by Addison Cole
He pulled her against him and said, “Stop it, babe. We already forgave each other. Now it’s time to forgive yourself.” He lifted his head, smoothing her hair back from her face, and said, “None of those things are going to happen today. Desiree loves you just as much as you love her. She was just in shock.”
She hoped that was true, but she didn’t know if it was even possible for Desiree to forgive her. The only time she’d seen Desiree look so upset was when they found out Lizza had tricked them into coming to the Cape—and then had abandoned them again. The only thing she knew for sure was that she had to be honest with Andre.
She looked into his trusting eyes and forced the words to come. “I can’t go with you if I don’t fix this.”
He exhaled a long breath, and then he lifted her hood from around her face and kissed her softly. “I know, and I understand.”
His acknowledgment sent a spear of loneliness through her.
“You’re everything to me, Vi, but you were Desiree’s sister before you became my soul mate. I know how important she is to you. We’ll be okay, even across thousands of miles.” He held her hand over his heart and said, “You’re always with me here, and I know you feel the same. We’re unbreakable, babe.”
“I love you so much. But I have to go see her.” She pressed her lips to his, and then she forced herself to stand up and walk out of the room before she could give in to the screaming voice in her head telling her to take it back.
When she left the cottage, everything felt wrong. The air was too cold, her hoodie was too bulky, and the walk to the inn seemed a million miles long. She pulled her hood up over her head, hunkering down with her hands in her pockets again. When she stepped inside the inn and closed the door behind her, it felt like all the air had been sucked from her lungs. She could run back to the cottage, ask Andre if they could pack up and leave today. Like a hit-and-run.
Like Lizza.
Rick came down the stairs, and she froze, afraid to meet his eyes. He walked right up to her, silence burgeoning between them.
“Hey, Vi. You okay?”
She shook her head, still unable to look at him. Tears welled in her eyes.
“We all deal with hurt in different ways. I hid from it until Des helped me see that I could face it.” Rick’s father had been lost at sea during a sudden storm. Rick and Drake had been on the deck of their family’s boat when he’d gone overboard, and Rick had been so consumed with guilt, as soon as he was old enough, he’d left the Cape.
She forced herself to meet his pained, serious gaze and said, “I never meant to hurt her.”
“If anyone understands that, it’s me,” he said kindly. “You’re both hurting right now. Go up and talk to her.”
It took her legs a minute to find their strength, but she managed to walk past him and up the wide staircase. She inhaled a deep breath and knocked on their bedroom door. She thought she heard Desiree say to come in, but it was so soft she couldn’t be sure. She pushed open the door and found Desiree lying on her back across the width of the bed in a pair of pink pajamas. She glanced at Violet, then stared blankly up at the ceiling.
Violet walked tentatively into the room. Her heart was beating so fast it was hard to breathe. She stood by the bed, not knowing what to do. Her legs weakened, and she sank down to the edge of the mattress, staring at the open door, feeling like a caged bird who needed to fly. But she couldn’t fly. She could barely even walk.
She lowered herself to the bed, lying beside Desiree and fisting her hand in the blanket. Silence pressed in on them, swelling in the tight space between them like a living, breathing being.
“I’m sorry—” they said in unison, and then they both turned their heads. Desiree’s eyes were puffy and red. Dark crescents underscored her sadness, drawing instant tears from Violet.
“I’m so sorry,” Violet said. “I should have told you what I was doing and where I was going.”
Tears slid down Desiree’s cheeks. “All I ever wanted was to be part of your life. I spent my whole childhood waiting for summertime so I could see you again, and you’d go off and do your own thing. I thought we got over that when we came here. I thought I’d finally gotten the chance to know you. But it wasn’t real. Why didn’t you trust me?”
“It was real. It is real,” Violet pleaded. “And I do trust you.”
“Then why did you hide everything from me?”
“Because I was a mess. I desperately wanted a relationship with you, too, and suddenly there you were, my sweet, smart, organized, capable, and stable sister, willing to stick around with me and try. But I didn’t even know how to have a real relationship, and if you don’t believe me, look at my history. I had just walked away from the only man I have ever loved and I didn’t even have the guts to say goodbye to him.” She inhaled one shaky breath after another and looked up at the ceiling. It was too hard seeing the pain she’d caused. “My childhood was spent as the new kid in foreign places where half the time I didn’t even speak the language. Just when I’d find a friend, Lizza would drag me to someplace new, and I’d have to start all over. It was easier to try not to connect with people. I still have no idea how Andre got through to me, but he was like the fire in a kiln, refusing to stop until he’d infiltrated every iota of my being. And even then I hid parts of myself, parts of my life, from him by running away.”
“I thought I got through to you,” Desiree said. “That’s why it hurts so bad.”
“You did get through. I have never had to answer to anyone. When I was growing up Lizza would disappear for hours. By the time I was nine, sometimes she’d be gone from morning until night.” She turned toward Desiree again and said, “I love you. But that’s terrifying, too, and as much as I love being here with you, it has always been a double-edged sword. Coming here gave me an excuse to leave Andre and his proposal behind.”
“I still can’t believe you did that.”
“Neither can I. I was so stupid. And as much as being here with you, and building a family with you and our friends, is the greatest feeling in the world, it has always reminded me of who and what I left behind. I needed an escape, someplace where no one knew about Lizza, or our crazy past, or Andre. So I found places to go where I didn’t have those constant reminders.”
“But what about Justin? When we first came here, and his father and Zeke and Zander came to renovate the house, you acted like you didn’t even know them.”
“No, I didn’t. Don’t you remember Zander winking at me?”
“Yes, but you scowled at him. You didn’t say you knew him or his father.”
“I scowled at him because he was trying to get in my pants, and he knows Justin would beat the living daylights out of him if he saw him do it. What did you want me to do? I hadn’t seen him in years, and I barely knew any of Justin’s brothers. I met Justin when I was twelve, and I saw him over the summers on the beach here and there, but I never knew his parents. And his brothers were just kids on the beach. They’d come looking for Justin and tell him he had to go home, or whatever. It’s not like I hung out with them. I never really knew his family until we moved here.”
“Oh…” Desiree’s brow furrowed. “I thought you knew them better. But you were sleeping with Justin and you kept him a secret.”
“I only slept with Justin once since moving to the Cape, and I told you about it.”
“He was the one you tried to…” Desiree’s cheeks pinked up. “Eff Andre out of your system with?”
Violet nodded, smiling at her sister’s innocence. “And never again.”
“But Emery said he was six-pack Jack.”
“Yes, she saw him naked, but we didn’t have sex. He’s a good friend, and when I needed someone to hold me, he was there. When I needed a safe place to try to start over, he let me use his studio to sculpt.”
“But that’s another thing I don’t understand. You have a studio here. Why would you hide the fact that you sculpt? How is that any different from pottery or the batik wo
rk you do?”
Violet told her about how Andre had taught her to sculpt and how their love of art had sparked what became the deepest connection she’d ever known. She even admitted that she’d only made love to him one night during their three months together.
Desiree’s jaw dropped open. “But you pushed me to have sex with Rick after we’d only just met.”
“Yeah, well, you needed it. And I didn’t push you to have sex. I pushed you to make love, because loving Andre had taught me the difference. You knew the value of sex. It has always been sacred and special to you. But to me it was an outlet and not at all what it should have been. Until I met Andre. And, Des, before we even made love, he made me feel so much, so good, that I lost my edge. Like, totally lost it. I became…you. Soft and girlie. Not that that’s a bad thing. You know I adore you, but it scared me to death. For the first time in my entire life, I realized the difference between being with a guy and being intimately in love with a man. I knew making love with him would wreck me. Which it did. And then the jerk proposed, and you know the rest.” She paused, feeling like a great weight had been lifted from her chest, and said, “But don’t worry. We’ve more than made up for those three months.”
Desiree smiled. “No details, please.”
“I met his parents,” Violet said. “They were kind and funny and accepting. They adore him so much, like Ted adores you. I have never met a couple that has been together that long and still has so much love and respect for each other. I didn’t really think it was possible.”
“But you believe in me and Rick, and Dean and Emery, and—”
“Hey, I never said I wasn’t effed up.”
“You don’t have to use the f-bomb,” Desiree said.
“I kind of do sometimes, but I didn’t,” Violet said with a smile. “And there’s more I need to share with you.”
Desiree closed her eyes and took hold of Violet’s hand between them on the bed. “Okay. I’m ready.”
She told her about the coffeehouse and her friends there. “Like Justin’s studio, it started as an escape, but Andre helped me see what I hadn’t before. I think I created two separate worlds in case I lost one.”
More tears slipped from Desiree’s eyes. “That’s so sad.”
“Yeah, but what’s worse is that I hurt you in the process. It would be easy to blame it on our past, but I take full responsibility. I screwed up, and I can only use Lizza’s taking me away, and Ted’s letting her, for so long.”
Desiree turned onto her side and leaned on her elbow. “What do you mean Ted’s letting her?”
“He let me go, but that’s whatever it is. I don’t want to get lost in the past. I really want to try to move forward.”
Desiree bolted upright. “Is that what Lizza told you? That he just let you go?”
“No.”
“Well, good, because he fought for you. He got lawyers and everything, but Lizza wouldn’t relinquish her parental rights. You were the one they both wanted. He just couldn’t win the legal battle.”
Violet sat up slowly, feeling dizzy. “How do you know that?”
“Because he was a mess after Lizza took you away from us. We both were. How could you think he’d do something like that?” Desiree crossed her arms, glaring at Violet. “Whenever Lizza breezed into town with you, our worlds stopped. He’d stay home from work and buy all sorts of art stuff and toys for you, and then she’d steal you away after a day or two and we’d both be left in tears.”
Tears poured from Violet’s eyes, and she felt herself smiling. “He wanted me?”
“Yes, and I have to admit, when I was little I was kind of mad at you for it.”
“Oh wow, Des. I’m sorry. That was selfish of me to say it like that.”
“No, it wasn’t. Lizza was right when she said I was better off with him. She loves me, in her own way.” Desiree flopped onto her back and said, “Rick and I better rethink the whole having a family thing. It’s too complicated.”
Violet lay beside her, still reeling from what Desiree had said about Ted wanting her. “You and Rick are solid. You didn’t inherit any of Lizza’s craziness.”
Desiree took her hand again and said, “Neither did you. We have our own brand of crazy.”
“I really am sorry, Des. I never meant to hurt you, and I know it’ll take time before you trust me again. But I’m in a better place now, and I won’t let you down again.”
“Thank you. I love you, too.” She wiped her eyes and said, “Andre is good for you.”
“You have no idea how good,” Violet said with a smirk.
“Violet! I didn’t mean that.”
“Neither did I, but I love your reaction.” She laughed. “He is good for me. He doesn’t let me hide, and I have no idea why he even gave me the time of day when he came here, but I’m so freaking glad he did. I can’t imagine my life without him in it.”
“Is this when you tell me that you’re going away with him?”
“No. I mean, I want to go with him, but I’d never abandon you like that, especially after all this.”
“So you’re just going to let him leave?” Desiree’s brows knitted. “What is wrong with you?”
“I have roots for the first time, and it feels good. We have friends, the inn. Andre and I will be fine.”
“Oh, really? Like I was fine when Rick went back to DC? Don’t you remember what you said to me? You told me that I could live without you because I’d done it for years, but that I couldn’t live without him. You were right. You’re the reason I chased after him. You promised me that you were my blood and you’d be here for me no matter what.”
“I remember.” Desiree had been a mess without Rick.
“You’re really good at getting everyone else to see what they need to do, and you’re never afraid to tell it like it is. Now it’s your turn, Vi. You love Andre, and by the looks of your sappy ass”—Desiree’s cheeks pinked up with the curse—“you won’t be okay without him.” She scooted closer so they were nose to nose and fished the necklace Violet had given her from around her neck. “This is us. Infinite strength, protection, and unity. The rings move freely but are forever connected. No matter where we are, we’ll always have each other.”
“I know, but I’m not sure I can leave.”
“If you don’t go with him, a huge piece of your heart will be thousands of miles away. Just because you put down roots doesn’t mean it’s where you are meant to stay forever. Sisters and friends move away all the time to start their lives, have families, travel. We’ve found each other, and I will always be here for you,” Desiree assured her. “All of us will. No matter where life takes us, we’ll always have each other.”
“But the inn—”
“I’ll hire someone to help run it, the same way you offered when I went after Rick. I know you’re afraid that if you leave things will never be the same again, but you’re wrong. We’re not little girls anymore being torn apart by our mother. We’re solid. So please get your tattooed, cursing ass out of my room and tell your man you’ll go with him.”
Violet laughed and pushed to her feet, pulling Desiree up with her. “You said ass twice today.”
“See? You need to leave before you have me cursing like a sailor.”
“Thank you for not hating me.” Violet put her arms around Desiree, hugging her.
Desiree held her tighter. “You’re hugging me! Are pigs flying? Have the cows come home?”
“Shut up.” She pulled back and said, “I need your help with something.”
“If you think I’m going to be the one to tell our friends about your secret life, you’re nuts. They’ll give you so much grief.”
“Not that. Spend the day with me?”
“The day? You’ve never asked me to spend an entire day with you before.”
“Put some clothes on before I change my mind.”
“I had a hard night. I have to shower.” Desiree opened a drawer and pulled out a pair of jeans.
Violet
grinned and said, “All sexed up despite our fight? Way to go, Rick.”
“No! Geez.” Desiree gathered the rest of her clothes. “What did Andre think of the sex shop? Wait. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”
“You know what? We never got around to going, but now that you mention it…”
“Oh boy. Should I warn the neighbors? Pass out earplugs?” Desiree headed for the bathroom. “And I’m not getting on your motorcycle.”
“My day, my rules.”
Desire smiled and said, “There’s the stubborn sister I know and love.”
Chapter Eighteen
ANDRE SAT AT a table in the back of Common Grounds at exactly seven o’clock that evening, wringing his hands and trying not to think the worst. He was thrilled that Violet had decided to spend the day with Desiree, but other than a text asking him to meet her at the coffeehouse at seven, he hadn’t heard from her all day.
“What can I get you to drink, big guy?” Gabe handed him a menu, trying to tuck behind her ear a few wild red tendrils that had escaped the elastic she’d secured them with at the base of her neck.
“I’ll have a ginger chai, thanks.”
“One Violet Special coming up.” She winked and headed for the bar area.
There was a commotion at the door, and he looked over, hoping it was Violet, but it was Steph, Dwayne, and Cory, giving Elliot high fives as they came in. Elliott pointed to Andre. Andre waved, though he’d have liked at least a few minutes alone with Violet before being inundated with friends. Steph strode toward him, looking worried, twisting the ends of her hair, which was now streaked with bright blue. Cory followed her with an easy smile, and Dwayne hung back, talking to Elliott, then jogged to catch up.
“Hey, dude.” Cory flicked his chin, and his bangs swung away from his eyes, then fell right back over them. “These seats taken? Vi texted and asked us to meet her here.”