by Liz Isaacson
“I don’t understand what’s going on with you, Austin.” No hello. No how are you? No nothing. Just a needling, half-whining voice on the other end of the line.
“No, I’m sure you don’t.” And he’d never cared before. His dad hadn’t cared, because Austin had always done what his father wanted. He’d driven to San Antonio when Shane and Dylan wouldn’t. He’d tried to get them to come. He responded to the family texts.
He’d been caught between two worlds for long enough, and he was tired enough trying to keep up with the life he was living. He couldn’t keep one foot in a life with his father, because his dad only wanted him there when it was convenient for him.
“San Antonio is a short drive,” he said. “You could come for an early dinner on Christmas Eve and be back to the ranch in plenty of time.”
“You’re probably right.” Austin stared straight ahead, sifting through the angry things he could say to his father. In the past year, they’d surged to the surface, made him clench his teeth and hang up before he blurted them all out.
But now, he felt…annoyed, sure. But he didn’t feel like he was about to go nuclear, and that was a huge improvement.
“I know you said Shane and Dylan won’t come, and Joanna is fine with that. We just want you to come. You’ve always been so much fun, Austin.”
Austin pressed his eyes closed, the seething fury roaring to life with just a few simple words. He felt like he was being ripped in half. His loyalty to his father and his family had always run through his blood. He’d trusted his father explicitly growing up. Had enjoyed working the ranch at his side, learning what he needed to know, telling jokes, laughing, and sweating under the sun.
He hadn’t realized his father’s betrayal when he was only sixteen. He’d been confused, everything happening so fast, that he’d actually been upset with his mother and his brothers for losing the ranch.
“I’m not coming,” he said, his voice this freaky calm tone he barely recognized. It was the complete opposite of how his nerves rattled inside him.
“Austin—”
“Dad, please just stop. I’m tired of being manipulated.”
“I’m not manipulating you.”
“You are. You have for years. And I’ve let you. And I’m done.” His phone beeped, and he seized onto it as an excuse. “I have to go. Mom’s calling.” He hung up, the urge to throw his phone still strong.
He managed to look at it and see that his mother had recommended tea and honey for his throat and more rest for his headache.
“More rest.” Austin chuckled, wondering if his mother somehow had eyes here at the ranch that would know Austin hadn’t been sleeping more than five or six hours a night in weeks. Of course she does, he thought. She had Dylan, Shane, and Robin. Probably some of the ranch hands too.
He thanked her and shoved his phone in his back pocket where he wouldn’t feel it vibrated because the seat would be bouncing around too much. Then he got to work, wishing he’d brought headphones with him so he didn’t only have his poisonous thoughts about his father to keep him company.
In an attempt to distract himself, he began to sing. He didn’t have a wonderful voice, but there wasn’t anyone out here to judge him, so he let the lyrics to his favorite country songs lift into the air. When he’d gone through all the songs he knew, he switched to hymns.
When he pulled back into the equipment shed and jumped down from the tractor, Shay walked toward him, a beautiful smile on her face. “Hey there, cowboy.” She stopped and cocked her hip. “Heard you singin’ out in the fields.”
Embarrassment seeped into him, heating his chest and neck. “You heard that?”
“Pretty voice.”
“Just what every man wants to hear.” He gestured for her to come closer, and she practically skipped into his arms, giggling. He loved this happy, flirty version of Shay, and he swung her around.
“How was your night?” He gazed down at her, brushing back her hair and leaning down for a kiss before she could answer. He would never tire of her lips, and a twinge of electricity traveled down both his legs. Joy skipped through his system, and he pulled back before he got too carried away.
“Are we too tired to go out tonight?” he asked, half-hoping she’d say yes. His head still pounded and he didn’t even know how to make tea.
“I’m not.” She traced her fingertips down the side of his face, sending a shiver through his bones. “But you look a little worse for the wear.” She wore concern in her eyes.
“I have a headache,” he admitted. “And my mother said the best remedy for a sore throat is tea with a lot of honey. I don’t suppose you know how to make tea?”
Shay bent back and laughed, both hands pressing against his chest as she straightened again. “Yeah, I can make tea. C’mon, let’s go back to my cabin.”
Austin held her hand as they walked down the spoke of the crossroads that led back to the epicenter of the ranch, then they continued toward Shay’s house. Austin climbed her steps with her, and said, “My dad called.”
“Oh, that doesn’t sound good.” Shay opened her front door and a rush of heat met Austin as he followed her inside.
“He wanted me to come to Christmas Eve dinner,” he said, his mood darkening. “Claimed that he didn’t care if Shane or Dylan came, that he just wanted to see me, that I’m the fun one.”
Shay filled a teapot with water and set it on the stove. “What did you tell him?”
“I told him to stop manipulating me. Stop lying to me.”
She pressed her mouth into a tight line and spun away from him. Several moments passed and then she said, “Good for you, Austin.”
He approached her and slipped his arms around her waist, glad when she leaned back into his chest. “He makes me so…angry.”
“I know he does,” she murmured.
“I don’t understand how a person can lie to someone they’re supposed to love.”
Shay tensed and stepped out of his arms, opening two cupboards before pulling down a large honey bear filled with golden liquid. The teapot began to whistle, and she worked in the kitchen, placing a delicate cup of tea with loads of honey in front of him a minute later. She got out a bottle of pills and slid it toward him too.
He sipped and swallowed, comfortable in this cabin of Shay’s, with it’s muted colors, and easy-going furniture, and those two dogs lying on the couch a few feet away.
“I want a juicy hamburger tonight,” she said.
Austin glanced at her. “Is that right?”
“Yeah, that’s right. So sip faster, let’s turn on the lights, and then get into town.”
“Where can we find the best burgers in Grape Seed Falls?” He sipped, the hot tea scalding the back of his throat. Somehow, he didn’t think that was what his mom had in mind when she’d recommended it.
Austin thought she’d say Sotheby’s, which was the ritziest restaurant in town. Or maybe Gray’s, the hip, local joint that was packed at every meal.
But she said, “Burger Barn,” with a totally straight face.
Austin nearly spat out his tea. “Burger Barn?” He shook his head. “I don’t believe you.” He chuckled and sipped some more. “First Soup Kitchen and now Burger Barn. I’m beginning to think you don’t know what good food is.”
“Hey, you said you liked the Soup Kitchen.”
“I did. The chili was fantastic. I’m just saying the names aren’t all that inspiring.”
“Burger Barn has a California bacon burger that will blow your mind.” She set her mostly full teacup in the sink. “Plus, they have sweet potato fries, and I’m dying for some of those.” She batted her beautiful eyelashes at him, and Austin had zero defense against her.
“Fine.” He gulped the last of his tea, the glob of honey at the bottom of the cup almost making him gag. But he forced it down so he could report truthfully to his mother that he’d followed her advice. “Let’s go, then. Today’s not a good day to die.”
Chapter Fourteen
Shay kept the mood between her and Austin light, carefree, playful, fun, as they lit up the ranch and then left it in their rear-view mirror.
She did love the Burger Barn. The California bacon burger was to die for. And her mouth watered at the mere thought of sweet potato fries. But her stomach was not playing nice with the few sips of tea she’d swallowed at her cabin. How was she going to eat an entire basket of food?
Austin had every right to be angry with his father, if the stories he told about the man were even half true. His dad did manipulate him, tell him things that weren’t true, all of it.
But wasn’t Shay doing the same thing?
No. She physically shook her head as the word reverberated inside her head. He’d never asked her if she planned to get married. They weren’t anywhere near talking about such a serious future together.
And she certainly wasn’t manipulating him in the slightest. Her intentions for their relationship were simply…unknown. And that was okay. She didn’t need to have a twelve-step program outlined with a man before they started dating. That was what dating was.
But his words had latched onto something sharp in her mind and they wouldn’t let go. I don’t understand how a person can lie to someone they’re supposed to love.
She wasn’t in love with Austin Royal, and he didn’t love her. So they’d shared a couple of great weeks together. Several life-altering kisses. And before that, five months of general tolerance of one another, where her anger and mixed feelings had kept his advances at bay.
“So can we play that game where we tell something about ourselves the other doesn’t know?” He glanced at her. “I’ll go first, if you want.”
Shay pulled herself out of her mind, satisfied that no, she hadn’t lied to Austin, and no, she wasn’t manipulating him.
“Sure.” She smiled at him and looked back out the windshield, where the brightly colored Christmas lights people had put up on their homes, fences, and trees glowed in the distance.
“Okay, first the obvious one: I’ve never left the state of Texas.” He glanced at her and in the dim light from the dashboard, she saw a hint of trepidation in his eyes, like she would care that he wasn’t a world traveler.
“Have you?” he asked.
“Yeah, once or twice,” she said.
“Where’ve you been?”
“Oh, let’s see. Virginia. Kansas—there’s a base there that does a lot of helicopter repair. I worked there for a few years. Hawaii, and Georgia.” She’d ended her time in the Army at Fort Benning, and she did miss heading to the Gulf of Mexico for a few days of leave with her friends. She’d done a terrible job of keeping up with everyone she’d left behind, and she wondered if too much time had passed now to send emails and expect a warm reception.
“Hawaii.” Austin’s voice carried awe. “Wow.”
“When I worked there, I had to become a member of the National Guard,” she said. “It was only for a couple of months while they found someone more permanent.” She laid her head back against the seat. “I did like it though. Pretty beaches, nice and warm.”
“Which job did you like best?”
“The helicopter repair. I love things that fly.” Shay had spent a large portion of her life wishing she could sprout wings and fly wherever she wanted.
“How long did you do that?”
“Just about five years,” she said. “So almost half my time in the Army.” She’d never realized that before, but now she realized how much she’d enjoyed her time in Olathe and Gardener. She let her head drift toward him. “Where would you go if you could go anywhere?”
“Anywhere?” He came to the T-junction and turned right to go into town. Several blocks passed and he made another turn before he said, “Probably Denver or somewhere with really tall mountains. The Tetons. Where are those? Wyoming? Not a lot of big mountains in Texas.”
Shay nodded, appreciating his answer. “I think the Tetons are in Wyoming and Idaho,” she said. “We should go.” Where the last three words had come from, she didn’t know. “I mean—”
“I know what you mean,” Austin said quietly, yet the words screamed through Shay’s ears. “So which way is this barn?” He looked left and right as Main Street loomed ahead.
“Oh, it’s literally in a barn. On the old Harris property?” She looked at him with raised eyebrows, but he hadn’t grown up in Grape Seed Falls and just continued to stare down the street.
“Head over toward Levi’s boarding stable,” Shay said. “Then you’ll take Seventh and head out of town like you’re going out to the state park. It’s right on the edge of town in this great big barn.”
Austin grumbled something that sounded like, “Great. A big barn,” and got the truck moving again.
“It’s a nice place,” she assured him with a squeeze of his fingers. When they arrived, the dozens and dozens of vehicles in the parking lot backed up her claim. White and blue lights attached to every eave and edge of the barn set the Christmas mood, and when Austin pulled open the door for Shay, the sound of Jingle Bells filled the air.
It was warmer inside than out, and Shay breathed in the scent of salt and pine, sugar and grease, suddenly hungrier than she’d thought. Pine wreaths hung on the walls, and the stage at one end of the space had big red bows tied to the front every few feet. Candles burned on the tables, and more white lights draped in elegant arcs in the rafters. The whole place felt magical and anything but like a barn.
“See?” She tucked herself into his side as there were easily four other couples waiting for a table. “This place is great.”
“Yeah, I see.” His eyes bounced from item to item, place to place, person to person before he stepped forward and greeted the hostess.
“Oh, hey, Austin.” The woman smiled at him and flicked her gaze to Shay. “Two tonight?”
“Yes, please.” Austin couldn’t seem to find his voice, but he accepted the buzzer that would go off when there was a table ready, and they squeezed onto the end of a bench that was only big enough for one person.
“Do you want to look at a menu?” Shay looked at him, glad when he grinned and nodded. She got up to retrieve two paper menus from the hostess station, and when she returned, Austin had taken up all the space.
His eyes sparkled like stars on a deep black night, and he patted his knees. Shay settled herself in his lap and handed him a menu. She didn’t want to make a big deal out of this seating arrangement, but it felt intimate and like they’d moved to a new level.
“California bacon burger,” he read. “A quarter pound of Texas beef from local sources, Swiss cheese, bacon, tomato, lettuce, crispy onion rings, and avocado, with our special sauce.” He lowered the paper. “What’s the special sauce?”
“It’s this mixture of ketchup, mayo, and pickles. It’s divine. I could swim in it.” Shay scanned the menu she already had memorized. “And the fried pickles come with this spicy aioli and it’s also awesome.”
“Oh, boy.”
“What? You don’t like pickles?”
“I love pickles.” His hand landed on her waist, and a shot of lightning moved up her spine. She twisted and looked at the beautiful lines of Austin’s face, finally settling her gaze on his. Another shock passed through her when she saw the teeming emotions in his eyes and felt them in her own soul.
The holiday music faded into silence. She could only smell his cologne, and it made her fantasies run wild. She’d been able to keep a tight hold on them for months, but now that she’d kissed him, it was all she seemed to think about.
She maybe moved half an inch. Maybe she didn’t. Everything around her felt suspended in liquid, and Austin’s lips parted.
The buzzer vibrated, breaking the moment between them. Austin startled, and Shay practically jumped off his lap. She slid her menu back into the shelf where she’d gotten it and followed the hostess without checking to see if Austin was following. Heat filled her face and she wasn’t even sure why. Women kissed their boyfriends all the time.
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But you’re not most women, Shay told herself as she slid in one side of the booth and took the bigger, in-color menu from the hostess. Austin did the same, and Shay leaned her elbows on the table and leaned into them. “So I feel like you said you’d tell me something about yourself, and then I did all the talking.”
She cocked her right eyebrow at him, enjoying the way his cheeks turned a darker shade of red. “You are quite the sneak, Mister Royal,” she said.
“Mister Royal? Ouch.” He chuckled, and she joined in, and together they laughed, a blend of sounds that had Shay wondering what else they could unite so seamlessly.
“Dad?” Shay knocked on the door again and pushed it open this time. She hadn’t been to visit her father much since Thanksgiving, but it had been less than a week. Still, she tried to get over to his new apartment several times a week to make sure he was eating more than canned soup and that his laundry got done.
Honestly, he’d survived for ten years on his own, but the state he’d fallen into was not one Shay wanted to see him return to. Since she’d been home, his cholesterol had dropped back to a normal range for a man in his late sixties, and his blood pressure had gone down twenty points.
“Vegetables!” she remembered yelling at him one day after they’d returned from the doctor. Her father had asked her what in the world he was supposed to eat if he couldn’t have his beloved chicken noodle soup.
“Dad?” she called again, noting the stacks of magazines on the coffee table in the front room. How there were still this many print magazines still in circulation, she didn’t know. Shay normally only allowed him to get a stack of four or five, citing that one person didn’t need five magazines on-hand, not when the place came with cable.
He still didn’t answer, and she noticed that he hadn’t kept up with his cleaning either. Three pairs of slippers in varying shades of brown sat at the end of the couch, and alarm coursed through her. Was he ill? Why had she let almost two weeks go by without checking in with him?
A quick glance in the kitchen showed dirty dishes piled in the sink and beside it. So someone was here, eating. She turned away from the chores she’d complete before she left and headed down the short hall to the single bedroom at the end of it.