by SM Reine
“Bonjour,” she replied. Angelique has this whole French thing going on. She dresses like Audrey Hepburn and smokes unfiltered cigarettes. “Colin and I broke up, so Shawn agreed to stand in as my Homecoming date. We’re trying to figure out what to wear. I want to do a whole 1940’s theme. What do you think?”
“Oh, that’s this weekend?” A little knot formed in my gut. If Lony had been alive, she would’ve been talking about the dance non-stop.
“Yeah,” Angelique replied. “It’s kinda last minute, so we have to hit the stores after school today. There’s this really chic vintage place down in the Cable Car Square that I want to check out.”
With a model perfect body like Angelique’s —rail thin with legs that went on for miles —she could wear a trash bag and make it look like something off the cover of Vogue. “I’m sure you’ll find something.”
A warm hand touched my shoulder. I looked up to see Bryan beaming at me. He set his tray down next to mine. On it was a plate with a pile of overcooked spaghetti.
“Hey,” he said in a general greeting to the table as he slid in next to me. Shawn flashed me a knowing grin and my cheeks pinkened.
“Hi, Bryan,” Bronwyn replied. She quickly introduced him to Angelique.
Angelique tucked a lock of her short dark bob behind her ear, drawing attention to her long graceful neck and gave him a smile that managed both flirty and pouty at the same time. “Hello,” she said, “I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before. I would have remembered.”
I ground my teeth together. Do guys really go for such obvious flirts? Yes, actually, they do.
Not Bryan though. As he said, “Nice to meet you,” he gave my shoulder a light squeeze, giving the not so subtle hint that he was already taken. I warmed at the brief touch. Angelique’s stupid grin faded and she turned her attention back to Shawn.
“So, are you going to be able to get your dad’s car, or will I have to drive us?” she asked Shawn.
“I’ll ask,” he replied gulping a big swig of milk from the carton. “I’ve had my license for a month already and he’s still afraid to let me drive.”
I don’t think I blamed Mr. Cole for not wanting Shawn to go off alone in his Lexus. Let’s just say that Shawn passing his driving test must be proof of divine intervention.
A couple of senior girls called out Angelique’s name and waved her over. “I have to run. Meet me by my locker after seventh period,” she said to Shawn before rushing off.
“So you’re taking Angelique to Homecoming?” Bronwyn asked. “What happened to Carlos?”
Carlos Espinoza was a really cute senior that Shawn had been “talking to” for a while.
Shawn rolled his eyes. “Who knows? One minute he acts interested and the next he avoids me like the flu.”
“He’s a jerk,” I said.
Shawn sighs. “No. No, he really isn’t. It’s just that he’s closeted with his family still. How they can’t tell is beyond me! That queen can set off gaydar alarms ten blocks away.”
“Sometimes parents don’t really want to see their kids for who they really are,” Bryan said, twirling his fork to roll the long noodles up into a bite-sized nest.
“I know mine don’t,” Bronwyn agreed. “My parents still think I’m ten years old.”
I smirked, remembering the dollhouse Bronwyn received for her fifteenth birthday. The miniature hand-carved furniture pieces were cool and everything, but what was she supposed to do, play with it? It’d been taking up a whole corner of her bedroom ever since.
“So,” Shawn said, obviously wanting to change the subject, “you two are going to Homecoming, right? If my dad won’t let me have the car, maybe we can double together.”
A shot of fear hit my chest like a bolt, and I realized it was coming from Bryan, whose knee was resting against mine. I glanced up to see him biting his lip and looking pale. What was the big deal? Why didn’t he just tell Shawn that he hadn’t had a chance to ask me? It’s not like I wanted to go anyway. I’d rather have him come over to watch a DVD or something.
“Um…well…” Bryan hedged. “I’m going…but not with Cady.”
I felt like the bench I was sitting on dropped out from under me, sending me into free fall. A pained look crossed his face as he tried to explain to me, but his words made no sense. Girlfriend? Flying in from Portland? Planned months ago?
My belly roiled and the smell of the ranch dressing was making me want to hurl. I mumbled an excuse and left the table, dropping my lunch —tray and all —into the garbage can.
I burst through the bathroom door, nearly hitting some girl in my rush to get to a stall where I locked myself in and sat down hard on the seat. What in the hell just happened? I asked myself, hot tears dripping onto my lap. How could I be so stupid? Here I thought Bryan was this great guy, but really he’d been playing me. He has a girlfriend back in Portland? Don’t you think he could have told me that before ramming his tongue down my throat? I sobbed silently, feeling my life slide back down into the shit-pile it had been ever since my sister died. Maybe this was karma’s way of biting me back for trying to be happy before my sister was even cold in the ground.
When I heard Bronwyn come in asking if anyone had seen me, I tucked my feet up out of sight until she left. Girls came and went from the bathroom through the rest of the lunch hour. I knew there was a line waiting to use the toilets —I could sense their impatience —but I refused to vacate my stall. The bell rang indicating the end of lunch. Five minutes later it rang again signaling the start of sixth period. I was alone at last.
I wadded up a bunch of toilet paper and wiped at my face. I dropped it in the bowl and flushed. As I left the stall, I met my gaze in the mirror, cringing at the sight of my red-blotchy face under the harsh florescent lights. No way was I going back to class.
Leaving the bathroom, I walked to my locker to get my backpack from where I’d stashed it before lunch. On my way out of the school, I passed Ms. Schilton, my freshman English teacher. She opened her mouth as if to ask for my hall-pass, but something in my expression must have warned her to back off.
When I got in my car, I turned the ignition and let the engine idle. Where would I go? It was too early to go to the shelter. I didn’t have to be there until four. No way was I going home. A note from my mother left on the kitchen table this morning told me that the cleaning lady was coming in, and I should gather up my laundry. The last thing I wanted was to have my pity party interrupted by some stranger vacuuming my bedroom.
I put the car in gear and drove out of the lot. Without really thinking about it, I found myself pulling up in front of Jinx’s house. As I walked up her sidewalk, she opened the door for me.
“Must’ve heard me coming, huh?” I said with a forced, humorless laugh.
“Oh, honey, what happened?”
I flopped down on her couch, not bothering to move the newspaper that was left there. The dog yipped and cuddled next to my feet. I wanted to tell her, but my mouth refused to form the words.
“Oh, no!” Jinx exclaimed sitting down beside me. “He has a girlfriend?”
“Well, that’s one benefit of having a friend who can read minds,” I muttered. I reached down to pet the dog. He snuggled in closer, laying on top of my sneaker now.
“That makes no sense. You should have heard his thoughts last night. He was so into you! And that kiss…”
“You eavesdropped on our kiss?” I stared at her wide-eyed.
Jinx fiddled with clasping and unclasping her charm bracelet. “Well, it was hard not to. You two broadcasted your thoughts so loudly.”
I wanted to be mad at her for invading my privacy, but who was I to judge? I’m sure people wouldn’t like knowing that I could read their emotions either.
“So, are you going to tell me what he was thinking about?” I asked.
Jinx shook her head. “No way. I learned a long time ago to keep the details of people’s thoughts to myself. Let’s just say he wasn’t thinking about anyon
e but you.”
I wanted to press her, but I understood she was trying to respect Bryan’s privacy. What would it matter anyway? He has a girlfriend, so it’s not like I have any future with him now.
“What’s your dog’s name?” I asked as a way to change the subject.
“Pavlov.”
“Nice.” I scooped Pavlov up and hugged him to my chest. He wiggled and wagged so excitedly you’d think he’d just won the lottery. “He’s a Pomeranian, right?”
“Pom-Poo…half Pomeranian, half Poodle. So how was school today? I don’t mean the Bryan stuff...I mean the empathy.”
I set the dog down and watched it trot off toward his leopard print doggie bed. “It’s still really annoying, but I think I’m starting to understand it a bit more.”
I filled her in about my experiment at the pizza parlor. “I figure my range is about ten feet. I also notice that the sensations are more intense if I’m touching a person.”
Jinx nodded. “That happens with me too. When I make direct contact, it’s like tuning a radio and all of a sudden you hit the perfect frequency. That one message is so strong that it blocks out the messages from everyone else around me.”
From the pocket of my jean jacket Florence Welch sung out. I fished my mobile out and checked the caller ID. It was Bryan. Lit class just got out. My finger hit the button to silence the ringer without answering.
“Not going to talk to him?” Jinx asked, a wrinkle of disapproval forming between her brows.
“No, he can wait. I just don’t want to think about him right now.”
She sighed. “Okay, then, how much time do you have? We could work on teaching you how to create blocks to keep emotions out if you want.”
“Sure, I have two hours before I have to be at work,” I replied.
“I’ll go get us some sodas and then we’ll get started,” she said patting my knee as she bounced off to the kitchen.
A short vibration buzzed from my phone, indicating a text message. I peeked at the screen.
“WE NEED TO TALK.”
I ignored it. I knew on some level that I was acting childish. It’s not like he’d been my boyfriend or anything. He could go to the stupid dance with anyone he wanted. It’s just that I really thought he liked me. Now, I had to wonder whether he was just being nice to me because Lony died and he felt sorry for me.
“IF YOU DON’T ANSWER, I’M GONNA HAVE TO TXT THE WHOLE STORY TO YOU & WILL TAKE ALL DAY…”
I jabbed the off button hard. Let him text until his thumbs bleed. Didn’t mean I had to read it.
Jinx returned with two Diet Pepsis, set the drinks on top of a stack of mail strewn across the top of the coffee table and dragged a chair up so that she sat across from me, our knees a foot apart.
“Okay…so learning how to block signals takes practice. You might get a bit of a headache at first, but like any other muscle, once you get used to using your mind in this way, it’ll get stronger and it won’t bother you anymore.”
I nodded.
“Now, tell me what you are sensing from me right now.”
I studied the woman in front of me, sitting cross legged. I wasn’t getting much of anything off of her. Dressed in a pair of ancient Levi’s and an apple green t-shirt, her springy hair tangled up into a bun held in place by a couple of wooden pencils, Jinx appeared to be totally at ease.
“I don’t feel much from you. Just a general feeling of contentment,” I said.
She grinned, “Good! I’ve been feeling very even-keel today —not too happy, but not upset or anything either. Now, I’m going to think about something that will change my mood. Let me know what you feel.”
She lowered her gaze to her lap, but her face remained perfectly neutral. I wondered again how old she was. Her oval-shaped face was un-lined, but her eyes held wisdom in their depths, giving her an ageless feel.
After a moment, the atmosphere in the room changed. Low levels of vibration tickled my mind. I tasted them with my sixth sense.
“There’s something…not quite sadness…more like nostalgia. Longing?”
Jinx giggled and the vibrations changed to a warm happiness. “That’s so cool! I was thinking about my mother. She died when I was so young that it’s hard to feel sad about it. I just sort of miss her, you know? I always wondered what it would be like if she had lived. Let’s try another one!”
She steadied her face again and concentrated. This time the buzzing grew with tension. My pulse increased a little.
“Anger?” I asked. “Frustration?”
“Yep,” she said, letting the emotion fade. “My cell phone company completely screwed up my bill this month and I spent half of the morning yesterday on the phone with —” she raised her fingers in air quotes “ —customer service, which was really just a call center in Bangalore or someplace.”
I was pretty pleased with myself. Maybe this empathy thing wouldn’t be so bad when I got used to it. I picked up my soda and took a long swig, letting the effervescence tingle the inside of my mouth before swallowing.
“All right,” Jinx continued, “I’m going to summon that same feeling again, only I want you to try to block me.”
“How?” I asked.
She pursed her lips together and squinted. “I don’t know. That is, I don’t know how to describe it. It’s second nature to me now. Okay…use your mind to feel the signal that I’m broadcasting.” She must have turned her thoughts back on Bangalore because the frustration meter ramped up again. “Can you feel it?”
“Yes,” I replied. My eyes drifted closed. Slowly, I reached the tendrils of my mind out to touch the emotions between us. I felt around them, stroking the edges, letting them lap at me like waves rolling and retreating on the wet sand of a beach.
“Now,” she whispered, trying not to break my concentration. “Block me.”
I flexed my mind, squeezing my fists tightly. The sand on my inner beach began to rise, holding the waves back. I could still feel the vibrations out there, but they couldn’t quite reach me. The muscles in my abdomen and shoulders flexed to lend my mind additional strength, but after about thirty seconds, I lost my grip and Jinx’s frustration came pouring through.
“Stop!” I shouted a little louder than I’d meant to.
Jinx let her thoughts fade back to neutral. “That’s good…really good! You actually had me blocked there for a while. How do you feel?”
The “little headache” that she’d warned me about was actually an ice pick being pounded into my frontal lobe. I rubbed my temples in slow circles.
“Ah, your head hurts. Told you that would happen. Want me to get you an Ibuprophen?”
I shook my head. “No, I’ll be okay. Let’s do it again.”
Chapter 21
As I pulled into the parking lot outside the shelter, my brain trembled with a full blown migraine. I accepted some pain reliever from Jinx before leaving her house, and she assured me that the ache would go away soon, but I wished I could go home and crawl into bed. I was ready for this day to end.
Bronwyn’s car was parked in the lot, too. The mortification I felt at lunch seeped back. God, how could I have let Bryan lead me on like that? I chastised myself silently for not asking him about his girlfriend status when we first started talking.
Maybe, I’d get lucky and Bronwyn wouldn’t bring it up.
“Hi, Cady,” Gina said as I walked in the front door. She had her school books splayed out in front of her on the front desk. She worked at the shelter as a vet tech while in veterinary school.
“I can watch the desk for you,” I offered, knowing that it was Gina’s least favorite job.
“Nah,” she replied, biting on the end of her pen. “It’s been really slow today, so I don’t have much else to do. Dr. Kristy is doing paperwork and Bronwyn was waiting for you to come so you guys can walk the dogs together.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
I stopped by the break room to stash my backpack before heading out to the kennels. At the
sound of the door hinges, the dogs went nuts, barking and wagging their tails to get attention. Bronwyn was refilling water dishes that had been drained or tipped over during the day.
“Hey,” I said.
“Oh, hi,” she replied, the compassionate look on her face echoed the soft waves of worry coming from her. “How are you? I tried calling.”
“Oh, yeah. My phone’s off.”
Her brows crinkled together in reproof. “So you haven’t talked to Bryan then?”
I sighed. “No, and I’m not going to either.”
“Cady —”
“Save it, Bron,” I snapped a little louder than I’d intended. I felt a twinge of hurt flash off Bronwyn, but it was gone just as quickly. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
She sighed and rolled her eyes to the heavens. “Okay, fine. But I want the record to reflect that I think you should hear him out.”
“Noted.”
I walked over to the leash cabinet and began untangling a few that had fallen to the bottom. By the time Bronwyn finished with the water bowls, I had six dogs leashed up and ready to go.
“So,” she said, as the dogs tugged us along in their excitement. “You haven’t told me how school is going for you since you’ve been back.”
What could I say? While not as fanatic as her parents, Bronwyn’s faith in religion was pretty strong. She wouldn’t even read the horoscopes in the newspaper because she believed they were demonic. How would she react to the revelation that I could feel her emotions vibrating off of her whenever she stepped within my aura field? Would she think I’m possessed or something?
I just shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess. No, actually, it sucks, but I can feel it getting better.”
“Understandable,” she replied. A lab mix that I didn’t know spotted a squirrel and yanked hard on her arm. “Patch! Stop it!”
The errant dog ducked his head and fell back in step beside her. With the subject of Bryan off limits, we settled into an easy conversation about school gossip. After suffering through the wild emotional mood swings brought on by other people, it was nice walking through the woods with my best friend. I’d always thought of her as an even-keel, peaceful person, but now I had firsthand knowledge to back it up. Her cheerfulness brushed along my skin with soft, steady touches. Only when the dogs did something naughty did they stir, like a pebble in a pool of water. I almost felt normal again.