’s going to be you and me again.”
I take a step toward him, shaking my head and smiling. I can’t help it. Things are starting to fall back into place.